I See You (Seeing You #2)

by A. P. Hallmark

"You asked me to let you know if I was done with you, remember?"

  "Yes."

  "Weren't you even a little curious why I never called you?"

  "Yes. I mean, you told me not to call you, and then you asked me to leave you alone. Those are pretty strong messages."

  "I’m … I'm not done, Matthew."

  My heart skips a beat.

  "I love you. We still have things to talk about, but I don’t want to end it."

  "Wh … what does this mean?" I stammer.

  "I like where we were. I don't want to lose what we had," she says, laying her head on my shoulder, "but it's hard for me right now."

  "Come here," I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. I close my eyes at the pleasure of feeling her close to me again. "I'm sorry for all of this, baby. I'm sorry you were hurt. I'm sorry Emma said those things to you — I'm just so, so sorry."

  While we sit in silence, I don't hold her close to me for long because I know my family is waiting for us, so when I pull my arm away, she sits up straight.

  "I guess we'd better get out there," I say, reluctantly. Standing, I take her hand to help her up, and when I open the door, she pulls me back into the room and throws her arms around my waist. Laying my cheek against the top of her head, I hold her tightly to me.

  ~.~

  After a wonderful dinner, filled with laughter and more of Jessie's hilarious stories, we clear the table and help with the dishes. I take a seat at the piano to play some of my mother's favorite Christmas carols, hoping to hear Joy sing a few of them. I close my eyes as her voice wraps around my soul like a warm blanket. When she walks up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder, she begins to sing O Come Emmanuel. I can't help but stare up at her, listening to her beautiful voice. Looking around the room, my family has gathered, sitting with their loved ones, listening as well.

  After the song is over, I help her to her seat next to Laura, then re-take my place next to the fireplace.

  "Let's open gifts," Maddie says, jumping up from Brian's lap. She scurries to the tree and drops down to her knees to sort through the gifts.

  After watching everyone open their presents, showing off what they got then hugging and kissing each other in thanks, Maddie hands my gift to Joy.

  "Here, Joy … it's from Matthew." Glancing out the corner of my eye to see her reaction, she sits there with the gift on her lap while she feels the paper and every part of the bow upon the box.

  Slowly untying the ribbon, she meticulously removes the tape from the paper so it doesn't rip. It’s as if she plans to save it to use again next year.

  Once she peels the paper away, she runs her fingers over the top of the soft blue velvet.

  "Open it, Joy," Laura leans in to say quietly. There’s a low squeak to the hinge on the box as she slowly opens it.

  Her hands skim across the delicate links of the bracelet, and her fingertips stop to read the Braille engraving on the gold satin band. Her sharp intake of breath and the pooling tears in her eyes tell me everything I need to know. When her bottom lip begins to quiver, I rush to her and pull her up to me, and her arms fly around my waist.

  "I love it," she whispers into my chest. I chuckle when she hands me the box and extends her arm out to me. She wants me to put the bracelet on her.

  Pulling the bracelet out of the box, I clasp it around her small wrist, and the fingers of her other hand immediately trail across the raised Braille dots over and over. She lifts up on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear, "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I need you most."

  "What does it say, Joy?" Maddie asks.

  It appears as if she's actually looking at the bracelet and shakes her head in response.

  Maddie looks up at me, and I smile at her. I'm perfectly fine with that.

  When Maddie hands me my gift from Joy, I don't take the time that she did; I rip the paper off and let it fly like a thirsty man drawn to water. After I open the box, I find a state-of-the-art stethoscope. Looking at the LED readout, I notice the small cursive engraving along the chest piece. Holding it closer to my eyes, it reads:

  ‘You were my eyes when I couldn't see’

  My chest tightens when I recognize the words to the song she sang at the ball. I run my fingers over the engraving and I swear I’m about to drop a man-tear so I clear my throat and sniff to hide that fact.

  Kneeling in front of her, I run my finger along her jaw, desperately wanting to kiss her. She must have read my mind because she lowers her lips to mine.

  "We'll work this out, Matthew. I'm sure of it."

