It was dark, but there was a glow coming from the ridge just ahead of them. They reached the top of the path and he heard Miranda gasp.
Below them the ground fell away steeply. And as far as their eyes could see there were lights. A great golden pattern showing all the towns of Lancashire. It was wonderful.
'Why did you bring me here?' she asked.
He shrugged. 'It's beautiful, I love it and I thought you might, too.'
'I do find it beautiful,' she said.
'When you're operating your entire mind is focussed on one tiny subject. Important, but tiny. Every now and again I like to see things from a different perspective. And views like this help.'
They stood there side by side in silence, looking at the view, hearing distant noises from the innumerable lives below them. Occasionally their shoulders touched.
Jack was indecisive, this was something he wasn't used to. Usually he knew what he wanted, went straight for it. But now he had the feeling that what he did in the next couple of minutes might have unforeseeable consequences. He realised his heart was beating faster. Him, the ice-cool surgeon Jack Sinclair!
He put his arm round Miranda's shoulders, pulled her towards him. He took her two hands in his spare hand. 'You haven't got a coat or gloves, you must be cold,' he said.
Both of them knew that this was an excuse to touch, to hold her. What would happen next?
She had kissed him. On the cheek and, all right, it had been a joke. Well, they had both treated it as a joke. But he wondered if she had felt the same as he had. That it would have been much more exciting if she had kissed him on the lips.
Should he kiss her now? He thought she'd like it, suspected she wanted to be kissed. But he also knew that one kiss would start an entirely new relationship between them. And the thought both worried and excited him. All the rules he had been living his life by broken. But with Miranda, he couldn't help himself...
'Don't lag behind at the back, Barry! Keep up with the others.'
What? What? He turned and sighed. Coming rapidly towards them was a neat crocodile of Cub Scouts. There was the sergeant-majorish figure of a leader in front. He gave a brisk 'good evening' to Miranda and Jack, and then said, 'Now, listen up! I want you to remember the constellations we discussed. Who can tell me where... ?'
Jack could hear the giggle in Miranda's voice as she whispered, 'I don't think he's too happy at sharing his astronomy lesson with a couple holding hands. Perhaps we ought to go.'
'It might be a good idea.'
He did hold her hand as they walked down the path. That was something. But he had a feeling that a decision had been avoided.
Miranda also knew that something had been postponed. But what happened next would have to be Jack's decision. She would wait. She hoped she didn't have to wait too long. How she would deal with things was a different matter.
The rest of the trip back was relaxed and pleasant. They listened to music on his very expensive stereo system—both had similar tastes. They chatted casually about the possibility of introducing a research programme on the use of glutamine in the department. And all too soon they pulled up outside her flat.
It wasn't late, just before eight o'clock. Miranda didn't want to get out of the car. 'I've enjoyed today,' she said. 'Thank you for taking me, Jack.'
He seemed in no hurry for her to go. 'I've enjoyed being with you, too. What's your programme for tonight? Out on the town?'
'I've had enough excitement for one day and it's been a hard week. Probably tea and then a couple of hours in front of the TV. What about you?'
'I'm on call from ten o'clock onwards. I'll get something to eat at the hospital and then sleep there the night. It's not very likely that I'll be wanted, but I've got to be available.'
Still no movement from either of them. And the silence between them was comfortable. As she went back over her day with him, it struck her that she couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed herself so much with a man. Beneath that apparently cool exterior there was a man who was generous, witty, fun to be with. The word passionate came into her mind but she shied away from it; she didn't want to think about Jack and passion.
It came as a shock. She realised that she could very easily fall in love with Jack. So far in her life, love hadn't been too good for her, she had to be cautious. To fall in love with Jack could be bad, to have Jack fall in love with her could be a disaster for both of them. She thought that he was a man whose emotions, once stirred, might be hard to control. She didn't want to bring that misery to him. Or to herself.
