This was ridiculous. She’d never been this unbalanced by sex. She knew that she deserved the comfort of companionship, but the simple act of ruling the small kingdom she’d inherited carried great responsibility. She couldn’t afford to allow herself to be this distracted, especially now, with Balak’s constant subtle threat to her reign. Every waking moment since she’d returned held strain and tension.
After returning to her room, Kathryn had slept for a couple of hours, then woken at dawn and stood quietly while servants dressed her. The attention in any other similar scenario might have felt intimate, but the distance of birth separated Kathryn from the women who attended her daily needs. She was physically close to them, but separate from them. Apart.
But this was somehow not the case with Aiden, despite her provincial upbringing.
She recalled the brush of Aiden’s fingers across her skin. Chills ran up her spine to the back of her neck, and she squeezed her eyes shut.
Kathryn had started to read dispatches that she hadn’t finished the previous day. And she had a few more to wade through. She hoped the tea would give her a boost. She thanked the server for delivering it and then he backed respectfully out of the room.
Luckily, Kathryn was skilled at thinking on her feet, giving the appearance of outward calm even if uncertainty hovered in her chest.
As she signed each document, she handed it to the chancellor who stood patiently in front of her desk. She wondered if he’d noticed her distraction, and if so, what he attributed it to. Chancellor Rhodes was a kind man. She didn’t know his exact age, but she guessed he was close to sixty. He and his wife had raised two sons who’d taken wives and moved north to claim the land granted to them by her father. The Rhodes boys had grown into fine swordsmen, and Kathryn knew if the crown called they would return to defend the keep.
“I think this is all for now.” Kathryn handed the documents to the chancellor.
He nodded. “Very good, Your Highness.” He started to leave and then turned back. “Would you like for me to return to discuss details for tonight’s festivities?”
“Oh, yes, that would be good, thank you.”
He nodded and left.
Kathryn finally had a moment to sip her tea and enjoy the silence. She allowed her mind to drift to thoughts of Aiden, then frowned when she heard the unmistakable sound of boots on the stone hallway leading to her study that adjoined the throne room.
Frost stepped into the room.
She seemed tense. Frost was always tense. Kathryn supposed that came with the uniform, but still, it wasn’t as if they were under attack at this very minute. Regardless, she was grateful for Frost’s diligence. Frost Sylven was a serious soldier and a steady, confident leader. What more could she ask from the person who lead the imperial guard?
“Your Highness, I’m sorry to disturb you.”
“Not at all. Please enter.”
“I wondered if I might speak with the heir.”
“Aiden.”
“Yes, my apologies, Aiden.” Frost stood with her arms at her sides and her feet shoulder’s width apart. Anyone else might have assumed Frost was standing at attention, but Kathryn knew that for Frost, this was at ease.
“Is there something specific you wanted to speak with her about?” For some reason, Kathryn had the desire to shelter Aiden as long as possible from outside pressures. Those pressures would be upon her soon enough. Kathryn had hoped to give Aiden a bit more time to adjust before she had to make any serious decisions about next steps.
“I would simply like to have a better sense of who she is.” Frost cleared her throat. “In the event that I’m asked to advise her in any capacity regarding the current situation in Belstaff.”
“I’d prefer we give Aiden a few days to acclimate to Olmstead.” Kathryn leaned forward, resting her arms on the edge of the desk. “At the moment, you and the rescue party are the only individuals who know her true identity. I believe this grants us a bit of time.”
Frost nodded. “As you wish.” There was a moment when Frost looked as if she might say more, but instead she adjusted her sword belt and shifted her shoulders back. “I will see to the security details for this evening’s celebration. Please let me know if you have any specific requests.”
“Thank you, Commander. I will.”
Frost pivoted and left. Kathryn had gotten an odd feeling from Frost that she couldn’t quite decipher. Not for the first time, she wished Frost were easier to read and a bit more transparent.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Aiden had been roaming around the castle grounds when Venn found her. Aiden had returned to the small courtyard that she could see from her window, the place where she and Kathryn had kissed the night before.
“There you are. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were trying to avoid your dance lesson.”
Aiden had buried her nose in one of the blooming roses. The heavenly scent reminded her of Kathryn’s hair. She laughed. “On the contrary, I’ve been anxiously awaiting your instruction.”
“Right. Then, get over here.” Venn motioned for Aiden to follow her to the open central area of the small courtyard. The ground where Venn stood was covered with flagstone, and while it wasn’t completely smooth, it would be adequate for a limited amount of footwork, provided the steps weren’t too intricate.
“Okay, face me. And put your arms out like this.” Venn waited for Aiden to get in position. She held her hand up and put her other hand at Aiden’s waist. “You’ll likely lead, so let me see if I can think in reverse.”
“Am I supposed to hold your hand?”
“Yes, wait, if you’re leading then my hand is on your shoulder and your hand is at my waist. I had that the other way around.” Venn switched positions with her hands.
“This feels strange.” Aiden had always envisioned that her first dance would be with someone a bit more—feminine.
“The steps aren’t difficult. I’ll show you.” Venn looked down at her feet to position them properly.
