‘No, of course not.’
‘You seem very…cool.’
‘Do I? I’m sorry.’ He hesitated, and then seemed about to say something, and she waited expectantly, but he merely said, ‘Get undressed and into bed.’
As the balcony door closed behind him, the white voile billowing on the icy draught, Sasha hurried to divest herself of the chiffon gown, her corset, petticoats and bustle. Then she went into the bathroom and washed quickly, brushed her teeth, pulled on her nightgown and returned, barefoot, to the bedchamber. For a moment she stared at the vast expanse of the bed, and then she dragged back the covers and arranged some of the pillows down the middle of the mattress. She had no idea why Reid had suddenly cooled in his ardour, but until he explained himself he was certainly not going to do any consummating of any kind tonight!
Out on the balcony, Reid gazed at the dark city of St Petersburg silhouetted by the pale light of a half-moon. There were a few boats out on the River Neva, their lanterns glowing yellow in the dark, and the glint of inky water rippling here and there at their passing by. It had been a very busy day; from what Sir Stanley had told him he knew very well that beneath the serene surface of this magnificent city lurked an undercurrent of evil. He had drawn the conclusion that the best thing for Sasha would be for her to return to London. Besides the danger of riots and bombs here in the city, he considered their encounter in the bathroom earlier in the evening.
He had never been with a virgin before and she seemed so delicate and vulnerable, so pure and innocent, that he could not imagine satisfying his carnal desires with her. She had seemed nervous and embarrassed and he wondered if she thought lovemaking only involved kisses and cuddling and not much else. With her strict upbringing, how could she be blamed for being innocent? Indeed, he knew well enough that it was no fault of Sasha’s, yet when he compared her to someone like her sister Georgia—even though no doubt her nurturing had been just as strict, she was by nature earthy and voluptuous, a girl who would do anything, anywhere, and thoroughly enjoy it.
No, he sighed, he was not sure he could have a passionate relationship with Sasha. Yet to all intents and purposes the world now viewed her as his wife, so how could he do anything other than make her truly his wife, in every way? Her honour would be ruined if they now confessed, as well as his career, the effects rippling far and wide to tarnish both their families. Reid sighed, aware that Sasha had become a part of his life and his thoughts, and for her to leave both did not appeal to him. He went back inside, closing the door and glancing across the room at the small shape of Sasha lying in the huge bed.
Sasha lay curled up under the heavy bedcovers of eiderdown and sheets. She felt the cold draught as the balcony door opened, and then its click as Reid closed it behind him. She heard him move about as he undressed, the clunk of his shoes dropping on the floor, and then the room went very dark as he turned out all the lamps. She felt the mattress dip slightly as he climbed in, and the tug of the covers as he pulled them over his shoulder. Sasha held her breath, both of them aware of a tension as they settled into the comfortable bed. She stared into the darkness, at the vague shape of Reid’s broad back, her heart suddenly pounding, wondering if he was going to turn to her and she would discover the secrets of passion between a man and a woman. As tantalising a thought as that was, Sasha suddenly swallowed nervously, realising that a man like Reid must have a great deal of experience of lovemaking, and she, as a virgin, had none. What if she made a fool of herself? What if he was not pleased with her? And just as swiftly came the stark reminder that their relationship was illicit and they should not be in this bed together at all! She wondered if Reid was having the same thoughts, as he made no move to turn around and touch her, but merely murmured a good-night.
‘Good night,’ Sasha replied, and then closed her eyes, her trust in him unwavering as she snuggled down and eventually slept.
It was still dark when a sound startled Sasha awake. She jerked, staring about the room, wondering where she was, a little confused and disorientated as she realised that this was not her Roseberry Street bedroom. And then it came again, several loud, staccato bangs. She sat up and threw back the bedcovers, exclaiming as she ran across the room to look out. ‘What on earth was that?’
Reid had been wakened by the sounds, too, but he knew at once what they were. He jumped out of the bed and grasped her arm, pulling her back as she made to draw aside the curtains and peer out into the street. ‘Sasha, come away from the window.’
‘Did you hear that?’ She half turned towards him.
