Mandy didn’t need a second invitation. She kicked off her slippers and got in. They sat side by side, eating their cookies.
“Tired?” Rocco asked.
She took her last bite and leaned against his shoulder. “Exhausted.”
“Did Zavi like his new book?”
“Loved it.” She smiled and looked up at him. He took her napkin and put it with his, careful not to spill the cookie crumbs. “Tomorrow, he wants you to read it to him in Pashto.”
Rocco laughed. “I’ll do that.” He pulled up her maternity tee and rubbed her belly. “You and this little boy need to get some sleep.”
Mandy set her hand on his hand. “Rocco, you know there’s a good chance this baby is a girl.” They hadn’t yet let the doctor reveal the baby’s gender. Mandy wondered if perhaps they should so they could properly prepare for their new family member.
“I hope not.”
Mandy gasped. Anger flashed through her. She pulled away and propped herself on one hand as she glared at him. “Why is it that you’re so set against having a daughter?”
“Because I’ve seen enough of this world to know how easily it destroys the weak. And females are weak.”
Mandy huffed an irritated breath. “There are all kinds of strengths and all kinds of weaknesses. I’m bearing our child. Do you think that’s something a weak person can do?”
“You are vulnerable, more so now than ever before.”
“But I am not weak.”
“You need protection.”
“We’re only mortals. We all need protection. Even you.”
“Women are soft and easily broken.”
“So you think all women are weak and all men are strong? Do you really believe that? What about Ace and Selena? They’re fighters just like you.”
He shrugged. “There are exceptions.”
Mandy yanked the covers off him. “You need to go sleep somewhere else.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want you around me right now.”
“Because I have a different opinion than you?”
“No. Because I’m furious. And worried that you’ll handicap our daughter by raising her to believe she’s less than a male.”
“She isn’t less than a male. She’s different.”
“What if this is a boy but later we have a girl and the girl grows up to be a fighter while our son becomes an artist or a writer or a philosopher? Will you be disappointed in both of them? Our daughter for her strength and our son for his softness and vision?”
“No.”
Mandy glared at him. “If you hold so strongly to this belief, you know it will be tested. It isn’t our children’s job to refine our worldview; it’s ours to help them discover theirs.”
Rocco got out of bed. Mandy suddenly wished she hadn’t drawn such a rigid line. If Rocco took it up, it would be hard to bring him back to center. He stomped a restless path in their room.
“I’m terrified for our baby, no matter its gender.”
Mandy nodded. She could understand that.
Rocco pivoted to face her. “And the truth is, I don’t know about females like I do males. I was raised by a bunch of ranch hands. There were no girls around when I was a kid—other than my mom. And when I went to high school, I scared all the girls away with my poor social skills. And then I was in the military in an all-male unit. And in Afghanistan, I was forbidden from sharing the company of women other than my wife, and we weren’t together much. I spent most of my time with other men.”
He put his hands on his hips. “My mom was strong; don’t think for a minute that I don’t know what she faced and how she navigated an ugly world to find a safe haven for us at the ranch. But they still killed her. I wasn’t there to save her. And then there was you. You better fucking believe you need protection. So, yeah, having a girl terrifies me, Em, because I don’t know anything about them.”
Mandy got out of bed and went over to wrap her arms around him. “I get it. But you have me—and all the women here.” His skin was warm beneath her cheek. His heartbeat was strong. She looked up at him. “We can teach our daughter to be strong. We can teach her to fight.”
Rocco sighed. He set his hands on Mandy’s shoulders. “I don’t want her to have to be strong. Don’t you see? I want her to be soft and rare and special.”
Mandy smiled. “I don’t doubt our ability to protect our children.”
Rocco went stiff. Mandy realized she’d just ripped the bandage off him, revealing the biggest sore of his fear beneath it.
“I doubt it. I couldn’t save my mom, or my wife, or Zavi, or the baby that died with my wife. I couldn’t save any of them.” Tears sparkled in his eyes.
Mandy took his hand and had him sit next to her on the foot of the bed. She had no idea how to address that fear, but as with anything dark and twisted, bringing it into the light had to lessen its power.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay, what?”
“I accept the nature of your fear.” She faced him. “We all have strengths and weaknesses. And they’re always evolving and changing, so when we know one, another pops up.”
“You have no weaknesses.”
Mandy kept herself from smiling at his grumpy statement. “Yes, I do.”
“Name one.”
She touched his cheek. “I fear that magnificent mind of yours will steal you away from me.”
Rocco’s hand was rough as he cupped her face, jamming his fingers into her hair. “Never. I will never leave you. Physically or mentally. You’re my lifeline, remember?”
She nodded. “I do.”
“So I guess we’ll look forward to our baby with terror and joy.”
Mandy laughed. “Not terror. Only joy.”
* * *
Kelan wrapped a lush bath sheet around Fiona as she stepped out of the shower. She caught a glimpse of them in the wide mirror over the sink. He was naked. Even his leather wrist cuffs were off. She caught one of his wrists and slipped her thumb down the raised marks from their joining ceremony. They were healed now, leaving only the soft scars representing their vows to each other. He only took his cuffs off when he was alone with her, so seeing his wrists now was an odd intimacy.
