by Wilde, Kati
“I do,” she whispers. “So let me go, Saxon.”
I don’t want to but I do, and watch her walk around the bed and open up a drawer in the nightstand. She pulls out a note and unfolds it. The creases are tattered. The paper’s all but falling apart. She hands it to me and it’s a punch to my chest. There’s my response to her. My writing.
Don’t you EVER be sorry. I’m not.
—Sax
My throat feels thick as hell. She kept this. And by the state of the paper, I guess she must have unfolded and read it hundreds of times. I swallow hard and say, “My answer this time is just the same. Last night? That was on Reichmann, not you. And I’m not sorry. I wasn’t sorry for going to prison when I didn’t know you, and I’m sure as hell not sorry for being with you last night. Even if it had killed me. All I care about is whether you’re safe.”
She flinches when I say it might have killed me. “You think I care less whether you’re safe?”
“No. But would you be sorry for taking a bullet for me? That’s never going to fucking happen. But just saying. Would you be sorry?”
Her eyes close. “Are you saying you wouldn’t feel guilty if I did?”
Fuck. I walked right into that. “It’s never going to happen,” I say again and she smiles a little.
But despite the curve of her lips, her eyes are haunted when she looks up at me again. “So there’s nothing I should ever be sorry for?”
I can’t think of a damn thing. With a shake of my head, I give her back the note. “No. But I’m sorry I didn’t write you a better letter.”
“There’s nothing better,” she says quietly and opens the nightstand drawer again. I slide up behind her and love her ragged little sigh when my lips press against the side of her neck. She turns and her mouth is soft and trembling against mine. I take a long, deep taste, and when she moans low in her throat, I tease her, sucking on the tip of her tongue until she shivers, tugging her plump bottom lip between my teeth and licking my way back inside.
Need burns through the heavy warmth dragging down every muscle. It’s only a step to the bed, then I’m pulling her over me. She weighs almost nothing, her thighs straddling my stomach as she follows me down.
“Wait.” All at once she pulls away, her pink lips swollen. “You can’t even smile. Kissing has to hurt.”
It’s fucking agony. “I don’t care.”
“I do.” She pushes at my chest, sitting up. “If it was the other way, and you knew kissing was hurting me—”
“Jenny.” I catch her chin and make her look at me. “It’s not the other way. And I’m already hurting. So hurting while kissing you? That’s a good option.”
Her green eyes narrow. Her gaze drops to the bandage on my jaw, then my neck. “Just tell me if it hurts more, then,” she says before she slips farther down and begins tugging at my belt.
Shit. My cock’s so fucking stiff when she pops the first button, that hurts more. But a damn good hurt. A groan rumbles up through my chest when she uses the edge of her teeth to tease my shaft through the straining denim, and her focus flies to my face, as if she’s trying to decide whether that was a good pain or a bad one.
“It’s all good, princess.” So fucking good.
Though it shouldn’t be. I’m lying in a bed I haven’t earned, with a woman I don’t deserve, and who’s eaten up with guilt though I haven’t protected her like I should.
Fuck. That hurts more than anything.
“Jenny,” I say hoarsely. “Come back up. Just lie here with me.”
Her brow creases with concern. She’s immediately at my side and her hands are everywhere, gingerly touching my face, the edges of the bandages. “Why? Are you okay?”
“I’m all right.” I tuck her head against my good shoulder. “I just realized that holding you was an even better option.”
She snorts a little and snuggles closer. “The Percocet kicked in, didn’t it?”
“I’m feeling it.” No lie. Except I’ve been feeling it for a while.
Her hand smooths over my chest and comes to a rest over my heart. “Then sleep.”
“You, too.” I know she barely got any the night before.
“I will, too,” she says. And it’s not long before I’m being dragged down, but she’s not with me. Instead of relaxing she just seems to be stiffening against me, as if bracing herself.
As if she’s still wondering when she’ll break.
• • •
I wake up with an aching cock and Jenny’s mouth all over it. I can’t see a thing in the dark but I don’t need to. She’s sucking hard, making those sexy little sounds in the back of her throat that turn into hums whenever she takes me deep.
“Fuck,” I grit out the curse between my teeth. She pauses. I know she’s going to ask if I’m hurting, but I’ll only hurt if she stops. I tangle my fingers in her hair and hold her in place before she can come up off me. “Keep going, princess.”
She moans and I know her pussy’s soaking wet right now, that her cunt’s just as hungry for my dick as her mouth is. Then she’s sucking my thick cock to the back of her throat and I have to fight not to shove deeper.
My fists tightens. “All the way.”
And she takes me. She can’t swallow my full length but she swallows me as far as she can, her throat squeezing the head of my cock before she pulls off me, hauling in air, and I can’t hold back any more.
I sit up and drag her over my lap. My right arm wraps around her waist. She automatically braces her hands on my shoulders then gasps and jerks her hands away.
“Oh, my God, Saxon—”
I don’t want to hear anything about hurting me, and whatever she’s about to say comes out as a strangled cry as my cock slides through her drenched slit and pushes deep.
Not deep enough. She’s so damn tight. And I don’t have any leverage.
