by RH Tucker
“What about Veronica? She say anything about it since?” he asks.
“No,” I answer, staring at the counter. “She seemed fine on the way home that night. At least, as fine as a girl could be, after hearing her boyfriend’s mom go on about how great he and his ex were together.”
“Just eighty-six her, man. Block her number, get your parents to block her number, tell your friends to not talk to her. Shun her, bro. Send a cease and desist letter if you have to.”
“I don’t want to be a dick. I just want her to move on.”
“Micah, she cheated on you.”
“Thanks, I didn’t know that.”
“Seriously, bro.” He laughs. “Cut that bitch out of your life. You’ll be better off.”
I thought about it when I broke it off with her. And even though she’s called me a few times, it hasn’t been like it was the first time. But getting ahold of my mom, and more importantly my mom freely talking to her and giving her a shoulder to cry on, is not helping.
Taking out my phone, I open my contacts and find her name and number. It’d be easy to block her, and maybe I should. As aggravating as everything has become, perhaps it’d be best for both of us. I wouldn’t have to hear from her, and it might finally force her to move on.
“Okay, well,” Taylor speaks up, “you can block her number all you want, but it’s not going to do any good if she stalks you.”
“What are you—” I start to ask, and he looks out of the front windows of the gym. Lana’s standing against her car, peering inside. “You gotta be kidding me.” I look around the gym for my manager. “Where’s Bill?”
“In the back, working on payroll.”
“I’m gonna go handle this.”
“Yeah, go. If he comes up, I’ll tell him you’re taking a break.”
“Thanks.”
There’s no appreciation in my voice. It’s all annoyance. Before going outside, I stand in front of the glass doors. She’s looking inside, and I know she can see me through the window, but she just stares. The other night she was bawling her eyes out. If it had been any other night, at any other time, I might’ve been a little more sympathetic. I wouldn’t have gotten back with her, but I might’ve consoled her a little more. But with Veronica inside, I was furious. My anger’s calmed since then, and she seems more in control, too.
“Lana, you gotta quit this,” I call out, walking to her.
“I know,” she answers, which catches me off guard.
“You know?”
She nods, taking a deep breath. “I know I have to stop. I know you have a new girlfriend. I know this isn’t healthy and I know I need to move on. I know all of that, Micah. But I can’t. I can’t move on. Screwed up doesn’t even begin to describe what I did, but I need you, Micah. I need you now, just as much as I needed you then. You’re my rock.”
“I can’t be your rock. Not anymore.”
“My parents,” she looks down at the ground, wrapping her arms around herself, “they loved you. They still love you. When I told them we broke up, they asked me what I did this time. They knew, Micah. They knew I messed up because you’re perfect.”
“I’m not perfect. No one is.”
“No. You are. Everyone saw it. When we were in school, remember how Emma and Jen would joke around how you were Prince Charming?”
“Lana, don’t do this.”
“You’re my Prince Charming, Micah. And I can’t let that go.”
“It’s already done. You already—” I stop myself because we both know what she did. We both know it’s her fault and I don’t want to keep throwing that in her face. “What’s done is done. It’s better to just accept it and start moving on.”
“But I can’t move on, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You were supposed to be with me. Me and you, high school sweethearts, just like you always used to say. I’m an idiot. I have no excuse for what I did. But I promise you, Micah. I promise I’ll spend my life trying to get you to forgive me. Because you were supposed to be my life. My home.”
Her tears are falling again, but it’s not like at the house. She’s not sobbing and wailing. She’s standing in front of me, her arms still hugging herself, the tears streaming down her cheeks.
I want to counter everything she just said, but I know it won’t help. She’ll make an excuse, or tell me how she’s going to try and change. She’ll promise to do better, or she’ll keep begging. For every valid reason I give her that I can’t and won’t go back to her, she’ll try to counter it. So I don’t.
I turn around and pull out my phone, waving it at her as I walk back to the gym.
“I’m blocking your number. Don’t call. Don’t text. Just move on with your life.”
Getting inside, I don’t turn around to see if she’s still standing there. I’m walking around the counter when my phone rings. Letting out a growl, my fingers clamp around it.
“Motherf— I just told her not to call.” Gripping it tighter, I see the caller ID and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. Hey, you.”
“Hey,” Veronica answers.
“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear your voice. I was about to throw my phone through a wall.”
“Yikes,” she says with a chuckle. “What’s wrong?”
Should I tell her? Will she get upset that Lana seems to be officially stalking me? But I don’t want to lie either. “Lana. She just showed up at work.”
“Oh …” I hear the timidity in her voice.
“V, you have nothing to worry about. Seriously. I’m blocking her number right after I finish talking to you. I honestly wish she could just move on.”
“Right. Yeah, okay.”
“So what’s up?”
There’s a pause. I hope everything that’s happened the last few days isn’t starting to scare her or give her second thoughts about us. “Well, see …”
“Everything good?”
“Yeah.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “Are you okay with me spending the night tomorrow night?”
I smile. “I’m okay with you spending the night every night.”
My response seems to put her at ease. “Okay, it’s just … tomorrow’s my birthday.”
