Dinner is a very pleasant experience. The food is excellent and the conversation is entertaining and lively since Jessie is an expert at crowd entertainment. Once the dessert and coffee have been served, we make our way to the living room for after-dinner drinks prepared by Chef Luca. Everyone is gathered around, and Dr. Stone, head of the Educational Center, asks Matthew about my surgery. The room goes quiet, waiting for his response.
"Well," he begins, tucking me under his arm, "Joy has been undergoing a series of exams and tests and has successfully passed every one. We're ready to move forward with the harvesting phase. She begins that on Monday morning," he announces.
"Oh, Joy, that’s wonderful!" Lillian exclaims. "I'm very excited for you. So, Matthew, dear, when is the actual surgery then?" Again, the room is silent. I'm curious to know as well.
"Friday."
I gasp and lose my footing in my heels and Matthew holds me to him.
“Friday?" I whisper.
"Yes. You’re ready."
"She’ll be undergoing three days of stem cell harvesting. Girls, she’ll be in the clinic for three or four hours each day. If you can take some time to visit with her, I’d appreciate it. I'll be with her as much as I can, but I have a small patient that I need to monitor closely and won't be able to be there the entire time.
"I'll be there, Joy," Lillian speaks out.
"I'll come too," Brian says. "I've been waiting for this, and I want to be there every step of the way." When I feel him kiss my cheek, I can't help it when a few tears break and fall down my cheek. Brian has been one of my greatest supporters since I met him. He helped me find my job and my apartment. He's moved me several times, and he's done all that because I know he loves me.
"Thank you, Brian, I know you will be." I hug him and kiss his cheek in return.
"Okay, now that's settled," Matthew says, loudly. "Joy has another task to complete once her surgery is done, however," he begins, pulling me into his side again. "I asked her to marry me, and she said yes." I'm smiling when he bends down to place a warm kiss on my forehead.
Lillian screams, Maddie jumps up and down while grasping onto my arm, and Laura says a resounding, "Well fuck me!" Nothing holds Laura back. Not even a formal dinner party.
"Where's the ring?" Jessie shouts from across the room. "I don't see no ring."
"Yes, Matthew, dear. The bride must have a ring." Lillian says, placing her cheek next to mine and saying quietly. "Congratulations, Joy. Welcome to the family."
"Thank you, Lillian." I reply with a huge grin on my face. It pleases me that everyone is just as excited about this as we are.
“Mattie? The ring?” Maddie ask inquisitively.
"I want Joy to pick it out. It's the first thing she’ll do with her new eyes." I blush when he bends down to kiss me in front of everyone.
After Laura is happy with the cleanup, and we have all endured enough congratulations and endless wedding talk, everyone leaves. Exhausted, I head upstairs while Matthew lets Conrad out before coming to bed.
Once he cuddles in next to me, it doesn't take either of us long to fall into a deep sleep and me into the worst nightmare of my life.
~.~
Today they begin extracting so I opt to wear a loose fitting, short sleeved shirt, so they have better access to place the IV's. Once they’re certain I’m comfortable, they begin the process of inserting the needles into my arms. I'm grateful when Matthew explains each step to me and am pleased once they are in place. I won’t have to do it again since they’ll leave them in until they’re done extracting.
I’m comforted when he makes sure I’m calm and warm while he tucks the heated blankets around me. "Would you like to take a little nap? You didn’t sleep well last night.”
"I probably will, yeah," I say, stifling a yawn.
"What was your dream about anyway? Do you remember?" he asks, petting my hair while the nurse sets me up for the procedure.
"All I can remember is that I was running away from something. I remember seeing a faint light behind me. I kept running and running into the darkness. It was like I was running in place, going nowhere. All I know is that I was really scared, but I still don't know what I was running from," I explain, still trying to remember the rest of the dream.
"Probably the light," he says out of the blue. I think about those three words and think about how true it might be.
