“Great,” I said, admiring the glint in his brown eyes. “Never been better.”
He smiled. For a brief moment, the air between us seemed to take on a heavy magnetic attraction, because I could feel the space between our bodies closing.
Did he realize how close we were getting?
Before another moment could pass, the gap between our bodies closed. My chest pressed lightly against him and I stared up to watch his eyes as his face inched closer to mine. My heart pounded rapidly as he tucked a stray hair behind my ear and leaned in until his lips brushed my lobe.
“Keep your eyes peeled, Julie,” he whispered. He backed away and winked as if he knew how badly he was toying with my heart. He retreated to his car and turned back long enough to say, “I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”
Jilted by his sudden abandonment, I rolled my eyes and watched as he settled behind the wheel and drove away.
As I turned to head inside, I noticed Derek standing at his window, peeking through the curtains.
Keep your eyes peeled, Julie.
Yeah.
I’ll do just that.
Because this was the second time today I’d been spied on from that very window.
And I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
Chapter Three
Saturday September 15
Thursday had come and gone with another hour of running with Luke. It hadn’t gone any better than the day before. And now, with those two runs in my past, I only had eight hours left in my job shadowing stint before Luke and I would have to part ways….
I dropped by the station at noon to invite Charlie to lunch, though I masked a hidden agenda. I’d hoped to catch Luke as he stopped in before lunch, but as far as I could tell, he was nowhere to be found. His patrol car was missing from the lot, and there was no sign of his eventual return.
“Hey there, pumpkin,” Charlie said, leaning against his office doorframe. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Hey,” I smiled. “You’ve just been working so much lately,” I said, throwing a glance over my shoulder, “thought maybe you’d like to take a break and have lunch?”
“No can do, sweet pea,” he said. “Had an early lunch. Today’s been a day from hell—”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, not really listening. I looked around the building once again, hoping to catch a glimpse of Luke. With no luck, I turned back to Charlie. “I guess I’ll see you at home then?”
“Absolutely.”
When Charlie disappeared back into his office and closed the door, I slumped my shoulders and headed for the door.
“He’s gone over to West Bridge for the afternoon,” Detective Bruno said.
I turned back to the elderly, Latino man. “Huh?”
“You’re looking for Trigger?” he asked. “He said he had business in West Bridge today. He should be back around six for the poker game—”
“Oh,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I was just here to see Charlie—”
“Sure you were,” he said, a smile enveloping his face. “You want me to let him know you dropped by?”
“I was just visiting my uncle—”
“Okay,” he said, throwing his hands up. “I guess you’re both in denial then.”
I rolled my eyes and pushed through the door of the station, only taking two steps outside before registering Detective Bruno’s last words. I guess you’re both in denial then.
What was that supposed to mean?
I turned back and opened the door, only to find Bruno standing right in front of me.
“I was wondering how long it was gonna take you.”
“What did you mean by that?” I asked. “About both of us being in denial?”
“Mi querida,” he said, shaking his head and patting me on the back. “It’s in your eyes; his too. Believe me, I know it when I see it. I’ve spent my whole life reading people, interpreting the words they say, and better yet—the words they don’t say.”
I scrunched my brow and stared at him for a lingering moment. “What do you see?”
“The love,” he said, smiling as though he knew something I didn’t. “The love.”
Saturday September 15, 6pm
“Love,” I said, resting my chin in my hand. I sat on the barstool at the center island in the kitchen. “Do you think I love him?”
Matt looked up at me from a sheet of cookies, his eyes widening. “Not possible, Julie,” he said. “You’ve known Luke for…what, two and a half weeks?”
“Something like that.”
“Love takes time to mature,” he said. Matt had never been one to believe in love at first sight. I thought that his recent circumstances with Hannah might have changed his mind but it clearly hadn’t. “You’re not in love, it’s just an infatuation. It’ll wear off in time.”
“But Detective Bruno—”
“Is a nut,” he said, carefully decorating the cookies with a fiery red icing.
“I guess,” I said, somewhere deep inside wishing that maybe Bruno had seen something I had failed to.
“You hanging out with Hannah again tonight?” I asked, expecting his answer to be the same as it had been every night since Wednesday. The two of them were practically inseparable.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding at the baking sheet. “I told her I’d bring by some of my famous cookies for sampling—”
“You’re going over there?” I asked, surprised that I would be getting an evening away from Hannah for a change. Her presence had been a bit overbearing, because when she came, she came with a string of personal questions and a bad attitude. She had no sense of personal boundaries, and I had no idea what Matt saw in her.
“Yeah,” he said. “I didn’t want to expose her to Dad’s poker night—”
“Poker night?” I asked. “Here?”
“Didn’t he tell you?” Matt asked. “Dad has one big poker night every year. Tonight’s the night. And between Dad, Bruno, and some of the other guys from the station, it gets pretty rowdy—”
“Other guys?” I asked, wondering if Luke was included among the others. Bruno had mentioned that Luke would be back in time for a game. “What time is this thing supposed to start?”
