“What do you want to do?”
That was the million-dollar question.
“I want to turn back time and have Cory make different choices.” She sighed. “I’m just really struggling with this and wondering how much of it is my fault.”
“Your fault? Can you explain that a bit?”
“Sure. I keep wondering if something I did or didn’t do or something I said may have pushed Cory into the actions he took. If I’m partly responsible.”
“And if you are? Will that change anything? Should it change anything?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Why don’t you start from the beginning and walk me through exactly what happened,” Maggie suggested.
Mandy took a deep breath and then dove in. When she finished, Maggie nodded.
“Please know that this isn’t your fault. Cory chose to do what he did for reasons known only to him. What you have to consider is if you think he has the capacity to change his behavior in a way that you can live with.”
“Do you think that’s possible?” It was what Mandy had been wrestling with.
“Anything is possible. But Cory has already done the hardest thing, which was open the door to being unfaithful. And he’s admitted he liked the thrill of the forbidden. He might be on his best behavior if you take him back, maybe forever, maybe for a long time, but it won’t be as hard for him to open that door again, and the temptation will always be there. But some people do make it work. Only you will know if it’s worth trying to get past it.”
Mandy nodded. “I know. And I’ve read that most men that cheat go on to do it again. Cory couldn’t even explain why he did it, just that it fed some kind of need in him. Which is what made me wonder if I’d failed him in some way. It’s very confusing.”
“People are complex. Cory’s reasons may have very little to nothing to do with you.”
“He said that. Said it was something in him. But, it just seems like our relationship must be broken in some way for him to do that.”
“It may have nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with his relationship with himself. Is he willing to go to counseling?”
“He said that he was, but I don’t know that he was serious. I think he thought he could talk his way into me forgiving him and things would go back to normal. But there is no more normal. Not for me anyway. My biggest struggle is with feelings of guilt about whether to try again.”
“Guilt? Can you talk about that?”
“Well, I fluctuate from feeling guilty about wanting to call it quits and move right onto divorce and be done with it to feeling guilty about wanting to maybe try to get past it—as if I’m letting people down by taking him back and allowing for the bad behavior to be forgiven. Mostly I feel like I’d be letting myself and the kids down if I do. How can I set an example for them about how someone should be treated if I condone his behavior?”
Maggie stayed silent. When the silence grew long enough to feel uncomfortable, Mandy jumped in to fill the space.
“I just don’t know what’s best. One minute I want to try again and to have our old life back as much as possible. The next minute I almost hate him and can’t stand the thought of being physical with him ever again. I actually feel repulsed at the thought of his touch. I suppose that doesn’t bode well for fixing this?”
“Maybe not? Maybe your body knows what it wants or doesn’t want and your mind hasn’t caught up yet?”
That resonated with Mandy. She had a feeling that she knew in her gut what she needed to do, she just wasn’t ready to commit to it yet. It was easier to float in limbo for the time being.
She chatted with Maggie for another half hour. The time went by so fast that she was surprised when the old-fashioned clock on the wall chimed that the hour was up. They agreed to meet the next week at the same time and as Mandy walked outside and got into her car, she felt a bit lighter, and was glad that she’d agreed to meet with Maggie. She could see why Barbara liked her. Maggie was easy to talk to and was a good listener. Most importantly, she helped Mandy to dig deeper into her own feelings.
Chapter 22
“What is up with you? You’re glowing. It started when you came home from New York last weekend. I’ve noticed it all week.” Jill looked up from her laptop to see both her sister, Emma and Izzy looking at her. Izzy was in Emma’s lap as she sat across from Jill at the kitchen table. It was Friday morning and Emma was heading into the restaurant soon for a lunch shift.
Jill smiled. She hadn’t said anything yet because she wasn’t convinced at first that what she and Billy had was real, but they’d been talking every day since she saw him and it was starting to feel very real. She’d already booked a flight to head to New York the following weekend.
“I guess Billy and I are sort of dating now. It just happened this past weekend, and it’s still really new.”
“Good, it’s about time. I like Billy and the thought of the two of you together.” Emma looked thoughtful before adding, “Maybe it’s better this way, with you here. You can let it unfold more slowly, kind of ease into it?”
Jill nodded. “I hope you’re right. We’re not really telling anyone yet, especially the employees. We’ll have to figure out the best way to handle that. For now, it’s easier with me not there as much.”
When Jill arrived in Manhattan the following Thursday night, Billy was at the airport to collect her. He looked as excited and as nervous as she felt and she was relieved to see it wasn’t just her feeling that way.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said before pulling her in for a welcome kiss that took her breath away.
“Me too.”
They went to Rosa Mexicano for dinner and margaritas and then back to Jill’s condo, which was nearby. They had a wonderful night, and it felt so natural to finally be together. Billy spent the night, and the next morning they went into work together. Then out to drinks with the team after work and back to Billy’s condo where they spent most of the rest of the weekend. It was a whirlwind weekend and the best time Jill ever had. They were both sad when Billy dropped her at the airport Sunday night for her flight back to Nantucket.
