by Bec Botefuhr
“How are we going to get past this?” I whisper.
“It will be fine, it will work out Maya, I promise.”
The front door opens, and I watch as Nate and Ryder step inside. They are both bloody and panting, Ryder’s gaze falls on me and he gives me a weak smile.
“Ryder…” I whisper, standing.
I rush over and take his face in my hands, turning it from side to side.
“I am good, we are all good. You and Nate need to talk.”
“No, I don’t…”
“Yes, Maya,” Ryder says, taking my face in his hands, “This needs to be resolved.”
“You aren’t mad?”
He shakes his head. “No, I have known for a long time.”
“And you chose to keep it from me?”
“You had to work that one out on your own.”
“But…”
“I have to do a shift tonight, work want me to come back in; I will be back in a few hours ok?”
I nod, biting my lip and turning to Nate who is staring intently at me. Ryder kisses me softly, and strokes my cheek before leaving. Sandy hurries off to her room, and I turn and walk down to mine. Nate follows me; neither of us says anything until the door is closed behind us. I sit on the bed, and stare up at him. I don’t know what to say? I feel awkward just sitting here with him, knowing he knows.
“Maya, I am sorry ok? I shouldn’t have come down on you like that.”
I nod, swallowing. “It’s ok.”
“Look, I went about it all wrong and I shouldn’t have. I never explained why I did what I did; I just used Ryder as an excuse. He was the reason I fucked Janelle, it wasn’t because of any feelings towards her. It was wrong, and the reason I don’t and won’t do it with you, is because you are different. You love me Maya, and Ryder loves you, it would ruin everything. Ryder isn’t the type to share, not forever anyway. You are his, you always have been and we three getting into something like that, could ruin what we have. I won’t do it, and I won’t risk everything for a moment of pleasure.”
“What about the kiss?” I whisper.
“The idea of you and Ryder aroused me, it wasn’t just him.”
“You said…”
“Maya, I am gay ok? I prefer men, and I want men. I would be lying if I said I had interest in women, but you…it is different with you because I love you and I know I can’t give you what it is you want. I could never be what you want me to be, not without lying to you and myself. Kissing you was good for me, I truly enjoyed it, but it isn’t the way I would enjoy kissing a man. I know what you want, but I can’t give it to you.”
“You are wrong,” I whisper, “I don’t want you to be different, or give me what you gave Janelle. I just wanted…I just wanted to know that I was good enough.”
“Maya, if the situation was different, then yes, I would have done it with you. The reason I didn’t is not because you aren’t good enough, it is because you are too good.”
I feel my eyes well up and Nate sits on the bed beside me, wrapping his arms around me.
“It hurts Nate; I don’t understand how this happened. I love Ryder; I thought it was simple until this…”
“It will stay simple; you don’t have to make it complicated. Are you jealous of Trey?”
“What? No.”
“Exactly, you love me, but it isn’t in the way you love Ryder.”
“I am in love with you Nate, it isn’t just friendship.”
“I know, but you have accepted what I am, even though you love me. You know I am gay, you have resigned yourself to the fact that you won’t have me in that way.”
“Then why does it hurt?”
“Because it was a shock,”
“Will this ruin us Nate?”
“God no bubba, of course it won’t.”
“I’m sorry I walked in on you and Trey.”
“It’s ok, it doesn’t matter.”
“I was just so shocked; I have never seen you like that and…”
“It’s ok to enjoy watching something like that.”
“It was wrong of me.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Do you love him, Nate?”
“Trey?”
“Yeah?”
“I think so…he is so mad at me now though.”
“It will get better,” I whisper, nestling into him.
“I hope so.”
“So, we still get to kiss don’t we?”
He laughs, “Sure, I wouldn’t give that up.”
I beam and look up at him, he brings his lips down over mine and his kiss is soft and gentle. When he pulls back, his eyes are smiling. “For what it’s worth, if I wasn’t gay, I would go for someone as beautiful as you. I would have you beneath me every day, without a doubt.”
“Well thanks,” I laugh, “I think.”
“Are we good, bubba?”
“We are good, cowboy.”
~*~*~*~
“Hey, wanna get Lazy Joe’s for dinner?” Nate asks later that evening, as we stand around his kitchen waiting for Ryder.
“Oh hell yeah, Fettuccini…”
“Spaghetti,”
“Fettuccini,”
“Nah ah, Spaghetti is the only way to go.”
I laugh and slap Nate on the shoulder, “Both.”
“Ok deal, go and take a walk with Sandy, get some movies.”
“Come with?”
“I will order the food.”
I kiss him again, and then rush towards the door, “Any preference?”
“Something fucking soppy,”
I laugh the whole way out of the apartment. I fetch Sandy and we walk down to the movie store and pick out some movies. After a lot of debate, we go with a walk to remember, he did ask for soppy. When we get back to our apartment, we change into our pajamas and walk back over to Nate’s. When we get in, he is spooning out food onto bowls. My stomach grumbles.
“Oh yum!”
