by Kara LaReau
saboteurs |'sabə'tərs| plural noun
people who deliberately destroy or damage something
Chapter Twenty
The Bland Sisters were feeling rather pleased with themselves. Though they’d barely set foot outside their little house before now, they’d secretly and cleverly navigated The Jolly Regina to sail in the direction of Gilly Guns Island, where they would soon surprise their parents with a heroic rescue. They led Fatima to exact some very satisfying poetic justice and find newfound confidence as a chanteuse and reformed binge eater. They watched as Smokey and The Pirate Formerly Known as Princess were taken to the brig by Lefty, where they were to remain for a week for assaulting a fellow crew member with a knife, and for misrepresenting oneself as royalty, respectively. And with those two pirates gone, they finally found a place to sleep in the crew’s quarters, and discovered that hammocks are not altogether uncomfortable for sleeping. All in all, it was turning out to be a fairly positive experience, this pirate kidnapping. Perhaps it was a case of serendipity after all.
Or not.
In the morning, Jaundice and Kale rose early and went on deck to realign the ship’s wheel for the last time.
“I bet we’ll be there by nightfall,” Jaundice said.
“And then what?” asked Kale.
“What do you mean, ‘and then what’?” asked Jaundice.
“I mean, how are we going to get from The Jolly Regina to the island without being caught, and how are we going to get our parents off the island once we find them?” Kale explained.
“Hmm.” Jaundice shoved her hands in her smock pockets, and took a moment to ponder this. Think! Think! she thought to herself. She’d never had to make a plan before, so she was a bit sketchy on the follow-through. Honestly, she had never thought beyond the resteering of the ship. The rescue warranted another round of plan making altogether.
Unfortunately, Jaundice’s thought process was interrupted by the sound of a monkey. Scurvy’s screeching had an exceptionally shrill quality, which made both sisters cover their ears and squeeze their eyes shut until the noise subsided. When they finally opened their eyes, they were surrounded by the entire crew, including Lefty and Deadeye Delilah. Delilah looked even worse than she had the day before; clearly, she needed to stay away from the rum.
“What’s this?” she said, examining the scene. “Scurvy knows not to wake me before noon, unless it’s an emergency.”
“The wheel! It’s been moved!” Lefty cried. Jaundice had been too busy thinking about the next step of her plan to realign the wheel for the last time. The ship was still headed west.
Immediately, Scurvy leaped onto Jaundice and perched on her head. He began pointing at both Bland Sisters and continued screeching, no matter how much they swatted at him.
“You don’t say?” Delilah responded, nodding at the monkey, then turning to Lefty. “He says these two is the perpetrators. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted ’em, not after dealin’ with their shifty parents.”
The Bland Sisters attempted to appear innocent and indignant. Soon, Fatima and Peg pushed through the crowd.
“Yer takin’ the word of Scurvy over these lassies?” Fatima said to the captain and first mate.
“They’ve done nothin’ but good for this ship since they got here,” Peg added.
Delilah shrugged. “I never doubt me monkey,” she said.
Lefty leaned in close to the Bland Sisters, close enough for them to smell last night’s stew on her breath. Kale felt the bile rise in her throat.
“Ye know what we does to saboteurs?” Lefty growled.
“Do we get a choice?” Jaundice pleaded. “Because I’d prefer anything but being marooned on Gilly Guns Island.”
At this, she winked at her sister. Kale was quick to catch on.
“Right,” she said. “Do anything you want to us. Just please . . . not Gilly Guns Island!”
Lefty and Delilah looked at the Bland Sisters, then at each other. Then they started laughing. Jaundice and Kale started laughing, too, though they had no idea what was so funny.
Delilah’s mood suddenly grew serious. She leaned in close to the Bland Sisters as well. Her rummy breath was almost as bad as Lefty’s.
“Do ye think we’re addle brained?” she said. “Do ye really think we’d maroon ye on the same island where we dumped yer parents so ye can all have a happy family reunion?”
“I think these two should get a sound keelhaulin’, Regina-style,” Lefty said.
“Ohhh, now don’t that sound delightful?” Delilah said. “We haven’t had a keelhaul here fer ages.”
