Once Upon a Witch: A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Books 1-3

by Amanda M. Lee

  “You said you wanted me to finish this so we could focus on each other,” I reminded him.

  “Yeah, but I thought that focus would be somehow … dirtier.”

  “I can stand in mud and make my feet dirtier, if that helps.”

  Landon scowled. “You’re being a pain today. I think it’s because your boyfriend dissed you.”

  “Whose boyfriend dissed who?” Thistle asked, wandering into the library with Marcus. “By the way, Aunt Tillie is totally up to something. I just caught her coming out of her greenhouse with a bag of supplies. When I asked her what she was doing she told me to mind my own business or she would make me smell like deer urine.”

  “And since it’s hunting season, that means Thistle would be very popular in the woods,” Marcus added.

  “Well, that’s a lovely visual.” Landon dug his thumbs into the sore soles of my feet. “How big was the bag?”

  “Not very big,” Thistle replied. “Purse-sized maybe. She seemed annoyed when she realized we’d caught her and then denied we actually saw her. She told us we were hallucinating.”

  “See, that right there makes me very nervous,” Landon said, shaking his head. “She’s generally proud to own up to the crap she does. She’s hiding it now, so it must be really bad.”

  “She’s hidden things before,” I offered, hitting the spell check button on my laptop and watching it scroll through. “When we were kids she hid the fact that she cursed the property line to make people think they were animals. Anyone who crossed onto our property thought they were a barn animal.”

  “Yes, I especially liked it when Chief Terry started clucking like a chicken,” Thistle drawled. “Although, he often sounds like a chicken to me, so … .”

  “You take that back,” I threatened, wagging a finger. “Chief Terry has been good to us.”

  “He’s been good to you,” Thistle corrected. “You’re his favorite.”

  “I’m everybody’s favorite. That’s what happens when you’re not purposely mean to people.”

  “You’re not Nelson’s favorite anymore,” Landon reminded me. “He’ll always have a soft spot for you, though, so at least you have that to live for.”

  I scowled as I wrinkled my nose, hitting the “send” button on my email to shoot the article to the page designer before closing my laptop and placing it on the coffee table. “You just won’t shut up about that, will you?”

  Landon shrugged, his eyes lit with amusement. “I simply thought it was funny. You said he had a crush on you, but he was clearly more interested in his harem.”

  “Harem?” Thistle plopped her feet on the table and smiled in thanks when Marcus handed her a mixed drink from the bar cart. “Who are we talking about again?”

  “Nelson Lyons,” I replied. “I needed a color quote for my piece and he was at the wishing well ceremony. He had so many girls hanging on him I thought he would be lost in a sea of fake blond hair and bosoms.”

  “Oh, that was poetic, sweetie.” Landon chuckled as he continued rubbing my feet. “Bay thought it was odd, but I figured he must be doing their homework or something.”

  “Nelson Lyons?” Thistle tilted her head to the side, considering. “He’s the blond kid with the glasses and unfortunate chicken neck, right?”

  I nodded. “He’s a sweet boy, though. If he grows into that neck he’ll probably be handsome.”

  “He came into the store about six months ago,” Thistle supplied. “He wanted me to make him a love potion so the girls would go wild.”

  My stomach involuntarily twisted. “You didn’t do it, did you?”

  Thistle made an exaggerated “well, duh” face. “Of course I didn’t. I know how dangerous love potions are. They always backfire, because you can’t force someone to feel what they don’t naturally feel.”

  “But can you do it?” Landon appeared interested. “I mean, can you make a potion that will mimic feelings of love?”

  “In theory, yes,” Thistle replied. “We can make a potion that will convince someone they love another person, even if they don’t. The potion generally works for a good twenty-four hours and then it starts to backfire.”

  “Is that because the magic breaks down?” Marcus asked.

  I shook my head. “It’s because the human heart is stronger than most people are willing to believe. People who want to use love potions don’t care what the other person really wants. They only care about what they want. Eventually the cursed person’s heart almost always manages to fight off the spell.”