“Lean back, Jenny.” My need makes it a growl.
Her shifting weight shoves my cock deeper when she does. Fuck, yeah. Her head falls back on a moan and she goes even farther, bracing her hands on the mattress beside my thighs, her legs spread wide over my hips, her feet planted on the bed behind me. Her back is arched. In the dark, her nipples are tight shadows against the pale of her skin.
I need to taste them. “Ride me now.”
She hesitates only for an instant—figuring out the position. The first rock of her hips is unsure. I steady her with my arm around her waist and lean forward to suck on her sweet little tit, then groan as her next thrust surrounds the full length of my cock with tight hot pussy.
“Oh, God,” she breathes and shifts her feet, digging her heels in, and this time she’s got leverage to slam onto me, spearing her cunt and then grinding her pelvis against mine. “Oh, God. I need you so much. So much.”
I catch her nipple between my lips and let go of her waist. She’s spread wide, completely exposed. Her clit’s slippery with juices, and my thumb strums over that tight little knot as she fills her pussy with my cock again. Her cunt clenches with every surge of her body, her moans rising into screams. So fucking hot. The way she loses herself. The way she gives herself. The way she gives everything.
To me.
“Jenny,” I say her name hoarsely. Then I’m pushing her back and onto her right side, scissoring her legs apart and straddling her thigh. I shove her left knee up toward her shoulder and then sink into her slick heat again, driving deep. She cries my name, and this fucking sling doesn’t let me get to her clit. Her pussy’s stretched tight and her inner muscles clutch the length of my cock, she’s close, so close. I pound into her as hard as she was fucking herself onto me. Her fingers wildly grip the sheets like she’s trying to pull away but she’s shoving back against me, her hips making tight spirals with every stroke. Suddenly her whole body locks up, she’s not breathing, not moving, but her pussy’s squeezing me hard, so hard, over and over again.
I can’t last after that. My balls seem to fill with hot lead then cum shoots out of me. Jenny shudde
rs softly and her pussy clenches again, as if triggered by the heavy pulse of my cock inside her.
“Fuck.” I can’t catch my breath. Chest heaving, I brace my right arm behind her back. “God damn.”
A little laugh shakes through her, and her pussy muscles ripple around my dick. Jesus. I could stay buried in her warmth forever but I gently pull out, using the tail of my shirt to wipe away the cum. With a satisfied little sigh, she rolls onto her stomach. I come down next to her on my good side.
Her head’s turned toward me, her cheek pillowed against the sheet. She’s watching me move. “Do you need another Percocet?”
“I’ll get one in a minute.”
She nods. Her hand slides up and her fingers slip through mine. “I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you both.”
Her dad and me. I can’t say a damn thing, because she is going to lose one of us. Saying that it won’t be both isn’t really reassurance.
“I know you’ll say you won’t leave. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be taken. And I thought I did lose you,” she continues and now her voice is just a thick rasp. In the dark, her eyes glitter with tears. “For a minute the other night, I thought you were dead, and it hurt so much I wanted to die, too. And I keep seeing it over and over. So I can’t even—I can’t—”
Her breath catches again. I pull her closer but she doesn’t cry. She just shivers like she’s cold and heaves another sigh.
Chapter Six
Jenny
I might lose him if I do this. I might lose him if I don’t.
In my email is a link from the photographer that takes me to a digital gallery. They’re big, hi-res photos, and when I zoom in, it doesn’t take long to find what I’m looking for. An outbuilding. Unremarkable on any spread of land in this part of Oregon, except for the burned patches on the ground behind the building. All around it, the grass is yellow and dried. Those burn patches aren’t from a fire; they’re chemical burns. Some nasty shit’s being dumped behind that outbuilding. A little farther back, a hole dug in the ground is filled with trash. A skid loader sits next to it—probably so they can cover the trash up quickly if they need to.
I print out the set and stuff the batch into a manila envelope. I just need to type up some fake anonymous note and send it to Sheriff Landauer. He’ll know who it’s from. I won’t give him the info he wants about the night Saxon was shot—that’s Saxon’s to deal with—but giving him the shooters wouldn’t have been enough, anyway. It would just be taking out two Henchmen. Something like this can take down the whole club.
And if I do it, I’ll be taking that from Saxon. I’ll be breaking every rule I grew up learning. Clubs take care of their own shit.
But I just want to take care of my man.
• • •
Saxon
I took it easy. I only visited the Den to sign the paychecks and do the little work that needed done before heading back to the ranch house. The truck Jenny’s using is already parked out front and it’s the one good thing I’ve seen most of the day. My jaw is bugging the fuck out of me. The drugs and the sling are bugging the fuck out of me. Everyone and everything’s bugging the fuck out of me.
Except Jenny. She’s just worrying me. Her body wasn’t hit but she still took a beating the other night. Thinking I’d died. In some ways, she got hurt worse than I did. And if it was me, thinking I’d lost her—even if it was only for a second?
I’d rather be shot again.
Hashtag’s at the door. He pounds my fist on the way out and says, “She’s upstairs, boss. She’s been real quiet all day.”