“Really? Why didn’t you tell me before, we could’ve set something up? Had a party or something.”
“I don’t want anything like that. I just kind of want a nice night in, you know?” She laughs. “Listen to me. I’m gonna be nineteen, and I’m already talking about spending a nice night in.”
“Silly girl. Of course, whatever you want. We can watch Netflix, and I’ll get you chocolate covered pretzels.”
She sighs with a giggle. “You know the way to my heart.”
“Need me to pick you up?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m gonna hang out with Cindy earlier in the day, and she’ll drop me off.”
“All right. Sounds good.”
“Um, Micah?”
“Yeah?”
There’s a pause. “Uh … this is so stupid.” Now a nervous laugh. “I wouldn’t bring it up, but I don’t want to show up and you not …” Another nervous laugh. “Do you have … protection?”
I laugh. I know it’s a serious question and from her tone, I can tell she’s nervous and little embarrassed. That’s not why I laugh though. I laugh because the word protection comes out muffled and quiet and I can only imagine she’s in her room, or somewhere no one else can hear her, but she’s still trying to be as quiet as possible.
“It’s not funny,” she scolds me.
“No, but it is cute. And yes, I do.”
“Okay. Good to know. Not that you’ll be needing it since you just laughed at me.”
“Silly girl.”
“Dumb boy.”
Chapter 16
Veronica
Everything about today is awkward, nervous smile after awkward, nervous smile. It started before Cindy picked me up in the afternoon. My family got together and wished me a happy birthday and then said they wanted t
o have a party tonight. I thanked them and then proceeded to lie to everyone, telling them that Cindy was putting together a party for me with our friend, Izzy, who finally has some free time for the summer. Izzy does have some free time, but she’s with her boyfriend a lot. My brothers eyed me suspiciously and grumbled under their breaths.
I couldn’t leave the house, though, and not come clean with Tomás. As overbearing as he is, I love him. I know he’s only looking out for me. So, I proceeded to tell him the truth before Cindy picked me up.
“Toto, Cindy’s not throwing a party for me tonight,” I say, shamefaced.
“I know,” he answers as he goes over paperwork for the company.
I stand there, not sure if I should say more or just leave it at that. I choose the former. “I’m spending the night at Micah’s.”
He lifts his eyes from the papers, meeting mine, and then looks back down. “I know, Vero.”
He’s not mad. Or annoyed. He’s much calmer than I thought he would be. It makes me nervous. “It’s just that I know what I said earlier, but I know I don’t want to lie to you either. You’re way too much sometimes, Toto, but I love you for that because I want my big brother to watch out for me, but I can take care of myself, too, you know?”
He looks up again, letting out a chuckle. “I know.”
My eyes narrow. “You’re way to calm about this.”
“Look, I’m always gonna be your big brother. That’s never going to change. So that means I’m always going to probably act a little too protective. I’m sorry if that makes you mad because I don’t do it for that. I do it because I love you. As much as I hate to say it, you were right. You’re an adult. I just have to trust you.”
“Okay … Thank you.”
He nods before returning his attention back to the paperwork.
“Hey, check this out,” Cindy says, walking into the house, holding up her phone. “I mean, I know it’ll be your first time tonight, but I’ve used this before. You should definitely keep it in mind and have Micah get some. It’s so—”
She halts, jaw open, as she gets closer and sees that I’m not alone. Her face might be as red as mine is. Tomás’ too. I’m horrified, and my only solace is knowing that he didn’t see what she was talking about—mango flavored lube.
Kill me now.
“Yummy,” she finishes.
I want to strangle her.
“Yeah …” Tomás slowly shakes his head, keeping his eyes averted from either of ours. “Could’ve done without that.”
I rush her out of the house, and she’s already laughing about it as she starts her car and we drive to the mall. We walk around a little, getting Jamba Juice, and head to a small boutique where she said she ordered something for my birthday.
“You asked him about protection, so what?” Cindy says as I relay the conversation I had with Micah yesterday.
“Who does that, Cin? Who asks ahead of time about condoms?”
“People who are responsible, that’s who.”
“I felt so stupid. I wasn’t even going to say anything, but right before I hung up, I thought what if I show up and he doesn’t have any. Then that would be embarrassing. What am I even doing? Should I be doing this? I feel like I’m freaking out. I shouldn’t be freaking out over this, should I? I should be excited, and I’m just a ball of nerves right now.”
“It’s okay to be nervous. Just calm down. Do you realize how excited he probably got after you asked him about that?”
“Really?” I raise an eyebrow.
She stops, turns to me, and looks at me like I’m crazy. “For reals, V? You just asked your boyfriend if he had condoms. What, you think he’s wondering why you’re asking, under the impression that you guys were never gonna have sex?”
“Well, no, but … now he knows I was thinking about it.”
“V, you’re supposed to be thinking about it.”
“Yeah, but now he probably thinks that I’ve been thinking about it a lot, which I have, but I just think about it because I haven’t done it.”
“Oh, so you’re never gonna think about it after you guys do it?”
“I don’t know—”
“Yes. You are. As a matter of fact, you’re gonna think about it more. Trust me.”