After they start the extracting process, Matthew tells me he’s going to shut the door so that I can get some sleep, and that he’ll be back in about an hour. I don't get my nap, however, as Lillian and Maddie show up, full of energy, wanting to talk wedding plans.
True to their word, Brian, Laura, Lillian and Maddie make sure that I am not alone while I'm hooked to the machine all week, but today’s the day. Today, Matthew puts his hard work to the test, and I don't know who's more nervous, him or me.
Matthew doesn't want me awake for the procedure so I’m going to be put under
"This is just a light anesthesia. Just enough to keep you under for a short time, and not as deep as you would normally be," he explains, stroking my forehead. "I love you, baby. I can't believe the next time I look into your beautiful golden eyes, you will see into mine."
"I love you," I reply, gripping his hand in mine.
"You ready?" he asks, holding my hand in both of his.
"Yep,” I say, tears filling my eyes.
“Matthew?” I say, reaching my hand out to him.
“What is it, baby?” he asks, his face directly in front of mine.
“I'll be seeing you."
"I'll be seeing you," he whispers, kissing me one last time.
~.~
"Joy? Joy, sweetie?"
"Hmm?" My head feels fuzzy and dizzy. Disoriented, I try to comprehend what's going on around me. "Matthew?"
"Yes. It's me. Everything went great. Just like I hoped it would. I can't wait to take these bandages off."
Reaching up, I touch my face to find I have two large maxi pads over my eyes. I throw my arms down on the bed out of frustration.
"Hey, now. Don't be upset. They are there for your own protection. The cells need a few days to do what they do, but that should only take a few days. You should begin to see improvement shortly thereafter."
"How long are you going to leave these on?" I ask, extremely frustrated. I want instant gratification.
"I want to leave them on for a week. I want to make sure your eyes heal first, and I also don't want to hurt your eyes by introducing too much light right away. I think it may be overkill, but if you’ll be patient with me and allow them to stay on for the week, it would make me feel better."
"Whatever you want, Matthew, you're the doctor. So, when you take them off, I should be able to see, right?"
"Pretty much, yeah. You will see the light, and then blurred shapes will begin to appear, and gradually, those blurred shapes will become clearer as your eyes adjust to the light. So, in actuality, yes, you will see right away." I squeeze his hand out of nervous tension while I listen to him.
"I can't wait to see if you're as handsome as all the girls say you are. Laura says you are 'fuck hot’," I say, giggling, feeling the blush rush to my face. "Krista tells me the nursing staff have been after you for years."
"Okay, you are spending entirely too much time in this hospital, Ms. Johnson," he says brusquely. "Once the anesthesia gets out of your system, I can take you home. Until then, I'll find a pair of earplugs, so you aren't privy to anymore gossip."
I laugh at him as I hear him walk out of my room, and when the nurse comes back in, I'm still giggling.
I can tell I'm not going to be able to stay awake for much longer, and just as I'm about to fall asleep, I hear a voice call out to me.
"Joy? Joy, Dr. Davis said you've been here long enough, and it's time to wake you up so he can take you home," the nurse says, walking noisily around the room. I raise my hand to my arm and find they have already removed the IV's. I must have been really out of it.
"Good. I'm ready to get dressed. Can you help me?" I ask.
"You bet, sweetie." After she helps me stand, testing to see if get dizzy, and when I don't, she says I'm ready to go. I call Matthew and tell him I'm ready and just as I hang up my phone, he comes into my room.
"I’ll take you," he says, taking my hands. "You look beautiful."
"Thank you, baby. I want to go home and get in bed. I've been in this place all week."
"I understand. You’ll feel a little woozy until you sleep the anesthesia out of your system. I have a chair here to wheel you out to the car," he says, helping me into the seat.
When Matthew pushes me out into the hallway, I’m greeted with an outburst of cheers and best wishes. I’m startled when Brian, Laura, Maddie, Lillian, Leland, Jessie, Krista and the hospital staff are there to congratulate me for being the first patient of Dr. Matthew Davis's retinal stem cell replacement procedure.
