by Dawn Doyle
That was a week ago, and I hadn’t seen her with Lex since. He said that she and the girls were finalizing their performance. Whatever that meant.
Now, today, I was eighteen.
I didn’t want to celebrate. I didn’t want to go out for a family dinner or have a party with my friends. I just wanted Chase back.
I wanted to see her smiling at me as I walked into her room. I wanted to see her eyes sparkle as the sunlight glanced off her sky blue irises. I wanted to be able to hold her and wish her happy birthday. I wanted to take her away and do everything I’d planned for us. I wanted…
I wiped the tear that had rolled down my cheek, hating how I’d turned into a pussy. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it.
I was glad that Matt wasn’t around. He’d stayed at his own place more, but I knew he was coming over today. After all, what better way to gloat in your brother’s misery than on his birthday?
So, he hadn’t actually ridiculed me, or had been particularly pleased about what had happened, but one look at my face and I’d never hear the end of it.
Crying over a girl.
That was a huge no-no in his eyes. No matter what.
“Happy birthday sweetheart!” My Mom said as I walked into the kitchen.
She pulled me in for a hug, and my Dad quickly joined in.
“Eighteen. Now you’re a man.” He said, slapping me on the back. “Well, not quite. Not until you’re twenty-one.” He teased, pointing at me.
I knew what he meant. I still wasn’t old enough to drink alcohol. I didn’t care though. If I wanted a beer, or two, I’d have them. It’s not as if I were going to get drunk out of my mind.
“I’m going to call Laura, and wish Chase a happy birthday too.” My Mom said, almost absent mindedly.
My heart sank; knowing I wouldn’t be allowed to talk to her. Not that she’d even come to the phone, but I wasn’t able to even ask for her.
“You guys still not talking?” My Dad asked.
Matt had told them why I was a ‘grumpy ass’ as he’d explained it, telling them about the last time Chase and I had spoken.
They’d been disappointed in me, leaving her like that. That hadn’t made me feel any better, and since then all I’ve been able to think about was that night.
I’d royally fucked up. I should’ve blown Adam off and left with Chase.
Baseball was not more important than she was… correction… is. Chase is more important than baseball.
“Happy birthday little brother.” Matt said, walking into the kitchen. “This just came for you as I walked up the path.” He said, handing me a box. “This is for you, from me.” He handed me an envelope with two tickets to see Fall Out Boy.
I should’ve been happy but instead, I was raging inside. The only person I had ever wanted to go to that concert with, was Chase. Matt knew that.
“Sorry. I got those a while ago. Thought you might still want to go. You can always take somebody else.”
I clenched my jaw and breathed heavily through my nose.
“Matt! That’s really insensitive of you.” My Mom scolded him.
“What? I bought them months ago! They weren’t cheap either.” He said, holding his hands out and shrugging as if he didn’t know what was wrong.
“You know what, Matthew Jason Blackwood!” My Mom used his full name, a sure sign that she was pissed.
Matt walked out, my Dad close behind, and my Mom turned to me.
“Honey, I’m sure he meant well.” She said, rubbing my arm. “Look, maybe one of your other friends wants to go. You’ve wanted to see the band for so long.”
“No.” I said, quietly. “I wanted to go with Chase.”
My Mom put her hand over her mouth, holding back her tears and I couldn’t stand there and watch her get upset again over my stupid ass mistake.
Walking out of the kitchen, I took the box to my room.
I wondered what it could be, because I hadn’t ordered anything, and I knew my family hadn’t either. They’d given me money and gift cards.
Closing my door, I sat on my bed. Turning the box so I could read the stamp; it said it had come from Massachusetts.
Weird. I wonder who sent this? I thought to myself; ripping open the tape.
I pulled back the flaps and on top of the packaging, there was a letter with my name on the front.
Opening it, I read the handwritten letter.
Logan.
I hope this gets to you in time for your birthday.
If it does… Happy Birthday!
I received a letter, from a very good friend of yours, telling me how great a baseball player you are. Well, from the footage I received, I can absolutely agree. You have one heck of a swing on you kid, and man you are fast! You remind me of myself at your age.
I want to wish you all the success in the world, and I have no doubt that you’ll be one of the best professional baseball players this country has ever seen.
I really hope to be able to come and watch you play when I get the chance.
I’ve also enclosed a small gift for you. I hope you like it.
Happy birthday, again.
Sincerely,
Brent Loman
Mass. Lions.
My heart threatened to beat out of my chest.
Brent Loman of the Massachusetts Lions had not only written to me, but had sent me a present! He is, in my opinion, the greatest baseball player since Babe Ruth!
With shaking hands, I dug through the packaging until I found something soft. I pulled out a baseball shirt, covered with the signatures of the whole team.
I felt something hard and pulled out a baseball that he’d signed by himself.
My breathing stopped when I found the pen drive that, I assumed, held the footage that he’d been sent.