Scurvy jumped on Delilah’s shoulder and squealed in approval.
“Um, what’s a keelhaul again?” asked Jaundice.
“It’s not in here anywhere,” said Kale, consulting Dr. Snoote.
“We ties a rope to ye, then we tosses ye overboard and let ye drag underwater until ye drown, or get chopped up by barnacles, or both,” Delilah informed them, rubbing her hands together with glee. “Stick that in yer dictionary.”
“But what makes it really special is the way we does it here on the Regina,” Lefty said, grabbing two coils of rope.
“And . . . how’s that?” Kale asked, gulping.
“We ties the rope to yer toes,” Delilah said happily.
At this point, a loud THUD could be heard on deck. It was the sound of Jaundice slipping to the floor in a dead faint. Though it was the first time she ever fainted, it was perfectly executed.
steadfast |'sted'fast| adjective
firm and unwavering
Chapter Twenty-one
By the time Jaundice awoke, the damage had already been done; a rope was securely affixed to her toes. Kale faced an identical situation, though she was merely terrified. The feeling of the scratchy rope around her toes made Jaundice feel terrified and downright squeamish.
“Ohhhh,” Jaundice groaned. “Noooo.”
“Don’t look at it,” Kale whispered. “We’ve got other things to think about.”
“Like . . . what?” Jaundice said, focusing on the seagulls overhead and trying not to hyperventilate.
“Let’s think of a plan,” Kale said, closing her eyes. She was getting pretty good at this thinking business. “Maybe, once they throw us overboard, we can find a way to untie ourselves. And then we can swim until we find land. There must be land within swimming distance, in some direction.”
“There’s one problem,” said Jaundice.
“What’s that?” asked Kale.
“We don’t know how to swim,” said Jaundice.
“Excellent point,” said Kale.
SNAP!
Lefty cracked her cat-o’-nine-tails, inspiring immediate and total silence.
“By the power vested in me as first mate of The Jolly Regina, I pronounce these two sisters guilty of the charge of sab-ee-tage,” she announced to the crowd, “a crime carryin’ a penalty of death by keelhaul, Jolly Regina–style, such sentence to commence immediately and without delay.”
“Wait,” Jaundice said. “Don’t we even get a trial?”
“What do ye think we are here, civilized?” Delilah said, laughing. Scurvy, perched on her shoulder, laughed, too.
“But we were just trying to rescue our parents,” Kale pleaded.
“Oh, me heart bleeds fer ye,” Delilah said, clutching her chest melodramatically. “The first rule of piratin’ is steadfast loyalty to yer ship and yer shipmates, above everythin’. Includin’ yer bloomin’ family. Am I right?”
Everyone on deck cheered in approval, except for Fatima and Peg. Fatima was crying, and Peg was consoling her.
“Those girls was good to me!” Fatima wailed. “And now they’s gonna feed the fish!”
“I suppose this is the end for us, then,” Kale said to Jaundice.
“Yes, well,” Jaundice said, “you can’t say we haven’t lived a full life.”
The Bland Sisters considered this. Briefly.
“At least we’ve had each other
,” Kale said.
“True,” Jaundice said, closing her eyes, so as not to see the rope around her toe. “True.”
Lefty grabbed hold of Jaundice and Delilah grabbed hold of Kale.
“On the count of three, we toss ’em,” Lefty said.
“I want to do the countin’ this time,” Delilah said. “You always get to do the countin’.”
Lefty sighed. “Fine, then.”
Delilah cleared her throat. The Bland Sisters grabbed each other’s hands tightly.
“One . . .” she said. “Two . . .”
“SAIL HO!” called a voice from above.
“That’s not the way it’s supposed to go,” Lefty said.
“That wasn’t me,” Delilah said, looking up in the direction of the voice.
It was Millie Mudd, up in the crow’s nest. She’d taken off her bandanna and was waving it to get everyone’s attention.
“SAIL HO!” she called again, pointing. “SAIL HO!”
Everyone turned to see where she was pointing, including the Bland Sisters, who were happy to get a reprieve, if only briefly.