“They’ll be showing up any minute,” he said, putting the final touches on the last cookie. “And yes, since I know you’re dying to know, Trigger will be here.”
“Oh,” I said, nodding as though it didn’t faze me. I glanced at the clock and back to Matt. “Well, have fun with Hannah tonight. I’m going to run up and get a shower—”
“To impress Trigger?”
“So that I don’t look like a slob for Charlie’s guests—”
“You never look like a slob—”
“Bye Matt,” I called over my shoulder as I ran up the back staircase, taking two steps at a time.
After a quick shower, I spent a while styling my hair and perfecting my make-up—and taking the extra time to pay very special attention to choosing an outfit. If Luke was going to be here this evening, especially in a casual capacity, I wanted to make sure he couldn’t help but look my way.
I stood at the closet with the towel still wrapped around me, plucking through each shirt, skirt, and dress I owned. When I finally settled on a dark orange turtleneck dress, I took one last glance in the mirror and ruled myself perfectly acceptable.
A roar of laughter came from the kitchen. Obviously the men had already arrived, and from the sound of things, had taken no time to break out the alcohol and get the party started. For a group of educated cops, they sounded like a room full of frat boys.
I walked downstairs to find Charlie, Bruno, and a few handfuls of other men sitting around three poker tables, all smoking cigars. All except Luke, who was at the furthest table, carefully dealing out a hand to his fellow players, never once glancing up to notice me as I announced myself with a simple “Hello.”
Most of the men turned to greet me, a few even letting their gaze linger a little longer than appropriate. I peeke
d at Luke once again, hoping to get some kind of acknowledgement, but I didn’t get so much as a glance.
“What can we do for you pumpkin?” Charlie asked, taking a long drag from his cigar.
“Just wanted to let you know I’m going out,” I said, with no intention of actually leaving. After all, I had no plans. Where would I possibly go?
“Back by midnight,” he said with a smile. “Have fun—”
“That’s it?” I asked, frustrated that he didn’t care enough to ask where I was going, and even angrier that Luke hadn’t looked up once to indicate any kind of interest. “No string of questions? No rules? Just a back by midnight and have fun?”
“What do you want me to say?” Charlie asked. “You’re you. What kind of trouble could you possibly get into?”
“Forget it,” I mumbled. “Have fun.”
I turned and walked out of the room, my heart breaking a little more with each step I took. It seemed to me that Bruno had been way off.
Luke didn’t have feelings for me; he wasn’t even the slightest bit interested.
But my heart ached for him, and I didn’t know how much more of his cold shoulder I could take.
Chapter Four
Saturday September 15
I sat on the porch step for the third consecutive hour, letting the rain fall on my face and wondering how much longer I’d have to stay out in the dark, wallowing in my own self-pity.
At what point could I just give up the pretense, sneak back in the house, and act as though I’d been out and enjoyed myself?
The sun had set and all that was left of the day was the faint drizzle of rain as it dropped from the night sky.
“Julie,” a voice said quietly. “What are you doing out here in the dark?”
I glanced up to the sidewalk to see our new neighbor Derek standing at the edge of the pavement with a leashed dog in hand. The white, slightly damp German shepherd licked Derek’s hand as he took a step closer.
“I guess you’re not afraid of a little rain,” he observed, watching as the beads of water dripped off the ends of my hair. I could only imagine that my face was soaked from the earlier rainfall… and there were probably mascara trails left over from the few tears I’d cried since leaving the house.
Derek took a seat next to me on the bottom step and the dog rested in a puddle at his owner’s feet. “Need to talk?”
I gave him a half-hearted grin and shrugged.
While I sorted out whatever feelings I had for Luke, the only person I’d ever turned to was Matt—and even he’d been a worthless confident since Hannah came along.
“My uncle has a houseful of guests,” I said, deciding that unloading my problems on a perfect stranger was probably a terrible idea. “There’s just a lot going on in there—”
“And you feel left out?”
“No,” I said. “Just in the way, that’s all.”
He nodded, but he was skeptical.
“So,” I said, taking the focus off me. “How do you like Oakland so far?”
He smirked and met my eyes, sparking another bout of wonderment between the two of us. “No complaints.”
“Good,” I said, unable to tear my eyes away from his. Again, I couldn’t help but wonder why I recognized him. “Why do you look so familiar? I swear I must know you from somewhere….”
“Maybe we knew each other in another life,” he said as if he really believed it.
“Yeah,” I said, half-smiling. “Maybe.”
“Hey,” he said, looking down at his sleeping dog. “I know I shouldn’t even go here, especially considering you’re as young as my kid sister, but I was curious if maybe you’d like to go out sometime? Just for dinner, maybe a movie?”
My cheeks flushed red with warmth, and while I took a moment to contemplate what he was asking me, I shook my head.
“Thanks, but I’m not sure that would be such a good idea—”
“You enjoy our conversations, right?”
