by M H Ryan
“You don’t like these parties either?” Barkly said and then shook his head. “I mean, you don’t like these parties?”
“Well, I’m not one to complain, but the people can be a little mean here. And I get the feeling, they think I’m stupid.”
Barkly looked to the floor again and swept part of it with his foot. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’m sort of like this ice sculpture to these people, captured in a moment in the past and just melting away in the present.”
She cocked an eyebrow at the statement. Perhaps this man wasn’t the buffoon the kingdom daily show led her to believe. He looked up at her with those brown eyes, and she saw the intelligence in them for the first time and something more. A bit of heat in them. Heat for her. She met his gaze and he looked away, with a little nervous laugh.
“What?” she asked.
“It’s nothing,” he said, not looking at her. “I shouldn’t say such things. It’s just when I look at you, I feel... nevermind. Sorry, I just can’t stop talking.”
It wasn’t nothing though and he probably didn’t even know why he was so conflicted. The Commanding Rod Cupcake held was the unseen power influencing them all. She could help him with that though.
There was a reason Bowsette and her kind weren’t affected by the Commanding Rod, and after years of research, they found a way to replicate it. It wouldn’t work well on the acolytes of this castle, but she thought it might have a positive effect on an open mind like Barkly’s. It wouldn’t change him in any other way than to free him from the impact of the Commanding Rod. She looked under the table for the glasses stored there and then put a few drops into his drink, filled it with punch and handed it to him.
“Oh, thanks,” he said. “You know, you don’t seem evil… you know, like you’re… um.”
“Thanks, but you should get to know me before you say that. I can get… mean when needed and you aren’t exactly what I was expecting either. You talk differently in person. Where’s that famous Barkly accent?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that. Let’s just say Cupcake thought it played over well with the populace. Makes me less frightening,” he said using air quotes. “I’ve been stuck with it for a while now, but it’s not really the way I talk. I mean, who would?”
She smiled and shook her head. This guy was indeed a puppet to them. How could she blame him for what happened, or his best friend that helped him? They were lied to and used. She knew the feeling well. And now look at him, one of the most powerful warriors the kingdoms had ever seen, and there he was, slurping punch at the back of the party, putting out a fake accent to appease the dim to think he was dimmer.
Barkly took a long drink from his glass, finished it, and then set it hanging halfway off the edge of the table. His mischievous smile made Bowsette wonder if she should know what he was doing. She didn’t.
“Watch this,” Barkly said.
He moved the tip of his fingers under the glass and then swung upwards. The glass spun in the air and struck the punch bowl with a gong and cracking sound. The punch bowl broke, sending gallons of red punch over the white tablecloth.
“Oh my God,” he said, jumping back as the liquid hit the carpeted floor. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“What was supposed to happen?” She held her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh.
“I don’t know, just a flip trick.” Then he started laughing. “It didn’t work.”
“No, it didn’t.”
He looked around. “What should we do?”
“Barkly, I think we need to leave town and change your name. Once Cupcake sees this, she’s going to kill you,” she said.
“There’s like a million guards in this city. The exits are filled with them. I’m not sure if I could get out of here unseen,” Barkly said, pulling his hair back.
“That was a joke,” Bowsette said.
“It’s not funny. This bowl is probably some relic of her ancestors and the cloth on the table could be what her Nana was wrapped in as a child. Everything in this damned castle means something. You have no idea—”
“Barkly, breath,” she said, breathing in deep with him.
He eyed her heaving chest and seemed to calm down. A couple, wearing matching purple suits with red, feathery hats were laughing and walking around the ice sculpture.
“We’ve got to get out of here, but, like, there’s people everywhere,” Barkly said.
“Hey, you’re looking at a Trench Kingdom princess. You think I grew up not figuring out how to sneak around castles?” At least back when she had a decent castle and kingdom.
“Please, show me,” he said.
“Okay, I will.”
She took his hand pulled him to the back wall and then to a small hall, out of sight of the rest of the party. The walls were of grey, stone blocks, good and solid in appearance, but there were always sneaks. She walked to the first tapestry hanging floor to ceiling and a few feet wide. It displayed Cupcake’s father riding a Choktoo in a grassy field. He was a pastry chef by trade but looked rather regal mounted like that. Was he still alive?
“Looks like he’s riding a giant, yellow chicken?” Barkly said with a chuckle.
“What’s a chicken?” Bowsette asked.
“Nothing, just a small bird,” Barkly said.
She slid the tapestry to the side only to find the stone wall continued behind it. No sneaky paths behind it.
“What were you expecting?” Barkly asked.
She didn’t answer and jogged to the next tapestry of a woman holding a gun in one hand and a pale of water in the other. She grabbed the cloth and pulled it to the side, revealing a dark tunnel behind it.
“See!” she said.
“Wow, how did you know that was there?”
“Told you,” she said with a sinister smile. “I’m a sneaky little princess.”