I know she’s probably right. The last few times we’ve fooled around, it was all I was thinking about. I just need to calm down and not freak out. Yeah, easier said than done.
“What are you doing?” I ask, still heading to the boutique, when she stops in front of a lingerie store.
“In here.” She waves for me to follow.
“What? Why? Cindy, I’m not getting anything from there. That’d just amp up my nerves even more.”
“Well, that’s too bad, because this is where I ordered your present from.”
“What?” My voice jumps up higher. A few people down a couple stores hear me and turn. Putting my hand over my face, I rush into the store, dragging Cindy with me. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m totally serious.” She pulls her arm from of my grasp and walks over to the counter. “Hi. I ordered something online a couple days ago and had it delivered here.”
“Oh, okay. Name?”
“Cindy Cosgrove.”
“Okay, one minute.”
When the girl leaves the counter and goes to the back, I pull at Cindy’s arm again. “What are you thinking? I’m not wearing some skimpy lingerie. I don’t even take my shirt off in front of him.”
“You don’t?”
“No!” I answer through a clenched jaw. “So I sure as hell am not wearing some bra and panties combo.”
“Wait, when you sleep over, what do you wear?”
“One of his shirts.”
She lifts he brows. “Oh, well, guys always like that, too. Look, don’t wear it tonight, okay? Don’t even wear it the next time you guys do it, or the time after that. But keep it because I’m telling you, once you do wear it, Micah’s going to be drooling for days.”
“You. Are. Crazy.”
“Here you go.” The girl comes back out with a shiny, black bag. “Just need a signature from you.”
Cindy signs the paper and pushes the bag over to me on the counter. I give her a sideways look, almost afraid to touch it. Which is stupid. In the back of my mind, I know she’s right. Guys like stuff like this, right? But when would I ever be comfortable enough to wear whatever she bought in front of Micah?
Cindy let’s out a sigh. “Sorry, just one more thing,” she says to the girl at the counter. She reaches into the bag and what she pulls out pleasantly surprises me. I was expecting a skimpy bra or some kind of lace or see-thru panties. But it’s a dark, rose-colored, satin and lace babydoll. While it still shows more skin on top than I’m used to, it’s definitely more appealing than bra and panties. “What do you think of this?” Cindy asks the girl.
“Oh, that’s nice. That color is one of our top sellers.”
Cindy holds it up in front of me. I look at her like I want to kill her. “You think her boyfriend would like it?”
The girl eyes me up and down, and for a moment all of my insecurities flood through me. Her eyes narrow, she bites the inside of her lip, twisting her head as if she’s thinking of a nice way to say I shouldn’t wear something like that. Then she smiles. “Oh, he’ll love it.”
A blush creeps over my face, and Cindy turns to me, smiling. “Told you.”
She puts it back in the bag and then hands it to me. “Well, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, birthday girl.” Smiling, Cindy gives me a hug. “Now let’s go get you laid.”
The counter girl’s eyes pop open. I raise the bag in front of my face, hiding what I’m sure is pure horrification.
“Okay, look,” Cindy pats my hand as she parks outside of Micah’s apartment, “you know I love you. I know I was super nervous my first time, so just try to stay calm.”
“Oh, are you taking the motherly-figure role, now that you’ve embarrassed me in front
of everyone today?”
She laughs. “I’m serious. Just don’t overthink it. You love him.”
I’ve still been wondering where he’s at as far the love word goes. I know I’m in love with him. I think he feels the same, but I’m not sure.
“I mean, you do love him, right?” I give her a smile, nodding my head. “And I know he loves you. Whether he knows it or not, is irrelevant. I know he does.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.” She leans over and gives me a hug.
“I’m leaving my gift in your car though. I am not wearing that tonight.”
“Okay, okay.”
As per my usual habit, I head over to Micah’s apartment and go to let myself in, but the door’s locked. It’s not unusual, but when he knows I’m coming over he usually leaves it unlocked. I knock a couple times and try to listen for any commotion, but don’t hear anything. Wouldn’t that be perfect, if he forgot?
No, Vero. Stop being like that. He wouldn’t forget this.
I knock again and pull out my phone. Maybe I should call him.
The door swings open and Micah stands there, dripping wet, holding a towel around his waist. “Hey, you’re early.”
“I … I …” I’m trying to form words, but my brain has gone to pudding. I can feel it, all squishy, sloshing around inside of my skull. He opens the door wider to let me in, but I just stand there, admiring—gawking—at the water dripping down his chest. The beads of water trail over his muscles, down his stomach, to somewhere underneath the towel.
“You gonna stay out there all night?”
My eyes shoot back up, and he’s smiling. “Would you like to come inside or did you want to get to business out there?” My mouth drops, and he laughs.
Finally realizing he’s teasing me, I find some kind of strength to not stare at him, and go inside.
“Just give me a second to dry off.”
I stop and stand behind the sofa. Usually, I’d feel comfortable enough to go to the kitchen and grab something to drink, or just lounge around on their couch, or even head straight into his bedroom and turn on the TV and start to watch something. Now, I’m stuck.