by Cal, Sarah
Whether it was a nightmare, or whatever it was that her sister saw, it was probably real to her. Emma didn’t have a lot of nightmares herself, which she found amazing and a blessing considering the life she’d been living since the EMP attack. When it happened, and a plane came down in the middle of traffic, Emma had been one of the first to see it and run away. If she’d been late, she might not have even escaped the blow back from the explosion, not to mention the flying degree, and Chase would have died with her, since they usually carpooled to get to work.
Emma had, somehow, managed to find herself in several threatening situation since, and though she didn’t come out of it without a scratch and some mental scars, she lived through it.
But her sister... Emma thought her big sister was more sensitive than she was to some things. Technically, they both reacted in the wrong ways, but Emma’s way had allowed her to live normally, if not happy, while Merry’s way had led to her isolating herself to the house for roughly ten years.
This, though, she did understand.
She could imagine how Merry felt, after they’d watched their grandmother die. Emma had images of the same happening to Merry, her heart about stopped when she found her sister crumpled behind their broken car and her mind had jumped to the worst case scenario.
“Emma, please, just believe me.”
She sighed. As much as she felt for her sister, her stance on this wasn’t changing. There was a time when she’d thought it might be possible. She’d been lost in despair at the time and gave into everything Merry had been spouting. Merry had given her cold truths that she didn’t like, but had to face when she realized a little bit the extent the EMP had affected their town and those around them.
She’d made the stupid assumption that her town was the only one to have lived through a plane crashing down on it. But when she and Chase went to trade medical supplies in another town near theirs, it was to find that the hospital had been reduced to nothing but rubble. She had imagined the same thing happening in so many other places...
But she came back to her senses, and she didn’t intend on sliding back. Her sanity depended on it this time.
“It can’t be true Merry—I wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt you,” she said with finality.
She couldn’t say anything to her own death if she continued getting into dangerous situations, but they usually came on their own and threatened her family, so it wasn’t like it wasn’t warranted. Either way, she didn’t plan on her sister being there for that.
“If you want to believe in anything, then at least pick that, all right? You’re the only family I have left and I don’t want to lose you. I wear I will do anything to keep you safe, Merry.”
And Emma meant it. Even if she had to die so her sister lived... if she left Merry with Chase—or Carol or Barbara, or even Brian and Kellen if Chase was fool enough to still follow her even then—then her soul would rest easy. But Emma was determined, if her sister had to die... if it wasn’t by natural means, Emma intended to go first before she let it happen.
Her words didn’t appease her sister at all. If anything, they seemed to make her madder. Merry stiffened before pulling away from Emma. She didn’t know what else she could say, though. Her sister didn’t seem to care for comforting words, and Emma was out of any more to give her.
“You can’t, Emma,” she argued, her voice angry. “You seem to think you can do everything, but you can’t, so why won’t you just listen to me? You let Janice die!”
The comment was a punch to the stomach, and Emma couldn’t say anything against it.
It wasn’t as if they hadn’t both been alternating between blaming themselves ad blaming others over what happened that day. They’d both aligned together, eventually, that it was the fault of the people of Brassville, for attacking their town. They had been going off to get revenge, not knowing their attackers were invading their own town. A part of her still felt that it was less her and more Merry’s fault, and yet Merry said that to her face.
Feeling like she could no longer stand to be talk to her sister, Emma stormed from the room, angry and upset.
It isn’t true... is it?
Was Merry saying the truth and Emma was the one in denial? Was there more she could have done to save their grandmother? Emma had thought of all the things she could have done differently at the time, but that didn’t really get her anywhere.
She wasn’t looking for what ifs, and hindsight was a bitch. She could spend the rest of her life thinking up the same question, and warring sides of her would come up with a different answer each time she asked herself the question.
There were so many variants, though... it was Merry’s fault their grandmother had been outside to begin with, but Emma had been the one to let her sister tag along while she went out to patrol their neighborhood. Merry had been the one to ask in the first place, but Emma had still let her guard down and agree to it.
Yet, none of it would have been necessary, if it wasn’t for Merry feeling she was somewhat inferior to Emma, even in their grandmother’s eyes. Emma’s tries to tell her it was a ridiculous notion did nothing to nurture the feeling, and Emma didn’t even know where it came from to begin with.
So was the fault both of theirs, or none?
At the time, Emma had pushed all the blame to the people behind the woman that had made the shot. Emma had killed her, but she had been from that damn town, Brassville. The town that had sent attackers to their town several times before already, and they were all so damn blood thirsty and effective. So they had gone for revenge.
But that didn’t work out. With everything else that cropped up after that, Emma hadn't thought about this again. When she thought of her grandmother, she felt regret at her death. But this... indecisiveness, over something no one could help, was entirely her sister’s fault. Not that she was exempt, since she didn’t think she could just not worry about something like this, no matter how much a part of her tried to tell her she was being stupid.
