Bonds of Blood [Lords of the Expanse] (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Honor James

  Bursting out in laughter at that, it took Andries a moment to get enough air for a reply. “I happen to recall some not-so-nice things being thrown my way about the pregnancy as a whole and what you’d do to me if I ever so much looked your way again while you were in labor the last time, my love.”

  “If you will recall, the last time there were two children trying to be born.” She paused and then added, “If I have twins again, Andries, I think that I will likely beat you. I want this child and I want this pregnancy. However, I will bloody well beat you if I am pregnant with twins again.”

  “You do know that with Vampires, it’s the female’s chemistry that decides the sex and number of babies, right?” he asked her with a smile. “In other words,” he teased with an evil glint, “that was not, never will be, and never can be blamed on me. Your body decided to have twins, so I’d be having a conversation with myself if I were you, love.”

  “It’s you I’m having the talk to, Andries,” she said stubbornly. “I love Dalek and Andria so very much and wouldn’t change them for the world, but I want only one at a time from now on please.” Because she knew just as Andries did that if she had more than one again, it would be very, very hard to keep her and their children safe.

  “Darling, you should not worry,” he said, softly cupping her cheeks. “I made them see before, and if we have a second set of twins, I will ensure that they leave them and you alone. There are other ways to keep you and ours safe. There always will be, Xandra. We will not live our lives in fear of the Alliance. They are not our keepers. They are our governing body.”

  “There are times that it feels as if they are our keepers though, love, and you know it,” she said with a smile, “But you’re right. You will do what it will take in order to keep us all safe, and I know it.” Leaning against him, she bit her lip. “I’m just scared. I’m scared because of the lives our children will lead after and just, everything.”

  “I know, my love,” he said, wrapping her close in an effort to make her feel protected. “But we cannot live our lives in fear of what may be. We have to live for the enjoyment of life itself. That you taught me, my love. All the worrying in the world will not prevent some things from occurring. But we can prepare and have plans in place in the event that something does come to fruition. That is all that we can do, for to second-guess ourselves and to act too hastily will surely see us into ruination of our own actions and leave us open for whatever they throw at us. Sometimes the best way to hunt, my love, is to make the hunted believe you are unaware and unconcerned.”

  “I know, Andries. I know that is all that we can do, but it completely and totally sucks that we have to.” Xandra touched his cheek and smiled. “I’m glad that I could teach you something, Andries, because every day you teach me more and more, my love, every single day that we live.”

  “You have taught me a lot, Xandra,” he said honestly, rubbing his hands up and down her back. “You’ve taught me to laugh, to love, and to live. You gave me back life. You give me so much love that at times I’ve felt nearly overwhelmed by the amount you are able to give. You made me open my eyes and see the world for what it is, and you’ve given me two beautiful children that any man could be proud of with another on the way.”

  “I’m glad that we have found each other. That you were able to let me in.” She shivered when she thought about what could have happened. Her father would have killed her if she had been returned and instead, instead she had a life with an amazing man and her father was no more. “I’m happy that your father tricked you into seeing that I was what you needed, Andries.” Speaking of his father—“How is he, by the way? You went to see him yesterday, right? Is he over his illness yet? Is it still,”—Xandra blinked—“is it still killing him?”

  “I did go and see him but…” Andries paused and tried to figure out how to explain his gut feeling. “I don’t think he’s ever going to get over this illness. He just seems to be getting worse. He looks fine, healthier, but I just know that something is wrong. I can’t explain it, love, but I feel as if he’s hiding his illness from me, from everyone. I’m almost, almost, tempted to take Andria with me on my next visit and see if she can tell me. But I know our daughter and she’ll do something that will have me fully gray in ten minutes flat.”

  “She loves him deeply, and you’re right, if she could save him, she would.” Xandra chewed her lower lip. “Take her anyway, Andries. Take her and let her try to heal him if you like, darling, and from there”—she shrugged—“we will figure it out. No one reads illness like Andria though, so yes, take her, love.”

  “I just don’t want her battling anything that is not within her ability, and I’m afraid that’s what it might be. She’ll blame herself if she can’t help him, love,” Andries pointed out softly. They both knew just how determined and stubborn their youngest child was, totally all Xandra’s genetics.

  “This is true, Andries. She would fully give herself to save another, especially if it were someone she loved.” She sighed and shook her head. “I wish she had a soul tie, Andries. She needs someone to keep her safe even from herself. She needs someone who will love her completely and totally. She deserves that more than anyone alive, I do believe.”

  “She’ll find him one day,” Andries said quietly, stroking his hand up and down her arm lightly. Leaning in, he kissed her. “Never doubt that, my love. Our baby girl will find her man and drive him to extremes. I am most positive.”

  “No, Andries, you don’t understand. Alyssa and Andria went to a seer and the woman told Andria in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t have a soul tie. That’s why she’s been so upset these last two days, love. She’s heartbroken because she will never have what we have.” And to be honest, Xan was more than a little upset as well.

  Andries paused and looked down at her with a frown as he processed her words. “Was that what the seer said exactly?” he asked her. When she shook her head, his frown deepened. “What exactly did the seer tell Andria, love?” He needed to know, knowing full well that seers often said things that didn’t immediately become apparent.