“When will you come to Nantucket again?” she asked as he walked her in.
“I’d love to come ASAP, but do you think maybe we should wait awhile on that? People in the office might start to wonder if I go too soon?”
He had a good point.
“I didn’t think of that. And there’s probably more benefit to me being in the office with everyone, anyway. So, for the next few months, I’ll come your way and then we’ll see. Sound good?”
He answered by pulling her close and kissing her senseless before pulling back and grinning. “Works for me. Text me when you get home.”
“I will. Bye, Billy.”
Jill felt like pinching herself as she settled into her seat on the plane and gazed out the small window, watching the other planes take off. Finally, she and Billy were together, and it was better than she’d imagined it could be. She just hoped it continued, and that nothing changed.
Chapter 23
As the weeks flew by, Emma and her sisters settled into a regular routine at the restaurant. Jill had every other weekend off and went home to New York to work Fridays in the office and to spend the rest of her time with Billy. Emma was happy for her that things seemed to be going so well. Emma was also glad that she and Mandy had each other for support as it was a strange time for both of them with the shocks to their marriages. Emma was moving on a little faster than Mandy because unlike Cory who said he wanted to save his marriage, Emma’s was irretrievably broken.
It was a blessing for both sisters to have Mimi’s Place to focus on. Emma regularly posted her photographs and Paul’s specials on the Facebook page and their customers expected it now and looked forward to checking out the daily posts. Mandy was busy handling an upcoming wedding and Emma was impressed with how detail-oriented and organized her siste
r was. She had a knack for managing events. And she really seemed to enjoy doing them. They stressed Emma out a little, especially dealing with anxious brides and mothers. But Mandy effectively calmed everyone down and guided them toward making the necessary decisions.
Emma and Paul had been spending time together more and more too. He had become a good friend and both she and Mandy found it helpful to talk to him. He assured them that going through a separation or divorce was never easy, but that eventually things would get better. Sometimes, she sensed a glimmer of interest from Paul, and when she did, she usually avoided him for a few days. She didn’t want to lead him on and she wasn’t looking to start anything up with anyone at the moment. The thought of dating, of starting over with someone new was not appealing in the least. She didn’t think she even knew how to date. She’d been with Peter since her college days and had never really been on her own. She was enjoying answering only to herself and coming and going as she liked.
Emma was also enjoying spending more time on her photography. When she wasn’t working at Mimi’s Place and the weather was good, she was usually out and about, snapping pictures. Some of her sunset pictures had turned out especially well and Jill had suggested she hang a few of them on the dining room walls along with the other consigned artwork. She felt funny doing that at first, but Mandy insisted too, so she put her favorite photo up. It was a lighthouse in a swirl of fog as a pink sky peeked through clouds. She was pleasantly surprised when it sold two weeks after it went up. She replaced it with a pretty shot of knockout roses along a white fence in Siasconset and that sold quickly too.
Paul was on his way over soon. It was Thursday night, his night off, and Jill was mid-flight to New York. It was Emma’s birthday and Mandy had asked in front of Paul that afternoon about her plans for the evening. As soon as he heard that it was her birthday, he insisted on taking her out. He invited Mandy too, but she said that she wanted to wait for Jill to come back on Sunday and maybe they’d take Emma out then if that worked? It worked fine for Emma as she’d never been one for making much of a fuss about her own birthday. It was more fun to her to celebrate other people’s birthdays as she had never liked being the center of attention.
The plan was that Paul was going to come over and cook dinner and then they’d go out to hear some music afterward.
At six sharp, she heard his truck pull up outside and a moment later; he walked through the door holding a big cardboard box full of food and a bottle of wine. He set the box on the kitchen counter and bent down to say hello to Izzy, who had run right over to him. Izzy was madly in love with Paul and whenever he came over, she ignored Emma and Jill and gave Paul all her attention.
“She is a smitten kitten when it comes to you,” Emma said and laughed.
He grinned as he started unpacking his box and putting items on the island. “She’s a smart one.”
Emma watched, curious as Paul set one cooked lobster, a container of scallops, a bag of shrimp, bottles of ketchup and horseradish, a head of broccoli, garlic, two big potatoes, lemon and a box of Ritz crackers.
“What are we having? Can I do anything to help?”
“I thought I’d make us a seafood casserole and shrimp cocktail to start, with sautéed broccoli, and roasted potatoes. You could open the wine and pour us a glass.” He handed her a bottle of Bread and Butter Chardonnay, her favorite brand, and she found her opener and poured them each a glass. She watched as he worked in the kitchen and made everything look easy. He took the lobster meat out of the shell and chopped it up, then added it to a casserole dish along with the scallops. Then topped it with crushed Ritz crackers, a bit of butter and a squeeze of lemon. He added a splash of the chardonnay, then threw it in the oven, along with the sliced potatoes to roast. Once he had the broccoli in a pan on the stove, he mixed the ketchup and horseradish together for a cocktail sauce and brought it to the table and they snacked on plump shrimp and sipped their wine.
