Providence (The Velvet Series Book 2)

by Diana Kane

  “I really need to get this harness off,” Isabella whispers. I can’t help but laugh, a welcome respite from the sadness that has settled over us. I feel Isabella start to laugh as well and know that things will be fine. I plant a soft kiss on her forehead as she releases me and I help her up. She removes the harness and tosses it and the toy into the water. When she sees the look of horror on my face she tells me, “Relax, it’s water proof.” She kisses me quickly before bending to pick up the bottle of wine, offering it to me first. We finish off the bottle before nature calls, and I have to head into the nearby foliage for relief. I hear a splash and know Isabella is in the water, the image of her swimming under the full moon fresh in my mind. I walk back to the deck and look down at the water, the sun reflecting brightly off of the surface, casting a heavy glare back at me. I spot Isabella near the recession in the wall, watching me. She smiles and tilts her head slightly, the sun reflecting off her water slicked hair. Without further delay, I dive in and swim towards her.

  We spend the day swimming, chatting, basking in the sun, and feasting on one another, simply enjoying being together. We don’t discuss anything of dire consequence, and we both avoid the subject of my leaving. By dusk we’ve finished the second bottle of wine and most of the water, both of us feeling tired and hungry. As we dress to return to the resort, I look around and remember our first night here. Was it that night when things started to shift between us? Had it been those first tender kisses that had sealed my fate?

  We have dinner at the restaurant, stopping at the sound of blues music coming from the performance hall. “Do you want to stop?” I pull Isabella through the doors in answer. We stand towards the back and watch the band, Isabella behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist, her breath tickling my ear as she kisses my neck. “I didn’t know you liked blues music,” she whispers. A petite woman with a voice that sounds too big for her body, belts out the lyrics to Hoochie Coochie Man as the band maintains the beat behind her. I start swaying my hips with the music, giving Isabella little choice between letting go of me and joining in. “Something tells me you don’t just like blues music, you love it.” I feel Isabella join me, her body swaying with mine as she presses against me.

  “What’s not to love? Everyone can relate to the lyrics and the beats are often hypnotic.” I feel Isabella’s smile against my cheek.

  “You certainly present proof of your second argument,” she coos against my ear. The song wraps up, Isabella’s hands separating long enough to clap along with me.

  “We don’t cover a lot of modern music since it never seems to have the same feeling as the classics.” The singer takes a long drink from her glass before continuing. “The first time I heard this song, I knew we had to cover it, so bear with us, we haven’t done this one live too many times.” The opening chords of Love on the Brain fill the room.

  “Turn around and dance with me,” Isabella demands, whispering the order in my ear. I turn around smiling at Isabella. She wraps her arms around my neck as I lock mine around her hips. Our eyes lock before Isabella lightly kisses me. “I really like this song.” I halfway stifle my chuckle. “You don’t think it’s good?”

  “Well, it’s up for debate whether or not it’s about her abusive relationship with her ex. So maybe it isn’t all good. But I can’t deny that the beat is amazing, and if you ignore the potential negativity, it’s an incredibly sexy song.” Isabella presses a finger to my lips, silencing me.

  “Ssh. Just shut out the negativity and live with me, be in the moment. Pretend if you have to.” Her lips briefly replace her finger before she rests her forehead against mine, her eyes close as we move with the music.

  “Is that what you’re doing? Pretending?” Isabella’s eyes snap open.

  “Does it feel like I’m pretending?”

  “What did you say to me at the lagoon?” Isabella’s eyes close.

  “You heard that?” I nod against her forehead. Isabella sighs, “I said that I don’t want you to leave.” I feel something in my heart as I process her words, a flutter or a skip, I’m not sure. Whatever the feeling is, it conflicts with or compensates for the ever present ache I feel when I remember I have to leave in a day. Isabella opens her eyes and they bore into me, waiting for some response to her confession.

  “I don’t want to leave you,” I whisper, reaching up to cup her face with my hand. I close my eyes and just follow the rhythm. Isabella presses her lips to mine. I presume it will just be a lingering press, but when her tongue rolls over my lips, I don’t deny it entry. The kiss is long, filled with the emotions neither of us can or want to express. We continue dancing to a song that’s no longer playing as we kiss.

  “I’m gonna dedicate this one to the couple in the back since it looks like they’ve already found it. Looking good ladies.” Isabella and I both start laughing when we realize she’s talking about us, putting an abrupt end to our kiss. Her voice fills the room as she begins belting out the opening line of A Sunday Kind of Love. Isabella closes the small gap separating us, wrapping her arms protectively around me as I rest my head against her shoulder. She turns her head and plants a tender kiss on my forehead before turning it back to rest her cheek in the spot her lips just vacated. We dance with our bodies pressed together, holding each other, my fingers tracing small circles on her back. Our lips meet again as she belts out the closing words and part when the music stops. Feeling Good starts as I glance around the room at the other couples. My eyes stop when I see the two women from our first night here. They aren’t staring tonight, but they seem to alternate making quick glances in our direction.