She felt him turning to face her. She knew he would escort her to the front door of her flat, but before that, would he just say goodnight? Would he kiss her? If he kissed her, would it be just a friendly kiss on the cheek or forehead, a chaste kiss on the lips or... ? She remembered the last time she had kissed him. A joking friendly kiss on the cheek. But how she remembered it. And now she didn't want him to go.
It happened almost without thinking. 'Would you like to come into the flat and have tea with me?' she asked. 'You're within easy reach of the hospital if you're needed.'
Obviously he hadn't expected this. 'Tea with you?'
'Yes. It'll only be shepherd's pie but it'll be good, it's my signature dish. I make it in large quantities and freeze it. What makes it so good is that I grate cheese on top of it and grill it.'
With dismay she realised that she was babbling. And she couldn't stop. 'You know I share the flat with Annie Arnold, don't you?'
She felt him tense a little. 'I'd forgotten that. It's just that you both work at the hospital and.
'Don't you ever socialise with the staff? I've been to a couple of good nights at the hospital social club, been to the Red Lion once or twice. I've enjoyed myself. Why do you keep yourself so distant? You don't have to, you know.'
He leaned back in his seat again, apparently happy to sit there a little longer, to chat with her. 'You have an ability to ask personal and awkward questions,' he said. 'And, mysteriously, I find myself willing to answer them. One reason I try not to mix with the staff too much is that a few years ago I had an...entanglement with someone I worked with. It finished up all very messily, very emotional and my work suffered.' He thought a moment and then said, 'And so did I.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Miranda, hating to think of Jack suffering, 'but thank you for confiding in me. Now do you want to come inside to eat shepherd's pie and risk being tangled again?'
She tried not to reveal her anxiety as she waited for his answer.
Eventually, 'I'd love to. And I don't tangle easily. Not now. In fact I never did.'
The lights in the road shone on his face and she could see he was smiling. Greatly daring, she said, 'When you smile your face is lovely.'
'Lovely?'
'Lovely,' she confirmed. 'You look like a friend I could tell anything to.'
'No one has ever said that to me before. Now lead on to the shepherd's pie.'
Well, Miranda reasoned, he wouldn't kiss her if they were going upstairs for tea.
CHAPTER THREE
Miranda hadn't been thinking. Perhaps she should have phoned her friend to warn her that their boss was coming to tea. As it was, she walked into the living room shouting, 'Hi. I'm home. Hope you don't mind but I've brought someone in for tea and—'
There was Annie, fresh out of the shower, still wet, with a towel wrapped round her dark hair and another one knotted precariously round her body. 'Oops,' Miranda said.
'Oops indeed,' muttered Annie as she saw Jack and scurried out of the room. A moment later she scurried back in and grabbed a handful of underwear that was drying in front of the fire.
With a grin Miranda looked at Jack and said, 'It's a risk you take when you mix with the staff at home. You might have to see their bright red knickers.'
'It's a risk I'll take,' he said dryly. 'I hope Annie isn't too uncomfortable with me being here.'
With a glint in her eye Miranda said, 'She'll get over i
t—Jack.'
Jack sighed. 'My life was much more peaceful before I met you,' he said.
'Perhaps you needed stirring up.'
It wasn't too long before the three of them were sitting at the little dining table. Annie had taken off the towels and was now in a safely long dressing-gown, her dark curls damp. The shepherd's pie was a distinct success, Miranda thought, and the accompanying vegetables weren't at all bad. 'Would you like a glass of red wine?' she asked Jack.
'I might have to work tonight. So just the one glass, please.'
'Just one glass is all you can have. There's only half a bottle left.'
He looked upset, made as if to stand. 'I'm so sorry. I'll fetch a couple of bottles from the—'
'Sit down and eat,' said Miranda. 'We don't need more wine.'
At first the conversation was a bit stilted. Miranda started by telling Annie something of the conference. Annie was obviously happier talking about something that was professional. But Miranda soon grew tired of it. There'd been enough lessons today!
'So where are you going tonight?' she asked Annie. 'Why that fancy dress laid out on your bed? Anyone nice?'