  Chapter 6

  It’s been two days since Christmas and still I haven't called to speak to Joy, even though I told her I would. My inner-dialogue has me pacing the floor, and I quickly sit back down behind my desk only to get back up to pace the room again. When I eventually sit down again, I fondly recall that night.

  After we exchanged gifts and sang Christmas carols, Mom suggested we have pie and coffee for dessert. While she took orders for pumpkin or pecan, I asked for apple.

  "I'll have apple, too," Jessie shouted, his eyes big and bright. I could see a whole pie disappearing before my eyes.

  "Like hell you will," I said, putting an end to his dream of devouring the pie Joy made for me.

  "Oh, Matthew, you can share one pie, can't you? There are three, for God's sake," Mom said, piping in.

  "No," I said adamantly. I snuck a peek at Joy and saw her trying hard to suppress a giggle.

  "Now, Matthew—"

  "No, mom. Joy baked these pies for me, and I'm going to eat them. No," I said point blank. "Jess, if you want apple pie, have Laura make you one. No." I said again, sitting back, folding my arms across my chest, defiantly.

  "Matthew?" Joy began. I knew exactly what she was going to say.

  "No."

  "All right, stingy. Who wants pumpkin and who wants pecan?" Mom took a count, and when she asked Joy what kind she wanted, she had a huge grin on her face.

  "I'll take apple, please." Everyone looked at me to see how I was going to react.

  "I’ll get it," I said, jumping up. "Do you want ice cream?" I yelled from the kitchen.

  Funny thing that when Joy got up to join me in the dining room, everyone got up and followed her. So much for being alone.

  Once it was time for everyone to leave to catch the last ferry of the day, I felt a twinge of loneliness. Joy was leaving, and I had decided to stay on the island. Only God knew when I'd ever see her again, so I pulled her into my office, taking her by the hand.

  "I wanted to thank you for the gift. I love the inscription and the sentimentality behind it." I reached down, and kissed her soft cheek.

  "Oh, me too, Matthew. I really love this bracelet," she said, running her fingertips over the Braille message again.

  I raised her hand to my cheek, bent my head down and kissed her. It started out as a chaste kiss that somehow took on a life of its own and became heated and passionate.

  "Merry Christmas, Joy. I'm glad you came, and thank you for the pies. You know I'll enjoy them," I said placing a kiss on the back of her hand.

  "Well, if your stand-off with Jessie is any indication, I have no doubt," she giggled. I hadn’t heard that sound in so long. I pulled her up against my chest and held her tightly against me.

  "I'll call you soon, all right?" I asked. She nodded against my chest.

  "Promise?"

  "I promise."

  After I escorted her to the front door, I watched as she climbed into Jessie's Range Rover. I chuckled when she gave me a wave, not knowing if I was standing there or not. She just knew I was.

  ~.~

  After having just come from making my morning rounds, I play with the stethoscope that Joy gave me for Christmas. I've read the inscription more times than I can say, and it still haunts me.

  You were my eyes when I couldn't see . . .

  When Krista calls me over the intercom, I nearly jump out of my skin.

  "Yeah?"
<
br />   "Dr. Jennifer Adams from the Education and Research Center on line one."

  "Thanks," I reply. Reaching for the receiver, I press the blinking line.

  "Jennifer, I trust you had a nice holiday?"

  "I did, thank you. Robert and I went to Paris and just got back yesterday. Christmas in Paris is a must, Matthew."

  "I've heard it's beautiful this time of the year," I reply quickly, wanting to get at the crux of her call. "So, what do you have for me?"

  "We had our meeting with Dr. Lawrence this morning. He admitted to having a tryst with your Emma Ford, he—"

  "Wait right there, Jennifer. First, and foremost, she is not MY Emma Ford, so please never refer to her in that capacity again. Please," I say adamantly.

  "Oh, right, so sorry. I knew that," she giggles. "Anyway, he admitted to sleeping with her on several occasions over the course of three weeks. He said it started shortly after we returned from Seattle. While he was having cocktails with a few colleagues, Emma approached him and after a few dates, which all ended in bed, she then began to question him about what he did at the Center. It all segued to his trip to Washington. Emma told him she was from the Seattle area and asked if he'd ever been before. Of course, he said he had, and when she mentioned The Davis Institute, he said that he was there to meet you and to tour the hospital. That started the ball rolling."