He nodded his head. ‘Yes. It’s rifle shots.’
Sasha gasped, and made to rush to the window again, but he held her back. ‘Who on earth would be out with a rifle at this time of night?’
Reid smiled as he replied drily, ‘Not the sort of people you or I would care to meet, but don’t worry, we are perfectly safe here in the Embassy. Come now, get back into bed.’
‘But—’
‘There is nothing to see.’ He propelled her towards the bed, and bundled her into it, pulling the covers up over her before walking around and climbing back into his side.
Sasha lay there on her back, rigid, listening, but acutely aware that Reid had seemed very…naked. Before she could ponder on this interesting fact a sudden noise outside made her sit up, listening to the thunder of galloping horses on the rough cobbles, guttural shouts and shots that made the glass panes of the French doors rattle. With a squeal of alarm, and swift agility, Sasha leapt over her self-imposed barrier of pillows and all but flung herself against Reid.
‘It’s all right,’ he soothed, his arm folding around her shoulders as she clung to him, trembling. ‘There’s nothing to worry about.’ He repeated his earlier reassurance. ‘We are safe here.’
Sasha groaned, turning her face into the smooth skin of his brawny shoulder, conceding that she did feel safe within the protection of his arms. ‘Reid, what on earth have we got ourselves into?’
He grunted, but now was not the time to add to her fears by explaining that Russia was a turbulent nation on the brink of revolution. He moderated his response, merely stating, ‘You should know well enough that the Russians are a volatile people.’
She gave a short, unamused laugh. ‘Indeed they are, which makes me worry even more.’
His hand stroked her hair back from one temple. ‘As long as we are careful, it will not affect us to any great degree.’
‘Do you really think so?’ In the dark she looked up at him, moving her head and body to face him. ‘Will we be able to go about our normal lives, as we would in London?’
‘Well, no. Some things will be different; we must be more careful and you must never go out alone, always take an escort.’
‘Reid, you are scaring me.’
‘I only want you to be aware, Sasha. Now, go to sleep. In the morning it will all seem much better.’
She smiled slightly. ‘That’s what my papa says.’
‘Hmm.’ Reid wasn’t sure if he liked being compared to her father, but he said softly, ‘Good night.’
She murmured a reply, but made no move to lie apart from him. He felt so warm and big, the solid length of his body beside her, a bastion that she could lean on. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but she was far too aware of the bulk of his thigh and the wide barrel of his ribs, and the hairs of his chest, his skin, and his male, musky smell, and his breathing. She could tell that he, too, was not able to return to the depths of slumber, his breathing uneven, punctuated now and then by the workings of his throat as he swallowed. She felt tension in his body, and if she moved her legs against him, she could feel that he wore not a stitch of clothing. She remembered that earlier in the day he had been about to kiss her, and how much she wished that he had. Now, they lay awake, so much aware of each other in these intimate circumstances that it was impossible to sleep.
Impulsively she asked, ‘Do you always sleep naked?’
Reid smiled in the dark,
shifting slightly to accommodate her weight against him. ‘That’s not a very ladylike question, Miss Packard.’
‘Mrs Bowen,’ she corrected, with a mischievous smile.
His smile darkened to a puzzled frown, ‘Now that’s a question we certainly need to attend to.’
‘We really should come clean and tell everyone the truth.’
He was silent, pondering, his fingers toying with the long strands of her hair as they lay in disarray about her shoulders.
When he made no response, Sasha poked him in the ribs with her finger. ‘Reid?’
His fingers circled her shoulder. ‘Don’t worry yourself too much about it, I’ll sort something out.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Sasha, my little innocent, do you not realise that it is far too late for you to be leaving me? Thanks to your sister we are now husband and wife, or so everyone thinks, and to try to undo that and go our separate ways as though nothing has happened is, I fear, impossible. The scandal would be so great that you would become an outcast from society.’
Sasha listened to him in silence, and licked her lips nervously as she realised what he was trying to tell her. Not only would she be an outcast as a result of the scandal, but Reid, too, would not go scot-free. He might even be dismissed from the Army. With a sudden stab of alarm and fear for him, she asked in a very soft voice, ‘So, what do you propose, then?’
