by Dawn Doyle
That was easier than I thought. I thought to myself.
Just a simple smile at them would have been difficult in the past. Not a friendly one but a ‘I know what you did’ one.
*****
After school, I was going to go shopping for Bren. I hadn’t been for a while because I’d been busy with practice and the kids in gym. Today, though, I was going. My Mom, even though she meant well, never bought her the extra stuff that I had. Loading up my cart, I walked around. Not caring who looked or what people said. I kept my ear buds in so I couldn’t hear.
Oh, yeah. The usual shoppers who knew me recognized me and just stared.
It wasn’t like I’d gone on extreme makeover or anything.
Fuck! All I’d done was shed the loose clothing and left my hair down. A little more eye makeup, maybe, but that was it. I still looked the same.
Putting it to one side, I continued shopping. I bought the things Bren liked, even her favorite cookies, which were specifically for diabetics, and I made my way to the checkout.
I saw Pike standing there, looking through his wallet, his face grim.
I saw the cashier saying something, and I pulled out an earbud to listen.
“I’m sorry, but you need to get moving. If you haven’t got the cash, you’ll need to put some things back.”
The woman said, looking at Pike like he was something she’d trodden in.
I couldn’t let that happen. Even though he was Logan’s friend, Pike had never been nasty to me.
“Sorry, dude.” I said, walking up to him. “I forgot to put back that fifty I borrowed.” I said, handing the cashier the extra money.
The woman looked to me, her eyes wide, then looked back to Pike.
“No problem. I thought you put it back, dude.” Pike answered, keeping the facade going.
“My fault.” I said, laughing like I was embarrassed for doing that to him.
The woman rang through the cash, and Pike bagged his groceries, then she began to put mine through.
Pike stayed to help with my bags, and I felt really bad for him. I could see the look of shame in his eyes as he glanced to me.
“Thanks, Chase. You didn’t have to do that.” Pike said, when we walked outside of the store.
“No problem.” I replied. “Is everything ok?”
It wasn’t like Pike to be short of cash. He’d always paid his fair share in the diner and the movies.
“Um…” He paused, rubbing the back of his neck and looking around. “My Dad lost his job during the summer. We’re kinda tight at the moment, until he gets a new job. I’ve been looking for work until he does. My brother’s too young though. Only twelve.”
“What did your Dad do?” I asked.
I knew his Dad was a skilled guy, mostly electrics, but I didn’t know the extent of his abilities.
“He’s an electrician. He recently worked on wiring the big new hotel up on seventh. He had a few other contracts under his belt before the company folded.”
I felt so bad for Pike. Jobs like that paid well, especially commercial.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Pike.”
“Thanks.” He said, kicking his toe on the ground. “Um… you look good, Chase.”
“Oh, thanks.” I said, nervously.
“Logan misses you.”
My stomach dropped hearing his name mentioned. I stiffened and masked my anger. My expression was cold. I knew because Pike looked surprised.
“I’m sorry… it’s just.”
“It’s ok.” I said, flatly. “Let’s not talk about that. Do you need a ride?”
“No, thanks. My car is right over there.” He pointed to his red car.
“Ok, well… See you in school.”
“Dad!” I called out after I’d visited with Bren. She’d been tired after her day in the day center, and I’d left her taking a nap.
“Yeah, sweetheart, in here!” He replied, from the living room.
I walked in, finding my Dad channel surfing. He’d taken a few days off work, and he looked bored beyond belief.
“Dad, have you got any job vacancies coming up at work?” I asked, glancing to the daytime talk shows that graced the screen.
“Looking for work?” He laughed.
“Not exactly.” I said, and he turned his attention to me. “A guy I know, Pike, well… his Dad lost his job over the summer.”
I told my Dad everything about what happened in the store, and what Pike had told me. It was horrible. His trying to get a job to support his family until his Dad could. I doubted he’d told any of the guys either.
“Actually, honey, I think a few positions have come up. Do you have his number?”
I did. I’d blocked all the guy’s numbers, in case Logan had tried to call me through them. Handing my Dad Pike’s number I kissed my Dad on the cheek and walked out.
“Put a sweater on!” My Dad yelled after me, causing me to laugh. It was the first time ever that he’d said that to me.
Going into my room, I changed into my workout gear. Warming up and doing a few stretches, I put on the music we’d finally chosen for the cheer.
Moving about to the dance moves, I was nervous yet excited for the performance. I wasn’t looking forward to wearing the skimpy outfit hanging up in my closet. No matter what I was wearing lately that was something else entirely.
“Come in!” I called, hearing the knock on my door.
“Chase… God, you could’ve warned me!” My Dad grimaced when he saw the position I was in.
I stood, my back arched down so my head was by my ass. My chest was pressed against the wall, my heels not far away. I was almost doubled over, backwards. My fingertips playing with the backs of my ankles, I smiled. My Dad hated me looking like a ‘pretzel’. Sure, he’d always come to watch me during competition time, but he’d always said that my bones looked like they were made of rubber.
