by London Casey
The rush finally started to quiet down, and I was able to breathe a little. I stood behind the counter, which was still mostly packed with regulars. A lot of old men, most of them lost their wives, so they’d sit there and drink coffee, watching TV, talking, and arguing about everything in life. It was an interesting scene to watch. Seeing families at the tables and then the guys at the counter. Like it was the progression of life.
That weighed on me, too.
I was far from old, but I was also far from young.
And I didn’t want to be far from Aiden, but I didn’t know how to handle it. Every time I turned around, there was a secret. Like when he took off with his band. Or when he decided to quit his band. Or when he got hooked on drugs. Or when he had an envelope full of cash that went missing on the night his brother overdosed and died. And now there was Felix. None of it was Felix’s fault, but Aiden had decided to keep the secret that he and Alice had been a thing or whatever.
“Hey, doll, get a coffee,” John said.
He had a big, scruffy face and kind eyes.
He threw a five on the counter.
“On me,” he said. “You need a break.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that.
I had been up until two and then back up at five to come to work.
Being alone in bed didn’t feel good anymore.
I hadn’t heard from Aiden in a few days, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was strung out, a needle in his arm again. All because of me. Just like the last time. Because I was texting a guy.
I poured the coffee and grabbed the jar of sugar. I turned it upside down and let it pour and pour.
I added creamer and brought the mug to my lips.
“Hey, doll,” John said. “You put salt in your coffee.”
“What?”
John gave a nod. Sure as anything, I had grabbed a salt shaker instead of sugar. Which was crazy, because the salt shaker was short and skinny. The sugar jars were tall and wide.
“Shit,” I said.
“Hey,” Jed called from behind me. I turned. “I made you something. Go grab a booth and sit.”
“Yeah,” Laurie added. “I’ll cover your tables.”
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve been running the place,” Jed said.
“Go,” Laurie said. “I’ll bring you coffee. With sugar instead of salt.”
I laughed.
I ran a hand over my head and exhaled.
I didn’t get overwhelmed easily, but today was kicking my ass. And it was barely nine in the morning.
I sat with my plate of food and my coffee.
It was calm. Quiet. It was actually the best breakfast I’d had since Aiden cooked for me.
As I picked through the last few bites of bright yellow scrambled eggs, I thought about my reaction. Storming by Aiden. Looking at Alice. Feeling a sense of disgust for her. Because she had enabled Gabe to use. She’d allowed it, and she’d supplied him. Which meant she left the gate open for Aiden to walk back in. Maybe that wasn’t a fair assessment, but that was the goddamn truth. And then after Gabe dies, she has a baby with his brother?
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I looked up as Jed slid across from me.
“Jed. Hey.”
“Normally I’d make some comment about you being sexy or bring a plate of food here for myself and convince you this was a date. But I’m not going to do that.”
“Thanks.”
“You did good today,” he said. “With the madness.”
“It’s…”
“Listen. My mother thinks I’m going to take this place over. Fuck that. I’ll admit it. I’m a spoiled punk. I have more money than I could spend. I always get what I want. Mom will never cut me off. So, cooking some food makes her happy, fine. But you, you’re good at this. This whole thing. I just wanted to let you know I text her. I told her you kicked ass today and that you should be the manager of this place.”
“What?”
“Yeah. And I’m serious about that. Not just because I want to get into your panties.”
“Jesus, Jed,” I said and laughed.
“What? It’s no secret. So, if Mom calls you or approaches you, be ready. She could use the help, too. I hate seeing her take on so much around here.”
“Then why don’t you do some of the work?”
“Because there’s you,” Jed said. “No offense, Lily, but you’re so open with your heart. It’s easy to walk on. Call me a dick for saying it, I don’t care. But you’ll get taken care of as a manager.”
Jed blew me a kiss and slid out of the booth.
I was shocked.
A manager’s position would be great for experience. And a boost in pay was always nice. But if someone said I offered my heart too much again…
I pushed my plate away.
I felt like sinking under the table and crying.
I hated him as much as I loved him. But I needed him. I needed…
The bell above the door jingled.
I looked.
“Aiden,” I whispered.
He stood there, Felix next to him.
My head screamed NO… but my heart screamed louder, YES.
We stared at each other.
I shut my eyes and wished he would disappear.
When I opened my eyes, he was approaching the table.
Aiden leaned forward and gently pushed Felix behind him. His eyes locked onto mine. “Sweetheart, I’m here for Felix. Please don’t do anything crazy.”
“Crazy?” I whispered. “Like fucking your brother’s wife?”
That was a really bad, cheap shot but I was tired. So, fuck it. I said it, and I couldn't take it back.
Aiden stood up. “Felix, you want to show Lily something?”
Felix nodded.
“Hey, Felix,” I said. It had been a few days since I’d see him, but it felt like years. “How are you?”
Felix quickly started to move his hands.
I’m good. How are you? Thank you for asking.
I smiled big. I opened my mouth but stopped.
I signed back to him.