“No, I mean, this feels weird. Holding your hand, leading you around in a dance.”
Soft laughter caught her attention.
“I have to agree with Aiden about this.” Rowan grinned at them.
Aiden wasn’t sure how long Rowan had been watching from the doorway, but she now joined them in the center of the courtyard. Aiden and Venn each took an awkward step back. Aiden nervously rubbed her palms on her trousers.
“Why not let me teach you?” Rowan stepped between them. She turned and gave Venn a playful smile as she took Aiden’s hand.
Aiden tried to focus on where she was supposed to hold Rowan.
“Elbow up, cradle my hand in yours, you don’t have to hold so tightly.” Rowan moved Aiden’s other hand to her hip. “And this hand here.” Rowan was wearing riding trousers that hugged every curve of her shapely legs, and tall boots, so it was easy for Aiden to see her feet. Venn stepped to the side and watched with an amused expression on her face.
Aiden was a bundle of awkward nerves. There was no music, so Rowan began to hum in between coaching Aiden’s steps.
“The basic step for a waltz is a box step. It’s called a box step because that’s the shape we will create on the floor with our feet.” Rowan took one step back, but Aiden didn’t immediately follow her. “I’m teaching you the lead part, so you step forward when I step back, okay?”
Aiden nodded and tried to shadow Rowan’s footwork and movements.
“A box step can be divided into two parts, a forward half box and a backward half box. Each half box has three steps.” Rowan began to count as she moved her feet. “One, two, three, one, two, three… Good. Take a step forward or backward, a step to the side, and a step to bring your feet together.”
Aiden tried a few times to get the rhythm right, but she felt inept. She even stepped on Rowan’s toes once.
“The leader starts with the left foot and executes a forward half box, followed by a backward half box.” Rowan exuded pa
tience, but still, Aiden was frustrated with her own clumsiness. “See, I start with the right foot and execute a backward half box, followed by a forward half box.” Rowan watched Aiden’s feet as they moved together and began to count again. “That’s it. One, two, three, one, two, three, good.”
Aiden was still looking down and trying to imagine the box shape she was outlining across the flagstones.
“Relax, Aiden. And you should look at your partner, not at the ground.”
As soon as Aiden looked up, she lost track of where her feet were and went forward when she should have gone sideways and bumped into Rowan.
“That’s it. I’m cutting in.” Venn had obviously stood by as long as she could. “Aiden, stand aside and watch.”
Venn took Aiden’s position. She held her hand out for Rowan, and when Rowan stepped into her arms the energy between them shifted. Aiden watched as Rowan and Venn relaxed into each other’s embrace as if they’d been dancing together for years. Venn was poised, her stance erect but not stiff, and her movements were smooth yet firm as she led Rowan through the steps of the dance. Aiden was momentarily jealous of Venn’s confidence.
Rowan’s cheeks gained color as they continued to move together, and their stance became more intimate as the space between their bodies lessened. It was if they’d become lost in their own world and had forgotten that Aiden was watching.
After a few more elegant turns, Venn snapped out of whatever trance she’d been in. She abruptly stopped, released Rowan, and stepped away from her. She cleared her throat, gave Aiden a sheepish look, and motioned for Aiden to take her position.
“Aiden, now you try it again.”
She nodded and stepped up to accept Rowan’s outstretched hand, but she knew she’d never be able to dance as well as Venn with only one afternoon of lessons.
“Just relax, Aiden. Dancing should be fun.” It was as if Rowan had read her thoughts, and the simple statement calmed her down. She smiled and nodded.
Chapter Twenty-nine
By late afternoon, the bustling activity leading up to the festival was at a fever pitch. Aiden left the castle to stroll around the village. Mostly to have some time to herself, but also to stay out of the way. She’d offered to help, but it looked as if every servant had a task already and there was nothing that she could do except be a hindrance.
She’d grabbed an apple off a tray near the kitchen as she scuttled down the broad rock steps from the main entrance of the great hall to the commotion of the main square in front of the castle. Tables and stalls were being set up for the night’s event. Wooden casks of ale were being hoisted onto large racks, and benches were brought round to accessorize each of the long tables.
The common area outside the castle was as frenetic as the inside had been, so Aiden decided to venture farther into the web of winding dirt lanes that comprised the village surrounding the keep. Everyone she passed seemed occupied with some task—wresting chickens from their coops, carrying baskets of vegetables toward the castle, making candles, washing clothing. Laughing children ran past her trailing ribbons of gold and green. No one paid her any attention, which was nice. Before she realized it, she’d wandered in a circle and had ended up near the castle stables.
She saw Gareth and changed direction, but it was too late. He’d seen her before she could slip back into the flurry of activity in the nearby street. The barn turned out to be a small area of calm at the center of the storm.
“Aiden.” He nodded a greeting to her as he walked a horse into one of the stalls and shut the gate. She noticed that his left arm was still in a sling.
“Gareth.” Maybe she’d be lucky and just say hello and leave. She still had the distinct feeling that Gareth didn’t like her, so what could they possibly have to say to each other beyond the most insincere greeting?