  “And when that happens, whoa baby!” Thistle adopted an exaggerated tone. “The person you cast the spell on is not only aware of what happened during the time they were under the spell, they’re also aware of who caused them to act like that.”

  “Really?” Landon pressed his thumb into the soft pad of my foot as he lifted it. “Did you ever cast a love spell on anyone?”

  “Are you asking me?” My voice went unnaturally shrill and I internally cursed myself for being such a poor liar.

  “You did, didn’t you?” Landon looked amused. “Who was it? Some guy you had a crush on in high school?”

  “No.” I vehemently shook my head. “I definitely knew better by the time I was in high school.”

  “So … who was it?”

  “Um … .”

  “Oh, just tell him,” Thistle prodded. “You were hardly alone when it happened. We were all idiots that day.”

  “Oh, I’m practically salivating,” Landon teased, releasing my foot and leaning forward so he could capture me around the waist and tug me to him. I tried to wriggle away, but it was fruitless. “Go on, Thistle. I’m dying to hear this story.”

  “There’s not much to tell,” Thistle explained. “It happened when we were in middle school. We liked to go through the spell book when we were kids. We found the love spell. Bay liked Frankie Wymer at the time. I remember because I made a ton of ‘Wymer is a wiener’ jokes and Bay was spitting mad by the time I finished.”

  “Nice.” Landon and Marcus exchanged a look, amused.

  “I had a crush on Ben Stark, and Clove liked a boy, too,” Thistle continued. “I don’t remember who she cast the spell on. She liked a different boy every week and it became impossible to keep up.

  “Anyway, we found the spell and we cast it,” she continued. “At first it was great. The boys wanted to sit next to us at lunch. They even gave us their pudding cups so we could have double the dessert.”

  “Oh, true love.” Landon was far too enamored with the story. He was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.

  “We didn’t know what we were doing,” Thistle explained, sobering. “They turned on us fast. There was some hair pulling and Bay got kicked in the ribs. We had to hide in a closet until our mothers showed up at the school … and boy were they angry.”

  All traces of Landon’s smile vanished. “You got kicked?”

  I pressed my lips together and nodded.

  “Well, while you probably shouldn’t have cast the spell, I kind of blame your mothers for this one,” Landon said. “They left the book out. Of course you guys would’ve been curious.”

  I immediately started shaking my head. “They warned us.”

  “Repeatedly,” Thistle added. “They told us never to cast love spells and we didn’t listen. We were lucky to get off as lightly as we did. When you’re older, the spells backfire much harder.”

  “Okay, well … .” Landon rubbed the back of my head as he considered the story. “That’s just freaky. Do you think this Nelson kid cast a spell on those girls?”

  “I told him love potions don’t exist in the real world,” Thistle replied. “I told him that eventually things will get better and that he just has to wait for it to happen.”

  “That sounds logical.” Landon shifted his eyes to me. “Do you want me to hunt this Frankie kid down and kick him in the ribs?”

  I mustered a wan smile and shook my head. “I got what I deserved. You don’t try to manipulate t
he heart.”

  “I guess not.” Landon snuggled closer and heaved a sigh. “So, if Nelson didn’t cast a love potion, what’s going on? Even though I was having a good time messing with Bay while we were down there, I can’t deny there was something off about that situation.”

  “I don’t know,” Thistle said, scratching her cheek. “I guess we’ll have to watch and see what happens. If he did find someone to cast a love potion for him, it will backfire quickly. We should know by tomorrow.”

  “Except he has five people in his harem,” I pointed out. “That could be five people kicking him in the ribs.”

  “But you don’t know it’s a spell,” Thistle pointed out. “It could be something else entirely. For all we know he pulled a ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ and paid all of those girls to pretend they’re his girlfriends.”

  “What’s ‘Can’t Buy Me Love?’” Landon asked.

  “It’s a bad eighties movie with Patrick Dempsey,” I replied. “We were obsessed with it when we were kids because we loved the big hair.”