“I do—”
“And I’ve been told I have a pretty charming smile—”
“And you do,” I said, silently agreeing that there was a definite charm in the way his eyes gleamed when he smiled.
“Then what is it?” he asked. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No, no boyfriend—”
“Is it me?”
“It’s not you,” I promised. “It’s a long story. It’s complicated. It’s—”
“Julie,” another voice said, only this one came from behind. I turned to find Luke standing on the front porch, looking down on Derek and me. I stood up and smiled, straightening the wrinkles from my wet dress.
“Luke,” I whispered, taking a step.
Derek let out a slight chuckle and stood up, waking his groggy pet.
“It’s Luke,” he said to me with a wink. “That’s all you had to say.”
I turned back to Derek. “No, it’s not… I just—”
“It’s cool,” he said, nodding at the dog. “I’ve gotta get this big guy home, so I’ll just… see you around, I guess?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching him walk away. I turned back to Luke and bit my lip, unsure of what to say.
“You guys having fun in there?” I asked after a few quiet seconds.
“What was that all about?” Luke asked, keeping his eyes on Derek. After my neighbor disappeared from sight, Luke motioned for me to come closer, so I took the next two steps and joined him on the porch. He slid in close to my body and lifted his hand to my face to wipe away the black make-up with his thumb; he smeared the excess onto his jeans. I noticed immediately that while he moved with purpose, his movements seemed far too flimsy and out of his controlled nature.
“He was just asking if I wanted to go out with him sometime,” I said, looking at my feet.
“And you said—”
“No.”
“Because it would be irresponsible—”
“It would?”
“Of course,” he said, shaking his head. “He’s too old for you, Jules. And you know nothing about him. You don’t need to waste your time with other men right now anyway. You need to focus on school. And your senior project—”
“Yeah,” I said. “My project.”
“And me.”
“You?”
“Because of your assignment.”
“Right.”
Our eyes locked, and for the second time in a week, his face inched closer to mine. All I could do was wonder what he was planning to whisper this time before he ran away, but his nose brushed mine and our foreheads rested against one another.
“I’m sorry,” he said, the warmth of his breath dancing across my face. I detected the strong scent of alcohol laced within, and reminded myself that anything he did or said in this moment was compromised by the enormous amount of liquid courage he’d consumed in the past hours.
“Why are you sorry?”
“Because I know,” he said. “I know how much it hurts, and I’m sorry you have to go through this—”
“Go through what?”
“Loving me,” he said. “Needing me. Wanting me—”
“I don’t love you, Luke.”
I didn’t know if my words even mattered, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he had the upper hand… not when he continued to turn a blind eye to everything I’d put forward up to this point.
“What?” he asked, scrunching his brow as if he didn’t understand.
“I don’t love you,” I said again.
“Well, I do,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “I do, Julie.”
“You love you?” I teased. “Believe me, I already knew that—”
“No, no, no, no, no,” he covered my lips with a single finger. “I meant you.”
My stomach churned in knots. I looked into his dark eyes as they shined back at me with hazy uncertainty.
“Why don’t you love me?” he asked. “Have I done something wrong?”
I restrained a small la
ugh and shook my head.
“Luke, you treat me like a child—”
“You act like a child—”
“And you only acknowledge me when it suits you—”
“Chief would kill me if he knew how I felt—”
“And you’re so damn stubborn that you never tell me what’s on your mind. I never know what you’re thinking, or how you feel—”
“I’m telling you now—”
“Because you’re drunk, Luke,” I said. “And I can’t even know that anything you’re saying has a shred of validity to it—”
“It does, Jules,” he said. “I promise. I’m crazy about you—”
“Look,” I said, watching an Oakland taxi cab pull up to the curb. “Your ride’s here—“
“Please don’t make me leave like this,” he said, cupping my elbows in his palms. “Tell me you’re lying, Jules. Tell me you love me—”
“Luke,” I said, pulling out of his grip. “Come on.”
I walked with him to the cab and saw that he was settled in the back. When I shut the door, he rolled down the window and called out, “You’re lying, Julie Little. You love me and you know you do—”
“Good night, Luke,” I said. “I’ll see you Monday morning.”
And as the cab pulled away, I sunk back on the step and closed my eyes, hating myself for lying to him.
Monday September 17
“Up!”
The blankets flew off the bed and I rolled over to find Luke standing over me, glaring down as though I’d done something wrong.
This morning I wasn’t as groggy as I had been in the past days. No, ever since Luke’s drunken proclamation of love on Saturday night, I’d gotten used to sleepless nights.
I hadn’t even been asleep when he busted in my room this morning, which explains my quickness to get out of bed and on with today’s run.
Luke watched me from the door as I made my way through the room, gathering the essentials for our morning run.
“Hurry up, Little,” he said. “We’re putting in an extra two miles this morning.”
“What?” I asked, but he disappeared into the hallway.
I slid into my shoes without untying the laces and followed him down the stairs.
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