  “Do you want to get out of here?”

  “Only if that is what you want. I’m not worried about them.” Of course she already saw them, she seems to notice everything. I remember our first night here, when we saw them watching us dance together, and how Isabella basically shut down, cutting our evening short. She told me the next evening that she was over it, but is she really? I don’t want to leave the comfort of her embrace but if I don’t enjoy their prying eyes, how does Isabella really feel about it?

  “Come on,” I urge her, “let’s go for a walk.” She tightens her arms around me as her eyes meet mine. I give her a slight nod, and we release each other, our hands clasping as I lead us out the door.

  “I enjoyed dancing with you, we could have stayed.” Isabella starts the conversation as we slowly amble along the beach, the moon reflecting off of the ocean, giving some extra light on this quiet night. I don’t know how to broach this conversation, but hope we can have it without any major issues.

  “I loved dancing with you too. I just want to be sure that you’re alright, I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable with them there.”

  “I told you, I’m over it.” Isabella’s bungalow is in sight, so I keep quiet until we’re on the beach in front of it. I turn to face her, clasp both of her hands, and slowly take a seat, gently tugging downward on her arms, encouraging her to join me. We sit facing each other, our hands still linked, as I contemplate how to continue. “Esme and I were over long before I caught her in bed with Camila. We were never truly compatible. She likes to go out every night and be wild, isn’t all that responsible, is a bit of a slob, and doesn’t have a charitable bone in her body. We drove each other crazy, but somehow we thought it was a good idea to get together. By the time she and Camila started sleeping together, Esme and I had basically stopped. But she knew my secret, and even though I knew on some level we would never work, I still felt obligated to try. I looked into moving to New York, where there would be more things that she would enjoy. She was already sleeping with Camila by then and refused to go. I’m over Esme, have been for a while, but I didn’t just lose that relationship. I lost my lifelong best friend, which hurt a lot more. I can’t explain it, but I still miss Camila at times, even though I will never be able to trust her again, nor do I know if I will ever be able to forgive her for betraying my trust. When we saw them staring at us that first night I
was angry. I don’t feel like they have a right to be privy to my private affairs, even if it is the first time I’ve been with someone since the breakup.” She’s shared more with me than I had anticipated, and my heart aches for her. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose Abby, Catherine or Alex, my three closest friends. But one tidbit seems to stick out the most.

  “You mean the first woman they saw you with, right?” Isabella’s eyes lock unflinchingly on mine.

  “No, I mean the first woman I’ve been with. I’ve had opportunities but I didn't take or want them.”

  “Why me then?” I don’t ask out of some need to have my ego stroked, I’m truly curious why this remarkable woman chose me.

  “Because you’re beautiful, you seemed genuine, I knew you were hurting, and I knew you would be leaving. It seemed safe; that we could have this affair and it would be over. But you are far more than I anticipated you would be, and now the thought of you leaving makes me ache.” These are likely the sweetest and most honest words any woman has ever spoken to me. Unable to formulate a verbal response, I follow my gut instinct, lunging forward, knocking Isabella into the sand and crushing my mouth against hers. Our tongues mingle as Isabella locks her legs around my waist. I let the kiss linger on before finally rolling my hips against her, causing her to moan into my mouth. I kiss her for a while again before allowing myself to roll against her, again she moans into my mouth, causing me to roll my hips once more. This time it sounds more like a groan as she slides her legs down, hooking them around mine and flipping me onto my back. “We shouldn’t start this here.” I bite my swollen lower lip trying to convince her that she’s wrong. “Trust me, you’ll get sand in places you don’t want it.” I can’t help but laugh, I know she’s right, but even the slightest touch from this woman causes me to lose all control. Isabella extracts herself from me, stands up and offers me her hand, I sit up but don’t take it.

  “Can we just sit here a while longer?” Isabella answers by sitting down behind me, her legs extended around me, her arms enveloping me as she pulls me back to recline against her chest. We sit and watch the water and the moon, not saying a word.

  “What are we going to do?” Isabella’s words escape her in a hushed tone. A heavy sigh escapes me as I pose a question my overly analytic brain feels it needs answered.

  “Do you think it’s just all the sex?”

  “Is what just all the sex?”

  “These feelings. Do you think it’s just because of all the sex we’ve been having?” Isabella squeezes me tight before answering.

  “No. I know it was supposed to be casual fucking, but we moved beyond that long ago. Is it still just sex for you?” I can hear the underlying hurt in her voice, so I pull away slightly to turn and look her in the eyes.

  “No, it isn’t. I’ve had a few casual flings, none of them have ever been like this. In the past I’ve been able to easily separate lust and my feelings, never letting them overlap, but this…I don’t know how it happened. I care about you, when I go home, out of sight is not going to mean you aren’t on my mind. I’m certain of that.” Isabella presses her lips against mine, letting them linger there before pulling back. I return to my reclining position, and Isabella holds me a little tighter than before.