Back in her room, Chase tried to comfort Emma. He’d come out of the room when she did, and she hadn’t realized he’d followed her until she walked back into their room and he was there behind her. He must have been beside the door, and he probably heard the whole thing.
“You can’t let what she says get to you when she’s upset. Merry doesn’t know what she’s saying in her manic state. You can talk to her in the morning and I’m sure she’ll apologize for what she said.”
But Emma didn’t want to hear it, and she didn’t respond to his words.
“Could I have done more to save Janice?” she began to wonder aloud. “I mean... I was right there when she got shot. I had a gun on me, yet I couldn’t do anything? They just came out of nowhere, and my reaction time was a few seconds too slow. We might as well have both taken a shot at the same time, but if I had been faster...”
Only one kill shot would have been fired.
But Chase argued with her conscience.
“You need to stop thinking that way. I know I told you not to forget your grandmother, but this isn’t what I meant. There’s no way you could have reacted in time, it’s a wonder you didn’t freeze in that situation. Plenty of people would have. You did the best that you could, and both you and your grandmother protected your sister.”
Emma wasn’t convinced. She’d gone over the scene so many times before, thoughts running wild with what ifs. Now that Merry had brought them up again, they were going to keep bothering her, because she did feel like she could have done better.
Chase sighed, obviously giving up on arguing.
“Look, why don’t we just go to sleep and talk things over Tomorrow morning? You need to sleep on this. Try not to let it get to you.”
She almost scoffed. That would be impossible. This would bother her for a while, whether either of them liked it or not, because that was just the person Emma was. If she didn’t ignore things like this, they did their best to eat her alive.
Forgetting was so much easie
r.
She pretended to go to sleep and Chase turned away, but she lay awake all night thinking about it.
Chapter Eleven:
Tired and groggy, Emma was forced to get up at the crack of dawn to help out Harry on the farm.
Well, she couldn’t exactly say she was forced to do it, but Harry had said they had to earn their keep, and she was more than ready to begin. There wasn’t anything else for her to do, anyway, and since her eyes were open when the day started lighting up, little by little.
She hadn’t slept at all, but she had promised to work, and when she heard someone moving around when it was barely light out, she assumed it would be Harry. Everyone else was probably too tired and they’d all be asleep till late in the morning, now that they didn’t have to keep moving.
A part of her told her she was just escaping. If she kept herself busy with the farm, she could ignore her problems all she wanted. It as something she did often, and usually, it worked for her, so she didn’t mine slipping back.
Besides, the alternative wasn’t any better. She didn’t want to spend who knew how long obsessing over something she couldn’t change? That had to be under the definition of a pointless activity. She didn’t even care if Chase didn’t approve of her method, much.
He had told her not to worry over it... he had said a lot of things. Like that she needed to talk to her sister once they got up., but just the thought made something in Emma shudder.
She had no desire to speak to her sister. She’d intended to speak to Merry when they were both more cleared headed, so she could try again to talk her sister down, but this... was beyond even her. Emma loved her sister, she would grieve for days, weeks, and maybe even months, but this was beyond her ability to just forgive and forget, not this soon, anyway.
Would Merry even want to speak to her? Would her sister realize her hurtful words and their impact on Emma, or was that how she really felt? A part of Emma wasn’t even interested in finding out.
She didn’t want to speak to Merry after what her sister said, even though she could at least admit that the need was there. But just because she should, didn’t mean she would.
Emma sat up the bed and stretched her arms up as she arced her back, working out the kinks in her spine. She rubbed her eyes, then behind her neck, and she knew she was going to have an exhausting day before she even stood up. She’d had a shower yesterday, so she was going to ignore one for the moment. After living so long without the luxury, it felt almost wrong to abuse it by taking a shower more than once a day.
Chase, being the supportive friend that he was, woke up with her. Though, thankfully he didn’t see her change clothes. Emma wasn’t one for casual nudity. She and Chase had shared a bed for months, and she’d even had sex with him, the day before her group drove out of town to visit Brassville, but there hadn't been anything since, and Emma was starting to wonder if there ever would be.
She was half way down the stairs when she heard him coming down behind her. She rolled her eyes, knowing without looking that it would be him.
“You should go back to sleep,” she called over her shoulder.
“I’m not tired,” he said stubbornly.
Emma rolled her eyes, but she smiled a little. At least she wouldn’t be alone out there.
He sighed behind her, and her smile grew.
“Isn’t it a little too early in the morning to be getting up, Emma? You’re the one that should be getting more sleep.”
Emma stopped and turned around, looking up at him. “I’m fine,” she said carefully.
Chase didn’t look like he believed her. “You weren’t fine last night. And it’s bright enough I can see your face, Emma, you don’t look like you slept at all last night.”
She faltered, but it was only for a moment. Then she sent a small smile his way as she turned back around and continued her descent.
“I’m good enough to work and don’t even think about stopping me, Chase.”
He didn’t answer her, and she knew he wouldn’t, but he would keep an eye on her. She didn’t really care, as long as he didn’t get in her way.
