Joe sighed heavily and straightened his leg with a grimace of pain. “He didn’t have a destination in mind. He told me he’d been walking the back roads and getting odd jobs to get by. It wasn’t until he found a starving puppy that he decided to stay in one place. The Lord blessed me when He led Carl here.”
Jenna smiled at him. “Our family is grateful for your generosity. Carl didn’t contact us until two years ago. He called the business where I work. I thought it signaled a change for the better, something we had all been praying for. I wrote him every week thinking that reading my letters would help him see that we still loved him and wanted him to come home.”
“He would have gone home if I hadn’t interfered.” Lizzie bit her lower lip, rose from the sofa and went outside.
After hearing Jenna relate the entire sad story, she finally understood a little of what Carl had gone through. She gathered her shattered emotions and went to find him and beg his forgiveness.
Following the path that led to his place, she tried to imagine what she would say to him. Nothing formed in her mind. It was as if a dark curtain had been pulled across her emotions. She paused in the open door of the shepherd’s hut. He had his back to her. He was stuffing his clothes in a black duffel bag.
“Carl, I must speak to you.”
He stopped what he was doing and straightened, but he didn’t turn around. “Don’t bother. I already know what you have to say.”
She took a step inside the door. “I don’t think you do.”
“You know what I did. You don’t have to say anything. I’m leaving. All I ask is that you take good care of Duncan for me.”
“All I ask is that you turn around and look at me.”
His shoulders slumped. “Don’t make this harder, Lizzie.”
If he wouldn’t turn around, she would just have to apologize to his back. “It is not my intention to make anything harder, but my good intentions have not turned out as I hoped. I’m sorry for interfering, Carl. I shouldn’t have written to Jenna without your knowledge. I betrayed your trust, and I’m truly sorry. I wanted you to confide in me.”
“When is the right time to tell the woman you love that you’re a murderer?” He closed his eyes and bowed his head.
In two quick strides, she crossed the room and cupped his face with her hands. There were tears on his cheeks. “I cannot begin to comprehend the horror and the terror you faced. Under such ghastly circumstances, a man does not know how he will react until he is in the situation.”
“Our faith tells us what a man must do, no matter what circumstances he faces. ‘Thou shalt not kill.’”
He pulled free of her touch and resumed packing. “I made a choice. I decided another man’s life was less valuable than mine, or Christina’s. I became his judge and jury, and I snuffed out his life in the blink of an eye. In his fellow soldier’s fury to avenge him, I brought a terrible fate upon my sister and the women with her. They all died because of me. I’m the one who should have died, not Sophia and her friends. I see them in my dreams. I can’t get their faces out of my head. I never wanted you to know what I did.”
“Don’t torture yourself. I know your sister has forgiven you.”
“Go back to the house, Lizzie. I don’t want to see you again. I can’t bear the way you look at me now. Tell Jenna to go home. I don’t want to see her, either.”
“But you told me yesterday that you intended to go home.”
“I was wrong to think I could. I see now there is no reason to go back. Nothing has changed for me.”
Lizzie struggled to find the right thing to say, but she was at a loss. She didn’t know how to help him deal with his crushing burden of guilt. “I was shocked by what I heard. I’ll admit that.”
“Can you say your feelings for me haven’t changed?”
“Give me some time to come to grips with this.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Please, do not judge me harshly. I’m not sure how I feel, but I do care about you. I forgive you for what you did. There’s no question about that in my heart. Have you forgiven yourself?”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
She couldn’t get through to him. “Where will you go?”
He stopped packing and raised his face to the ceiling. “Away.” Then he began stuffing his clothes into his pack again.
“Carl, don’t shut me out.”
“Go away, Lizzie. Please.”
Lizzie felt as if the ground had vanished from beneath her. She couldn’t reach through the prison walls he had erected around his heart. With no other choice, she left and went back to the house. When she reached the porch steps, she broke down and sobbed as if her heart were breaking.
Because it was.
* * *
Carl stood in the hut after Lizzie left without moving. It hurt to breathe. He had no place to go. He was adrift without a compass of any kind. What now? Where could he find a hole deep enough to hide in so that he never had to face himself again? Where would he find peace?
Nowhere. So why was he running away? What was he running to?
He raked a hand through his hair. It wasn’t right to leave while Joe was crippled. He owed the man too much.
If he left, he would never see Lizzie again. She didn’t hate him, but had he lost her love?
He fell to his knees with his hands at his sides and gave vent to his pain. “God, why are You doing this to me? Because I dared to love her? You made her the way she is. How could I not love her?”
He had no idea how long he knelt slumped on the stone floor. His legs grew numb. His eyes burned from the tears that streamed down his face. All he could say was “God, help me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”
Gradually, his despair faded and a gentle calm replaced it. He felt something rough on his face. He realized that Duncan was licking his tears.
He wrapped his arms around the dog and held on. “Am I forgiven? Have you been the sign from Him all along but I refused to see it? Was Joe the sign I had God’s forgiveness? Is it Lizzie? How many signs do I need to tell me that life is good if I choose to live it as He wills?”