  “Any ideas then?”

  “I guess we have a few options. We can just decide that when I leave here, we are done. No contact info exchanged. We simply move on and try to forget about each other.”

  “I don’t like that option.” I smile at her answer, even if she can’t see it. I don’t like it either, but no other option seems practical.

  “Well, we could exchange information and take it day by day. Video chatting is free and easy. I think it will require total honesty if we want to go that route. Honesty about how we are feeling, if either of us meets someone else, anything. We could take it from there, see if we even want to see each other again after a while.”

  “This option is better, but…” I wait for Isabella to answer but she stays quiet.

  “But what?”

  “What about Katrina? What will you do when you see her?” I sigh, knowing I can’t give Isabella the full reassurance she wants to hear. I remove myself from her embrace and turn around to face her, the least I can do is look her in the eye. Her legs remain spread, so I sit and extend mine to loosely drape around her waist, sitting as close to her as I can.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t thought about her or missed her, I can tell you that. I think I’m good on that front, but who knows what will happen when our paths cross. We have mutual friends, and there aren’t a lot of gay-friendly spaces where I live, so we will inevitably see each other. The only thing I can promise you is transparency. I won’t keep you in the dark about anything. If something happens, I promise I will tell you. There’s always the chance that you’ll meet someone else. I’m trusting you to be honest with me.” Isabella searches my face, looking for any clue that I could be lying or leading her on. I’m not, I wouldn’t, especially knowing what she went through with Esme and Camila.

  “Life never makes it easy.”

  “No, it doesn’t. Look, I’m curious if there is something between us. The circumstances are far from ideal, but I’d still like to know. I know that when I leave here Saturday morning, I’m going to be hurting more than I was when I arrived. I’m leaving the decision up to you. Take whatever time you need to think about it. I can give you my information before I leave, and you can use it or throw it away.” I hate this option, will hate the not knowing as I wait to hear from her, but I know where I stand and don’t want to pressure her into making a choice without thinking it through.

  “I don’t need time to think about it. I want to know what this is.” I smile at her as her hand finds the back of my neck, pulling me to her to share a kiss. While things are far from guaranteed, and they certainly won’t be easy, I feel a modicum of relief knowing when I leave here Saturday I won’t be leaving Isabella as well. My body is on fire with the combination of this knowledge and the kiss, I want Isabella now. I pull out of the kiss and run my thumb over Isabella’s lips as I take in the burning in her eyes.

  “Let’s go inside before we get sand where we don’t want it.”

  *****

  I come to and quickly realize Isabella isn’t in bed with me, I don’t even have to open my eyes. “Don’t move,” I hear her command as I begin to stretch. I open my eyes and rotate them in the direction her voice came from. Isabella sits on top of the dresser, her back against the vanity, with her legs crossed under her. Her hand works feverishly over the large sketch book perched in her lap.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, trying not to smile.

  “You normally sleep longer, I only need a few more minutes.” Her eyes dart back and forth between me and the sketchpad.

  “You know, I’m going to need to use the bathroom soon.” I’m playing with her, teasing her, but she’s so focused on her work she doesn’t seem to hear me. I hold as still as I can and watch her work, my bladder protesting more with each passing second.

  “Ok, I’m done.” I can’t spare a second to look at the work, I jump out of bed and bolt down the hallway to the bathroom. I can hear Isabella chuckling, but it doesn’t stop me. My bladder gladder, I head back to the bedroom to find Isabella sitting on the edge of the bed holding the sketchpad.

  “May I see it?” I ask as I sit down next to her, much closer than the available space requires. She hands me the book and I carefully open it. The first few are landscapes, the view of the ocean from her deck under the full moon, the lagoon, her family estate, then a picture of me sunbathing on the beach, followed by a picture of me reclining on the rocks at the lagoon, a picture of me sleeping in Isabella’s bed with the sunlight pouring into the room, and finally a picture of me sleeping in her bed with the moon outside the window, the shadows much heavier than in the previous sketch, my sleeping position exposing much more of my body. I slowly examine each of the sketches, letting the detai
ls of each sink in. Even the beach sketch is shaded to reflect the tan lines Isabella had teased me about.

  “I’m sorry.” I look at Isabella, but she doesn’t want to look at me. I set the sketch book down on the bed beside me and squat down in front of her, forcing her to meet my eyes.

  “Is that how you see me?” The woman in the sketches is beautiful, not just physically, but she seems to have an inner beauty that oozes out of her as well. It can’t be me, even if it looks like me.

  “It’s who you are.”

  “But that woman is beautiful.” Isabella reaches up and strokes my face with her fingertips.

  “Sara, I’ve told you before that you are beautiful. Are you upset?”

  “Why would I be upset?”

  “Esme forbade me from sketching her when she caught me.”