She pulled Barkly into the tunnel and breathed in some of the dirt smells that felt like a welcoming mat. Growing up, her parents had been protective. So much so, that she hadn’t seen much of the world and this little trip to Fancy Palace was more of a shock to her than she wanted to admit. But she had a mission, something she needed to focus on. It wouldn’t be long before she had what was rightfully hers. She would avenge the evils and right the wrongs and everything in her plan started with this man holding her hand in a dark, hidden hall while gazing up at her with a stupid grin on his face.
Shit. Might as well pick this up.
“I like you,” she said. “I know we just met but… I don’t know, I just feel like I’ve known you for longer.”
“I’ve never really met a person that’s talked with me like you do. Everyone here is straight backs.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Just something Soto, he’s my best friend, and I came up with. We just picture every one of these people with a stick so high up their asses that it straightens theirs backs and causes paralysis of personality.”
She genuinely laughed and then with her best pompous voice said, “Excuse me, but have you seen the latest in white bread? I heard they’re adding a teaspoon of sugar to the recipe and calling it sweet bread.”
He laughed and added with his pompous voice, “Yes, most interesting. Have you seen the new rug in front of the seventh bank on Market Street? They went wild on this one, I tell you, putting two colors in the stitching.”
“Two colors? Preposterous. What will they think of next?”
They laughed and she took his hands in hers.
“I like you too,” Barkly said. “I’m kind of shocked you like me.” He laughed and then said. “I actually thought this might be a trap.”
“A trap, really? If there was even a suspicion that I’d hurt you, why take the risk?”
He met her gaze with an intensity that got her heart picking up a beat.
“Honestly, I was contemplating drowning myself in that punch bowl and then I spotted this magical woman, the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, coming up to me and I
freaked, thinking you might want to kill me or scream at me, but I knew, looking into your eyes, that I was willing to take a risk for you.”
“If I remember right, you weren’t looking into my eyes when I walked up.”
He smiled and glanced down at her chest before quickly returning to her eyes. “You got me on that and I apologize.”
“I don’t mind,” she said. “But just so you know, this is a ‘look but don’t touch’ kind of body. I need a sign saying, warning, she may bite.”
“I would never touch you… unless you wanted me to.”
“Maybe I want you to.”
She took his hand and pulled him against her body. His face sat right next to her chest. He seemed paralyzed, so she took his hand and brought it up, placing it on her shoulder. She slid his hand down a few inches, touching the tops of her exposed breasts.
He shook and grunted, leaning forward.
This was going to be fun.
Chapter Three
“Should we be doing this…?” Barkly said, stammering his words.
“No,” she yanked his hand off and then reached behind and spanked Barkly on his ass. “That’s a bad boy, Barkly. A lady would never allow herself to be touched like that—”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I forgive you, but you didn’t let me finish. A lady would never allow herself to be touched like that in a dank hall like this. Maybe if we were somewhere nice. Like the nicest place in the castle. Oh, I know! Why don’t you show me Princess Cupcake’s room? I’d love to compare rooms, you know, princess to princess and then maybe we can do a little more...” She touched the B on his chest.
“I don’t know. She doesn’t let me in there.”
“Never?”
“We ate breakfast in there once,” Barkly said.
“Ate?”
“Yeah.”
She frowned and bent lower, getting closer to his face. “Wait, are you telling me you and Cupcake have never… you know.”
He laughed and rubbed his hands on his tool belt. “Um, well, you know, we’ve kissed a couple times.”
“Where?”
“What do you mean? On the lips.”
“So she’s never showed you those pink panties of hers? You’ve never sunk the salami in any way? Like, you know… you’ve never…” She used a few fingers to describe what she was talking about.
Even in the dark, she could see him blushing. It was adorable.
“No,” he whispered. “She’s busy running the kingdom and stuff.”
“Didn’t you two get engaged recently?” This was fucking unbelievable. She knew Cupcake had a mixing spoon stuck up her ass, but she hadn’t even felt what this guy was packing before slipping on a ring?
“Yes, sort of. I mean she said we’d be getting married in the winter and it would be good for the kingdom and I thought maybe we’d have a honeymoon, but then she was talking about taking a trip with Banana to the Snow Kingdom right after and didn’t mention bringing me. I asked her once about intimacy and she seemed appalled, telling me her mother always said a man won’t buy the Choktoo if he can ride it for free.”
“Did you propose?” she asked.
“No, it just was sort of arranged.”
“I’m sorry for laughing, but you got to stop. This is killing me, Barkly.” She wanted to wrap him up in a hug and give him a pity fuck right then and there, but this wasn’t the right place. “Was that the first time you touched a woman, just like a minute ago?”
He looked away and adjusted a screwdriver in his tool belt. “In that kind of way, yes.”
A fucking virgin. She didn’t know if this made it better or worse, but she had to admit, it made him just a tad bit sexier. How often do you get to be a man’s first anything? She took his hand and pulled him down the dark, secret hall inside Cupcake’s castle.
“Take us to her room,” she said.
Barkly nodded and took the lead. “I think it’s this way, but I’ve never been in this hall.”
“If I know castles, this sneak should lead to another and through it all,” she said, touching his shoulder. “I believe in you, Barkly.”
He chuckled and shrugged. “Okay, well, just follow me then. One way or another, I’ll get us there.”
