Breaking Ice (The Jendari Book 2)

by Delwyn Jenkins

  He stared at her for a moment. Not for a second had he considered letting her go into that ballroom on her own. And the fact that she thought he would abandon her made his teeth gnash. It was a brutal reminder of just how low her opinion of him had grown.

  Sliding to his knees on the floor, he clasped her hands in his. “Look at me.” He waited until she met his eyes. “No matter what is going on between us”—or not going on, as was the current case—“I will never, ever leave you out alone in the cold. I’m aware that part of the reason you’re going to the fundraiser is because I asked it of you. I’m grateful you’re willing to help me and I will do everything in my power to protect you.” He lifted her hands and pressed the backs of them to his forehead. “I swear it in Badria’s name.” Keeping her hands linked with his, she leaned down until her cheek was resting against the back of his head. “Thank you, Kasim. I know I can count on you.”

  He wished she could count on him in all things, not just her security at the ball. Without meaning to, he somehow found himself pushing forward, releasing her hands so he could wrap his arms around her waist. Pressing his face into her abdomen, he breathed in her scent. By the Goddess he’d missed her.

  “Kasim?”

  “Mmmm.”

  “I’d like to touch you.”

  His whole body stiffened, and Winter quickly continued. “Just one hand, on the center of your back. Will you allow me to do that?”

  Sweat broke out all over his body and his breath grew short. He almost didn’t hear Winter’s next words.

  “Do you know what a ‘safeword’ is?”

  Loosening his arms, he eased back so he could look at her face. “No.”

  “Human beings engage in a whole range of sexual practices. Some conventional, some not. Those who like to play high-risk games agree on a safeword. When that word is used, everything stops. No questions, no negotiations, no recriminations.”

  He understood where she was heading with this idea, but he wasn’t sure he liked it. If a safeword meant what he thought it did, it also meant she’d be pushing him again.

  She lifted her hands to rest on the arms of the chair. “I’d like to touch you. Just a little, just as much as you can manage. And I think the best way to achieve that is for you to be in control. I will tell you where I’m going to touch, and I won’t move my hands anywhere without your permission. You’ll have your safeword, so you can call a halt whenever you want. The second you use it, I’ll be completely hands off.”

  Kasim sat on his heels, staring at Winter, and wondered if he had the courage to try. She made it sound so reasonable, when in fact it was terrifying. And in the frame of mind he was in at the moment, he didn’t think he could take another failure. Another reminder of just how broken he was.

  He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned as Shallamar padded toward him. She squeezed her body between him and Winter, then sat and leaned her shoulder against his chest.

  You both stupid. Let her touch, and if bad memories come, you can phase. The cat likes to be petted.

  Kasim put his arms around Shallamar and hugged her tight. Advice from a me’hendra was a fifty-fifty proposition, but in this case she really came through for him. She was right, his lepardine adored being petted by Winter. If the man couldn’t deal, the feline would.

  He looked up at Winter and allowed her to see the hope in his eyes. “Shallamar has a better suggestion.”

  “She’s helping?” Winter sounded surprised. “I didn’t think she liked me.”

  Me don’t. But you do, she said to Kasim.

  Yes, I do. More than he should, certainly more than he wanted to. Still holding tight to his me’hendra, he spoke to Winter. “Shallamar pointed out, quite rightly, that my lepardine likes being petted by you. If you touch me when I’m in my skin and it gets too much, I’ll phase. That way you can keep touching and my cat will be happy.” And Kasim wouldn’t have to feel like an angry, humiliated failure. “I can phase back and forth until we find what works for both of us.”

  Winter’s face lit up with a joyous smile. “You’d do that for me?”

  “Yes.” And so much more. If he thought he could have Winter for his own, there was no end to the lengths he’d go. So it was a good thing he knew she wasn’t for him.

  Laying her hand on Shallamar’s head, Winter address the me’hendra. “Shallamar, thank you for your elegant solution. Now would you mind moving so I can begin?”

