by C. J. Duggan
“And what makes you so sure?”
“Because this whole love and hate thing you two have got going on, it ain’t fooling anyone.”
Tammy and I both flinched when Ellie’s head poked through the sliding door.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I just thought I would let you ladies know … The Onslow Boys have arrived.” Ellie winked and closed the door.
***
Tammy and I walked back towards the main bar when I paused.
“Hang on a sec, I’ll be back in a minute.”
“What?” Tammy said.
I pointed to my feet, and her eyes dropped to my fire engine red bunny slippers. She started to laugh.
“Fair enough.”
Before I realised what I was doing, I hugged Tammy. I don’t know why – maybe because beyond the physical changes she was still the girl I knew, the kind-hearted Tammy Maskala. The relief that swept over me that nothing had happened between her and Sean was overwhelming. She hugged me back.
“I’ll meet you in there,” she said, and she let me go with a smile.
Running in bunny slippers up a staircase was no easy task, but I managed to ditch the slippers, reline my lips with balm, check the hair, and spray some Fire and Ice perfume in record time.
“Sean’s downstairs.”
I jumped at the unexpected voice. I spun around to see Adam leaning in my doorway munching on an apple.
“What have I told you about sneaking up on people?” I said. “And why are you telling me Sean’s downstairs?”
Adam bit a big chunk out of his apple with a grin, before backing out of the door without a word.
“Adam?” I ran after him. I followed him down the stairs, trying to get him to elaborate. Instead, all I got was Adam throwing his apple core over his shoulder for me to catch.
“Ugh, Adam! You are so gross!” I juggled the apple core to the bin in the restaurant bar, grabbing for some hand soap to scrub boy slobber off my hands.
The sound of laughter echoed out from the main bar and caused my heart to slam against my chest as I built up enough courage to make a grand entrance.
I had to act cool and confident, as if nothing was amiss, as though his evening with Tammy hadn’t kept me up all hours of the night, graphic images floating through my thoughts. I had to just be normal … whatever that was.
I breezed into the bar sporting my best winning smile, causing everyone to turn and look my way.
Toby, Tess, Stan, Adam, Ellie, Tammy and Ringer all looked at me like something was wrong. I then met Sean’s eyes that had the same puzzled expression.
Oh, my God, did I have something on my face?
Tess broke the silence. “Someone’s happy.”
I scowled. Was the fact that I smiled so utterly shocking to people? Was I such a sad sack in life that the mere thought of being upbeat and perky was so hard to fathom?
“Must be love,” Adam said with a wink.
I chose to ignore him entirely.
“I am happy,” I shrugged. They didn’t need to know that I was almost confined to a blubbering mess beforehand at the thought of Tammy and Sean.
“It must have been that joke I told you in the beer garden?” Tammy laughed.
“Oh, yeah, that was hilarious.” I glared at her.
Ringer piped up. “Joke? What joke? Tell me, I love a good joke.”
I went to change the subject but was distracted by Sean as he moved towards the bar, placed his empty glass on the counter, and looked directly at me.
“You ready?”
My heart stopped. “For what?”
Tammy jumped off her stool and headed over.
“Oh, Amy, I was just telling Sean that I forgot I had something on this afternoon so I can’t go waterskiing. So I said you would be happy to take my place.”
I stared blankly at Tammy wondering what the hell she was playing at.
“I spoke to Chris before and he has your shift covered.” She sported a wide-eyed ‘just go with it’ look that actually freaked me out a little bit.
“Amy… waterskiing?” Adam said with a laugh. “Now that I’ve got to see.”
“It’s not a spectator sport, idiot!” I snapped.
I met Sean’s serious gaze; it was as if the thought of me wanting to go waterskiing was so utterly unbelievable to him, and it was, or maybe all humour had left him because he was disappointed Tammy wasn’t coming. All of a sudden, I felt really uncomfortable. Tammy had meant well, but just because she was certain she knew how I felt about Sean, how could she assume it was mutual? Because from the look he was giving me it was clear it wasn’t.