Stepping away from the wall, and lifting up, I playfully rolled my eyes at my Dad, then sat on my bed.
“I called Pike. He put me on to his Dad.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I have him coming in to the factory for an interview tomorrow. We need a good electrician and, talking to him, it sounds as if he could be our guy.”
“Thank, Dad. That’d be great if you gave him a job.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Chase. He may be good, but he still needs to pass our efficiency tests and have the most up-to-date certs.”
“I understand. Thanks anyway; for giving him a go, at least.”
My Dad kissed my head, and then left my room. As soon as the door closed, I resumed my pretzel positions, hoping that things went well.
Back in school the whispers and looks hadn’t subsided yet, even after a couple of days, and I had a headache. I was in a mood, as usual, and topped off with a headache, I was not a happy girl.
I knew I had math class with Logan today, and chem class. I’d seen him try to be in the same places as me, but with the girls… I always knew where he was.
“Chase, Logan’s waiting by the doors in the cafeteria.” Sian had said. So I had Sian grab my lunch and met the girls outside.
As Sian and I had become friends, she knew about Logan. Well, she kinda guessed when his name was mentioned and I scowled.
Only Poppy knew the extent of my feelings, scratch that, my old feelings, but Sian knew what had happened in the party. Even she thought it was bad.
“Chase, Logan’s heading towards your homeroom. I heard him tell Lex he was going to see you before your next class.” Poppy said, calling me on my phone as I was in there. I’d then taken a different route to class, making sure that when Logan got there, I was gone.
The girls were doing whatever they could to keep him away from me.
At home, I could avoid him. School was another matter. There were only so many places I could go to avoid seeing him. Also, seeing her.
The fucking smug look as she blew him a kiss as she left his house. Swishing her hips as she walked
down the path. Pleased with herself for getting what she’d wanted.
I clenched my fists and ground my teeth.
I wasn’t going to let my emotions get the better of me. I wasn’t. I tensed myself until the tears were fought back.
I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t let the thoughts of them together get to me. It was none of my business; we were never together.
“Fuck!” I whisper shouted as I made my way to math. I knew Logan would be there and, thankfully, I was feeling angry enough to completely dismiss his presence in the room. I put in my earbuds, and continued on my way.
*****
Logan
I watched as Chase walked in through the door, looking like a vision.
I’d tried to find ways of catching up to her, to talk to her, but no matter where I went she never appeared. I was losing my mind.
Chase didn’t make eye contact as she sat in her seat. Luckily, she hadn’t tried to switch. That was something, right? She didn’t mind sitting next to me.
Then, I realized why. The rest of the seats were already taken, and she couldn’t have switched. Well it was in my favor, so I wasn’t complaining.
“Chase.” I whispered. “I need to talk to you.”
I don’t think she heard me though. She was listening to her music again. I could hear the faint chords of Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ playing.
Mr. Garrett walked in, and I had to sit back in my seat.
Chase removed her earbuds and put her phone away; not even glancing at me.
“Ok, class. I have an equation for you.” He said, as he was writing on the board. “I want to test you on your current math skills. Junior finals don’t mean anything to me. I want to know exactly what you need to pass this class.”
The rest of the class groaned. Chase didn’t react. Instead, she looked out of the window.
“Now. Let’s solve this… Chase.”
Mr. Garrett called her name.
Shit. She’d been caught not paying attention. I had butterflies in my stomach, wondering what he had in store for her.
Chase turned her attention to the teacher.
“How about you solve this? I’m guessing you’d have no trouble seeing as how whatever’s outside the window is more important.”
“Five.” Chase said without hesitation.
“Sorry?” Mr. Garrett said.
“Five. The answer is five.” Chase repeated.
“Wrong.” Mr Garrett snorted, a satisfied look on his face.
“No, you’re wrong.” Chase said, not looking away.
“Oh, you’re certain?” He asked, Chase nodded her head. “Care to show us why?”
Mr Garrett watched, as did the rest of the class, as Chase rose from her seat and headed to the front. She held her hand out for the board pen.
“Ok.” She said. “Let’s see…” She began to write along the equation, showing the solutions along the way.
I watched in awe at her amazing math skills. Chase moved around the board like a natural. Just like she had when she’d helped me. I felt a lump in my throat remembering all of those times when we’d been together. I’d longed to touch her and, just to get near, I’d moved closer to her. Feeling the warmth of her next to me.
“See? Five.” She said. “If you had put these numbers the other way round…” She said, circling two numbers on the board. “Then, your answer would’ve been right.”
Chase handed the teacher the board pen; his face frozen in shock.
The rest of the class was quiet, not knowing what was going to happen.
“Um… thank you, Chase. I didn’t realize I’d copied those numbers the wrong way round.” He said.
No apology, just a thank you for pointing out his mistake.