“I’m surprised to see you.” He leaned against the railing near the gate he’d just closed.
“I was trying to stay out of the way, so I took a walk. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“Oh, you disturbed me before I even saw you. You’ve been disturbing me since we fought our way out of that dingy dungeon in Eveshom.” Her hunch had been correct. Gareth didn’t like her. He wasn’t even subtle about it. And that was starting to make her angry.
“Look, Gareth. I don’t know what I’ve done to annoy you—”
“Breathing, talking, existing.”
“I guess we’re finished here then.” Aiden turned to leave, but Gareth stopped her by stepping in front of her to block her path.
“No, we’re not done. I have a question for you.”
Aiden glared at him. “Well, what is it?”
“Are you going to try to take back the Belstaff throne?”
Aiden didn’t respond.
“Well, are you?”
The truth was, Aiden didn’t know the answer to that question. Was she willing to risk her life to claim a throne she had no attachment to or memory of? She hadn’t had time to sort any of that out. She’d been too busy taking dance lessons and losing her virginity. The last thing she felt like doing was getting into a fight over a birthright that she still wasn’t completely convinced was really hers to claim. So Aiden just stared at Gareth and said nothing.
“That’s what I thought. You put Kathryn at risk. For nothing.”
There was that same accusation again. She hadn’t asked Kathryn to come for her. It wasn’t her fault that Kathryn had
taken the risk to do so. But in truth, wasn’t she grateful that Kathryn had?
Aiden was about to argue the point with Gareth but then decided against it. Walk away. This has nowhere to go but badly. Just walk away. Gareth obviously wanted a fight, but she wasn’t in the mood to give him what he wanted.
She strode away from the stables and tried her best to trace her steps back to the castle. Once she’d returned, Aiden sought shelter in the one place where she thought she might find refuge from the noise and the crush of people, too many people.
The interior of the small chapel in the courtyard was cool and dark. Light filtered through a broad-leafed maple tree just outside the door and cast a shifting pattern of shadows onto the stone floor. There were two high, narrow windows near the front of the chapel, but they shed very little light on the interior. The air was still. Aiden became mesmerized by the shifting patterns on the floor.
She assumed this chapel’s purpose was meditation because there was no altar and no iconography of any kind. Just an array of simple wooden benches organized in the center of the small space. And stone outcroppings low along the walls that could also be used for seats.
Aiden moved farther into the dark space and ran her palm across the rough cool stone that insulated the interior from the heat of late afternoon. Touching the rock felt soothing. She sank to one of the stone outcroppings, let her head settle against the wall, and closed her eyes. The silence of this place was a gift. She realized how unaccustomed she was to so much stimulation in her life. At the monastery there’d been long hours of quiet and solitude that now she missed.
She sensed some presence in the room and opened her eyes. The white wolf sat on its haunches in front of her, watching. The animal cocked its head and then moved to sit next to her. The wolf leaned against her leg and looked up as if it wanted to be petted. The wolf was much larger than a dog, its head almost at her level even while seated. Aiden reasoned that she should be afraid, but for some reason she wasn’t. She now realized that every time the wolf came to her she had felt safe. She felt comforted. Aiden couldn’t explain why, but genuine affection pulsed from the animal to her.
She ran her hand over the short fur at the top of the animal’s head and then sank her fingers into the thick mane at the Wolf’s shoulders. As soon as she closed her fingers around a handful of fur, she knew why the wolf had come. The wolf had come to show her something. She tightened her grip and closed her eyes. A sense of being in motion caused her to open them again.
Aiden stood on a high cliff, o
verlooking the sea. Dry golden grass almost to her knees rustled in the salt-scented breeze. She didn’t recognize this place. To her right was a walled village with dark stone towers visible at its center. A well-trod path followed the undulating contour of the black rock cliff in the direction of the village. She looked toward the towers and wondered if she should venture in that direction, but then she heard something from the opposite way.
“I am the wind that blows across the sea. I am the wave of the ocean.” The stanza was familiar from the same poem she’d repeated to herself that night in the Eveshom jail.
She turned and felt her heart rate spike when she realized who’d spoken. Her mother, Isla, stood a few feet away looking out toward the churning water. Isla looked to be the same age as when Aiden had seen her before, only this must have been what Isla looked like prior to her illness. Her black hair fell well past her shoulders. It swirled around her in the light wind, as did the fabric of the dress she wore. The skirt of dark crimson draped to her ankles. Isla was beautiful and young.
Aiden tightened her grip on the wolf, which sat calmly at her side.
“The sea is immense from this elevation isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Aiden wondered if her mother could see her, or if this was only a one-way vision like the last had been. At the sound of her voice, her mother turned to her and smiled.
“Aiden, I wanted you to see this. I wanted you to feel what I feel when I stand here on the black cliffs and look at our land, our view of the southern Abbasson Sea, our home.”
This must be Belstaff. Her mother smiled and nodded as if she’d heard her silent thought aloud. “You can see me.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes, I see you.” Isla stepped closer and placed her hand on Aiden’s cheek. “You’ve grown into a handsome, strong person. It’s time for you to come home.”
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