As He wills, not as Carl King would have it.
For the first time, he understood that he couldn’t hide from what he had done. He had to accept his failure, not wallow in it, and go forward. He would face other tests in his life. Some great and some small, but all were by the will of God. He prayed for the strength to meet them with humility and peace in his heart.
Struggling to his feet, he walked to the door, surprised to see it was almost dark. Duncan growled low in his throat. The sounds of frantic sheep cries reached Carl. Looking east, he saw part of the flock scattering in a terrified panic just across the creek. The large coydog raced among them.
Joe’s gun sat just inside the door. Carl picked it up. The feel of the cool wooden stock made him sick to his stomach. He tightened his grip. He owed it to Joe to protect the sheep. It was just a wild animal, not a man. He’d done much worse. He could do this. He just hadn’t expected God to test him so soon.
He tightened his grip on the gun. He wouldn’t let Joe down.
He made Duncan stay inside and closed the door, then he sprinted toward the sheep in trouble. The frenzied bleating of a lamb guided him to his target. The coydog had a lamb down at the edge of the creek. He saw Carl and stood over a struggling lamb with his head lowered and his teeth bared.
Carl raised the gun and sighted along the barrel. His finger curled over the trigger but he couldn’t pull it. He drew a shaky breath and lowered the gun.
He couldn’t do it. Not even to save the lambs. He couldn’t take a life, even that of a predator.
He stepped closer and yelled. The coydog flinched, but stood his ground.
“I won’t kill you, but ma
ybe you’ll think twice about going after sheep again.”
Carl sighted carefully. He let out a sharp whistle. The coydog lifted its head and perked its ears. Carl fired. The bullet hit the rocks in front of the animal, peppering him with bits of stone. He yelped and took off, shaking his head as he ran.
Carl crossed the creek and hurried to the downed lamb. It struggled weakly as he picked it up. Its injuries appeared superficial. It was suffering from exhaustion and shock as much as anything. “Joe’s going to have to invest in a few more guard animals to keep the rest of the flock safe in case that big fellow didn’t get the message. I’ve heard llamas make excellent guardians.”
He picked up the lamb and cuddled it close. “Don’t worry, little one. I reckon Lizzie will have you fixed up in no time. I only pray that I can mend the harm I’ve caused her.”
He started toward the house with long, sure strides. He had wounded Lizzie as surely as the coydog had wounded the lamb in his arms. If it took him the rest of his life, he would show Lizzie how sorry he was. If she gave him a second chance, he’d never shut her out of his life again.
* * *
Surrounded by her sisters and her grandfather, Lizzie sat at the kitchen table and tried to gather up the pieces of her broken heart. Jenna and Christina had gone to the inn in Hopes Springs for the night. They would travel home tomorrow.
Lizzie propped her chin on her hand. “I’ve made such a mess of things.”
Clara laid a hand on Lizzie’s shoulder. “You were trying to help.”
“My interference didn’t heal a family breach. It has driven Carl farther from those who love him.” Including her.
“He’ll come back,” Joe said. “In time, he’ll see that you meant well. Everyone makes mistakes.”
“I’ve made more than my share lately.” She looked out the window as the lights of a car swept into the yard and stopped.
“Now who is here?” Joe asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t recognize the car. It’s not the one that brought Jenna earlier.”
She had her answer a moment later when her uncle Morris and Rufus Kuhns stormed through the door.
Chapter Fifteen
“Onkel, what are you doing here?” Lizzie demanded. Her voice trembled with fright.
“I have come to take you and your wayward sisters home. How dare you defy me in this fashion?”
“How did you find us?” Betsy had tears in her eyes.
“Lizzie wrote a letter to you, but you were already gone. When I saw the postmark, I knew you had come here. You will be disciplined for this disrespect of your elder. Get your things and get in the car.” He slapped a thick wooden yardstick on the table, making them all jump.
Rufus advanced on Clara. She shrank back in fear. He raised his fist and shook it at her. “You have made me the laughingstock of our community. You will come back and wed me.” He grabbed her arm.
“Nee, I will not.”
He struck her across the face. The women shrieked in outrage. Lizzie grabbed Clara and moved to put her own body between Rufus and his victim. “Leave her be.”
Joe rose to his feet. “Get out of my house.”
Morris pushed him back into his chair. Joe fell and grimaced with pain.
Rufus glared at Lizzie. “I’ll teach you to interfere between a man and his betrothed.” He raised his hand to hit her. She cowered before him.
“Enough!”
Everyone turned to see Carl in the doorway. He held a rifle in one hand and a lamb in the other.
Rufus eyed the gun. “This is a family matter, Englisch. It’s none of your concern.”
Carl set the gun against the wall and ignored the red-faced man. “Are you all right, Joe?”
“Right as rain. What’s the matter with my wee woolly?”
Carl spoke softly to Lizzie. “He’s been mauled. I need your help. We need to clean his wounds.”
She was frightened, but his calm words gave her courage. She moved away from Rufus, pulling Clara with her. “Go get some towels, Clara. Greta, put some water on the stove to heat. Betsy, would you fix some milk for him? It’s in the barn. We need to get fluids into him.”