  "Damn, she's smooth. I can see how he wouldn't be on guard or alarmed by her questions. Even so, how did she find out about Joy being my choice for the procedure?" I ask.

  "She told him she knew you intimately, and that you two were engaged in college and had remained very close friends over the years," she answers. "She asked him what he thought about the hospital and his opinion of your procedure," she pauses to giggle. "I have to tell you Matthew, all of these questions were being asked under the influence of … um … fellatio. According to Dr. Lawrence, she could have asked him to rob Tiffany's, and he would have agreed to do it.

  "She asked why the delegation was in Seattle to begin with. He admitted to telling her that you were in the pre-approval process, and that we were there to learn about the procedure. After he told her that you had a patient to perform the surgery on, she acted surprised and began a new line of questioning. She asked him about the prospective patient, and he let it slip out as he was … um … climaxing … that it was your girlfriend."

  "Fuck," I say involuntarily.

  “That was a lot of conversation going on there in such an intimate setting, but who am I to say anything. Anyway, according to Dr. Lawrence, he hasn't seen her since that night. She simply disappeared after getting all the information she needed."

  "What happens now?" I ask.

  "Dr. Lawrence is going up for administrative review that will question his conduct. You need to write the Center a formal letter concerning this matter, Matthew. You are affected by this directly—"

  "You have no idea. I don't know if my personal relationship with Joy is repairable at this point. It's even less probable that she will want the surgery now, even if I do get the opportunity to explain it to her. The approval process may have come to a standstill. I can't say that I have to start all over, but it certainly has set me back a few steps, that's for sure. I hoped to have the procedure done by the end of January, but now I have to select another patient and begin the research portion of it all over. I don't have to tell you how rigorous that is." Sitting back in my chair, I lay my head against the headrest, closing my eyes at the anguish of starting over.

  "Thanks for the information, Jennifer. I'll get the letter drafted and off to you as soon as possible. When is his review?"

  "January twenty-fourth. If we need you to be present, would you be able to attend?" she asks.

  "I'll check my schedule, but if I can, yes, I'll be there. It would help if you let me know as soon as possible if you need me. My calendar fills up quickly," I reply, looking at my online calendar, which has appointments already, but I can easily move them.

  "I’ll let you know as soon as possible, and don't forget the letter. Matthew, the Center apologizes for Dr. Lawrence's indiscretion. It will be handled appropriately."

  "I know it will. Thank you for letting me know. Have a good New Year's," I say, standing, ready to end the call.

  "You as well. I'll talk to you soon."

  After hanging up the phone, I stand behind my desk and look out the window in contemplation. Although I feel for Lawrence being lured into Emma’s trap, I still hope that they deal with it all appropriately. With that in mind, I sit at my computer to draft the requested letter to the Center. After saving it to a file, I send it to Krista with instructions on the handling of the letter.

  Satisfied that task is complete, I pick up my desk phone and buzz Jessie.

  "Hey, Jess, feel like a coffee?"

  "Sure, meet me at the elevator?" By the time I stop at Krista's desk to tell her I'm leaving, he's already waiting.

  "How's it going, bro?" he says as soon as I'm in earshot.

  "Good. I had a lengthy conversation with Jennifer Adams from the Research Center this morning. She filled me in with what happened with Emma and Lawrence. I'll tell you over coffee."

  "Is it bad?" Jessie asks. I can see the concern on his face.

  "It's as we suspected, if that helps," I answer.

  Turning the corner, I see Joy sitting at her regular table with Laura and she must have sensed me because her head turns to my direction as soon as I walk in. Of course, Jessie goes straight to their table to greet them by giving Laura a kiss more appropriate for the bedroom rather than a public venue, but that's Jessie and Laura. They don't hide their affection from each other or anyone.

  Seeing the angst on Joy's face, I approach her to say hello by placing my hand on her shoulder.