'Not anyone special, just a lot of old friends. It's a reunion dinner for my old hockey club. I used to play a lot—in fact, I was a county player. I rather miss it.'
Jack was interested in this. 'You used to be a county-class hockey player? Why did you give it up? Not an injury?'
Annie laughed. 'What happened was I became a SHO. And when I started, this man talked to us and said that for the next two years or so being a SHO was all our life. There would be time for little else.'
Jack looked at her and said mildly, 'I didn't know you were a county-class hockey player, did I? We might be able to arrange—'
'No,' said Annie. 'I didn't think so at the time, but now I know you were right. Being a SHO is a full-time job and more. You were right to tell me. And I'll still be young enough to play when I'm through it.'
Jack smiled his wry smile. 'I wish all my SHOs had your sense,' he said.
Miranda thought the meal went well. Jack was complimentary about her shepherd's pie, and she was sure that he meant it and was not being merely polite. Afterwards they sat on the couch and had coffee, then Annie excused herself and went to get changed. Jack rose to his feet. 'Perhaps I ought to go now, too,' he said.
Miranda couldn't look at him, he might guess what she was feeling if he saw her face. Her heart was beating far faster than it should but somehow she managed to keep her voice casual. 'No need to rush off,' she said, 'if you're only going to hang about at the hospital. Stay here and watch television with me for a while.'
'Would you mind?'
'Not at all. I'd welcome the company. If you want, we can—'
Annie came into the room, now in her party dress. 'You look lovely,' Miranda cried and added, forgetting herself, 'Doesn't she, Jack?'
'Very nice indeed,' Jack said urbanely. 'Annie, that is a definite improvement on scrubs.'
'Thank you both. Now, that sounds like my taxi outside. Er.. .hope you can come again, Jack.' She went to the door, where she turned, looked pointedly at Jack and then at Miranda. Miranda had difficulty stopping herself laughing. She had never seen so many conflicting emotions in a face. There was shock, excitement and a definite warning. Miranda should be careful. Then she was gone.
'I'm going to change out of these clothes,' Miranda said. 'I've been formal long enough. Why don't you take off your jacket and tie?'
'Thanks, I'd like that.'
'While I'm gone you can either loot for something on the box or you can run though our collection of CDs. And pour yourself another coffee.'
She changed quickly, into a loose shirt and jeans. She'd worn tights for long enough, she decided, and went barefoot—more comfortable.
She knew she was making a decision. Hours earlier, when they had been alone on the moors looking down at the lights below, she had felt him tensing, and knew what he wanted to do. What she had wanted, him to do. Now perhaps they could start again.
She sat by him on the couch. Nothing was said; they both listened to gentle music. Then he put his arm round her shoulders. Just for a moment she hesitated, felt her body stiffen. Then she relaxed and leaned against him. Where this would go she had no idea, but it felt good and right. And she wanted it. If only for a while.
For a while she sat there, quite comfortable, with his arm holding her against him and her arm round his waist. She was conscious of his body, could feel the warmth of his skin under her arm, could smell the faint citrus blend of aftershave he used. There was the rise and fall of his chest, a faint but exciting pleasure as he wrapped his fingers in her hair, stroked the back of her neck.
Then he kissed her. She had been expecting his kiss, hoping for it, even fearing it. But when it came it was pure delight. Now she knew that this was what she had been wanting. His lips on hers were hesitant at first, teasing, tantalising, making her need and want more. Then he kissed her cheeks, her half-closed eyes, her forehead. He bent his head to the side of hers and took the most delicate part of her ear into his mouth. She felt his teeth and shuddered with delight. Did he know just what effect he was having on her? Her body felt liquid, as if she had no control over it. Because she was with him!
Then he took her mouth again and his kiss became more insistent, demanding. His arms pulled her to him she gasped at the strength, the firmness of his body. She was aware of feelings stirring inside her that had been dormant for months—years even. There was a need, a desperation, a wild desire to give herself to this man. But with that need came a jarring note of caution. This wasn't really right.