  Shallamar snorted in what Kasim hoped was amusement, and then she gave him a mighty lick on the side of his head. Easing to her feet, she strolled off and headed toward the stairs.

  Me going now. Don’t let that stupid human make you sad.

  I won’t. In fact, Kasim was hoping Winter was about to make him very happy.

  She stood and pushed back her chair. Dropping to the floor in front of him, she edged forward until their knees were touching. “Are you ready?”

  Kasim nodded. His mouth was too dry to give her a verbal go ahead.

  “Will you take your t-shirt off for me?”

  His hands were shaking as he fisted the material and pulled it over his head.

  Her gaze roved over his body. “You’re very beautiful, Kasim. Broad, strong, and smooth.” She gave him a soft smile. “And warm, from memory.”

  Still mute, he nodded again to let her know he was with her.

  “I’m going to put one hand on you, at the center of your chest.”

  “Okay.” The sound came out garbled and choked, but she gave him an encouraging nod. Slowly, she raised her hand, easing it toward him.

  Kasim’s breath shortened, his hands fisted on his thighs, and every instinct he had was urging him to run.

  “It’s just you and me here, Kasim,” Winter said.

  He gritted his teeth, knowing that wasn’t true. His demons were here with them, slamming at the gate and looking for a way out.

  Then she touched him. Her small, soft hand making the lightest contact with his skin. Kasim flinched, panicked, and then phased.

  In lepardine form, he towered over Winter as she kneeled on the floor. He sniffed at her, searching for fear-scent, but there was none. She just smelled like Winter—familiar, comforting, and his. Pushing his face against her neck and shoulders, he purred in happiness. Then he prowled around her, rubbing his body against hers, marking her with his scent, curling his tail around her lithe form.

  She laughed and petted, she praised and cooed. And when she grew in confidence, she fisted his fur and scrubbed at his skin with bold possession. He shivered in pleasure, his purr constant and loud.

  In a moment of overconfidence, he phased back. Winter’s arms were around his shoulders and her face was less than an inch from his. And he froze.

  “We’re okay,” she said quickly. “I won’t move unless you want me to. Just give it a minute and see how you feel.”

  The panic had him by the throat, but he tried to breathe past it. Tried to get as much of Winter’s scent as he could into his body. He kept his eyes locked on hers. This is Winter, he told himself. A human woman. His woman.

  “You won’t force me to do something I don’t want.” He didn’t realize he’d said the words aloud until she answered him.

  “No, I won’t. And Kasim, you’re so much bigger and stronger than me, I couldn’t even if I did want to.”

  She was right. Unfortunately, his damage was psychological not physical, and in this case size and muscle didn’t count for much. But patience did, and it seemed she had that in abundance.

  Resting his hands on either side of her hips, Kasim leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. “Stroke your hands up and down my back.”

  She complied, a light delicate touch that was gentle and feminine. Nothing like the hard rough hands…

  He phased again.

  Fuck. The minute he got himself under control he phased back. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. You’re doing a great job.” This time her hands had ended u
p in his hair. She sifted the length through her fingers. She was careful not to pull and it felt … really good.

  “How often can you phase before you get worn out?”

  The feel of her hands in his hair made his eyelids heavy. He let them close as he answered her. “Phasing doesn’t deplete my energy. I can do it as often as I need to.”

  “Awesome. That means we can get comfortable and take our time.”

  Winter dropped her arms and scooted away from him, and then she stretched out on the floor.

  Kasim shook his head. If they were going to be at this for a while, he wasn’t having Winter laying on the hardwood. Rolling to his feet, he scooped her into his arms and headed up the stairs to his bedroom.

  “I’m not having sex with you tonight,” Winter said.

  That hadn’t been his intention when he’d gathered her up. He just wanted her to be comfortable. But he had to ask. “Why not?”

  “Because the sex between us is already amazing, so we don’t need to work on that.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “But this touching thing needs some attention.”