He smiled above her. ‘Propose is the operative word, my dear. We must marry, in secret and in all haste. In name only, if that is what you wish.’
Greatly daring, Sasha pressed closer, moving higher up so that she could reach him. She lifted her hand and turned his jaw towards her. ‘No, Reid,’ she murmured, ‘I want more than just your name.’ She leaned forwards and pressed her mouth to his, in her first real kiss. His lips felt warm and smooth, the stubble of his chin rough against her face.
At first he did not respond, surprised by her boldness, and then slowly he turned towards her and his mouth opened. He rolled her over onto her back and kissed her with careful, tender expertise.
The broad width of his shoulders covered her body and Sasha’s heart suddenly started beating very hard. Her lips parted beneath the pressure of his and she gave a little gasp at the firm wet thrust of his tongue stroking inside her mouth and instinctively she let her own tongue entwine with his. The sensation was delightful and unlike anything she had ever known. Her breathing was now quite rapid, though he seemed very much in control of his own, and she gasped and swayed her hips in a natural yearning towards his male body as they kissed.
She wanted to feel his skin against her own and she shrugged out of her nightgown, tossing it aside. When his hand touched her breast, and stroked down to her waist and hips, she gave a little moan of pleasure, pressing against him, yet drawing quickly away as she suddenly felt the solid bulk of his male arousal.
Through the hot haze of desire Reid remembered that she had never lain with a man before, and though it had been a long time for him, and the urge to take her was fierce within him, he restrained himself. His fingers stroked the length of her thigh with soft, soothing care. ‘Sasha, much as I would love to, we mustn’t, we shouldn’t, we’re not even properly married.’
‘I know, but—’ she moved her head in a little purr of pleasure, her eyes closed ‘—it feels so wonderful. I don’t want you to stop.’
‘I don’t want to stop, either,’ he murmured, hardly able to help himself as he kissed the full curve of her breast, breathing in her delicate female scent; his senses were surrounded by the smooth silkiness of her skin, the womanly curves of her breasts and hips and thighs, her nipple so close he longed to take it in his mouth. ‘We won’t do…anything…just touching.’
‘I— I don’t know what to do,’ Sasha confessed, melting at his touch, though her knees were still tightly clasped together.
‘Do whatever you want.’ His voice was a little rough, ragged with the effort of his self-control. ‘Sasha, I am a soldier. I have had many experiences with women. I am not an innocent like you, but I would never do anything to hurt or frighten you.’ He hoped his words would help her to relax and he very much wanted to touch her in her secret female place, but short of forcibly prising her legs apart he didn’t think she was ready to yield. He asked carefully, ‘What has your mother told you about…relations between a man and a woman?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing? Surely she must have explained something.’
‘I’m sure she would have, had she known that I was to be married,’ Sasha replied in a small voice.
‘Ah. I forgot.’ He drew back then, and looked down at her as she lay beneath his body, so soft and trusting, so innocent, and suddenly his ardour cooled. How could he do with her the things he most wanted, when she had no understanding of it all and he had no right to be teaching her? It would be an insult to Sasha to indulge in an act that for him would be no more than a physical encounter.
‘Reid…’ Sasha reached up, her hands sliding over his shoulders, sensing his reluctance and pulling his body back towards her, her small hand moving down his chest and touching the hot, hard length of his manhood with curious yet clumsy fingers. ‘I want to know. Show me, teach me. Please.’
He groaned. ‘Sasha, please, don’t touch me there.’
‘Why? Do you not like it?’
His groan intensified into a growl as her fingers tightened. ‘I like it very much. But you don’t understand what will happen if you don’t stop doing that.’
‘Does it give you pleasure?’
‘Yes.’ His voice was strangled, his mouth reaching down to capture her lips in a sensual kiss.
‘Then I don’t want to stop. Show me, Reid,’ she whispered against his mouth. ‘Show me how to give you pleasure.’
