by Diana Kane
“I’m not upset, I’m flattered that you see me like that,” I say pointing to the open book. “This is who you are. I would never ask you to stop, it would be like cutting off your hand in my opinion.” Isabella leans forward and kisses my forehead, letting her lips linger just below my hairline. “Do you display your sketches?”
“Just my paintings. Why?”
“Because there is no way I want that last sketch hanging up anywhere. You can see everything!” Isabella laughs, and I can’t help but join her.
Chapter 19
I wake up just before sunrise, Isabella wrapped around me, spooning me as she continues sleeping soundly. If only I could wake up every morning to this, but I leave tomorrow, not knowing if I’ll ever see her again. This has never been me, I’ve never been one to fall quickly for anyone or to even feel much romantically for anyone before. I’ve often wondered if that part of me was missing or broken, yet as I lay here with Isabella curled around me, thinking about leaving her, I feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I slowly extract myself from Isabella’s embrace and head to the bathroom. I blow my nose and splash cold water on my face, before crossing into the kitchen for a glass of water. I stare out at the ocean under the lightening sky as I drink the water, willing myself to keep my emotions in check. I practically tiptoe back to the bedroom, trying not to wake Isabella. Even if I can’t sleep, simply laying in bed with her will be enough. I stop and lean on the door frame, looking at Isabella lying there on her stomach, the sheet barely covering her perfect ass, her naked back facing the ceiling as it steadily rises and falls, her black hair slipping around her neck, pooling above her shoulders. She looks so beautiful and peaceful that I just stand here, watching her sleep.
“Are you ever coming back to bed?” Her voice is husky, still filled with sleep, yet she lays perfectly still. I smile to myself as I cross the room and slide back into bed. I find a comfortable position on my back and as soon as I stop moving Isabella nestles in against me, kissing my cheek before resting her head on my chest. I lazily run my fingers through her hair as she drifts back off to sleep. Yes, to wake up to this every day, minus the sadness, would be amazing.
As promised, Isabella and I spend the day together naked. We have our meals delivered to the bungalow and manage a few short naps between our intense, emotionally charged intimacies. Isabella wraps a sheet around us as we watch the sunset from her deck and again as we watch the sunrise, the reality of my departure hitting both of us. We feast on each other one last time before I leave Isabella to shower at the bungalow while I return to my suite to shower and pack. Despite my protests, Isabella insists on driving me to the airport. We share a few brief kisses and a long embrace at the airport, both of our eyes red and puffy from the tears that neither of us hold back. She promises that we will talk soon before we share one last kiss and I’m forced to board my plane.
*****
I unlock my front door and step into my home, releasing a heavy sigh. It isn’t the typical sigh I release when I get home, one where you finally get to let go of the breath you’ve been holding all day and just relax. This is a sigh of feeling a heavy burden weighing down on me. It’s early evening, and I have a million things I need to get done before I get back to my usual grind on Monday morning. I drop my bags and head to the kitchen for a glass of water. I find my mail in a neat pile on the counter along with a note from Abby letting me know that the pool is finished, my phone is plugged in on the bedside charger and that she picked up a few groceries for me. Abby takes care of me at the office, in the OR and now at home. I grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it before opening the refrigerator. I chuckle and shake my head, a few groceries. Abby bought me enough food for the next two weeks. Excited to see the pool, I head in that direction. I’m not disappointed, it looks even better in person than it did in the virtual rendering. As I stand there taking it in, a mental image of Isabella slicing through the water hits me, causing my sadness to conflict with the lust the image conjures. Without thinking, I strip off my clothes and jump in the water. Shock hits me initially, the water is still a bit cooler than where the temperature controls will maintain it, and much cooler than the water at the lagoon. It doesn’t matter though. I’m in the water to work out, and I do, pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. I shower and order Chinese food before settling down in the den to get through my missed calls, text messages and emails. I groan as the phone finally catches up and I see the number of voice mails and text messages I’ve missed. I grab a pad of paper and a pen as the messages start playing over the speaker. Thankfully there aren’t any urgent calls that I must return tonight. I turn on the TV and quickly find Four Rooms playing. I start it from the beginning and start weeding through the text messages. Finally satisfied that I’ve made a full list of people I must contact, I open up my laptop and get to work on my emails, the delivery guy interrupting me before I can get too far into them. I pay him and settle back in on the sofa, opening my lo mein as I start clearing out my inbox. An alert pulls me out of a response I’m composing. The second time I hear it, my heart leaps into my throat. I quickly switch to my home screen and see an invite from Isabella.
“Hey, beautiful.” God her voice, I miss her voice, and her eyes, and just her. I miss her so much, and it’s only been half a day.
“Hello gorgeous,” I whisper and smile at her. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from her so soon, but I’m thrilled that she’s contacted me already. “What are you doing?” She sounds sleepy and looks worn out as well.
“Thinking about going to bed soon. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” she says with a giant grin plastered on her lips. “What about you?”