  “And Patrick Dempsey,” Thistle added. “I still love him.”

  “Yes, the eighties were a lovely decade,” Landon deadpanned. “As for Nelson, until we know differently, I don’t see why there’s any reason to get worked up. If the girls go on the attack, I’m sure we’ll hear about it.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I rested my head on his shoulder, content to let him share his warmth with me. The silence was amiable for a long time before Clove shoved open the front door of the inn and barreled toward the library.

  “Have you seen what’s going on out there?”

  I reluctantly jerked my head away, surprised. “What are you talking about?”

  Clove, her cheeks flushed with color, couldn’t stop laughing. “I think you need to see it for yourself.” She grabbed my arm and jerked me to a standing position.

  I groaned, vociferously lodging my protest. “It’s cold and I don’t want to go outside.”

  “You have to see what’s going on in the parking lot,” Clove pressed, her eyes serious. “I left Sam out there to act as lookout in case … well … in case someone’s bits turn to ice and break off.”

  I perked up. “Bits? Are there naked people outside?”

  “It’s freaking cold out,” Thistle pointed out, although she was already on her feet. “If I’m going outside, I want to know exactly what I’m going to see. If it’s nudity, I’m in. If it’s simulated nudity, I’m out.”

  “What’s simulated nudity?” Landon asked, tilting his head to the side.

  “Think Skinemax versus hardcore porn,” Thistle suggested.

  Landon furrowed his brow. “Ah. I get it now. Yeah, I’m only going outside if it’s real nudity, too.”

  “This family is full of pigs,” I muttered.

  “Oink, oink.” Landon poked my side as he grabbed our coats from the chair where we had discarded them upon entry. “Put this on. I know we’re going to see naked people and that’s bound to be distracting – and possibly hot – but I don’t want you to catch a cold. It will ruin the rest of our weekend.”

  “You’re awfully jovial for a guy who might have to write public indecency tickets,” I said, tugging on my gloves. “Why are you so excited to see other people when they’re naked?”

  “There’s nothing that’s not made better by nudity, sweetie.” Landon pressed his hand to the small of my back and urged me toward the door. “Pick up the pace. You’re not moving fast enough.”

  “I’d be a little worried about how excited he is to see another woman naked,” Thistle called out.

  “Well, I’m not.” In truth, I was a little worried. I knew it was probably nothing, but Landon had been acting mischievous all day.

  The five of us hurried out the door, halting when we hit the front porch and crowding together as we witnessed two naked figures grappling with one another in the back seat of a parked sedan.

  “Holy … .” Landon’s eyes widened as the car rocked back and forth. “What the heck is going on?”

  “The windows are all foggy, but I’m pretty sure it’s that couple who checked in last night,” Thistle said, squinting as she leaned forward. “The Leerys, right?”

  I bobbed my head as the faces that matched the name popped into my memory. “Yes, they were very excited about the unveiling of the wishing well today. I saw them at the ceremony.”

  “Were they having sex in public?” Thistle asked dryly.

  I shook my head. “They were drinking hot chocolate and counting coins to throw into the well.”

  “What are we supposed to do?” Clove asked, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t think it’s safe for them to be having sex outside. The temperature is supposed to drop into the teens tonight.”

  “They should be done long before then,” Landon offered, grinning. “Seriously. They’re going to kill the shocks on that car.”

  “Stop staring.” I put my hand over his eyes, but he impatiently shoved it away.

  “Hey, if they want to have sex in public, you can’t stop me from watching,” Landon argued. “They made a choice to do it and I’m making a choice to watch it.”

  “You’re seriously out of control today,” I muttered, shaking my head as I moved next to Thistle. “We can’t let them do this. They’re going to throw out a hip or something. I’m pretty sure the Leerys are in their seventies, right?”

  Thistle nodded, her eyes trained on the car. “You can’t unsee something like this, and yet I can’t look away. What’s wrong with me?”