“Sure.” Betsy started for the front door.
Morris smacked the table with his stick again. Clara and Betsy flinched, but Clara went up the stairs and Betsy went out the front door.
Lizzie heard Duncan barking in the distance and hoped he would stay away. Her uncle wasn’t fond of dogs.
She took the lamb from Carl’s arms. It cried pitifully. “It’s all right. We’ll fix you up.”
“Stop what you’re doing and get your things. We’re leaving,” Morris shouted.
Lizzie looked into Carl’s serene eyes. “I think he may need stitches.”
“You know best. Should we take him to the vet?”
Rufus and Morris exchanged puzzled looks. Lizzie knew they weren’t used to being ignored.
“Obey me, you ungrateful child.” Morris raised his stick and stepped toward Lizzie.
She closed her eyes and tried to shelter the lamb. She knew what was coming. Suddenly, Carl’s arms were around her, shielding her. She felt him flinch with each blow her uncle struck, but he never made a sound.
A crash followed by screaming made her open her eyes. Duncan had charged through the mesh of the screen door and launched himself at Morris. Her uncle fell in his attempt to evade the dog. He was lying on the floor, trying to beat the dog off and screaming for Rufus to help him.
Rufus aimed a kick at Duncan. The dog easily evaded it and turned his attention to his new attacker. Darting in and out, he sought a hold on Rufus’s leg and found it. Rufus hollered in pain.
Morris saw his chance and made a dash for the front door. Duncan, seeing his prey on the run, charged after him. Morris barely made it out, slamming the wooden door behind him. Rufus made a limping run for the back door. Carl spoke quickly. “Leave it, Duncan. Down.”
The dog dropped to the floor and lay panting as he watched his master for his next command. Outside, the car engine sprang to life and the vehicle roared up the lane. Lizzie had to wonder what the Englisch driver must think of the evening’s events.
She realized she was still in Carl’s arms. She relaxed against his chest and drew several shuddering breaths. He lifted her chin with his hand and gazed at her face. “Are you all right?”
“I should be asking you that.”
A tender smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “At this moment, I’ve never been better in my life.”
“Then maybe I can stay here a little longer?”
He pulled her close and tucked her against him. “You definitely should.”
The front door flew open. Betsy stood there gasping for breath. Clara ventured down the stairs with towels in her arms and Greta moved to Joe’s side to check on him. He patted her hand. “I’m fine.”
Carl smiled at Betsy. “Duncan was shut in my hut. How did he get out?”
She was still panting. “I opened the door for him because it sounded like he wanted out. Onkel Morris doesn’t like dogs. I thought they should meet.”
Clara dropped to her knees to hug Duncan. “You are a wunderbar guard dog.”
He wagged his tail happily. Joe said, “Bacon for that boy tonight for sure.”
Everyone began to talk at once except Lizzie. She was content to rest in Carl’s arms. She never wanted to move. It seemed her grandfather finally noticed.
He cleared his throat loudly. “We should get that lamb fixed up.”
Carl reluctantly released her as her sisters came to take the lamb from her. He said, “We need to talk.”
She pressed a hand to his cheek. “The past is over and done. It need never be mentioned again.”
He flicked her nose
with one finger. “It’s not the past I want to talk about, Lizzie Barkman.
“After this baby is fixed up, would you care to drive into town with me? I need to see Jenna and Christina. I have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do. To all of you.”
* * *
Naomi Wadler greeted them with some surprise as they came into the lobby of the inn. Carl approached the counter. “My sister Jenna King is staying here. Would you let her know that I’d like a word with her?”
“She and Christina are in the café. I’ll show you the way. How is Joe getting along?”
“Fine. You should come by for a visit,” Carl said with a slight smile for her.
She blushed. “I’ll do just that. Tell him I’ll be by with some canned goods on Sunday.”
He and Lizzie followed her to the café doors. Lizzie caught his arm. “If you want to speak to your sister alone, I can wait in the lobby.”
He covered her hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I want you by my side.”
The smile she gave him warmed his heart. The Lord had truly blessed him when He brought her into his life.
They found Jenna and Christina seated in a booth in the corner. Christina saw him first and jumped up to hug him. “Kondoo Mtu, I thought I would never see you again.”
Lizzie took a step to the side as he hugged the child in return. Jenna looked uncertain about what her response should be. He kept one arm around Christina, but he held out his free hand. Jenna scooted out of the booth and threw her arms around him.
He choked back the tears that threatened to keep him silent. “I’m sorry, Jenna. I’m so sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you and everyone. Can you forgive me?”
“All is forgiven. All is forgiven. Come home, Carl. We love you. We miss you so much.”
He looked over Jenna’s head at Lizzie. “I don’t deserve such unselfish love.”
“Yes, you do,” Lizzie said softly.
He read in her eyes what she wanted to say. She loved him, too. Soon he would be able to tell her how he felt, that he loved her with his whole heart and soul. For now, he had to believe she could see his love for her shining in his eyes.
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