He wrapped his arms around her, holding her from behind as he looked at her in the mirror. “Fiona, we’re joined in all the ways that matter. But…you haven’t met my family. I was wondering if you’d like to have our wedding ceremony this spring. They’d be able to come out then. And maybe things here will still be quiet.”
Fiona smiled at his reflection, but he didn’t smile back. Things like this were very serious to him. She turned in his arms and looked up at him. “Are you sure you’re ready to do that?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Oh, yeah.” She grinned. “Though I’m a little scared to meet your mom.”
“She already loves you. She only had three sons. She’s always wished for a daughter.”
“What about your brother’s wife?”
He shook his head. “She never fully bonded with my brother. And she never accepted our family.”
“That must have been hard for everyone.”
“It was. But my parents have you for a daughter now. That means a lot to them.”
“Will your brothers come out?”
“Yes.”
A knot settled in her stomach. She couldn’t imagine having his whole, intense family here. And two more men like Kelan? That would be overload. At least she would have the women here as a little buffer.
Kelan must have read her tension. “I don’t want to put this off. I’ve updated my will so that you’ll inherit my estate should I die before you, but there are other legal reasons that being married in the eyes of the government provide us. Like being able to help each other with medical decisions.”
She frowned. “Are you sick?”
“No. But we’re coming to a difficult standoff with the Omnis. We believe they’re perfecting some form of a biologic
al weapon. If they do, you know we’ll be among the first they use it on. If we’re legally married, we’ll have better protections when it comes to hospital visitations and such. Not to mention the fact that we’ve just learned Val’s dad was your dad, too. Even though he’s gone, I don’t know what mischief he might have set loose regarding you.”
“Oh.” That had been shocking news when Kelan had told her. Her mom had loved her as if she’d been a wanted child, not one forced upon her. She looked up at Kelan, wishing her mom had had a hero of her own to keep her safe from the Omni monsters.
“And I really want everything wrapped up tight so that there’s no doubt we belong to each other and that you’re a part of my family.”
“I see.”
“There’s no need to be afraid.”
“I am afraid. But I have been for a long while.”
“I know. We just have this one more step to take. Let’s set a date for our wedding.”
She did love the thought of officially being Mrs. Shiozski. “All right, Kelan. Let’s do it. I’ll talk with the girls—and your mom—and set a date. Have you mentioned this to your parents?”
“No, but they’ve been expecting it. We can call them together to make the announcement.”
“Will they like me?”
He smiled at that. “They already love you.”
Her eyes watered. “I’m going to love having parents again. Alan was the only father I knew. I’m glad I never met Val’s dad.” Unless…that was who’d come to her while she was in the tunnels. He was covered head to toe, so she’d likely never really know.
Kelan kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her mouth. Fiona’s towel dropped as he carried her into their room.
11
Lion sat in one of the cubs’ bunkrooms. The lights were dimmed. The boys were all bathed and in pajamas. Not what he was used to at all. There were six bunks in this room and six in the one next door where the older boys slept. Even though many of the boys were big and would soon be going to the high school in town, they crowded together on the lower bunks with the younger kids to listen to the story Lion read.
They hadn’t always gotten a chance to do that when they were on the WKB compound, or later in the campground they’d been moved to. But it was one of the few kinds of entertainment they’d had access to, unlike now, with the TVs and movies and games the team had here, which were fun in their own way, but not quite like this.
Lion was glad to see that something so simple was still fun to them. He opened the big picture book that Hope had given him, one of several that talked about Christmas and the holiday season. They’d read the Bible and knew about the religious meaning of Christmas. But these stories showed a different side of the season, a secular side, the meaning it had in much of the mainstream world.
Lion looked at the faces that watched him over the slats at the bunk ends. He started to read, “’Twas the night before Christmas…”
“Who’s going to read to us when you’re gone, Lion?” Vole asked.
Lion met his worried eyes. “Crow can.”
Mouse shook his head. “He doesn’t read so good.”
“I can get better,” Crow said. “I just haven’t had much practice.”
“But you do it all wrong,” Mouse said.
“It would be a kindness to let him learn,” Lion said.
“Do you and Hawk have to go to college, Lion?” Owl asked, propping himself on his elbows on the wooden bar at the foot of his bunk.
“What is college, anyway?” Wren asked.
“It’s a sleep-away school for grownups,” Owl said.
“Will we ever see you again?” Robin asked.
“Of course,” Hawk said, laughing just a bit. “We’ll be here every summer and most holidays. And every other time we can.”
Jay asked, “Who’s going to be the boss when you’re gone?”
Lion nodded toward Crow. “Crow’s the oldest.”
“What’s this story about?” Spider asked.
“It’s a very old poem about St. Nicholas, who’s also known as Santa Claus,” Lion said.
“It’s old, huh?” Coyote said. “Older than us?”