“A ship?” Lefty said.
Delilah pulled out her spyglass to get a look. Her mouth fell open.
“It’s not just any ship, me hearty,” she said. “It’s The Booty Myth!”
swashbuckling |'swôsh'bəkling| noun
brave and daring adventures, usually conducted with flamboyance
Chapter Twenty-two
The Booty Myth, it turned out, was a faster ship than The Jolly Regina. Much faster. Within minutes, the vessels were within a few yards of each other. The Bland Sisters could see a tall woman with long red hair standing on the bow, dressed all in white and gold, from her tricorn hat to her high, laced-up boots. She was smiling.
“That must be Captain Ann,” Jaundice whispered.
“I’m getting a Feeling,” said Kale. “Something about her looks familiar.”
“Well, well, well,” Captain Ann said. “Quite a motley crew my baby sister has assembled.”
“Her sister?” Jaundice said.
“Yer sister?” Lefty said to Delilah.
“Well, sink me!” said Peg. “This is quite a development.”
“That’s why she looks familiar,” Kale said, snapping her fingers. “I see the resemblance now.”
“Yer not me sister anymore,” Delilah growled to Captain Ann. “I disowned ye when ye set me adrift.”
“I set you adrift because you were stealing from me,” Captain Ann reminded her. “And because you were an all-around pain in the biscuits. Everywhere I go now, I hear you’re trying to track me down. Still trying to pilfer whatever’s mine instead of finding your own treasure. And still wearing that silly fake eye patch.”
“Shut yer trap!” Delilah said, stomping on the deck. “Shut it!”
“Make me,” said Captain Ann, her hands on her hips.
Delilah brandished her cutlass. “Don’t think I won’t!”
Captain Ann chuckled. “Haven’t changed much, have you?” she said. “Well, I have. I’ve gone legit now; I’m a privateer, which means I have a letter of marque from the queen, which means I have the authority to bring you in, for stealing, and kidnapping, and terrorizing the seven seas, and whatever other bratty mischief you’ve been up to. Besides, Mom and Dad are worried sick about you. You never visit, you never write . . .”
“Well, laa-dii-daa, Miss Privateer,” said Delilah, sticking out her tongue.
“I have an offer for you, sister,” Captain Ann said. “Surrender yourself to The Booty Myth and we’ll leave your crew alone. Otherwise, it’s not going to be pretty. You’ll all be feeding the fish, mark my words.”
“I’ll never surrender!” Delilah shouted, tearing off her eye patch and flinging it at her sister.
“Suit yourself,” said Captain Ann, turning to her crew. “Prepare to board!”
Instantly, the crew of The Booty Myth began jumping across and climbing onto The Jolly Regina. Swords and cutlasses and daggers and fists were drawn.
“Arrrgh!” growled the crew of The Jolly Regina.
“Grrrrr!” counter-growled the crew of The Booty Myth.
A terrific fight ensued, the likes of which the Bland Sisters, who were used to staring at wallpaper and watching the grass grow, had never seen. Delilah was sword fighting three privateers at a time. Lefty was swatting with her cat-o’-nine-tails. Scurvy was jumping on people’s backs and biting their ears. Peg was swinging on a rope, using her wooden leg as a battering ram. Millie Mudd was hurling hardtack from the crow’s nest. Fatima was grabbing her adversaries, often two at a time, and throwing them overboard.
For the first time ever, the Bland Sisters forgot to pretend they were sleeping. Amid all this action, they were too riveted to close their eyes.
“Maybe we should find a place to hide,” whispered Kale, ducking as a dagger whizzed past.
“First, let’s free our toes,” said Jaundice. “Starting with mine.”
Jaundice worked free their sailor’s knots, then put her shoes and socks back on, then looked around.
“Ah, a dinghy!” she said.
“What did you call me?” asked Kale.
“Not you—the little boat over there,” explained Jaundice. “We can hide inside!”
The Bland Sisters scrambled into the dinghy, which fit the two of them with only a bit of space to spare. They pulled a length of sailcloth over their heads, leaving just enough room to peek out and observe the exceptional display of swashbuckling.