He looks up and grins, “Hey Sandy, you girls look cute.”
“Cute, he wounds me,” Sandy frowns, but her lips quirk.
“Ok, you girls look so fucking sexy my dick just got hard.”
I roll my eyes and shove him, “Nate, you don’t say the word dick and it is kind of scary when you do.”
“And hot,” Sandy mumbles.
Nate looks at her, then at me and winks.
“Ohhhhh Fettuccini,” I moan, spooning some into my mouth.
“Ugh, bring on the spaghetti,” Sandy says, giving me a grin.
“Oh, you are just siding with Nate, that’s mean.”
“Mean is my middle name.”
We take our bowls and curl up onto the couch. Sandy is out mid-way through the movie and I am out just before the end. My head is resting against Nate’s chest and I fall asleep listening to his heartbeat. I am woken only when the door swings open and Ryder comes storming in. He slams his phone down on the bench with a curse. I bolt up and look over the back of the couch.
“Hey buddy what’s wrong?” Nate asks.
“Fuck,” Ryder snaps again.
“Ryder, what’s wrong?” I ask, standing.
Sandy is awake now and standing also.
“You girls need to sit down.”
I look at Sandy and her eyes narrow.
“Why?” I ask.
“Just sit Maya!”
We sit around the table and watch him pace backwards and forwards across the room.
“I got answers tonight.”
I feel my throat go tight.
“About?”
“About your parents,”
Sandy grips my hand and squeezes.
“Ok…”
“It’s bad. It’s really fucking bad.”
My eyes burn, “They are dead, aren’t they?”
“No.”
“They aren’t?”
Ryder sits down and takes my hand, and Sandy’s. Uh oh.
“I have been searching for months, with no leads. I got one the other d
ay and I chased it up, hoping it was wrong. It turns out it was right. I am so sorry to do this to you girls but you deserve the truth. First, I am going to say this; your parents aren’t your parents.”
“What?” I cry.
“Just listen, those people who left you ran because they were in trouble. They aren’t your parents. Their names are Cathy and Ben Clarke, and they are criminals on the run.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. Sandy is dead still beside me.
“Listen, I searched high and low, unlocked files and came to dead ends. Then I came across a news report one night, it had a date and I recognized that date as your birthday Maya, so I read the article. It said a baby girl was stolen from the hospital. I got curious, so I searched further and found that baby was never returned.”
I can’t breathe.
“So I read on, only to realize two years later another baby was stolen…”
Sandy’s hand goes limp.
“So I researched it further, and the birthdays match up. The only way to be a hundred percent is to do a DNA but I am afraid it looks like those babies were you two. The people that stole you fled from the country around when you said your parents went missing. Someone was onto them, and they freaked out. You were put into foster homes after that, but no one knew you were the missing babies, so no one came for you.”
“So…” I croak, my voice shaking, “We aren’t sisters?”
“I am afraid it doesn’t look like it.”
“And we were stolen?”
“Yes, but only DNA will confirm that.”
Sandy stands and is out the door before I can stop her.
“SANDY!”
I stand and run after her, I chase her all the way down to the beach. She is on the sand, beating it with her fists. I grip her and wrap my arms around her shaking body, and we both scream and cry.
“This isn’t happening,” she wails, “It can’t be.”
“It’s going to be ok, nothing can tear us apart.”
“We were stolen! It’s so horrible. The people we thought loved us were criminals.”
“I know,” I whisper, “I know.”
“I want to know Maya; I want to know if we are those kids.”
“I know.”
“I need to go for a walk, I can’t breathe.”
I nod and let her go, I can’t move from my position on the sand. I wrap my arms around my body and rock. My parents, the ones I thought loved me, are liars and criminals. I feel like someone has torn my heart out and stomped on it. Who are my real parents? God the pain they must have felt all those years. I can’t imagine the damage that would have done to a family.
I feel as set of arms go around me, and I realize it is Ryder. He crushes me close to his chest and whispers in my ear over and over until I feel calmer. When he lets me go, I look up at him under the moonlight; I reach up and stroke his cheek. He grips my hand and kisses all my fingers, then helps me to my feet.
“It’s going to be ok; we are going to finish this for you.”
“Do you know who our parents are?” I whisper.
“I have located the two families who lost their babies on those dates. They are both in LA.”
My heart skitters.
“They are?”
“Yes.”
“How do we know for sure?”
He sighs, “A lot of tests; we need those two families to find out for sure.”
“So what? We just rock up on their doorsteps and say hey I am your long, lost child, can we get a DNA?”
“Basically,”
“I can’t think about this right now, it hurts too much.”
“I understand, and for what it’s worth, I am sorry baby.”
I snuggle into him, “I love you for what you have done, I honestly do.”
“I would go to the ends of the earth for you Maya, that much you know.”
CHAPTER 4
NATE
“Aw shit buddy, she looks awful.”
Ryder sighs and stares at Maya, who is sitting by the pool staring at nothing.
“I don’t know what to say to her, I can’t make it better. She just got the worst bomb dropped on her.”