I’m also good. Busy here. Are you hungry?
Felix took his turn to reply.
I had pancakes with- he pointed to Aiden.
I signed back. How did they taste?
Good! Lots of syrup. My mother would get mad if she knew. It’s a secret.
“Okay, I’m getting lost here,” Aiden said. “I picked up on pancakes and a secret.”
“You should study harder,” I teased and stuck my tongue out at Aiden.
Felix looked at Aiden and stuck his tongue out too.
“Hey,” Aiden said. “Put that tongue back in your mouth, son.”
Son.
That word changed the aura around us.
Felix laughed. He covered his mouth. But I heard a noise.
Aiden grinned. “That’s right. When he laughs, he makes a noise now. Little by little. I caught him really trying to talk last night. Right, Felix?”
Felix nodded proudly.
“Good,” I said. “Now, you can talk with your hands. But I think you should really try talking with your voice. You can do it, Felix. I know it.”
Aiden crouched down. “Felix, why don’t you tell Lily what you told me.”
Felix crunched his shoulders. His cheeks turned red.
“What is it?” I asked. “Don’t be shy around me.”
“Go on,” Aiden said.
Felix started to sign again. Teach me. You do it. Please?
I smiled. “You want me to help you actually talk?”
Felix signed yes.
I looked at Aiden.
He winked.
I looked at Felix. “You know what? I would love to help you, Felix. We will work something out, okay?”
Felix smiled big. Then he signed thank you.
Aiden then took out a few quarters from his pocket. “Felix, why don’t you go mess around the machines for a minute? Get y
ourself some stale gum balls.”
“Wait,” I said.
I reached into my pocket and took out two dollar bills. “Here. Go play the games.”
Felix’s eyes went wide. Two bucks to a little kid was a lot of money.
I stopped Laurie and told her to get a stool for Felix to sit on.
Aiden watched as Felix walked with Laurie. He really cared about Felix. That’s when I started to play the other hand. Being Aiden for a second. Having this boy in his life who thought he was his father. A boy that needed a father. Yet Aiden didn’t know the truth. Which meant Alice had been sleeping with a couple men at the same time. No judgment on Alice, though. It was a fucked-up time…
“You look lost in thought,” Aiden said. “Mind if I sit for a second?”
I kicked at a chair.
Aiden sat.
“Coffee?” I asked him.
“No. I’m here for you.”
“You said it was about Felix.”
“It was. It is. He’s learning because of you. Everything you’re doing. I hope that doesn’t end. Not because of me.”
“Can I ask you something?”
Aiden nodded.
“Where’s Alice in all of this?”
“She’s home.”
“Does she care?”
“She loves Felix,” Aiden said. “That much I know.”
“How does she feel that I’m the one teaching him? Doesn’t she want to get involved?”
“She just wants Felix to be normal. That’s all.”
I looked away.
“Look, Lily, there was no break in the conversation that I could tell you everything. That’s a cheap excuse, and I know it. But it’s also the honest truth. When we were together five years ago, I threw something heavy at you. My addiction. And it screwed you up. It screwed us both up. I didn’t want the same thing to happen now. I can’t let Felix get hurt in all of this.”
“Right,” I said. “You’re raising him, Aiden. So just call him your son.”
“It’s not the easiest thing to go through,” he said.
“Aiden, you can talk about it to me. I’m sorry for what I said. About you and Alice… I…”
“Stop,” Aiden said. He reached for my hand. “Stop protecting me, Lily. Stop right now. I want to tell you everything. Can we get together later and talk? I’ll tell you every fucking detail of my life for the last five years. You can call me what you want, but after doing what I did for Felix for so long, I decided to be a little greedy. I needed you in a way you may never understand. I’m not going to slip back, Lily. I have too much to care for and live for. Felix. You.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “I get it. Come by my place later. I’m going to go home and sleep. I’m tired. It’s been a long night and a longer morning for me.”
Aiden nodded. He stood up. “Lily, no matter what, I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done for Felix. I’m serious about that.”
“Aiden, all I want is… you,” I said. “The real you. Whoever that is. Junkie, father, whatever. I just want to see it so I don’t have to worry about it.”
Aiden put his hand into his pocket and took out his chip. He flipped it in the air so it would land right in front of me.
“What…”
“You take it,” he said. “I don’t need some little fucking thing to remind me to be sober. I just need to look into your eyes. And if you ever decide that you’re done for good… then you be honest with me. You hand that chip back to me and done is done.”
Aiden walked away.
I watched him go to the little game machines in the corner. He picked up Felix and spun him around. From a distance, I heard Felix let out a yell.
Then Aiden left the diner, Felix in his arms.
I grabbed the chip off the table and squeezed it tight.
Aiden was forever a recovering addict… but me?
I was forever addicted to him.
Chapter 32
(Blast of Cold Water)
PRESENT DAY
(AIDEN)
I sat across from Alice. The coffee was cool and tasted like shit. She put out a cigarette and went to light up another. I stood up and reached across the table and took her cigarettes away.