  "Good morning, Joy," I say quietly, and then remove my hand.

  "Good morning, Matthew," she replies. "It's good to see you here again. It's been a while."

  "Yes … um … I guess I don't come here as much as I used to," I reply, feeling somewhat awkward at the direction the conversation is going. It feels too generic and cold, like a conversation strangers meeting for the first time would have.

  She must feel as uncomfortable as I do because she uncomfortably shifts in her seat. Feeling something cold on my hand, I look down and see Conrad sitting back on his haunches, looking up at me with his tongue hanging out, panting, wanting my attention. I stoop down to give him some love.

  "How'ya doin', buddy?" I say to him, digging my fingers into his soft coat. He scoots closer to me, literally giving me a hug. He loves me, and I miss him.

  "I know, buddy. I miss you too," I say quietly, hugging him.

  "He does miss you, Matthew," she says.

  I stand, not knowing what else to say. "I guess I'll see you around then. Jess, I'll go get our coffees. Meet you over there?" I ask, smiling at Laura.

  "Hey, Laura," I say, bending down to kiss her cheek. She looks from me to Joy, then back at me and returns my smile. I give Joy's arm a gestured touch, "Take care, Joy."

  My heart nearly breaks when I see tears pooling in her eyes, "Yeah, you too, Matthew."

  "What's up with that, Matthew?" Jessie demands as I wait in line to order.

  "What?" I reply, sounding as if I have no clue.

  "Take care, Joy?" he mocks looking like he just sucked a sour lemon.

  "What am I supposed to say, Jessie? Am I supposed to have a talk with her here in this café? Am I supposed to pull her into my arms like I want to when we haven't resolved anything other than her forgiving me? I don't know what I'm doing, Jess. I don't know if I'm supposed to love her or leave her," I say, looking back at her table.

  We take our coffee to the table across the room, so we can talk without them overhearing, even though it doesn’t stop Jessie making goo-goo eyes at Laura. I quickly steal a chance to look at their table only to see Laura bending over, whispering to Joy. It's clear that she's upset and I can tell they’re talking about me, because
Laura keeps peeking over at our table.

  "Why don't you take her to Whidbey Island as originally planned?" Jessie suggests.

  "Trust me, I've thought about it. I suppose I could go all cave man on her and drag her by her hair."

  "If that's what it takes," he jokes. "You are a smooth talker, Matthew. You can talk her into going with you. Even so, you two need to get it done. It's time."

  "I’ll think about it," I reply, warming my hands on my coffee cup.

  "So, tell me about your call with Jennifer."

  "Well, it's as I suspected. She slept with him to weasel information out of him. He told her everything." I go on to tell him everything that Jennifer and I discussed. “I’ve already written the letter and Krista is sending it to her today.”

  "I also have an appointment with Timothy the week after New Year's. He’s out of the country this week or I’d see him sooner. I told him what's going on, and he said that he could take care of it for us, so we won't need to seek outside counsel," I explain, looking over at Joy.

  "That's good news. Do you want me to go to this meeting with you?"

  "I think you should," I answer, sneaking another peek at her. Laura’s holding her hand now, and Joy's head is bowed. Clearly, she's upset and Laura’s angry eyes are on me. We start having a non-verbal conversation.

  I give her the 'what's wrong?' look. She nods her head in Joy's direction, which makes me look at her. Joy is now using a napkin to wipe away the tears. I can't stand to see her cry, so I get up, telling Jessie that I‘ll be back.

  "Laura, can I trade places for a minute?" I ask, nodding for her to go to Jessie.

  "Sure.” Sitting in the abandoned seat, I take Joy's hand in mine and she sighs at my touch.

  "What's going on, Joy?" I ask. She wipes her eyes, shaking her head as if she is telling me nothing is wrong, when clearly there is.

  "Don't do that. You’ve been crying since I arrived. Are you upset to see me? Should I leave?"

  "No!" she answers quickly. "I mean, no, you don't need to leave."

  "Then what is it?" I press.

  "I … I thought that you wanted to talk to me. I thought at Christmas you said that we would talk, but I haven't heard from you and …"