  “You’re a pervert, just like Landon,” I replied without hesitation. “I don’t care how uncomfortable this is. We need to do something before our mothers come out here. They will totally freak out.”

  “I think we should call Aunt Tillie,” Thistle suggested.

  “What? Why?”

  “Because older people and their naked bits fall under her area of expertise,” Thistle replied. “I can’t deal with these people. It’s funny to watch them and all, but … ugh. That dude is going to have an imprint of that dome light etched into his butt if he keeps banging that bony thing against the roof like that.”

  “Okay, we have to do something.” I was starting to get desperate, but I was determined to make sure this was someone else’s problem.

  “We are doing something, Bay,” Landon said, patting my arm. “We’re watching. Someone should start timing this little interlude, because it’s been going on for a while now and he doesn’t appear to be losing steam.”

  “You’re a complete and total sex fiend,” I hissed, my temper flaring. “I … .” I didn’t get a chance to finish my sentence because my attention was drawn to the sky as a shadow passed across the moon.

  There was no mistaking what I saw this time. It was clearly a man flying over the field behind the house. He wasn’t wearing a cape or anything – because that would simply be ridiculous – but he was wearing a hoodie.

  “Oh, well, there’s something you don’t see every day,” Thistle intoned, dragging her attention from the sex freaks in the car to the man floating in the sky. “What the … ?”

  “Okay,” Landon said, bobbing his head. “This time I see it. I believe you.”

  “I told you!”

  This day just kept getting weirder.

  I wish up was down, because life is a lot more fun when your shirt is over your head and your boobs are on display. There’s nothing that’s not funny when you let your boobs out to play.

  – Twila Winchester, age 20, when explaining why she didn’t want to get a job that requires wearing a bra

  Seven

  “Is that … ?” Clove’s mouth dropped open as she tipped her dark head to the side.

  “All he’s missing is a cape,” Thistle noted. “Why do you think he’s wearing a hoodie?”

  “That’s your question?” Landon was incredulous. “Why aren’t you more worried about the fact that he’s flying? Forget the freaking hoodie.”

  “Maybe that’s hi
s superhero costume,” I suggested, ignoring Landon’s outburst. “Maybe he’s Hipster Man, able to leap tall buildings with fits of melancholy.”

  Despite the serious nature of the situation, Landon let loose with a loud belly laugh. “At least your sense of humor is still intact. That doesn’t change the fact that we have a situation. How are we supposed to explain the guy flying over the property?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe it’s a group dream.”

  “Okay, Bay, I know I doubted you, but let’s not turn on each other.” Landon rolled his eyes until they landed on the car. The rocking had stopped and the two inhabitants appeared to be pulling on clothing. “Well, at least this nightmare is over.”

  The words were barely out of his mouth when the sedan’s door opened and Mrs. Leery tumbled out. Her face was flushed with more than chilly color, and she giggled when she realized we were staring at her. “Oh, well, hi.”

  “Hi,” Thistle intoned, widening her eyes. “How is your afternoon?”

  “It’s splendid. Thank you for asking.”

  I had no idea how she managed to maintain her manners given the fact that six people were staring at her – and her blouse was on backward – but she didn’t appear to be bothered in the least.

  “So … um … do you do this often?” I wasn’t sure why I asked the question, but I was desperate to keep the conversation moving rather than fall into a pit of uncomfortable silence.

  “Not really.” Mrs. Leery smoothed her hair. “I think it must be the weather or something. We were at the new wishing well and I made a wish that things would be like they used to when we were younger. I told Stan about the wish and … bing, bang, boom … things were suddenly like they used to be.”

  “We saw the bang and the boom,” Landon offered dryly.

  “I’m pretty sure we saw the bing, too,” Sam added. “I know I did. I was out here waiting for you guys by myself for what felt like a really long time.”

  “Oh, well, we’re not modest.” Mrs. Leery flashed a smile as her husband joined her on the pavement. “Are you ready to go in for some appetizers?”