I nod and head up. She’s got all that upstairs floor to herself but it doesn’t take any time to find her. Wearing a tank top and little shorts, she’s curled up on the window seat, all long legs and golden skin with the sun streaming in over her. But her face is bleached-sheet white, and she’s holding herself like she hurts.
“Jenny? You all right?”
With a shuddering breath she sits up and points to a thick envelope lying on the bed. “Not really. You should look at those.”
“What is it?” Frowning, I pinch the clasp open, expecting some legal papers, or maybe something to do with her dad’s funeral or all the other plans that come accompanied by a kick to the face when a parent is dying. Instead there’s a bunch of pictures. “Where are these from?”
“The Eighty-Eight’s compound.”
“What?” That doesn’t make any sense. Zoomie and Blowback aren’t heading out until tonight.
She’s watching me, her expression like an eggshell. Carefully smooth but looking real easy to crack. “I thought of it a while back. After I started hearing about Reichmann threatening me, and just after I heard that my dad was sick but before he went to you. Because I was afraid I’d have to leave, right? There wouldn’t be anyone to protect me anymore. So I was trying to think of anything I could do that would get them off my back.”
Jesus Christ. She’s got the fucking meth kitchen circled in red. But I doubt she was planning to go in and burn it down. “What were you thinking?”
“That I’d send these in to the state police.”
My chest seems to hollow, like a razor went in and scraped everything out. Send these in. To the cops.
To get the Eighty-Eight off her back.
She keeps going. “I didn’t follow through before because I thought it wouldn’t do anything anyway. I mean, someone has to know these guys are operating out there, and no one has done anything yet. But Landauer’s asking for info from me. These guys aren’t even in Landauer’s jurisdiction because they’re a county over, but I think he’ll push it. I think he’ll make sure Reichmann goes down.”
And she’s not wrong. Landauer would. But the razor keeps scraping more out of me, and my chest is hurting like any second I’m going to spit up blood. I can’t look at her. I can’t look at anything in this fucking room. I should have earned my place here before stepping a foot in.
My throat is raw. “Did you think I couldn’t handle it? You think I couldn’t take him down?”
“I know you can.”
That’s not what these pictures say. And the anger’s coming, so fucking hot. “You know we’re planning to go out there.”
She slips her arms around her belly like she’s holding herself. Her eyes are huge and filling up. “Yes.”
“But you do this. Fuck.” I toss the pictures back to the bed. “Now you’re crying? You aren’t the one who just got stabbed in the fucking chest—and in the fucking back. You’re the one who screwed me here last night, who told me you fucking needed me, all the while knowing you were taking away the one fucking reason I’m here.”
Her eyes close, tears slipping out under her lashes. “It didn’t seem to matter. I knew I’d lose you one way or another.”
“Lose me?” My laugh rips at my guts and I go to her. I catch her chin and make her look up at me, and the misery in her eyes makes us a goddamn perfect pair. “Lose me? No, Jenny. You go ahead and stab me in the back and turn me into a worthless piece of shit. I still won’t let you go. I don’t care if you don’t fucking need me anymore.”
Because I still need her. So damn much. I need her taste and take it now, her mouth salty with tears. She’s pushing at me but I’m not done. I go in deeper, until she’s clinging to me, kissing me back with her hot velvet tongue.
My fist in her hair, I pull up and snarl, “And least you still need that.”
She shoves at my chest. This time I let her go. She spins away from me, her small breasts heaving, but she’s not crying now. She’s good and pissed. “What the hell does that mean? You think I don’t need you anymore? For what?”
“To protect you, Jenny. But you sure as hell don’t seem to think I can.” And knowing that is killing me.
She stares at me. “I know you can.”
“Then why the fuck would you ask Landauer to do it?”
“I’m not. If I sent those in, it would be to protect you.”
That doesn’
t make any fucking sense. “What?”
“I know you can take them out. But I also know Landauer’s going to be looking right at you when you do. And I don’t…” Her breath hitches before she steadies again. “You already spent five years locked away because you were protecting me. I tried to help you then but nothing I said made any difference. But it will now. And I don’t want to lose you for the rest of my life. So if you want me to send this in, to get rid of the Eighty-Eight that way, I will.”
“To protect me.” It still doesn’t fit in my head but it’s filling up the emptiness in my chest. “I protect you, Jenny. It’s not the other way around.”
“It is now. But only if you want it.” She takes a shuddering breath. “Because you gave me a choice when my dad came to you. You let me decide whether to let you protect me. That’s why I didn’t just send the photos in. So you could choose, too.”
“I don’t want it.” Reichmann’s mine to take out—and I need to earn my place at her side, not hide behind her. I know Jenny wouldn’t agree, and when her eyes tear up all over again, I cup her cheek in my palm. “I don’t want it like this. But knowing you were trying to look after me? I like that a hell of a lot. You don’t need to protect me, though. That’s what my brothers do. We watch each other’s backs, I watch out for you.”
“There wasn’t anyone watching your back the other night.”
Shit. Yes, there was someone. “You did, Jenny. You got me out of there and saved my life. Now I’m going to have to eat every word I just said.”
She smiles a little, then sighs. “I know that’s how the club works. I know they have your back. I’m still afraid.”