Peg swung by on her rope, battering two privateers. But with her back turned, she didn’t notice The Booty Myth’s first mate sneaking up on her with a dagger.
“Watch out, Peg!” Kale shouted. But the pirate-librarian was too far away to hear. Jaundice shoved her hands in her smock pockets while Kale covered her eyes. This was not going to end well.
ZZZZZWING!
“Ow! Owie, owie, ow, ow!” cried the first mate of The Booty Myth. She’d dropped her dagger and was clutching her hand, from which protruded a very shiny thumbtack.
Kale looked at Jaundice, who had a rubber band stretched across her thumb and forefinger like a slingshot.
“Yo-ho-ho!” said Jaundice. Kale patted her sister on the shoulder.
“Prepare to fire!” Captain Ann called back to the remaining crew on her ship.
“That’s not fair!” Delilah shouted. “We don’t have cannons!”
“Serves you right for spending all your doubloons on tracking down me and my treasure, and not arming your ship,” Captain Ann said.
“What are cannons?” Kale whispered, reaching for Dr. Snoote.
“We’re about to find out,” said Jaundice.
Before long, The Booty Myth began firing on the Regina. A cannonball sailed through the air. It was coming right for Jaundice.
“Look out!” Kale said, but her sister didn’t have time to duck. In an instant, Kale threw the dictionary with all her might, knocking the cannonball out of the way. In the process, Dr. Snoote tumbled overboard.
“Your dictionary!” Jaundice exclaimed. “What will you do without Dr. Snoote?”
“It was worth it,” said Kale. “Besides, I can always get a new Dr. Snoote. There’s only one of you.”
Jaundice pulled back the sailcloth to get a closer look, and saw water seeping in from below deck where the cannonball had broken through.
“This isn’t good,” she said.
Fatima approached them, out of breath and sweating. One of her earlobes was bleeding. “I’ve been lookin’ fer ye,” she said.
“Are you all right?” Kale asked.
Fatima touched her ear. “Stupid monkey bit me by mistake,” she said. “So I throwed him overboard by mistake.”
“The ship’s going to sink,” said Jaundice, showing Fatima the hole in the deck. The cannon fire echoing around them confirmed that the situation was growing worse.
“We’ve got to get ye two out of here,” Fatima said, looking around. She
took a deep breath and lifted the dinghy with the Bland Sisters inside.
“Where are we going?” Jaundice asked. But it soon became clear: Fatima was about to lower them over the side of the Regina, into the water.
Kale grabbed the cook’s hand. “Aren’t you coming with us?” she asked.
“Oh, ole Fatima has to lay off the hardtack a bit longer before she can fit in one of these little jolly boats,” she said with a laugh. “Just keep rowin’, and look out for land. Ye’ll be fine, as long as ye stick together.”
“And so will we. Don’t you worry,” said Peg, swinging down from her rope and putting her arm around Fatima. Then she handed Kale a large brass key.
“This is the key to me library, at Port Innastorm,” Peg said. “You two can visit any time ye want. And ye can take out books now and then, if ye like. Just make sure ye return ’em on time; I might not be around to collect the overdue fee.”
Kale slipped the key into her now-empty backpack. “We’ll be honored,” she said. For the first time, she and her sister found themselves holding back what they discovered were tears.
“Now, now,” Fatima said gently. “The second rule of piratin’ is there’s no cryin’ on deck. I only wish I had a little good-bye trinket fer ye both, to remember me by.”
“It’s okay,” said Jaundice. “I have one for you.”
She reached into her smock pocket and pulled out a hard ivory lump.
“What’s this? A hardtack biscuit?” said Fatima, as Jaundice placed it in her hand. Then she turned it around and saw that it was a mermaid. A scrimshaw mermaid.
“It’s the top of Smokey’s pipe,” the cook said, blinking in disbelief.
“I found it when we were cleaning last night,” Jaundice explained. “It’s yours, to remember how you stood up to those bullies.”
“And how we made such a good chantey-writing team,” added Kale.
“I’ll treasure it,” said Fatima, wiping her eyes. “Truly.”