They found Harry down stairs, like she’d guessed. He was in the kitchen preparing some food for himself. He looked up when they entered the room.
“Need some help?” she offered.
But he shook his head. “Nah. I’m done anyway. When everybody else wakes up they’ll have to make their own meal, but I think there should be enough for three here.”
Emma dug into the food gratefully, realizing belatedly that she’d actually missed eating yesterday. After her little crying binge in the shower, she hadn’t wanted to be around the others, so she’d found a room and holed herself up in it. She’d eaten some of the snacks left over from their rations, and Chase must have come into the room to find her asleep already, then the next thing she knew, Merry was waking her up with her screams.
“I was thinking we could go out and help you.” Emma told Harry once she’d swallowed her food. “We might as well start earning our keep early. My friend here, Chase, will be coming out with us.”
I shot a glance at him, and our eyes met, but there was no objections in his.
“All right then. Both of you eat up and I’ll take you outside.”
They finished their meal quickly, both feeling famished after the little they’d been forced to put up with by their circumstances.
Harry took them outside and gave her and Chase and orientation and tour of the fields. They got to see the three separate fields and the different crops he was growing.
“The seeds were all top grade and it shows in the crops, doesn’t it,” he said with a big smile as he ran his hands over the parsnip leaves. “They need quite a bit of upkeep, though.”
“And you’ve been doing it all on your own,” Emma guessed, impressed.
“Of course! No one else lives this far out, so it’s just me and my crops here. The planting is the only thing I don’t to by myself anymore. There’s always the rush to finish before the end of the planting season, and I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“‘Anymore,’” Emma repeated in surprise. “You used to plant all these fields by yourself?”
Even with modern conveniences—most that were now lost to them—Emma knew that couldn’t be an easy thing. Her respect for Harry went up several notches. She shared a look with Chase and knew it was the same for him.
Emma couldn’t say she knew anyone so hardworking, and so determined to make life work even when they were on their own. Emma hadn't taken to responsibility so well, sadly. She could be honest with herself now and say that, no matter than she managed to pay the bills and put food on the tables, she had handled it horribly.
All she had to do was go to school and deal with a few bratty teens. Even as a teacher, she got pranked sometimes, but nothing like what she’d gone through while in high school. Teaching also wasn’t her passion, and she struggled with it. But she wanted to fold and run away from it because she didn’t like it. Even her home life. She’d wanted an escape from it.
She found her escape, and it was one of the worst decisions she’d made to date, one she desperately wished she could have taken back and told her past self to stop being so selfish.
“Of course I did it on my own!” Harry exclaimed. “Help usually means a lot of pay, and I’m not exactly a rich man, you know. Usually I pay in crops, but I lose more that way. Anyway, look over here...”
He lost the train of thought as he went on to explain how he’s planted the parsnips, and how to care for them and know when it was time to dig them up.
She knew the longer he talked, that Harry was proud of his crops and he showed them off with a flourish.
As well he should. Emma could only look on in amazement, because she hadn’t seen fields this large and populated outside of TV. They stretched on for long lengths at a time, and she had some idea what a daunting task it must have been, trying to look after all of this on his own. She wondered how he’d even man
aged to plant them all, but then it must have been before the electricity went out, so he might have had some help from machinery. They’d have to get creative once it came time to harvest, and the replanting season. Emma knew nothing about farming, but she was more than ready to learn.
Harry was more than ready to teach. He seemed to have a lot of knowledge on his crops and said it all with such enthusiasm. He was so animated, it made Emma smile, despite her tiredness.
“To be fully honest, Harry, I don’t know much about all of this,” she said when there was a gap in his explanations. “I wasn’t really exposed to much of it, but my grandmother loved to garden and she taught me plenty. Hopefully it can be of use to you.”
Harry nodded, pulling away from where he’d been inspecting a patch of corn stalks. “She sounds like she was quite a woman.”
You have no idea.
Emma found herself smiling when she thought of her grandmother. There was that edge of pain that thoughts of people you loved and lost left in your heart, but she could and would bear it. Chase had been right before, Janice didn’t deserve to be forgotten. Not like what Emma did after her parents’ deaths, thinking of them as little as possible. Her grandmother deserved a lot more than that.
Harry got serious once they were done with the tour, and Emma and Chase walked slowly behind him as he moved along the fields.
“I was hoping that we could have some perimeter patrols to keep out any strangers and thieves, while others help me tend the field. You can alternate duties if it makes it easier.”
She and Chase shared looks. “We’ll have to see everyone’s skills first. I’m not sure who can help with the tending, but pretty much everyone can go on patrol.”
“Good. They’ll need to walk along the outside of the fields. I’d like to do something like that at night, too, but it’s too dangerous.”
Yeah, the dark wouldn’t help anyone. They could easy come across each other and imagine there’s an enemy, and either someone would get hurt, or a thief would get past them in the confusion. It meant there was a window for thieves, but there was nothing they could do about it unless they wanted to risk people, and honestly, Emma didn’t want to.