This young man was being wasted by Cupcake. She probably thought he was wrapped around her finger and double knotted but Barkly’s wasn’t wrapped up anymore though. He had unraveled and hung by a thread. Good thing Bowsette brought a pair of scissors with her.
They came to a series of stairs and jogged up to them until they ended at a wooden door. She pushed the door open and peeked into the large hall. Attached to the door was a large bookcase with books stacked tightly inside. Another classic sneak corridor hide. Wow, the lack of originality in these castle builders amazed her.
“Where to now?” Barkly asked.
“One sneak leads to another,” she said and winked.
Across the large hall was another identical bookcase. She pulled it, revealing the next corridor. They snuck into the dark hall and when the bookcase closed, the hall fell into complete darkness. She reached around on the wall and felt the torch hanging there.
“Stand back, sweetie,” Bowsette said and then took in a breath.
She held the torch out in front of her and blew a soft breath of fire onto the wood and cloth at the end. The flames built around the stick and in a few seconds, the torch lit the hallway.
“Wow, you breathe fire?” Barkly asked.
“Yeah, of course. Sort of my thing,” Bowsette said, making sure the light hit her heaving chest just right for his viewing pleasure. “What about you? I’ve heard the legends of your kind, that plants and certain foods can create wild effects on you?”
He looked at his body.
“Yeah, you think I could have saved Cupcake in this form?” Barkly said, sliding his hands down his shirt. “But if I consume the right thing, there is little that can stop me.”
“And your friend too, right?”
“Best friend, Soto,” Barkly said, lighting up. “And yes, pretty much the same. Soto is amazing. I bet he’d like you.”
In due time.
“We should see where these stairs lead,” Bowsette said. “We must be getting closer.”
They followed the stairs leading further up and deeper into the castle. They passed three more halls and almost had an encounter with a maid, but Barkly threw a nut from his tool bag down the hall, distracting her. They giggled all the way up the next few stairs and by the time they reached the next door, Bowsette was starting to enjoy being around Barkly. He had this easy way about him, with an immaturity that was honest and fun. She wondered if he even noticed the effects of the Commanding Rod wearing off. She could see it in him and was sure he felt something new. The Commanding Rod gave the wielder not direct power over all of the kingdoms, but it shifted the citizens views of the wielder in a favorable light. So when Cupcake ravaged the seven kingdoms, the Commanding Rod let the citizens be comfortable with the necessity of it all. It was more of a nudge than a push. A whisper instead of a yell and whispers held a lot of power when people were willing to listen to them.
“You think this is it?” Bowsette asked, standing next to the door at the top of the stairs.
“I really have no idea. I lost count on the floors a while back. We could be stepping into a bathroom for all I know.” He laughed.
She eased against the door, pushing just enough to crack it open and let the light flood into the stairwell. It didn’t take more than the sliver to see they had reached the right floor. The walls were pink and decorated with the inspiration of a birthday cake for a seven-year-old girl.
She squeezed the top of the torch, killing the flame and then rubbed the ashes from her hand off on her black dress.
“This is it,” she said, stepping into the hall. “It has to be.”
Magical illuminance balls hung near the ceiling and lit the hall, showing every detail of the glittery swirls that wrapped aroun
d it like a kaleidoscope of shades of pink and glitter. Bowsette had to blink a few times in an attempt to get her eyes adjusted to the overload of colors and sparkles. About every twenty feet, a massive chandelier hung from the ceiling, covered in cut glass, looking like diamonds. The floors were highly polished pink mixtures, same as the walls. The whole place gave Bowsette vertigo.
“You okay?” Barkly said, taking her hand in his.
“Yeah, thanks,” she said, laughing it off. “It’s just so fucking…” She searched for the words as she blinked her wide open eyes.
“It’s like a pink birthday cake filled with glitter exploded,” Barkly said.
“Yes,” she said, shaking his hand hard. “I mean, it’s so freaking girly, I can hear your balls shrinking just being in this hall. No wonder she never took you to her room. This place is like a magical dick remover.”
Barkly laughed. “Hey, you wanted to see her room for princess comparison.”
“You’re right, let’s see it.”
They pranced down the hall, and she had to admit to herself, all this felt good. The uplifting crap fest of a hallway was growing on her. Once she learned her eyes weren’t going to melt from the sight of the pink apocalypse, she started to appreciate the way the glitter sparkled and ran in thick swirls down the walls and on the floor. She slid her foot over the glittery floor, feeling the sandy like texture and then back to the smooth pinkness. She laughed, thinking of how ridiculously opposite this was to her castle, and she sort of liked it. It was foreign, new, kind of like Barkly.
Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy to do as she thought.
They got to the doors at the end of the hall. A double door in the shape of a red cupcake. Barkly pushed the door open and walked in first.
“The last time I was here,” Barkly said. “We had croissants at her breakfast table.”
“Wait, you have croissants here?” Dammit, what freaking table were those at? She half wanted to go back down to the party right then.
“Sure, the royal bakers pretty much will make anything Cupcake wants.”
She closed her eyes and thought about trying to get her chef to make bread the other day. Freaking bread and he still couldn’t figure it out. She added kidnapping Cupcake’s royal baker to her to do list.