“A lot older,” Lion answered.
“So this Santa Claus existed before us,” Coyote said.
Lion nodded. “He did.”
Coyote’s eyes narrowed. “He’s the one who brings gifts to kids, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So if he existed before us, then why didn’t he ever bring us gifts?” Coyote asked.
“He did bring you gifts,” Hawk said. “Remember all the extra food and treats we used to sneak away from the bikers this time of year? Or the extra food the Friends would leave for us? The blankets and clothes they made for us?”
“Not all gifts come wrapped in paper,” Lion said.
“I miss the Friends,” Vole said.
Hawk frowned. “You never saw them.”
“No, but they never locked their doors,” Badger said. “They let us steal food. Remember those fresh loaves of bread they would make?”
Mouse sat up and looked around at the boys. “Say, there are a lot more houses here. We could steal stuff and give it to the Friends.”
“No. No stealing,” Lion said. “Yes, the Friends let us take food, but we never stole anything else. And here, we have all the food we need, so there’s no reason to steal it.”
“Remi’s doing a food drive for the Friends,” Hawk said. “We could help her with that, then help her get it out to them. We could give back to them for all the help they gave us when food was scarce.”
“We could be like St. Nicholas,” Owl said. “I like that.”
“Mandy paid me for helping out around the stables,” Mouse said. “I can put that toward whatever the Friends might need.”
“I can too for the work I did helping Eddie with her dogs,” Jay said.
“And we were working at the diner, washing dishes,” Crow said, thrusting a thumb toward Badger. “We could put that in, too.”
Lion looked at his cubs, feeling a wave of certainty they’d be fine without him once he and Hawk took off for school. The team here would make sure they were cared for. “Those are all great suggestions. I’m proud of you, you know. And you can write to us when we’re away.”
“We can email, too,” Crow said. “We have computers now.”
“And that.” Lion smiled. “Now do you want to hear about St. Nick or not?”
“We do!” they shouted together.
Lion began the story.
* * *
Hope was alone in the big central living room. It was late. She wasn’t sure where Max was, but everyone else had already quit for the night. She sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa. What a mad dash it had been to get where they were. Between helping the pride get settled in the basement, then breaking the news to them about Lion and Hawk going off to school, there’d been a lot of changes in the household.
Ivy, Mandy, and Wynn had worked with the schools in town to get the boys enrolled. Casey was excited to be going back to her classes. Add to the mix all the prep work for her and Max’s wedding—Hope hadn’t thought a simple party with a ceremony attached would be the big deal it ended up being. But they’d had to pick out her dress, her bouquet, decorations for the room, the menu, music, and what seemed like a hundred other things. Fiona was going to be her bridesmaid, and Val was going to be Max’s best man. With Lion walking Hope down the aisle, it was nice giving each of Lion’s siblings a role in her and Max’s wedding.
They’d decided to dress up the now-empty basketball court for their Christmas dinner, and would keep the decorations up for their wedding two days later. The huge room had been transformed. Screens draped with fabric and lighted garlands made the cavernous basketball court seem less industrial. They’d rented round tables that sat six at each. For Christmas, the linens they’d selected were a dark winter green topper over a cream tablecloth. White poinsettia flowers were the centerpieces.
The upscale folding chairs had cream-colored heavy linen covers with big bows in the back. For the wedding, the chair covers were staying, but the table toppers were being switched to golden damask.
All of those choices had been so foreign to Hope—an entire world away from the mechanics that were her wheelhouse. She was sure it would all be lovely, but seeing the separate parts without photos of the finished product made her feel inadequate for the task. She wasn’t much of a girly-girl, and generally, she didn’t care that she wasn’t. She was happy with who she was and what she did. But times like these made her all too aware of her shortcomings. She would have been lost if it weren’t for the girls—and Jim and Russ—helping her to make some decisions.
She stared at the big Christmas tree as she pondered things. Only its lights illuminated the big room, sending a cheery, multicolored glow over everything. Shopping for the kids had been another week-long effort involving one overnight stay in Denver. Each of the kids had a gift under the tree from a secret Santa. Pretty soon, the team would be putting their second gift out as a surprise for them in the morning. As it was, it looked like that corner of the living room was loaded with gifts.
Hope had enjoyed seeing the kids watch the stacks of presents grow, overwhelmed with the idea of having gifts. She wondered what life would have been like if she and Lion had been able to live with her mom, have holidays together. The foster homes she’d grown up in had been inconsistent with how they handled the holidays. One of the families she’d lived with had given lots of gifts to their bio kids, and one to each of the foster kids with them. Hope had sworn to herself that she would never play favorites if she were ever in a similar situation as an adult. That was why it had been such a relief to see that all the kids were being treated equally, as if each was special and wanted.
Max came into the room. “There you are,” he said, his deep voice rumbling through her. He sat on the sofa behind her, settling her between his legs. His feet were bare. He massaged her shoulders, which felt divine. “I looked for you in our room. I’m glad you’re still up.”
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