“Having a late dinner while I try to get caught up on correspondence.”
“Should I let you go?” I can’t help but think of another way that question could be intended.
“Don’t you dare!” Oops, I hadn’t meant to answer so sharply, but I got distracted by my brain. Isabella just smiles. “Do you care if I eat while we talk?”
“Of course not, I like watching you eat.” We talk for nearly an hour, the credits rolling on my movie and Isabella’s eyes slow to open after each blink.
“I should let you go to bed, you look spent.”
“Ok, will I talk to you tomorrow?”
“I hope so.” Isabella flashes me a sleepy smile.
“Me too. I miss you beautiful.”
“I miss you too baby. Goodnight.” Baby? When did I start calling her baby? I honestly don’t recall ever calling her baby, but I find that I actually don’t feel uncomfortable with it, and the smile Isabella’s face lit up with tells me she doesn’t either.
“Goodnight.” She blows me a kiss before disconnecting our chat. I switch back over to my inbox but feel totally deflated. There isn’t anything here that can’t wait until tomorrow. I switch off the TV and lights, brush my teeth and curl up in bed, wrapping my arms around one of the extra pillows, as if the cold lifelessness could replace Isabella.
*****
I wake up at 6 am feeling physically refreshed, but still missing Isabella. I get out of bed and head downstairs for my morning workout, I need to get back into my routine. I push myself hard, despite feeling fatigue earlier than I typically would. My diet and laziness over the last two weeks are certainly impacting my performance. I cool off with a quick swim in the pool, remembering how great it felt to dive into the ocean after running on the beach. I shower and make breakfast before settling at the table with my laptop, preparing to respond to all the messages I missed. I manage to get through my emails from the last few days and check my surgery schedule for tomorrow. I’m surprised to see that Dr. Westland has been added on as secondary on my cases. The passage of time has slipped by me, but I’m pleased that she’s part of the team now, and happy that she will be scrubbing with me the next couple of weeks. Between Westland, Abby and I, we should be able to get through the cases much faster, hopefully making the catch-up schedule I’ll be on much more bearable. I’m
happy that I’ll be so busy, it will allow me to focus on something other than missing Isabella. I close the applications I have running and spot the video chat icon on the task bar at the bottom of my screen. My finger directs the mouse over it, and I hesitate. Is it too soon? How often is too often? It doesn’t matter though, my desire to talk to Isabella is too strong, I click on the icon and then tell it to connect me to Isabella.
“Good morning,” she purrs, her beautiful smile lighting up my screen. Her hair is wet and pulled up into what I know will be a messy bun. I can see the shoulders and neck of her work shirt.
“Hi,” I whisper, smiling like a school girl with a crush. “What are you doing?”
“Heading to the bar, I’ve decided to stay busy.”
“Why busy?” She flashes me a look of pure skepticism.
“Because I miss you. My bed still smells like you, I thought you were here when I woke up this morning.” I can see her sadness as she tells me this. I feel it too.
“I know, I just looked at my schedule, I’m going to be so busy the next few weeks catching up from being gone.”
“I want to come see you.” Her words catch me off guard, but send a tidal wave of excitement through me.
“You do?”
“Yes. I would get on a plane today if you told me to.” I want to tell her to do it, to get on the next flight here, but she wouldn’t see me, she would see how life is for me currently, my schedule over packed, my workaholic nature.
“Just a second.” I pull up my schedule on my phone and look at the coming weeks. I have a Friday coming up in early October with one fast case on it that I could move to the end of my day Wednesday. My Thursday clinic has some rechecks in the morning but no new consults. With a late evening Tuesday I can see all of those patients in office then. The following Monday I took off as Abby is going to be returning from a PA conference, the very thing that has made this long weekend possible. I’m not on call. It’s a perfect opportunity. I can see Isabella watching me, amusement on her face. “I have a long weekend coming up, a Thursday through Monday free.”
“Give me the dates.” I tell her the dates and look at my Wednesday surgery schedule. If I bump that Friday case to the previous Monday instead of Wednesday, I could be out of surgery by 5. She could fly in Wednesday evening, giving us a few more precious hours together.
“See if anything comes in Wednesday evening. I should be done in the OR by 5.” Isabella’s smile is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. The happiness I feel knowing that she might be coming to visit is nearly overwhelming.
“I will look into flights at work. I have to get going, but I will talk to you later.”
“Can’t wait. Have fun at work.” Our chat disconnects but I feel giddy knowing that she will be visiting soon. I check the time and decide it’s late enough to start responding to the missed calls and texts. Most are easy enough, just a quick response saying that I was sorry to miss their invitation but I had taken an impromptu vacation. I send Abby a text thanking her for everything and Catherine one letting her and Alex know that I’m back. The only person I don’t respond to is Katrina. Aside from her initial messages from the weekend that I left, there was nothing. I know it’s because they told her I was gone, but I’m still unsure what to say to her.