“Did you hear me?”
“I heard you.”
“Does it bother you?”
“What? Someone helping my son? No.”
“Alice, can you just be real for a second here? I just want to make sure your feelings are accounted for.”
“Feelings. Right. I just want Felix to be normal. So I have less to worry about.”
“Jesus,” I said. “That’s not what this is about.”
“And I deserve it. I fucking deserve it, Aiden. After all I went through with your shithead of a brother, all he did to me…and then he goes and dies. I tried to keep him alive without losing him.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” I said. “I get it, I get it. I want to make sure you’re not mad or jealous that Lily is helping.”
“Mad or jealous?” Alice laughed. “What, you think we’re going to make the same mistake twice? I know how much you love that woman. Gabe knew it too. And if she reaches my son in a way I can’t, yeah, that hurts. But if it benefits Felix, then so be it.”
I stood up. “I have to tell her everything about us.”
“You should have told her already, you stupid asshole.”
“Thanks for that,” I said. “Do you need any money?”
“No.”
“Are you good with Felix?”
“Go.”
I checked on Felix as he was playing with some toys. I kissed the top of his head. He still smelled like the sugary syrup from the massive amount of pancakes he put down that morning.
I then had to face Lily.
I had to face the past.
I had to face all the truth.
She smelled of sleep as I hugged her. I sighed with relief as she squeezed at me, clutching to my shirt. There were a few extra seconds of lingering that kicked something up inside me.
I reached back and locked the door to her apartment.
I kissed her cheek and ran my lips to her ear. “My flower, I never wanted to hurt you, ever, in all my life.”
“I know,” she whispered.
She then pulled back a little so she could look at me.
I stared down at her.
Talk, Aiden. Talk. Tell her the story right now. Don’t let things…
But it was too late for that.
I scooped her up in my arms and counted the steps to her bedroom. Ironically enough, the steps matched how many days it had been since I last touched her. Felt her body. Had her as my own.
As I lowered her down to the bed, we kissed hard and fast. Her hands grabbed my face. The kiss took a quick break as she breathed on me.
I swallowed her, tasted her.
“Sweetheart, we can wait,” I whispered.
“No, we can’t,” she said. “I can’t wait. “I need you, Aiden. You have no idea how bad I need you.”
“Fuck,” I growled. “I know…”
My hands let go of their hold on her. I stood next to the bed and stripped down faster than I ever had in my life. Down to nothing but boxers.
I watched as Lily scrambled to take her clothes off. But I knew what I needed. I was thirsty. I needed my fix. And that was pretty damn easy to get right then.
I dropped to my knees and grabbed at her pants. I tore them off her body as fast as I could, pulling her to the edge of the bed as she let out a cry. She grabbed the edge of the bed to keep from falling off completely. I threw her pants behind me and grabbed her panties. My hands slid between her legs, feeling the softness of her panties as I pressed them against her wetness. I felt her heat burning through, felt her panties absorbing all the sweet honey that my tongue was so dry to taste.
When I eased my hands over the top of her panties, I looked up at her. She was now topless, leaning back, lifting her ass off the bed, all for me.
I sl
id her panties down, slowing down this time, admiring every passing second. The sight of her body, the way her legs parted, showing me her most intimate of areas. The sweet smell, the even sweeter look, glistening against the light from a single lamp on the nightstand. My hands softly traced lines up her legs to the outside of her thighs. I rested them against the perfect curve of her hips. She then leaned back on her elbows and put her hands in mine.
Fully, completely offering herself to me. No matter what I had done or would do, she would forever be mine. I would do anything to keep her from pain and sorrow. She lived enough of it for the last twenty years just knowing me.
As I came forward, my eyes didn’t look away from hers. My tongue flickered against the tender nub of her clit. She was so easy to find, so easy to enjoy, so easy to ravage. But I kept slow to start. Gentle strokes of my tongue, up, down, left, right. Feeling her hips bucking to my touch, leaving me more empowered than anything else in my life could ever provide.
Her nails dug into my fingers as I dug into her hips. My tongue slithered down and thrust forward, opening her. She put her head back and groaned my name. There was a sense of relief between us. We were right where we belonged. Together. Me playing with her pleasure.
I turned my head and continued to take her. My tongue started to move faster and harder. Darting in and out between her legs, from bottom from top. Circling her clit, sucking until she bucked her hips. She released her hold on me and touched her lower belly. Her fingers twitched as they inched down, pulling at her mound, wanting to expose more of herself to me.
That’s when an idea came to me.
I brought my right hand between her legs. Gently, I pressed two fingers into her sweet pussy. I then kissed up beyond her clit. At the exact same moment, I flicked my tongue against her finger as I plunged my two fingers into her. Lily let out a cry and jumped. I then bit at her pointer finger and held. She looked down at me, surprised, but she had no clue what I had in mind next.
With my fingers deep inside her body, I twisted them and curled, feeling the warmth of her depth, knowing I was hitting a certain special spot that would take her pleasure to the next level.