“Peter called earlier to wish me a happy birthday,” Emma said as she dunked a shrimp in the cocktail sauce. “He gave me the update that Tom, the love of his life, has been accepted to culinary school. He’s really going to chase his dream of being a chef.” She’d been a little surprised to hear it. Tom had a really good, well-paying job. She hadn’t thought he was serious about changing careers.
But Paul seemed to approve. “Good for him. We only go around once, might as well do what makes you happy.”
“That’s true. And you love it,” she said.
“I do. I can’t imagine doing anything else. Do you think you’ll go back to teaching, eventually?”
Emma shook her head. “I don’t think so. I enjoyed it, but I’m not really missing it. I want to see if I can do more with the photography and I like the fast pace of the restaurant. It has a different feel when you’re an owner. It matters more. I feel like we have more impact now.”
“We definitely do,” Paul agreed. “And it’s satisfying when the things we try work out—like with the new menu.”
Emma smiled. “The menu has been a hit. Turns out just about everyone loves luxurious comfort food.”
“What’s not to love?” Paul grinned as he checked on the casserole, pulled it out of the oven and set it on the stove to cool. The crumb topping was golden brown, and the casserole was bubbling. It smelled amazing. He made plates for them while Emma topped off their wine glasses.
“I’m feeling like a very lucky girl,” Emma said as she took another bite. “This is delicious, Paul. Thank you.”
She noticed a hint of pink rising on his cheeks. “My pleasure. I’m glad you like it.”
“You know, I was a little nervous when I heard that my grandmother left the restaurant to you too. I wasn’t sure how it would be working together. But it’s been really great. I’m glad we’re friends again.”
“We always got along great. It was always easy being with you. We like the same things, mostly.”
She laughed, thinking of the one thing they didn’t agree on.
“Do you still like that awful hard rock music?” When they were dating Paul always tried to get her to go with him to see some of his favorite bands like Black Sabbath, Metallica and Iron Maiden. She went once and that was enough. It wasn’t her thing, but he loved it.
“What’s not to love?” he said.
“Ugh.”
“Well, no worries, the band playing tonight at The Gaslight is more your speed. Soft rock and country.”
She smiled at that and stood to clear their plates. But Paul wasn’t done yet.
“I hope you saved room for dessert?”
“What is it?”
Paul pulled a pastry bag out of the big box along with two empty cannoli shells. He piped the sweet ricotta filling into each of them, dipped the ends into a container of chocolate shavings and handed one to Emma. Cannolis were her absolute favorite dessert. She took a nibble, savoring the sweet cream with the slight hint of anise flavor. She set hers on a small plate and got one for him too.
“I think I want a coffee. Do you want one?” She made a small cup to have with the dessert.
“I’m good. I’m still finishing my wine.”
When they finished eating, Emma stood and stretched.
“That was so good, and I’m completely stuffed now. Do you mind if we walk into town? I need to work some of this off.”
“I could use a walk too.”
They finished cleaning up in the kitchen and then made their way down Main Street and to The Gaslight to hear some music. The Gaslight had live bands in regularly and this one was very good and it didn’t take long before people were up dancing. Emma had no interest in dancing, but it was fun to people watch. She and Paul both ordered wine and she ordered a glass of water too.
She caught Paul glancing her way a few times with a funny look on his face and she had the sense again that he was hoping they might rekindle some kind of relationship. If she was in that frame of mind, where she was looking to date again, Paul would be a good cand
idate. She knew that. They were compatible. She liked spending time with him and there had always been an attraction there. She just wasn’t ready to consider a relationship with anyone. She’d told Paul that early on and he hadn’t pushed, which she appreciated. She knew there was always the risk that someone else might come along and she’d miss the opportunity to see if it could work with them, but it was a risk she had to take. She just wasn’t ready to date anyone. But she loved spending time with Paul as a friend. Hopefully, for now at least, that would be enough for him.
Chapter 24
Mandy’s first wedding at Mimi’s Place went off without a hitch. Emma thought the bride and her mother were difficult, but Mandy didn’t think they were unreasonable. Emma didn’t care about the fuss of a big reception when she got married, but Mandy understood that it was equally important to both Caroline, the bride, and her mother. And Mandy’s strength was in managing the finest of details. She enjoyed every minute of planning and overseeing the reception. Paul’s food was gorgeous and drew raves from everyone. Jill helped with the bar and Emma was mostly in the kitchen, getting all the food onto the trays and off to the servers. It had been a solid team effort and after the restaurant cleared out, she and her sisters, Paul and a few other staff members gathered around the bar for a well-deserved after work drink.
Paul sat next to Emma. Mandy smiled at the two of them. They were constantly together. Emma swore there was nothing there, that she wasn’t ready to date and they were strictly friends. But Mandy saw the way Paul looked at her and she suspected Emma was equally fond of him. She just wasn’t ready to admit it yet, not even to herself.
Jill was happier than she’d ever seen her. Things seemed to be working out well with Billy. Mandy had been worried for her at first in case it didn’t work out and things were awkward between them, but that didn’t seem to be the case.
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