“You really want to go?” he asked in all seriousness.
I swallowed, straightening my spine. “Sure.”
“We’re going out on the lake.”
I looked around, uncomfortable with all the questions in front of an audience.
“I know,” I said quietly.
Sean studied me for a long moment as if he was gauging whether or not I was telling the truth.
He shrugged. “Let’s go then.”
Oh shit.
***
Sean chucked me a life jacket that awkwardly engulfed my face. I wrestled it off my head and threw Sean an aggravated glare, but he was too busy whistling and clearing some space on the boat by picking up empty soft drink cans and other bits of rubbish; he was such a boy.
After quickly disposing of the evidence, he dusted his hands on his boardies and looked at me expectantly as I stood on the jetty. I clasped the life jacket across my chest like a shield, warily looking on at the sleek speedboat, bobbing on the water as Sean’s heavy frame took up most of the space.
I felt like such an idiot; it was so long ago and although my near drowning was a distant memory, being back, being with Sean, washed all the underlying fear I had of this vast stretch of water right over me.
Sean stepped forward and reached his arm towards me. “Need a hand?”
I breathed deeply, reining in my emotions as an ever-increasing mountain of terror threatened to override me. I swallowed it down like a bitter pill and channelled it into something else. Determination. Not knowing how long this new feeling would last, I used it to propel me towards the boat. In one fluid movement I threw the jacket into Sean’s chest with an oomph, and without much thought leapt into the boat and made my way to sit in the passenger seat before my legs gave way. I wanted to puke, I wanted to put my head between my knees in the recovery position, but as Sean sat behind the wheel beside me, I lifted my chin in defiance. I could feel his eyes on me; he was no doubt sporting a cocky grin. When nothing happened, I broke from intently looking out onto the lake like a brave warrior. Instead, my eyes flicked, confused, towards Sean, whose eyes looked wary.
“What?” I asked.
“You sure you want to do this?”
God, this was my chance to say no, to tell him I had better get back to the Onslow, and perhaps leave it for another day, set a fabricated date for some time in the New Year and then flee town. Yep, this was mercifully my chance for a blessed escape – he’d left it wide open for me to chicken out. So when “Yeah, I’m fine” fell from my mouth with the same false bravado that had lifted me into the boat in the first place, my inner monologue screamed.
The part of me that didn’t want to strangle myself with the cord of the life jacket wanted to cry as Sean fired up the boat, flipping on his sunglasses and casting me a pearly white smile.
“Well, good, then. Let’s go!”
***
“Sean! Stop the boat, STOP THE BOAT!”
It wasn’t a car, so he couldn’t just slam on the brakes and pull over to the side and let me out, but Sean worked quickly to at least slow us down.
I have to admit, to his credit, it was pretty slow and I knew it would be killing him as he shifted in his seat, looking out onto the lake, the engine purring, but he was stuck driving Miss Daisy. It took us quite a few minutes to reach out onto a clearing and soon enough the stretch of wa
ter surrounded us. My outburst had snapped Sean into instant alarm as he worked with lightning speed to stop the boat and move towards me.
“What’s wrong? Do you want to go back?”
I violently shook my head, unable to take my eyes from the water. I was frozen in place, hands clasping the chair, turning my knuckles white.
It was five minutes into the journey when I had the plan, the devil on my shoulder telling me what to do. I debated on and on in a whirr of movement until finally the devil in me won and that’s when I screamed for Sean to stop the boat.
“Amy?” Sean gently touched the side of my face, snapping me from my daze.
Breaking my eyes from the water, I turned to him, to his intense eyes, his forehead furrowed in concern. He shifted closer beside me, consuming the narrow space.
I looked away. I couldn’t allow myself to be comforted by him, by his touch. I stood, pressing for room, making him shift aside.
“Amy, what’s wrong?”
I gazed at the shoreline, my eyes transfixed on the Onslow where it rested on the crest of the hill like an emerald jewel with its painted green tin roof. From here it looked normal, no hint of what was once its dark, dank, depressing underbelly.