I had a strong sense of who had done this.
As I plugged the drive into my computer, I fell into my chair.
The video played, and I could hear the voice that was music to my ears, cheering for me as I made my home run.
Chase.
I couldn’t hold anything back as the sobs wracked my body. I held my arms around my waist as I struggled to catch my breath.
Chase had done this for me… for my birthday… and obviously before I’d fucked up.
“Fuck!” Matt said, storming into my room. “Logan! What’s wrong?”
“I… she… this…” Was all I managed to say, not caring that Matt had walked in on me in my state.
Looking around, Matt picked up and read my letter, and watched the footage. He didn’t say anything. He just wrapped his arms around me as my body shook with grief.
*****
Chase
I didn’t want to leave my room, even though it was my eighteenth birthday.
There was nothing to go out for.
Sure, I had to go to practice tonight, but right now I wasn’t interested in leaving the comfort of my bed, or the soothing purring of my cat next to me.
I was supposed to be celebrating turning eighteen with Logan.
No matter how hard I tried not to think about him, I couldn’t switch off. It made me angry, and sad at the same time, when I would remember all of the times we’d shared. I was sad because I’d really loved being with him, but I was angry because I’d allowed myself to be so consumed by Logan that I didn’t see anything else. Everything I did, everywhere I went, it was always with him in mind. Even my last birthday present was for the both of us. My Dad had confessed that to me, saying he got the tickets because it was something we both loved and we could go together.
Thanks Dad.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Brent Loman had received my letter, or had replied.
Swallowing back the tears that threatened, I wasn’t going to allow myself to slip back into the hole I’d gotten myself out of.
“Chase, are you up?” My Mom knocked on the door, before slowly opening it.
“If you mean awake, then yeah.” I said, quietly, so she would
n’t hear the sadness in my voice.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” She smiled, sitting next to me and stroking my hair.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Your Dad is waiting downstairs for you. He wants to wish you happy birthday.” She said, her smile widening.
I knew she was up to something, because my Dad would’ve just come up himself.
“Ok. I’ll get dressed.” I groaned, kicking back my covers.
My Mom left my room, and I showered and dressed.
Wearing my new black skinny jeans that Poppy had said gave me ‘killer legs’- whatever that meant- and my new dark blue three quarter sleeve T-shirt, I walked down the stairs.
A couple of days ago, Poppy had literally dragged me to the stores, saying that I had to ditch the cargo’s for stuff that actually fitted, and I stopped arguing with her when I saw that they actually looked pretty good.
If I wore a long top, my ass would still be covered. But would Poppy be happy with that?
Fuck, no.
I wasn’t allowed home until I came out with something that fitted me.
Mumbling and cursing at her under my breath, she laughed it off as we walked out of the store.
“Come on, Chase. You need to stop with the oversized gear.” She’d complained.
“That’s my style.” I countered. “I don’t want to change because you guys think I should.”
Poppy didn’t, but I knew she was just helping me take my mind of things.
“Look.” She’d said, raising an eyebrow at me. “You’ve worked damn hard to get a figure like that, and hell knows you’ve earned it. It’s about time that you stopped hiding away. What will you do when you graduate, and start at college? Are you going to hide away then, too?” Poppy had a point, but I wasn’t going to make it easy.
I’d agreed to the one outfit, and secretly I was pleased with the result.
“Good morning birthday girl!” My Dad grinned as I walked into the kitchen.
“Good morning, Dad.” I replied as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a warm, comforting hug.
I loved my Dad’s hugs. I always felt safe and secure.
“Your Mom and I have a surprise for you.” He winked, when he loosened his grip.
Releasing me, then taking my hand as if I were a little kid, he led me to the front door.
Opening it, he gestured for me to walk ahead.
My jaw dropped when I saw what was in the driveway.
A brand-new, black Mustang GT Fastback.
My chin hit the floor, and I think I stopped breathing for a while.
“Do you like it?” My Dad asked.
“Dad, this car costs a fortune!” I squealed, looking over the sleek body with eighteen-inch alloy wheels. All shiny and new, and sexy as hell.
“The perks of the job, sweetie. I get a huge discount.” He whispered.
I knew he did, but it still cost a lot of money.
A fucking Mustang!!! I squealed inside. My first car is a fucking Mustang!
“Do you want to take it for a spin?” He asked, handing me the key with a black ribbon attached to it.
I shook my head. My Dad knew I loved black.
“Happy Birthday, Chase.” My Mom said, wrapping her arms around me from behind.
“Thanks, Mom.” I said.
“Well? Are we going to just stare at it, or what?” My Dad asked, and my Mom laughed.
“You two go and take the car out. No speeding though Chase. It may be a fast car but that doesn’t mean you should.”
“Ok, Mom.” I said rolling my eyes, and giggled when my Dad did the same.