“Yeah, it was pretty bad. Do you know how Sandy is?”
“The same, though she is dealing with it better.”
“Maya’s been through a lot, with her family and the murderer last year, she has likely had enough.”
“I want to help her.”
“You’re doing your best.”
Ryder smiles and turns, looking directly at me. I was always a sucker for his aqua eyes. I met Ryder at a young age and have felt strongly for him all my life. The only issue we have ever had was my feelings for him. I have tried to scrap them, tried to move on and fall in love somewhere else, but I always end up back with him, and he is straight as nails.
“How’s Trey?”
I frown, “Fuck Trey, he is being a jerk.”
“Ouch man, what happened?”
“Are we talking like a bunch of females Ryder, because that would be creepy?”
He grins, showing me those perfect damn dimples.
“No, I’m just asking my buddy how his lover is going.”
“He isn’t my lover, he’s old news.”
“Ah come on Nate, you liked him.”
“Until he found out about my feelings for you.”
Ryder frowns.
“He still isn’t over that?”
“Not a bit.”
“Sorry buddy. I’m sure it will work out.”
“What about you anyway, how’s things with Maya?”
“Good, she fucking drives me wild.”
“I think you drive her wild.”
“How did you two go the other night?”
“We sorted it.”
Ryder nods, staring at her, “Is she going to be ok with it?”
“Are you ok with it?”
He turns back to me and stares. “I have always known she had stronger feelings for you, I also know it isn’t a threat. It’s different for us.”
“She adores you, that’s for damn sure.”
“Yeah, I know, that’s why it doesn’t worry me. Besides, it isn’t like you are going to run away with her.”
I snort a laugh, “Nah, you’re safe there.”
“Do you love her back, Nate?”
I stare at the pixie like girl sitting by the pool and sigh, “You know I do bud, just not like that.”
“She would die if anything happened to you.”
“Yeah well, I’d die if anything happened to her,”
Ryder smiles weakly, “I’m worried about her.”
“Oh?”
“After finding out about Janelle, and then the killer, then kissing you and being shot down…now this.”
“Ah, now I feel fucking bad again. I never meant to hurt her.”
“I know that, so does she, it’s just hard on her.”
“I explained why I would never put her in the position we put Janelle in.”
“She is ok with it, but it still bothers her deep down.”
I sigh, going back a moment to the year I fucked Ryder’s fiancé just to be with him. It was dirty really, I couldn’t stand the woman. Ok, she was hot and all but she was a bitch. It was erotic all the same, and watching him fucking her while…
“She looks sad,”
Ryder’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“I am going to see her.”
“Thanks buddy.”
I stand and walk over to the pool; I sit down beside Maya and wrap my arm around her. She always smells like lavender and vanilla. The girl is so tiny she slides into my arms like a child; I rest my chin on the top of her head.
“How you doing, bubba?”
“I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Give it time; it will be confusing for a while.”
“I feel so bad for that family, if it really is true. Imagine having your baby disappear?”
I
shudder, “Fuck, it would be horrible.”
“Imagine if Jasmine just got taken away from you.”
I stiffen; the thought of anyone touching my daughter would destroy me.
“I couldn’t imagine it.”
“What if they don’t want me Nate?”
“Aw sweetheart, they would be mad not to want you.”
She looks up at me and smiles, she is so darn cute.
“I love you, do you know that?”
I grin, “I know that.”
“Why are you two always so good to me? I got lucky finding both of you.”
“Well, I say we are the lucky ones.”
She leans up and smacks a kiss against my lips. She is the only girl I would ever let kiss me, and she knows it.
“So, how’s Trey?”
I huff. “Your man over there was just asking the same question.”
“And?”
“It’s over with.”
“Aw Nate, I wish that wasn’t the case.”
“Look, I am going to talk with him tonight but it doesn’t look good. I don’t think we are right for each other.”
“You were fine until you kissed me and flared up the past. Tell me Nate, when you guys were away, did you have fun?”
I stiffen, and then sigh, “Oh yeah.”
“Then give it a chance, he made you happy and I miss you being happy.”
I poke her. “Come on, I haven’t been so bad.”
She makes a little gap with her thumb and forefinger, “Just a little.”
I smack a kiss to her head. “I will try, ok?”
“Ok...”
I head over to Trey’s later that night. When I open his apartment door, I find him just out of the shower. He has a towel wrapped around his waist. I can’t deny the man has a fantastic body. He is hot. He smiles at me, showing perfect white teeth. I throw my keys on the bench and walk over to him, Maya is right, before all the drama started, I did only want him.
“I am not going to walk out of here until we solve this, whatever way that has to be.”
I grip Trey’s towel and yank it off, impressive.
“And how will that be?” he says in a husky tone.
“However is best.”
He drops to his knees and unbuckles my belt, well here goes, the way we always solve a good argument…
CHAPTER 5
MAYA
“Please Ryder, I am asking you to give it to me.”
He frowns, “Any other time you said those words I would melt, but…Maya this isn’t a good idea.”