by Dawn Doyle
“Take off your jacket.” Logan said as he saw me.
“I don’t need to.” I replied, quickly. I wasn’t going to remove it.
“Don’t be silly.” He said, and before I knew it he reached for my zipper and began pulling down.
“No!” I whisper shouted, gripping the material together.
“What’s wrong? Are you worried about your T-shirt?”
“I’m not wearing one.” I looked around, checking that nobody was listening. “I’m wearing a vest.”
Logan’s eyes widened in shock as he realized he’d almost shown everyone what I was hiding. Not that he knew.
He scrubbed his face with his hand, then ran his fingers through his hair.
“Jesus, Chase. I am so sorry. If I’d known, I would never…”
“I know. Forget about it.” I said, interrupting his apology.
It was at that moment that a somewhat inebriated Carl came over to us. Lex had obviously supplied alcohol as well.
“Logan! Hi!” He said, grinning widely. “Chase! You’re here!” He said in mock happiness.
“Carl, don’t start.” Logan growled. The sexy sound, although menacing, rumbled through me.
“Whoa, dude.” Carl put his hands up in surrender. “I’m just making an observation that Chase is here.” He said, then turned to me. “Good ‘ole Chase. Always fucking here.”
“What’s your problem with me, Carl? What have I ever done to you?” I asked him, standing right up to him.
“Ha! Oh my God. You’re like the little brother, oh sorry, sister…” He snarled. “…That hangs around. The reason we can’t say, or do what the fuck we want because he’ll get upset or offended.” He pointed at me. “Well I’m sick of it. You need to just fuck off!” He slurred.
“Carl, I warned you.” Logan said between gritted teeth. He looked infuriated.
“Whatever, man. You’re just too much of a pussy to tell her.” Carl sneered.
“Tell me what?” I asked, turning my attention to Logan.
Tell me he doesn’t want me around anymore? I thought, and my breath caught in my throat as I remembered the comments Carl had made about Logan only needing me for math help.
“Nothing, he’s drunk. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He said as he continued to glare at a laughing Carl.
“Yes I do.” Carl winked and tapped his nose before walking unsteadily away from us.
“Is that why he hates me so much?” I asked, more to myself than Logan.
“I think it’s just like we said, Chase. I also think he’s just an asshole, but he’s Stu’s friend. Stu’s our friend, and we’re all on the same team. We have to deal with his shit.”
“So they have to deal with me because I’m your friend?” I asked. It made perfect sense if that was the case.
“No! The others like you. It’s just Carl who’s the dick.” He turned and poured liquid into two red cups. “Anyway, we’re here to celebrate our awesome test scores and the team’s win today. So let’s party!” He grinned, passing me a soda and crashing our red cups together.
“We are.” I plastered on a fake smile and sipped my drink.
It wasn’t Logan’s fault that Carl acted that way towards me, but something told me that what he’d mentioned, about Logan ‘not telling me’… It only intensified my suspicions that something was definitely going on.
*****
People came to talk to Logan, ignoring me as per usual, and most of the time not even acknowledging I was there. It was mostly about baseball and the win, but yet again, I was made to feel like the tagalong.
The longer the time passed; the more I wanted to leave. I had nothing in common with the other people there, and the noise and claustrophobic atmosphere were making my headache worse.
I didn’t want to ruin Logan’s night, so I tried to hang on.
I really tried, but I couldn’t.
It felt as if I were there by myself. Being that awkward loner who turns up to places on their own, not knowing anybody. The only difference was, I knew who these people were; we just didn’t talk to each other.
“Logan.” I said, trying to get his attention when one of the footballers had finished talking to him. “I don’t feel too good. I’m going to go.”
“Are you ok? What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned. He looked into my eyes and, for a split second, he glanced at my mouth.
No, I’m not going to puke. I thought, like that’s what he was worried about.
“Yeah, just my headache’s worse.” I said.
“Logan!” Adam called as he approached us.
“Shit. Give me five minutes and I’ll take you home, ok? I don’t want you to go by yourself.”
“I’ll wait in the hallway.” I said as I nodded.
I walked through the house and sat on the staircase in the hallway. People were going up and down, but it wasn’t that bad. It was quiet and a lot cooler than the kitchen.
I waited for Logan, and I knew I’d been sitting for a while because some people even left to go home.
I waited longer.
And waited.
More people walked by and, surprisingly, some of them said ‘hi’ to me.
It was ‘hi Chase’, as though you were greeting a friend. Not ‘hi Chase’, as though you were greeting somebody attractive. I know because I’d heard guys talking that way to other girls. Especially the cheer squad.
As I continued to sit on the stairs, I checked my watch. Over half an hour I’d waited for Logan. He’d said five minutes.
I looked through the doorway and saw him talking to some different guy. Not Adam, who he was supposed to be talking to for five minutes and then taking me home.