It taunted me up in the distance, up high on the hill, singing to me, challenging me. The Onslow had almost defeated me, but it had not succeeded. A surge of raw determination rose in me, the thought of it belonging to someone else; I couldn’t let that happen. I had to fight, take a stand and suck it up, Princess. I had to face my fears, and in order to do that I had to start from the beginning. Breaking my eyes from the hotel, I stared into the murky water, stepped up, and just as I heard Sean call my name in a blind panic, I took a deep breath and dived into the water.
Chapter Forty
I sank deeper than I thought I would, not that I had given it much thought at all … obviously.
Memories surrounded me and the all-too-familiar sensations flooded my senses as fast as the water filled my mouth. Before the same blinding panic overcame me, I struggled my way upward, kicking as hard as I could. I burst through the water, gasping for air, disorientated, struggling to keep my head from going back under.
Something grabbed the back of my shirt before moving to sweep around my stomach and started side-stroking me back towards the boat.
“Jesus Christ, Amy! What the hell?” Sean growled in my ear.
I coughed and spluttered, fighting for air. He swung me around and I instinctively latched onto the boat and clawed frantically to anchor myself. Sean’s arms latched on too, caging me in protectively, my back pressed against the rapid rise and fall of his chest as I felt his breath flow heavily onto my neck.
“What the hell do you think you were doing?” he asked, dumbfounded. “Didn’t get enough the first time you nearly drowned?”
I drew in a long line of glorious air before managing to gain my voice. “I was jumping in at the deep end.”
Sean laughed, pressing his forehead into my shoulder. “Bloody hell, you need to come with a warning label.”
I couldn’t bask in the glory of my daredevil attempt to conquer my fear, I was too busy shaking uncontrollably as the adrenalin wore off and shock set in.
“You’re shaking like a leaf; come on, let’s get you out of this water.”
Sean hitched himself onto the boat with such grace, like he had done it a million times before, no doubt. I still held onto the ledge of the boat with a fierce grip – without the press of Sean’s body behind me, securing me in place, I felt incredibly vulnerable. But before I could let it worry me, he grabbed my wrists.
“Come on.”
He groaned as he lifted me up and out of the lake, giving me the leverage to hook my knee onto the edge and push up and onto the boat. He did it so easily, as if I had weighed nothing more than a feather instead of a fully clothed woman, wringing wet. I stumbled into a kneeling position and a pool of lake water settled around me. I fought to keep my heart from racing and my entire body from shaking.
Sean shifted towards a metal storage box. Flipping it open he rummaged inside and retrieved a blanket. He spun around, proud as punch, and chucked it at me with a grin. The sun shone behind his massive shoulders, the rays glistening on the droplets of water that ran down his toned body – he looked like some Greek statue. It would have been enough for most girls to kneel before him and worship. Instead, I met his eyes and burst into tears.
Sean’s smile fell; I saw that much before I buried my face in my hands and unashamedly, uncontrollably sobbed.
“Hey, hey, hey …” He hurried to me and gently pulled my wrists away from my face. “Oh, Christ, Amy, please don’t cry. I have a blanket and a first aid kit but nothing for tears.”
Sean’s attempt to lighten the mood only caused me to cry more. Before the next series of chest-hitching sobs came, without a word he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. I was engulfed in them, my head pressed against his chest. I could hear the rapid beating of his heart and I felt instantly warm, even more so when he swept the blanket around me and gently rubbed my back.
“Shhh,” he whispered into my temple.
I was slowly calmed by the soothing motion of his whispers and the feel of the hypnotic circle he traced on my shoulder blades. It only took a moment to snap out of my anguish and become acutely aware of the feel of Sean’s bare skin under my hands. My arms were wrapped around him, threatening to squeeze the life out of him, but I knew he could take it. It was like embracing a boulder, except instead of cool stone I felt warm flesh. His skin was so soft, my dampened cheek rested right near his heart, goose bumps formed on my flesh for a whole other reason now. My cheeks flamed as I became painfully aware of how good I allowed myself to feel in his arms. The thought completely sobered me from hysteria. I let my arms fall instead, grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around me. I shifted away from his touch. Sean lifted his arms and allowed me to go. He looked at me as if not knowing quite what to make of the crazed, chin-trembling lunatic before him.