I busy myself getting things done around the house. The service was here Friday, so the house is clean, but I still have laundry to do, mail to sort through, and financial things to take care of. I’m sitting in the den a few hours later, working on paying my bills when the doorbell rings. I set my laptop next to my phone on the coffee table and head to the front door, where Katrina waits on the other side.
“Hi,” I say as I open the door and step aside to allow her to come in. She hesitates momentarily, and I close the door behind her as she slips off her shoes. I hadn’t responded to her messages because I wasn’t sure what I would say or how I would feel when I saw her, and I wanted to be sure. Now that she’s here I don’t feel anything really. I feel like I’m being visited by a good friend, much like I would if Catherine, Alex or Abby randomly stopped by. She makes her way into the den and sits in one of the arm chairs. I sit back down on the couch in front of my laptop and complete the payment I was in the middle of making.
“Is this a bad time?” She seems nervous, but I don’t want to push her to talk; or have this conversation end up starting an argument.
“No, just paying the bills. How are you?” Her brow furrows; as if my asking how she is might be the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“I’m fine. You?”
“I’m good.” This is awkward, I hate it. “Look, I feel like you came over here because you have something to say. I’m not trying to start another argument, but I can’t stand it being awkward between us.”
“Me either.” She sits quietly for a moment, fidgeting uncontrollably. “I, uh, just wanted to apologize to you. I’ve been an asshole, I know I have. Running out on you at Velvet, ignoring your calls, then showing up here trying to get you into bed.” She shakes her head a little as she looks at the floor. “I’m really sorry. You were right though, I’m not ready for the whole relationship package. I’m just really lonely and I miss physical intimacy. I think some part of me thought it would be easier to sleep with someone that I care about instead of a stranger. I never stopped to think about what it would do to you. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” She looks up at me with tears spilling from her eyes. I know her apology is genuine, and I appreciate it, but that’s all. I don’t feel the urge to cross the room to her, to comfort her, or kiss her.
“I appreciate that, I really do. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you to admit.” She smiles a little before looking back at the floor. “I’m fine though, really. Maybe we’re just really good friends who got a little confused because of all the time we were spending together.” She looks up at me with a mixed stare of shock and confusion. I have to stifle the giggle I feel threatening to escape.
“So you’re ok?”
“I am.”
“But you ran away. I don’t even know where you went, but guessing from that tan it was someplace nice.” I laugh then, because it was far more than nice.
“I went to Punta Cana. After you left that night I’d had enough of life. It was the first place that popped up with a cheap all inclusive deal, so I took it.” She raises her eyebrows at me, clearly not believing what I’ve just told her.
“You, who had not taken a vacation in a decade just spur of the moment booked a two-week vacation and ran away?”
“Yes. It might be the best decision I ever made.” She sits there and stares at me, her lips parted slightly, but nothing coming out.
“You seem different.” I can’t tell from her tone if she thinks whatever change she senses is positive or not.
“Well vacation is supposed to relax you, maybe that’s what it is.” I know that is definitely not what it is, but I don’t feel I owe her the details. “Look, why don’t we forget what happened, write it off as a drunken mistake and move on. Just be friends like we were before.”
“Yeah, that would be nice.”
“Great, would you like something to drink?”
“Just an ice water.” I nod as I grab my glass and head to the kitchen. I’m filling two glasses when Katrina calls out, “Who is Isabella?” My heart leaps as I realize Isabella is likely trying to get me on video chat. I bolt out of the kitchen, leaving the glasses of water behind. I quickly hit the connect key on my phone without picking it up, hoping I’m not too late.
“Hey baby, are you there?” A thrill surges through me at the sound of her voice and hearing her call me baby.
“I’m here,” I inform her as I fumble with my phone, struggling to get a hold of it.
“Hey beautiful,” she purrs as I finally take control of the phone. I feel that ridiculous smile creep onto my face as I stare at her beautiful eyes.
“Hey, yourself. How’s work?” I can see the bright sunshine and the bottles on the bar
behind her.
“It’s picking up. Matt says hello.” Matt pops into the frame and waves before disappearing again. “I think he’s still a little salty that you never called him.”
“Do you want me to call him? You could get his number for me.” I hear Katrina clear her throat as I challenge Isabella. I completely forgot that she’s here. I see Isabella’s brow furrow.
“Do you have company?”
“I do, just a second.” I look at Katrina. “I really need to take this, just make yourself at home.” I head down the hallway to my bedroom and shut the door. “Sorry, I forgot I wasn’t alone when you called. Katrina is here.” I see hurt, insecurity, and a few other emotions flash through Isabella’s eyes. “Hey, it’s ok. She came over unannounced. We’re just talking, clearing the air. That’s all. Whatever I thought was there before I left isn’t there now. I’d like to be friends with her if it’s possible. We were just discussing it.” Isabella relaxes a little, but her smile isn’t there.
“Do you still want me to visit?”