  It did. “My … issues … are longstanding. We might not conquer them tonight.”

  “I’m not out to conquer.” She pressed her lips to his neck. “I’d be thrilled with a slight improvement.”

  Kasim hoped he’d be able to give her more than that. He walked across the oversized loft area that served as his bedroom and lowered her onto his king-sized mattress. He followed her down but didn’t take her in his arms. Yet.

  “I want some skin, too,” he said. “Strip.”

  “So bossy.” Winter pretended to grouse but he saw the twinkle of humor in her eyes. She stripped down to her bra and panties and lay back on the bed. The pale-blue satin and lace looked sensual against her golden skin. Raising himself onto one elbow, he allowed his free hand to skate over her body. Up over her silky outer thigh, her rounded hip, the sexy dip at her waist, her ribs and the side of her breast before changing direction and smoothing over her chest, sternum, belly, and abdomen. Rounding out to her hip, he made another pass.

  Winter turned on her side to face him. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

  Good, he loved her kisses. But when she put her hot, damp mouth on his chest, he got such a shock the panic overtook him before he could control it. But this time, instead of running from her, he phased.

  The lepardine had no problem having Winter’s hands all over him, and it didn’t take long for Kasim to calm down and get his head on straight. When he shifted back into skin, Winter was spluttering. “Ack. I just got a mouthful of fur.”

  He laughed. “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.” She wiped at her tongue with her fingers.

  Still smiling, he reached out to cup the back of her head. Fisting his hand in her hair, he tilted her head back so he could look into her eyes. “I have never laughed in bed before. It feels…” It took him a moment to find the right word. “Miraculous.” He closed the distance until his lips touched hers. “You are miraculous to me. The odd mouthful of hair seems a small price to pay.”

  She nibbled his lips. “Still not having sex.”

  “Okay.” He mentally prepared himself before he made his next offer. “Want to try kissing my chest again?”

  She grinned at him. “Why, yes, I do.”

  Releasing her hair, Kasim stroked down her arms and guided her closer. She kissed his chest once, twice, then lifted her head to look up at him. “All good?”

  He nodded, amazed he was telling the truth. She leaned in again, this time using her tongue as well as her soft lips. Kasim’s cock jerked and desire flooded his body. Wrapping his arms around Winter’s waist, he pulled her closer. She arched into him, gliding her hands up his back. Then she lightly scraped her nails down his spine and Kasim’s mind went dark.

  He phased again. This time it took him a little longer to come back.

  When he did, Winter was lying next to him, her big brown eyes fixed on his face. “Don’t you dare apologize.”

  “I feel like an idiot.” He scrubbed his hands over his face.

  “Are you kidding? I think you’re amazing. Look at the progress we’ve made in just a couple of hours. We’re together, touching skin-to-skin, and with every phase you let me go a little further. We’ve already surpassed my hopes for this evening, and it’s still early.”

  Kasim threaded his fingers through her dark, shiny hair and asked the question that wouldn’t pass his lips if he had a shred of decency. “Will you stay the night?”

  “Yes. But to touch and then sleep. No sex.”

  He grinned at her. “I promise, no sex. But we can kiss, right?”

  She frowned at him. “Of course we can kiss.”

  Sighing with happiness, he pressed his lips to hers. She’d agreed to his kisses, and he had no intention of stopping at her mouth.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The day of the ball had finally arrived. Winter leaned over the counter in her bathroom and added a few extra pins to secure her blonde wig. This one was new, styled in a fancy updo that was both soft and sophisticated. Tiny jeweled flowers sparkled among the fat, shiny curls, and long, barely-there-wisps framed her face. Her blue contact lenses were in and the color alteration of both hair and eyes was disconcerting when she looked in the mirror.

  Laying out her makeup, she picked up her foundation and began smoothing it on. As she applied her cosmetics, she tried to quiet her mind in preparation for the evening ahead.