"Thank you, everyone, for all your help and support this week."
"You ready, baby?" I nod, but before he pushes me away, I turn to everyone, smile and wave, “I’ll be seeing you!” Everyone cheers and claps and that’s when I feel all the love in the world right there in the hallway of a hospital.
Once we get home, he carries me upstairs, cuddling me into his chest. After setting me on my feet, he removes my jeans before I climb under the covers, falling asleep almost instantly without even saying goodnight or goodbye to anyone. I think I may have even left Matthew standing next to the bed.
~.~
After five days of being coddled by my personal physician, today’s the day. I’m so excited I think I could pee my pants.
"This is it, baby," he says, guiding me to his office. "Have a seat here," he says, leading me to a chair. "Are you comfortable?" I nod, rubbing my hands together nervously in my lap.
"I didn't tell anyone about this because I wasn't sure if you wanted anyone here when I removed these. I thought you might want some privacy adjusting to the light and all. I hope that's all right."
"Yeah. I think that's a good idea. I'm so nervous, Matthew. Do you think they've been on long enough?" I ask, so much anxiety dripping from my voice that even I can hear it.
"Yes, they've been on more than long enough. I just wanted to leave them on longer as a precaution," he reminds me.
I reach up to touch his face. "May I see you?" I feel him nod as I trace his face, exactly as I did the first time he let me see him. "You are as handsome as the nurses say you are." I feel his cheeks raise with his smile.
"And you are beautiful," he says, giving me a chaste kiss. "Let's remove these, so you can see for yourself, shall we?"
After he cuts the tape away from the pads, they loosen and the cool air underneath feels refreshing.
"Keep your eyes closed until I say to open them," he says nervously, peeling the pads away, taking the tape with them.
"Okay, baby, this is it. The room is darkened, so the sunlight won't hurt. Slowly open your eyes."
I do as he asks, and I slowly open my eyelids. Blinking, I look around the room. I scan my head to the left and right to adjust my eyes to the light. I squint, clamping my eyes closed tight and open them again to look at him.
"Matthew?"
"Yes, baby?"
"I … I can't see anything."
Chapter 13
"Joy? Tell me you’re joking," I say in a panic while staring into her eyes. She isn't focusing on anything and my heart is beating like a bass drum.
“Tell me you are fucking joking, Joy,” he demands.
"Matthew?" she whispers, tears forming in her eyes. I pull her into my arms, nearly cutting off her airflow.
"No. This can't be happening," I push her back so I can look at her again. "Let me see." Using my scope, I look into her pupils. "I don't understand," I say to myself.
"What? What is it? Why can't I see, Matthew?"
"I don't know, baby. Everything looks perfect. I don't fucking understand." I run my hands through my hair, nervously pacing the room. A million things go through my mind all at once. "I know I did it perfectly, the cells were perfect." When I look at her, she has silent tears running down her face. Crossing the room, I go to her and hold her in my arms again.
Another failed surgery. No wonder she's sick and tired of it.
"I'm so sorry, Joy. I'm so, so sorry.
Not able to look at the disappointment on her face, I get up and leave the room. I'm no better than the others. I've let her down, too.
Wondering exactly what happened, I go to the kitchen and stare out the back door, trying desperately to figure out what could have gone wrong. I mentally trace every single step, and I can think of nothing.
Hearing a door slam shut, I look up the stairs and see she’s closed the door to our bedroom.
I need to figure out what happened, what went wrong, where it went wrong. I hurry to my study and lock myself in. I pore over each page, each procedure, each test result, and know that I did it correctly.
I lay my head on my arms. Did I use the appropriate number of cells? Did I use too little? Too much? Did she reject them?
The next thing I know, I wake to the darkness of the room, except for the light coming from my computer monitor. When I sit up to the ache in my back, I see a plate containing a sandwich and chips. I find a note tucked under the plate.