I got in the car and adjusted my seat.
Pushing the start button, the engine roared to life and the excitement helped me to forget about Logan.
Scrap that, I just thought about him.
Logan was supposed to come with me for my first drive when I got my car.
I paused, holding the steering wheel.
My Dad, seeming to know what was wrong, rubbed my hand.
“It’s going to be ok, baby.” He said soothingly. “You’re going to be ok.”
He was right. I was going to be fine. I hope.
Taking a deep breath, and plastering a weak smile on my face, I turned to my Dad.
“Yes, I am. Now let’s take this girl for a spin.”
“That was fucking amazing!”
I laughed, hearing those words coming from my Dad’s mouth. I’d never heard him swear in front of me, only when he thought I couldn’t hear. It was funny.
“It was, wasn’t it?” I said.
We’d driven around the town, purposely driving down the highways so I could pick up speed.
So much for hiding away.
With this car, there was no chance of that. People stared at us and for once; it didn’t bother me.
“Did you two have fun?” My Mom asked when we reached the door. She shook her head, giggling at the insane grins on both our faces. “I’ll make birthday breakfast.”
Later that afternoon, I picked up Poppy in my sexy bitch of a car.
Her eyes and mouth popped open as she took in my new brand spanking vehicle.
“Jee-ee-zus!” She whisper shouted. “That’s one hot car, Chase!”
“Thanks.” I said. “My parents got it for my birthday.”
“Happy birthday!” She smiled, catching me off guard when she pulled me in for a hug.
It felt weird to be hugged by anybody other than my parents… and Logan.
You thought about him…again! I admonished myself.
As usual, I smiled through the tightening in my chest, and tried not to let the pain show in my eyes.
“Thanks, Pops.”
“And, may I add, that you look great in your skinnies and Tee.” She said, beaming at me. “Also, I got you something!” She said in a sing-song voice.
Poppy pulled out a box, wrapped in sparkly pink paper, from her bag. She handed it to me and rolled her eyes when I scowled at the girly pink bow on top.
“Open it.” She said, shaking it so I would take it from her.
Taking the box, I unwrapped it. I pulled out a small square frame with a quote in the center.
‘A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes your smile’.
I felt my throat close over as I stared at the words
“I know you want people to think you’re ok, Chase, and you probably want to believe it too. I want to let you know that I can see how much you’re hurting, and that I’m here for you. I won’t breathe a word to anybody. I promise.”
I didn’t say anything. I could only feel the pain grip me as a single tear rolled down my cheek.
I wasn’t ok. Not by a long shot. My heart felt as though it had been ripped out of my chest, stomped on, and shoved back in.
Poppy pulled me into her arms again. I could hear crying, and it took a few seconds to realize that it was me.
*****
Poppy, and I, talked for a little while before we needed to meet the other girls at the practice hall. Luckily, the red and puffiness in my eyes had subsided by then.
As we got out of the car, the other girls whistled appreciatively.
Sian ran her fingers over the hood, as she walked around the car. I noticed that Kate, Sian’s friend from a different school was here. Again.
She’d turned up, last week, and Sian had looked a little too pleased to see her, although she seemed to be attempting to hide her enthusiasm.
I’d noticed them glancing at each other frequently and, at first, I wondered if Sian, and Kate were up to something.
I had a light bulb moment when I saw how Kate had looked at Sian. There was definitely something there.
Going through our routine, it came to the part where the girls would throw me up, I would do my thing, and then they’d catch me. We’d practiced with mats under us, but the thick, soft surface only made the girls unstable.
I insisted they just stood on th
e floor. They’d already done some stunts with Carly, and I was willing to give it a go, with some easier stunts first.
Moving in time with the movements, we performed our routine until we were gathered in a circle, the girls gathering around me. Splitting into two groups of four, two soon-to-be juniors were lifted and thrown up, performing a simple basket toss, as they were just learning to be flyers. Once caught, and returned to the floor, four ‘seniors’ -Sian, Poppy, Gretchen, and Charlotte, turned inwards, facing me. Boosting me up onto their hands, they threw me high up in the air. As they were just practicing catching me, I went straight up and down. Nothing to it.
Finishing off the final touches, Carly was pleased.
“Girls, you were all really great! The other squad is going to be so jealous!” She squealed, clapping her hands in front of her.
Getting up off her chair, and moving on her crutches, she stopped in front of me.
“Chase, this is going to be so great. Thank you for doing this.” She smiled.
I could tell she was genuine, and I returned the smile.
“You’re welcome.”
“I can’t wait to see the looks on the guy’s faces.” Laughed Charlotte. “They’re going to be experiencing quite a bit of pain on the field.” She giggled.
“I can just imagine.” Gretchen added, joining in with the laughter.
When the naivety wore off and I realized what they meant, I blushed.
“Oh. I get what you mean.” I said, embarrassed, my cheeks turning pink.