How could he resist such a plea? And yet he knew he must proceed with caution; he whispered gently in her ear, telling her things that made her blush, and yet excited her in a way that she had never felt before. He encouraged her to explore his body, yet was careful with his own exploration of hers, never going too far, taking note of her reactions when he touched her here, or there, aware that she enjoyed his mouth sucking on her nipple, kisses on her ribs and shoulders and neck, but if his lips strayed below her waist she tensed. She was not ready for complete intimacy, and instead he urged her to do as she wished with his own body.
Sasha felt in control and curiously powerful, though he was physically much bigger and stronger than her. It was a new sensation as they lay side by side, and she kissed his chest, her other hand sliding over the strong muscles of his back and down to his buttocks. He groaned then, as his hips thrust beneath the squeezing pressure of her other hand. She felt an ache inside her, and yet was not sure where or why, or how to respond to the heat and urgency of his body. He showed her then how to grip him in her fist, his own hand closing over hers and guiding her, faster and harder. He could have made it last much longer, but with a hoarse growl he reached his goal quickly.
As their breathing steadied after a few moments, Sasha asked, in an awed, hushed tone, ‘Is this how babies are made?’
He grinned at her naivety. ‘Sort of. To make a baby I must do that inside you.’
She swallowed, and then whispered, ‘Inside me where?’
His fingers touched the crisp dark curls of her Venus mound, his own voice no more than a warm breath as he murmured against her ear. ‘I will show you, if you want me to.’ She nodded, and his finger moved down, sliding gently into the warm silky folds of her sex, probing her entrance. ‘Inside there.’ She felt tight, and as he pressed a little deeper he could tell she was not particularly aroused, and he withdrew his hand as he felt her body tense. ‘It’s all right. I can understand that you are not ready.’
‘Will I feel pleasure, too?’
‘Of course. It would be very selfish and clumsy of a lover if you did not.’ He leaned down and kissed her neck. ‘Thank you, Sasha. A man takes pleasure in many ways, but often ladies
are not very accommodating and easily shocked. I hope you are not too shocked.’
‘I am a little, but I am glad that now I know.’ She snuggled then against him, relaxed and eager for sleep.
As she settled down, Reid looked at her through half-closed eyes, through the hazy veil of satisfaction and sleep, realising that maybe his judgement of Sasha was in need of review.
The next few days were very busy days, with Reid taking up the reins from Major Hope-Garner as military attaché, and Sasha caught up in the social activities of Lady Cronin. On several afternoons they were taken for a carriage ride around the sights of St Petersburg. Sasha gazed in awe at the Winter Palace and Nevsky Prospekt, cathedrals, parks, monuments, and dozens of beautiful wrought-iron bridges spanning the River Neva. It was indeed a splendid and magnificent city, yet in dark corners and down alleyways she glimpsed the pinched and gaunt faces of shawled peasants shuffling along. She made enquiries about the lower classes and how she could be of help, perhaps if there were any missionaries in the city in need of benevolence, but these were quickly brushed aside and it was made clear to her that she was not to involve herself in such things.
‘We are guests of the Tsar, my dear Georgia, and representatives of our Queen,’ said Lady Cronin loftily. ‘We must not be seen to be interfering.’
Sasha sat back as the carriage rumbled along the broad streets, silent, brooding on the unfairness of it all and determined that if she was to spend any great length of time here in Russia she would get to know her mother’s people, and to help those in need of help if she could. And yet, she frowned, as the carriage rumbled along the wide cobbled streets, who was she to act the noble lady, when she was nothing more than a fake and a fraud?
It was only at night, when at last Reid and Sasha fell into bed and turned to face each other, that they had the chance for long murmured conversations, to shake off the cloak of secrecy and be their real selves. And then as their confidences and comments about the day petered out, Reid would draw her closer with one hand on her waist and kiss her. His kisses were sometimes deep and passionate, sometimes light and playful, but always Sasha sensed that he had a great deal of expertise in the art of making love. Yet Sasha held him back, sensing also that to indulge completely and surrender her virtue to him would be wrong in their present circumstances. There were moments when she felt quite robbed of any reason and all she felt was pure physical sensation. The temptation was strong to ease the deep, aching need within her, and again she voiced her opinion that they should tell everyone the truth.
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