“You’re welcome.” She said, with a smile. It didn’t touch her eyes. Not like the smiles she had given me. Smiles that were full, eyes bright, and sparkling. Full of happiness.
I missed her so much.
Mr. Garrett handed us our test papers, and we got to work.
Chase left the classroom before I could even get halfway out. This time, she was met by Sian and Gretchen. This was seriously messed up. The two of them hated each other, now suddenly they’re close friends?
Wait… What if Sian made a move on Chase? Knowing what I did, I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
No… Chase wasn’t gay. I would’ve known. Plus, Sian looked pretty much into the girl she was sucking face with.
I was surprised even further when Sian, and Gretchen, linked arms with Chase.
With my heart tearing apart more than it already was, I turned away and headed to lunch.
“Who died?” Lex asked when I sat down. “Oh.” He said when I just looked at him. I didn’t understand how he would think I would be over Chase. It wasn’t something I could turn off, for fuck’s sake. It would make things so much easier if I could. I wouldn’t be feeling so devastated at losing the only thing that mattered to me in the whole world.
Stu and Carl sat down and, for once, Carl didn’t comment. He looked to me, and he had the grace to look at least a little sorry for what he’d done.
“Where’s Pike?” Stu asked, looking round.
“He went to do something. He should be here soon.” Lex asked, tucking into his fries.
I looked around, and I spotted Pike.
Oh yeah, I spotted the motherfucker.
He was talking to Chase, and she was smiling at him. Smiling!
My anger grew when I saw him hug her. His arms around her, holding her, and she were hugging him back.
“Dude.” Lex said, drawing out the word when he turned to see just what I was glaring at. “I doubt there’s anything in it, Logan.”
Pike walked towards us, sitting down.
“What. The fuck. Was that?” I said, snarling at Pike.
“What?” He asked, looking confused.
“You hugged Chase. She smiled at you. What the fuck Pike? I’ve been trying to get her attention all week, and now you get to hug her?”
“Whoa, chill.” Pike said, holding his hands up. “It’s not what you think.”
“Ok, so fucking enlighten me then.” I growled.
“My Dad lost his job.” He began, and told us all about Chase helping him out in the store. He’d told her about the job and then that night, her Dad had called him asking for his Dad.
“Larry got my Dad an interview. He went yesterday, and this morning…” Pike looked at me with a huge smile. “…He was offered the job. Chase got my Dad a job working at the car company.”
I felt sick. Chase had helped Pike’s family, and here I was, jealous that he’d hugged her in appreciation for her help.
I wasn’t hungry anymore.
“I need to go. I’m happy for you, Pike.” I said, rising from the bench and walking away.
Leaving the guys watching after me, I quickly swiped the lone tear that fell down my cheek. I couldn’t let anybody see me like that.
I sat by myself in my car. Taking deep breaths to calm down, I closed my eyes.
Bad decision.
All I saw was Chase and how she smiled at Pike.
I shouldn’t, couldn’t, be jealous. She’d helped him; he was saying thanks. That was the kind of person Chase was. Always thinking of others.
Playing with the beads on the bracelet Chase had bought for me; I thought back to the time I’d massaged her in the kitchen. Feeling her body under my hands; her toned muscles under my fingers.
The growing pain in my pants rapidly increased the more I thought about her.
Taking another breath, I pulled myself together and walked back into school. Chem class was next, and Chase was in the same class with me. I only hoped I didn’t fall apart and beg her forgiveness in front of everybody.
Finally getting into class, Chase had already taken her seat. To my disappointment, Charlotte had taken the seat next to her, and the table next to them was occupied also.
Fuck!
&n
bsp; The teacher, Miss Ebbs, was handing out a pop quiz to do. She looked to be in her fifties with graying brown hair and a thin physique. Her lab coat was much too big, and her black skirt poked out at the bottom.
Great, just fucking great.
I took my seat as she placed the paper in front of me. I didn’t think the first week of senior year was going to spent doing tests when we’d already done them before the end of junior year.
“Ok class, get to work. You have fifteen minutes.” Miss Ebbs said.
Pulling my pencil from my bag, I got to work. Attempting to concentrate on the questions. Glancing to Chase, I saw that she was sailing through hers with no problems. That was confusing. She’d always asked for my help with chemistry, as it was my strongest subject.
Getting to work, I answered the questions, putting my pencil down just before the time was up. Chase had finished way before me.
“I’ll take these away, and we’ll get to work on making nylon!” The teacher said, happily. “We’ll need…” We watched as she wrote the chemical ingredients we’d be using:
2.2g of 1,6-diaminohexane
1.5g of decanedioyl dichloride
50 cm3 of cyclohexane
50 cm3 of deionised water.
“Also some metal tweezers, and a glass rod to wrap the nylon around.” She added.
Miss. Ebbs collected everything together, and we retrieved our beakers, solutions, and instruments. Making the nylon was easy, watching Chase work effortlessly with Charlotte was hard.