He was sensitive, and felt her doubts, Slowly, reluctantly he stopped kissing her. But he held her still and they gazed at each other. In his dark grey eyes she saw a tenderness that had never been there before. The cool, hard man had disappeared. This was someone who desperately wanted to give. And wanted someone to give to. And that couldn't be her.
'We must stop,' she said. 'I don't think I'm good for you.'
A finger traced down the side of her face. 'I think you're very good for me,' he said. 'You make me feel happy and wanted and...needed.'
'You mustn't say that!' She moved away from him, took his arm from her shoulders. Then she decided that this was going too far, so she leaned forward and took his two hands in hers.
'Jack, you're a serious man. I suspect that if you're in a relationship you want it to have meaning.'
'Not always, Miranda. And who knows what the future might bring? But I think that a relationship with you might become serious.'
'It mustn't, it can't! Just now—I know I led you on and perhaps I shouldn't have. But I'm just a good-time girl. Frivolous, really.'
'You are not a good-time girl,' he said. 'That I do know. I have some knowledge of people. And when we're together, it all seems very right. As if we belong.'
'I'm not good for you!'
She saw his expression darken, the old, cold personality taking over. 'That, of course, is your decision to make.
I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have.. .have made advances to someone I work with. It's unprofessional and—'
'Jack, that's rubbish and you know it! You're not to hide your feelings behind what you think is proper.' She leaned over, quickly kissed him. 'And, besides, I can look after myself. It's just that I think that we two are.. .well, 'we need to get to know each other.'
She could see him thinking. His shoulders were hunched, there were lines on his forehead. And then she felt his body relax. 'So we do,' he said. 'Annie once let something slip, though she covered up quickly. She said something happened to you in the past. And, whatever that was, I think it affected you more than you know.'
'Oh, I know how it affected me,' she said bitterly. 'How well I know.'
He reached for her, eased her downwards until she lay with her head in his lap. She put her arms around his waist, lifted her legs onto the couch. This was so comforting!
'Fo
r the moment, things are fine as they are,' he said. 'We'll just get to know each other. You can forget your worries over your past and I'll try to forget that I'm a man with a poker for a backbone. We'll take things easy—and that for me is a first.'
He wriggled, kissed her lightly and made her more comfortable, leaning against his chest. 'There's so much I want to know about you, Miranda. I've no idea of your background, so tell me. What about your family?'
'My family? Hmm. They're all in New Zealand. My older brother emigrated first, and got married out there. Then my parents went out to visit him. Liked it so much that they decided to stay. We keep in touch but I've never quite managed to get out there to see them.'
'Why hasn't a gorgeous girl like you been snapped up by someone?'
She frowned. 'Well, I was engaged. Sort of. The something that happened to me was a car crash. I was injured, but the man with me was killed.'
'A car crash! I'm so sorry to hear that, sorry about your fiancé. Were you badly injured?' He sounded alarmed.
She didn't want to go into too much detail about the crash, not yet anyway. And Jack didn't notice her slight hesitation. 'I was injured but I recovered. But I was changed as well. In fact, I changed myself deliberately.'
She didn't want to move away from him but it would only be for a minute. She went to her bedroom, returned with a picture and snuggled back down next to him. 'This, is the me as I used to be.'
He looked at the picture she had handed him and frowned. 'But you look older here. Look at the length of your hair. I like it better now it's short. And you're wearing glasses.'
'I had a haircut, got a new style and colouring. And I'm still having difficulty with my contact lenses. But I'll improve.'
'And where are those gorgeous legs? This skirt is far too long.'
'I ditched the skirt. I ditched most of my clothes.'
He was nodding as if he understood. 'After the crash you re-invented yourself, didn't you? Decided to become a new, different Miranda.'
'That's right. I nearly died. And when I didn't die, I asked myself if I wanted to look and act as I was doing for the rest of my life. And I decided I didn't. I became a new Miranda.'
A Surgeon, A Midwife - A Family Page 5