  “She said that Andria would not have a soul tie, that he had been lost to her before she was a woman and he wouldn’t ever come back.” Xandra shrugged. “She’s devastated, Andries. You know how much she wanted to belong, to be a part of another’s life the way that you and I are. I’m worried for her, Andries, very much.”

  “Damn,” he muttered softly under his breath. “Will you trust me in something, love?” he asked and got a quick nod that had him smiling. “I believe, with every piece of my soul, that our daughter will find her soul tie. It won’t be in the usual manner. It will be quite unique, but I know that she will find him. I just don’t know when,” Andries said softly.

  “I trust you in everything, Andries. You know that though,” she grumbled and then let her eyes widen. “Do you really think so, Andries? Do you really and truly think that she will one day find a love like what we have?” It was what she wanted for both her children, now all three of them, now that she knew this one was on the way.

  “I know it, love,” he told her but couldn’t explain it even if she demanded he tell her. It was a gut feeling in relation to a young man he’d met a while back. Andries didn’t know if it was him specifically or if it was someone the young man knew or was related to. He just knew that his daughter would be near him at some point and happy.

  “Then I will believe in you, Andries.” Touching his lips, she grinned. “Now then, husband mine, what do you say about us just being all naked and sweaty all day long? I have a mighty need to reenact how we got pregnant, many, many times.”

  “Well, since we are here already, I have no issues with remaining as we are,” he said easily, folding to her will on this one demand. Like he was actually going to argue with her. “But we will need to pause in a little bit so I can go and get more blood. I don’t believe there are more than two bags up here in the cooling unit.”

  “Yes, we know
that you will need more of that, because if history repeats, you will need at least that every two hour mark.” She had been voracious in her need for blood when carrying the twins. She had needed his blood almost as much as she had needed him.

  “I doubt it will be quite that often. You are likely only carrying one this time around. Last time, you were more needy because it was two. Hopefully you’ll have a little respite this time around, darling,” he murmured, stroking back her hair.

  “I hope so, too, for your sake, Andries.” She loved when he touched her like he was, stroking his hands over her hair and just making her feel more and more comfortable with each time. “I love you, Andries.” He was her world, he and their children. Nothing else mattered.

  Smiling at her, he kissed her nose lightly. “I love you, too, my little wife.” Turning his head, he yawned for a long moment before shaking his head. “I think you tired me out, Xandra,” he accused with amusement tingeing his voice.

  “I hope that I did, Andries. It’s my goal to ensure that you are as worn out as I am most times.” Snuggling in closer, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. “I say that you and I need to nap for a small time and then we will go shopping for things for the new baby, sound good?”

  Wrinkling his nose at her, Andries let out a slow breath. “Fine, we’ll go shopping, but I do so under duress, my love,” he muttered. He was like most every male around. He hated shopping with a passion. The only reason he ever went with her was to keep her safe and to enjoy the pleasure she got from looking and touching everything around her.

  “Thank you for doing it for me,” Xandra told him honestly and smiled. “Now, shopping, and while we are out, I will even let you take me to lunch and then frozen cream treats. How does that sound to you?” Because she had to admit it sounded wonderful to her.

  “And it’s all for you, my lovely wife,” he said with a grin. “You know those treats make my teeth ache, woman. You just want two bowls of them, don’t you?” he asked with mock shock, pointing his finger to her in accusation. “You are using my personage to get double what they normally give out.”

  “And what if I am? I’m pregnant, Andries. I’m allowed to have extra treats.” She took extra treats even when not pregnant. She loved the frozen treats and he knew it.

  Shaking his head at her, he leaned closer and smiled faintly. “Yes you are, my love. You are allowed anything you wish,” he murmured. He’d willingly give her the world and the moons if she asked just to see the glow of happiness and pleasure in her eyes.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  A week later

  Standing in the shower with her husband, Xandra rubbed her cheek against his back. She sighed. “I…” Xandra paused and frowned. Shaking it off, she stepped back. “Now, I think that we should get out and go see Andria. She’s here and depressed because Alyssa is off world ‘shopping’ again.” Xandra let out a frustrated breath because she knew just what Alyssa did when she went off world, and it killed her. Her unique makeup making her a woman whom the Council deemed a wonderful spy. No, it was not good what the child did off world, it worried Xan to death each time. “So let’s see about cheering her up, shall we?”

  Turning, he looked down at her and pulled her close. “What were you going to say, love?” he asked her, softly stroking back her hair. Lowering his head, he kissed her lips gently. “Something is on your mind, Xandra, and it’s more than worry for our daughter or what Alyssa is really up to off world.”

  “I don’t know,” Xandra replied honestly. “I just, for a half a second I almost felt fear, pain.” She turned to look up at Andries. “Dalek, can you contact Dalek and make sure he’s okay?” she asked, feeling fear for her son.

  Nodding slowly, he frowned down at her as his mind raced through the information within for where their son was that week. “We won’t hear anything for about a day, love,” he said softly. “He’s off in sector 66-Y8 this week on a routine sensor run with the new equipment. But I will send off a pinpoint message and we should get a quick something back come tomorrow, if that’s all right with you?”