  The previous days had been a blur of activity. She crammed as much work as she could into the smallest amount of hours, and dedicated her spare time to her HEC story. She’d had two late-night dress fittings at Melody’s, written pages of notes, and gone out on one date with Ben. She’d also had a security meeting with Tallis, Kasim, and their friends Deasun and Hadar.

  But the best parts of her week were the quiet hours she spent with Kasim. He spent as much time in his fur as he did in his skin. That was fine with Winter because the lepardine was touch-hungry in a way that made her feel special and adored. Every time she put her arms around him and sank her fingers into his thick, silky pelt, she was overwhelmed by a sense of wonder. Touching Kasim in his lepardine form was like touching a miracle.

  But putting her hands on him when he was in his skin was better. And far more complicated.

  They’d taken things slowly, and she still refused to have sex, but Kasim was inventive. And sly in a feline, playful way. He’d told her he’d laughed more in the last week than he had since he’d arrived on this world, and she considered that quite a compliment.

  And she was utterly besotted with him. A fact she tried to hide as best she could. Kasim didn’t speak about a future that included her and he made no declarations or promises. He liked her, and he was willing to let her help him with his touch phobia, but she couldn’t help feeling his interest in her was all about the now.

  They’d made enough progress with his aversion to touch that he could carry on without her. He had viable strategies that would work with any woman he chose to be with. Especially if that woman was Jendari. If he needed to phase at any point, it wouldn’t be an issue for one of his own kind.

  She was delighted to have helped Kasim, but the thought of him being with someone else turned her stomach and made her break out into a cold sweat.

  And after tonight, he’d have no need to seek her out. Once the gala benefit was over, she would no longer be of use to him.

  Somehow, she was going to have to be a grown up about it all. She was going to have to smile, say what a pleasure it had been to spend time with him, and then watch him walk out of her life.

  Leaning forward on the bathroom counter, she braced herself with one hand and pressed the other to her churning stomach. She needed to get off that train of thought. Kasim was an emotional distraction she couldn’t afford tonight.

  Lifting her gaze to the mirror, she stared at her reflection. Photo-model makeup and expensive hair—it was all p
art of her disguise. Mentally, she added a cast-iron shield around her heart and her emotions. Tonight was all about protection. She’d worry about her potential broken heart tomorrow.

  She packed her makeup away, wiped down the counter, and then headed down the hall to her small bedroom. Slipping off her robe, she eyed the dress hanging against her wardrobe door.

  Melody had created a dream dress for Winter. The underskirt was made of silver lace that sparkled in the overhead lights. Over that was a half-skirt in red silk, split up the center and cut on an angle to look like delicate wings at rest. The strapless bodice was red silk embellished on the borders with silver-lace leaves and flowers. Tiny chains ran from the bodice and connected to shoulder pieces of fine silver filigree, forming a delicate web that held the bodice and shoulder caps in place. The red sleeves fell from the elbow in soft billows of silk and were cut on the same angle as the half skirt. The whole outfit was bold, delicate, fairy-like, and sexy.

  Despite her nerves about the evening, Winter couldn’t wait to get into that dress.

  Taking it off the hanger, she took her time, stepping into it carefully before pulling it up over her hips. She half-zipped it and then sat on the bed, lifting the skirts high enough to buckle on her silver heels. Then she stood, easing her arms through the chain and under the filigree before sliding them into the silk sleeves. She finished zipping up and spent a moment tugging and tweaking everything into place.

  The knock at her door was right on time.

  Hurrying out of her bedroom, she crossed the living area and took the small set of stairs that led to the outer door. After checking the peephole, she gave herself two full seconds to prepare herself before she let Kasim in.

  It wasn’t long enough. He was so strong and beautiful he simply took her breath away. And dressed head to toe in black leather, he looked dangerous enough to make her heart race.

  Then his gaze roved over her as though she was a feast in a famine, and every bone in her body turned to Jell-O.

  “Winter. You look exquisite.”

  “Thank you.” Her voice came out sounding small and tight. “Come in.”