Matthew,
Joy called us with the sad news. We're sorry. Please don't forget to eat.
Laura.
Picking up the sandwich to take a bite, the bread is hard and stale. I toss it back onto the plate and push it away, off my papers, and begin my research again. There has to be something in here that I did wrong. I need to know what it is … I have to find it.
After several hours of reading and re-reading, I lay down on the couch to rest my eyes and mentally review the procedure from the moment that I told her I loved her just before she went under, until she woke from the anesthesia. There is nothing I did wrong. I can't for the life of me understand why she can't see.
I see her face in my mind's eye, the fear and disappointment. My eyes begin to burn when the tears finally break free, I silently weep. I weep for her. She’ll never forgive me. I’ve failed her.
Waking to the smell of brewed coffee, I open my tired eyes to find a cup sitting on the table in front of me. I also see my father on the chair, with his legs crossed, waiting for me.
"Dad."
"Son."
Slowly getting up, I stretch my back, working out the kinks that come from sleeping at my desk and then on a narrow couch.
"What are you doing here?" I ask curiously, taking a sip of the hot brew.
"Joy called. She thought you might need us," he replies, balancing his cup on his knee.
I huff at hearing this. "She thinks I might need you? What about her?" I fear his answer.
"She's fine. Disappointed maybe, but concerned about you mostly." I'm shocked by that last part.
"Why is she concerned about me? I'm the one who let her down. I'm the one—" I stop with my pity party, get up, go back to my desk and begin poring over my research again. "It's got to be in here. I will find it."
"Matthew, she's concerned about you. She knows you’re taking this hard, but she also said that you both knew this could happen, and that you had a contingency plan."
Looking up from my research, I search my brain for that plan. He must have seen that I can’t remember because I don't have to wait long.
"She said that she would get on with her life, just as she always has, only with you in it." I sit back in my chair and stare blankly at him. She did say that. That was the winning argument that got me to agree to do the surgery. That if this didn't work, we would go on as we did before.
"Yeah. That's what we decided." I run my hands through my hair and lay my head on my folded arms. But even though we decided that, I need to know what went wrong. Then, like a bolt of lightning, I sit up. "My funding!" I gasp.
"What about your funding?" he
asks, his brow furrows with curiosity.
"If this gets out to New York, they’ll pull my funding." My body slumps back in my chair. "It's a failure. My entire life's work is a failure." I slowly get up from behind my desk and head for the door.
"Where are you going, son?"
"To take a shower." I walk out of my study and hear Joy, Mom, Laura and Maddie in the kitchen. By the smells assaulting my senses, they are making breakfast. Having not eaten yesterday, my mouth salivates as I inhale the aroma.
"Matthew," my dad says behind me. "Don't you disappear on that girl. Don't you go and retreat, leaving her here to handle this alone. I know you. I know what you’re planning to do, but don't you leave her here alone. This concerns both of you." I turn around to look at my father. "Do you think she's not going through the same thing you are? If you go up there to take a shower then leave this house, you will have this entire household come down on you so fucking hard you won't know what hit that deflated ego of yours."
My father and I continue to have a staring contest. I stare at him because he knows me well enough to know that's exactly what I was planning to do. I was going to take a shower and go to my office to review my files there to see if I missed anything that I might not have here at home. It's my family and friends that have rallied around us to offer us their support.
I was the first to blink.
"I won't, dad." With that, I go to the kitchen and find Joy at the counter, cutting pieces of fruit.
"Joy?" I call to her from the door. Everyone stops what they’re doing to glare angrily at me. I know I look like shit, but I don't care. When I see the look on her face, I know she is scared. She's scared I'm going to run.
"Come here, baby."
A sob escapes her, and she drops the knife she's using and takes only two steps before I meet her, closing the distance between us. Holding each other tightly, we rock back and forth.
I See You (Seeing You #2) Page 19