As calmly as I could, I opened the front door… and left.
I walked home alone, it was getting darker, and my head was throbbing.
I couldn’t believe Logan had done that to me!
I didn’t expect him to leave the party to take me home, but telling me to wait so he could… God I felt stupid.
He’d forgotten about me again. It’s not as if he’d gotten carried away talking to Adam, he was talking to somebody completely different!
How could I have let this happen? I thought.
I should’ve just gone up to him and told him I was leaving. I should’ve told him that it was ok, and he didn’t have to take me. I should’ve just… not gone to the stupid fucking party at all.
I was almost home, and it’d taken twenty minutes to get this far. I didn’t have any texts, or even a call from Logan, to see where I was.
Part of me thought about letting him know I’d finally gotten sick of waiting and left, but another part of me thought… ‘No! Fuck him! He said he’d be five minutes. You waited over half an hour!’
If he’s worried, then good.
I reached my house with still no word from him. I went straight to my room, took off my jacket, and threw it on the bed.
It’d been half an hour since I left the party, and half an hour more since Logan had asked me to wait.
I undressed and got in the shower, washing my hair. When I was done, I picked up my brush, and just as I was about to run it through the wet strands, my phone rang.
It was Logan.
My chest hurt.
I declined his call as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
He rang again, and I declined.
My phone beeped for a text.
L: Where are you? I went into the hallway, and you were gone.
I didn’t answer. I left him to wait this time. My phone beeped again.
L: Chase, I’m sorry I took longer than I said. I kept getting pulled away. I can make it up to you. I’ll take you somewhere nice. Just us.
That was it. I’d had enough. I wasn’t going to let him do that to me again. I knew he’d be so nice that I would think he felt something for me. Now, I finally realized that he didn’t give a shit, and Carl was right. He’d used me.
I felt a hard shield seal around my heart
.
This wasn’t going to happen to me again. I wasn’t going to let anybody use me or push me into the shadows.
Drying my face, I answered Logan’s text with the only two words that mattered.
C: FUCK YOU!
My phone rang, I declined. He rang again, and again. I turned off my phone.
Less than five minutes later -oh the irony- there was a knock on the front door.
“Chase! Logan’s here!” My Dad shouted.
I didn’t answer.
“Chase!” He called again. I heard his footsteps on the stairs. “Cha…” He stopped when he saw me sitting on my floor, hugging my knees to my chest.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” My Dad asked, softly.
“Tell Logan to fuck off.” I growled. I didn’t normally swear in front of my parents, but this was necessary, and my Dad seemed to understand that.
“What did he do?”
I looked at my Dad, and I don’t know what he saw, but his eyes widened.
“Just tell him what I said.” I replied, coldly.
My Dad didn’t move. He waited for me to say something else, but there wasn’t anything else to say.
“Tell him to fuck off.” I repeated.
My Dad nodded, and stood, watching me until he left my room, closing the door as he went.
I could hear the rumble of his voice, followed by Logan’s frantic explanation. I put my hands over my ears. I didn’t want any more excuses, and I certainly didn’t want his attention.
Not now, not anymore.
I was done.
Chapter 9
Logan
I drove home, wondering what the hell I had done. Leaving Chase by herself had been a huge mistake. This time, I actually hadn’t meant to take that long.
Yeah, I waited longer on purpose, but I had to speak to that last guy. He was asking about Chase, and I told him what I thought. She was off limits. He wouldn’t listen, and I had to make him understand that in no uncertain circumstances was he to go near her.
Ok, so we weren’t technically dating but she’s my best friend, and nobody is going to take her from me. Especially that guy. I knew what he wanted from her, and he sure as hell wasn’t getting any of that. Not that Chase would have let him anyway, but he wasn’t even going to get the chance to find out.
I hit the steering wheel with the heel of my hand in frustration. I couldn’t get to Chase to explain, or partially explain, what had happened. Her Dad wouldn’t let me see her. After she told me to fuck myself, her Dad had told me that she’d asked him to tell me to fuck off, too.
I couldn’t believe it. Chase had never said those things to me before. I’m pretty sure she’d felt like that, in the past few weeks, and she had every right to. My actions had been childish and stupid. Pissing her off just so I could be nice to her, without her thinking I was doing it because I liked her in that way.
She was right about that when she told me that my moods were giving her whiplash. I’d been shocked that she’d mentioned it. I thought that I could just hold off a couple more days and then have her all to myself.
Now, that school was over for the summer, and the game had been victorious; I’d planned to do something special with Chase. I wanted to take her to the fairground that was opening over the weekend. Like a date, but without her actually realizing it.
We’d had plenty of those in the past, and I know she thought we were just hanging out. It didn’t feel like that to me when we alone in her room watching movies, and eating ice-cream. I could’ve spent all night just sitting next to her, breathing in the blackcurrant scent of her hair, and watching as she licked the ice-cream off her full lips. Just being in the same room with her made things uncomfortable down south.