  “Thank you, Andries. I know it’s likely silly that I’m worried, but I can’t help but to worry. I can feel something is wrong. I know something’s wrong, but I don’t know with which of our children it is. Andria should be all right, but Dalek I’m worried for.”

  “It’s fine, love. You are his mother and you are allowed to worry,” he said softly stroking back her hair. Kissing her cheek lightly, he smiled. “We’ll send him a quick message and find out he stubbed his toe and the world will be right once more for my lusciously beautiful wife.”

  “Thank you.” Xandra blushed and bit her lip. Nodding, she sighed. “I hope that it is a stubbed toe, although remember the last time that he stubbed his toe? Ended up that he broke his first three toes and had to walk with a cane for two weeks?” It had annoyed him to no end to walk with a cane.

  Snickering at that, Andries nodded. “Well, it serves him right,” he said softly. “If he hadn’t been trying to sneak back into the house in the dead of night, then he wouldn’t have stubbed his foot. He should have just risked the noise and left his boots on. He’d have fared better.” The fact that Andria had moved the furniture around in his bedroom hadn’t helped the fact.

  Xandra grinned and shook her head. “I swear those two argued as much as anything I’ve ever seen in my life. I still to this day can’t get over the fact that Andria did that to Dalek. That was just wrong on her part and she knows it.” But he had left and hadn’t allowed her to go with him. Andria had been hurt, and when her feelings were hurt, she fought back.

  “Considering where he was going, love, I’d have beaten the boy bloody if he had taken our daughter along.” Andries had known just what their son had been about and, though it went against his nature, had sat back and let the boy do as he would.

  “I know, but, Andries…” Xandra paused and grinned. “You are the one who raised our daughter to know that she can do anything that she wants. That she’s as powerful as he is.” Another wave of unease rolled through her. A slight dizziness washed over her. “Andries, something is very wrong.” Fear turned her face pale as she looked up at him.

  Turning off the water, he lifted her up carefully and stepped out of the shower. Setting her on her feet on the rug, he grabbed up a towel to dry her. Moving quickly but with care, he froze as he was drying her leg. “Xandra,” he whispered looking up into her eyes, “you’re bleeding, love.”

  Xandra didn’t hear him at first with the roaring in her ears and licked her lips. “What?” she asked and felt herself crumble slightly. “No, Andries, no.” She couldn’t be bleeding. No, she couldn’t. The fear was followed by a pain in her stomach that was so forceful she bent in the middle and cried out from it.

  Scooping her back up in his arms, Andries hesitated as if indecisive for a moment. As more blood began to flow, he took her back into the shower and turned the water on again as he sat down with her in his lap. Rocking her gently, he stroked her back. “Talk to me, love. What’s wrong, Xandra?”

  She couldn’t speak past the tears and the sobs of pain that were going through her. We are losing our child, Andries, her mind said in a broken speech inside of him. She tried to hold onto the little life that was winking out. She felt the death of the being inside of her as he slipped away, and that broke something inside of her.

  “What?” he croaked out, softly hugging her even closer to him. “Xandra.”

  Xandra was sobbing, trying to hold onto the little life inside of her that wanted to live, but she couldn’t. Sometime during her pain, during the intense grief, she heard Andria and shook her head. “No, Andries, tell her that she can’t try to heal this.” As much as she wanted her to, she couldn’t endanger their daughter like that for fear of it harming and or taking her from them, too.

  Andria, don’t, Andries whispered privately to their daughter. It’s not meant to be, baby girl. When it’s our time, we’ll have another.
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br />   Daddy, I can help. Please. I can feel Mom’s pain. I can feel the pain and fear of the baby. Let me in, please? Andria all but begged her father as she stood at the base of the stairs with tears streaming down her face.

  No, baby, please respect your mother’s wishes on this and let it be. After… After, you will need to help your mother, but for now, let nature take her course.

  That’s not fair, Daddy. Andria sat on the bottom step and covered her face with her hands while she cried. She could feel her mother’s upset and knew. She knew when the child was lost to them for good and felt her mother’s overwhelming pain at the loss.

  Life wasn’t fair, but Andries couldn’t say that to his daughter. It wasn’t her fault any more than it was Xandra’s that the babe was lost. The cold blade of blame fell on him. He should have taken more care with his wife. He hadn’t and it was his fault that they’d lost their baby. It was and always would be his fault.

  Standing slowly with Xandra in his arms, he washed her body and then, still silent, got out with her, dried her, and took her to their bed. Laying her down, Andries tucked her in and asked Andria to come stay with her mother while he cleaned up the bathroom, not wanting Xandra to have to see any of what was in there.

  When Andria tried to touch her Xandra shook her head. “No, darling. I know you too well. You will feel the injury, the hurt, and try to heal it, and I can’t let you. I can’t let you hurt yourself as much as this would likely hurt you, my love. I love you, daughter, but don’t.”

  Andria’s heart was breaking, but pulling back, she nodded. “All right, Mother,” she whispered and simply sat at her side and watched her mother and waited for her father.