After a long silence he moved towards the front of the boat.
“I guess we’re not waterskiing today, then,” he said with a gentle smile. “If you want I could take you to my lake house?” He didn’t look at me when he spoke. Instead, he focused on the fuel gauge with immense concentration
“W-what?” I struggled to my feet, gripping the blanket tighter around me.
“Or I could take you back?”
The blanket entwined in my legs as I hurried forward. “No!” I all but blurted out.
Sean slung his arm on the back of the driver’s chair, his eyes trailing over what must have been a somewhat dishevelled state. My eyes bloodshot from my tears, hair damp and dank from murky lake water, the grey of the blanket stained with dark, wet patches as it wrapped around me. Even though his eyes made me want to shift awkwardly under their scrutiny, I held myself there, looking back at him, keeping my spine straight.
Just when I thought Sean’s icy gaze could slice into me, a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You sure?”
I pulled the hem of the fabric upwards so as to manoeuvre my way into the passenger seat next to him.
“How fast does this thing go, anyway?”
Sean’s smile widened. “How fast are you willing to go?”
I felt my heart spike in not so much fear, but in a surge of excitement. Okay, there was an ounce of fear involved. I was with Sean, the same oaf that used to fling me around on rollerblades, the very same boy who used to get great delight from hearing my screams of terror. Except that was then. This boy seemed different. When he held me before, there was no joy in seeing me suffer; there was only strength and an unexpected tenderness. I quickly wiped it from my memory.
“Just get going, Grandpa.”
“Grandpa?” he said incredulously.
I cringed inwardly for a moment at the potential dangers of taunting the likes of Sean. Teasing him would make him react in a way that would no doubt propel us across the water
like a bat out of hell. I swallowed deeply and grasped my blanket tighter.
He turned the boat key to blast it into life, shaking his head with a laugh.
“What?” I said.
He smiled, cleaning his sunnies on his shorts before sliding them on and placing his hand on the throttle.
“You’re a bloody lunatic.”
Chapter Forty-One
Sean didn’t go fast – well, not as fast as I’d expected he would.
Sure, he had picked up the pace, but it wasn’t in a water-churning, charge of thrill-seeking, death-defiance speed. He probably thought my little episode was enough of an adventure for both of us in one day.
I still didn’t feel wholly comfortable on Sean’s boat, surging across the mass of water, the spray of the lake water cooling my face. Diving into the lake with a ‘let’s conquer my fear head on’ tactic wouldn’t completely erase my worries, but it had been a start in the right direction … I guess.
Sean steered the boat around a tight bend and then another. It was commonly known as S-Bend Junction and it led into the mouth of another lake system. Yeah, I know, S-Bend; it wasn’t very imaginative but like most things in Onslow it was simple and to the point. We travelled out onto the widest stretch of the lake, into open water. My memory pre-empted the boat as it veered right towards the shore and tree line a little farther along the bank where I knew the Ellermans’ lake house would be, or rather Sean’s lake house now.
I shifted forward in my seat and the blanket fell around my waist as I became distracted by the sight in front of me. I had seen it a hundred times before – the times I’d gone fishing with Dad and my cousins we always passed by the Ellerman lake house. Those fishing trips were always kind of boring for me, talking about footy and tackle, but every time we went past the Ellermans’ place, my interest piqued for a moment.
The large, two-storey house was set amidst gum trees. By way of greeting, the first thing to see as boats rumbled past was the large dock as it floated seamlessly over the water’s edge. I had seen traces of envy even in my dad’s eyes each time we had passed. There was no doubt that it was an impressive space and every local’s dream home. Fishing, swimming parties – we had all dreamed what it would be like. Although, being a rather understated man, Mr Ellerman probably never much used the house to its full social-gathering potential. Not like I was sure Sean did.