Remembering how Chase and I had been best friends since Freshman year made my anger rise further. Not at her, but with myself. Maybe if I’d have just told her… Maybe just…I don’t know. She’s everything to me, and now I’ve fucked it all up because I didn’t keep her with me when I was talking to Adam. I should’ve just told him to come with us, into the hallway, and then left with Chase. I shouldn’t have let go of her soft, warm hand.
Thinking about touching her skin made me think about how I’d almost unzipped her jacket. It had caused all kinds of feelings to wash through me as I took hold of her zip and pulled, even with all those other people there.
I closed my eyes for a second remembering how she’d stopped me because she wore only a vest underneath. A vest that would’ve shown her tight, athletic body underneath. The curve of her waist and her smooth flawless skin…
I shook my head to clear the thoughts of Chase’s physique. It was only adding to my frustration. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to go to her and tell her everything.
If I’d have left when I said I would, we could’ve been in her room and I could’ve been taking care of her. If I’d have done that, then the other guy wouldn’t have come over trying to get the ‘story’ on our relationship, and asking if she was ‘up for it’.
God, I could’ve punched him right there and then, but that would’ve only brought attention to the fact I was overprotective of Chase, and stopping guys from hitting on her. I didn’t want her to think there was anything in it, and then pull away from me because of it. We were best friends, nothing more, and no matter what I wanted I wasn’t going to jeopardize that.
But I had. Tonight. I’d made the stupid decision to leave her waiting. Leaving her to get pissed at me and then I could make it up to her, like I’d done a lot lately. I’m so stupid, and I think I might have just wrecked the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life.
Pulling up outside my house, I slammed the car door and walked up the path. Matt’s car was there, and I immediately wanted to punch him. I wanted to hit him hard for being such an ass to Chase for all this time.
His problem wasn’t that she was a girl, his problem was that he’d wanted me to go picking up girls with him. Like I was ever going to do that! His logic was that if Chase weren't around, I’d have girls throwing themselves at me.
Ok, so some girls did ask me out, but the majority of the others thought that Chase and I were dating, so I let them think that. It was better that way. It meant that guys thought Chase was with me, and they wouldn’t go near her. I liked that.
I walked into the house, and Matt was standing in the kitchen talking to my Dad. He took one look at me and narrowed his eyes. He knew something was wrong. Really wrong.
I didn’t want to talk, so I went to my room, closing the door behind me. Sitting on the end of my bed, I leant my elbows on my thighs, and my head in my hands. I needed to think of a way to get to Chase, and explain to her what had happened tonight. I knew her Dad wouldn’t let me near her, but I had a feeling Bren would. I’d have to call around to her house, when Chase usually visits her, and see whether she would let me in to talk to her.
Bren could see that there was more to my feelings for Chase, but she never said anything. At least I don’t think she did. Chase never said anything and she never acted like she knew.
Bren would look at me, then Chase, and back to me with a smile. All I could do was blush like an embarrassed little kid.
“What’s up?” Matt asked when he opened my door.
I should’ve locked it. I didn’t want to talk to anybody, let alone my brother.
“Not now, Matt. I’m not in the mood.” I said, looking up at him.
“Hey, I was only asking. You’re obviously very upset about something. What’s wrong?”
Matt sat on my bed, next to me, and it were clear he wasn’t leaving any time soon.
“I fucked up.” I said, dropping my head down again.
“What did you do?”
“I made Chase mad, and now she won’t talk to me.” I said, turning to him to see his reaction.
“So, she’s gone?” Matt asked with a smile.
“What? Why’s that good? I don’t want her gone!” I said, raising my voice.
“Well,
now you can have whatever girl you want.” He said, and my anger was reaching its peak.
“I don’t want other girls. I want Chase!” I yelled, clenching my fists. It was stupid comments like that that made me want to really hurt my brother. He had no fucking idea what I wanted.
“You do?” He asked me. I saw his expression change, but it was gone before I could ask about it. “She’ll only break your heart.” He said, quietly. “That’s why it’s never a good idea to have a girl as a best friend.”
Matt got up, and walked out of my room, closing the door behind him.
I had no idea what Matt was talking about. I knew he thought Chase was stopping me from getting dates. She wasn’t. I didn’t want to date anybody else but her, and having her as my best friend was the only way of getting close to her. I would rather have that than nothing at all.
Yeah I completely messed up. Now, she was really mad at me and I couldn’t think of a way, except for ambushing her at Bren’s, to get her to talk to me; let me explain for my stupid behavior.
My phone started to ring, and I quickly took it out of my pocket, hoping that it was Chase.
It wasn’t, and my heart dropped.
“Hey, Lex.” I said when I answered.