by London Casey
“Brother,” Prick said. “Hope you don’t mind I brought the boss man.”
“Don’t call me that,” Tate said. “Plus, I’m not his boss. He’s smart enough to make a living on his own.”
I shook hands with Tate. He had a monster grip and looked like a monster. There weren’t many guys bigger than me but Tate fit the bill.
“Hey, Lily, come here,” I said. “This is Prick, an old buddy of mine.”
“Your name is Prick?” she asked.
Tate laughed. “I wonder how many times he’s heard that. We should tell her his real name.”
“You do that and I quit,” Prick said.
“Because you’re so hard to replace,” Tate said.
“Shit. That hurt.”
“And this is Tate,” I said, ignoring the conversation. “He owns a tattoo shop called St. Skin. It’s a little favorite hangout of mine.”
“Nice to meet you,” Tate said to Lily. “You know I’ve been trying to get him to work for me. A little training and he could use the needle.”
“Really?” Lily asked.
“Not a chance,” I said. “Bad enough I’m selling you some artwork.”
“You’re buying that painting?” Lily asked.
“Yeah, I am. I’m actually working on expanding my shop. Going to open another. Want to start getting the vibe going. Aiden has some really great designs.”
“I’ve told him that a million times,” Prick said.
“How do you two know each other?” Lily asked.
Prick looked at me. He raised an eyebrow.
“Nah, it’s good,” I said to Prick. “I don’t hide shit.”
“Drugs,” Tate said. “Fucking drugs.”
“Oh,” Lily said.
“That was a lifetime ago,” Prick said. “This guy saved me. I owe him a lot.”
“Easy now,” I said. “Don’t get all sentimental on me.”
“So, what’s your story?” Prick looked right at Lily. “Got any ink? Piercings?”
“No,” Lily said.
“She’s innocent,” I said with a grin.
“Fuck,” Prick said. “I always carry some stuff with me. I could sit you right there in the chair. Pierce something for Aiden to play with.”
“If I killed him, would you get mad at me?” I asked Tate.
“Shit, I’ll help you,” Tate said.
“Hey,” Prick said. “I’m just trying to spice things up.”
“We don’t need that,” I said. “In fact, you two are holding me up here.”
“Men,” Lily said. She wiggled away and walked off.
I grabbed the painting and gave it to Tate. “There you go.”
Tate handed me a giant wad of cash. “There you go.”
“Anything for me?” Prick asked. “Finder’s fee? Commission?”
“Yeah,” Tate said. “You’re going to walk out of here alive.”
“You know, I might have to reconsider that offer, Tate,” I said. “I could get used to working with you. Putting Prick in his place.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” Tate said. “And thanks for the painting.”
“Thanks for the business,” I said, waving the wad of cash before I stuck it in my back pocket.
We shook hands, Prick and Tate said goodbye to Lily, and they left.
There was a silence, which meant Lily’s wheels were turning.
“What?” I asked.
“You could do that,” she said. “Work with them.”
“Nah, not for me. I like what I do now. I’m comfortable. I’m settled. I’ve actually been talking to Big Mike about helping more with addicts.”
Lily had the pleasure of meeting Big Mike a week ago. It was weird to show her that part of my life. That darkness. But it was good. Big Mike won her over with his addicting personality.
“Well, I’m going to tell you what you always tell me: be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“And I have to get ready for work.”
“That sucks,” I said.
Lily walked to me. She slipped her arms around me. I hugged her tight and kissed her. I took a few minutes of my day and made out with her. They were the best minutes of my day.
“So…shower?” I whispered.
“After work,” she said.
“You’re holding out on me?”
“Keeping you interested.”
“I’ll just shower alone.”
Lily laughed. “Then I’ll just go lock the bedroom door and be alone myself.”
“Hey hey hey… I offered…”
Lily kissed me. I kissed her again. I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her, swinging her around to set her on the counter. She locked her ankles around me. I couldn’t get my hands off her.
I broke the kiss. “Call off work.”
“What?”
I smiled. “That was a joke.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
We kissed again. My hands slid up her shirt. The warmth of her skin. The swell of her breasts.
“I know,” I said, our lips still touching. “Fuck… I’m going to lose my mind without you here.”
Lily traced a line down my face with her finger and then around my lips. “You’ll survive. It’ll be worth the wait.”
I curled my lip.
She was fucking killing me.
But I loved it.
I pulled her off the counter and smacked her ass as she walked away.
Half an hour later she was ready for work. I walked her to the door where we wasted another few minutes kissing as though she was leaving for a week.
“Hey,” I whispered. “Alice is coming over with Felix. She said she had some news.”
“Good.”
“I don’t want you to worry…”
“I wouldn’t.”
“I love you, Lily.”
Silence fell.
I realized we had been together and being in love had been implied. I knew I loved her. I knew she loved me. But we never said it.
“I fucking love you,” I whispered.
Lily smiled. “I love you, too, Aiden. No matter how fucked up it all is. I love you.”
“Hey,” I said. “I’m going to ask Alice if I could take a paternity test to sort things out.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I want to know everything. And it’ll be good for Felix. I think. I hope.”
“Trust your gut,” Lily said. “And let me know if you need anything.”
“I need you to come home… sweaty, greasy, smelling like a diner. So I can fuck you in the shower and then take you to bed.”
“I think I can manage that,” Lily said.
We kissed one more time and she left.
I shut the door and hung my head. The surge going through me was greater than the greatest high I could ever imagine. I put my hands to the door.
I took it all in.
I wanted the truth about Felix.
No matter how much it hurt me.
Felix stood on the counter. “Hi.”
The single word made me step back. I looked at Alice. She smiled. I looked at Felix.
“Say it again.”
“Hi,” Felix said.
I felt my throat close up. I looked at Alice again.
“He just said it this morning,” she said. “Shocked me.”
That’s when I jumped into the air and screamed. Felix jumped and yelled, too. I grabbed him and spun him around. He yelled again! He really yelled. I ran through the apartment like a fool, celebrating.
I put him down and dropped to my knees. “Can you say anything else?”
Felix shook his head. Then he signed No, sorry.
That’s okay, I signed back.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi,” he said.
“You’re amazing, kid. The most amazing kid I’ve ever met. How about a big glass of the most chocolatey chocolate milk you’ve ever had? And some cartoons?”
Felix nodded.
I picked
him and tossed him gently onto the couch. I flicked through the channels and found a cartoon he wanted to watch. I hurried to the fridge and made him the biggest glass of chocolatey chocolate milk.
Then I went back to the kitchen. “Coffee? Tea? Water?”
“Coffee,” Alice said.
“Let me make some.”
Alice nodded. “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
I setup the coffeemaker with a grin on my face. “That’s perfect. What a great surprise.”
“I was hoping Lily was here.”
“You just missed her. She had work.”
“Oh.”
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“You told her about us?”
“Yeah.”
“She understands?”
“She understands,” I said. “Are you worried about it?”
Alice took a seat on a barstool against the counter. “I was thinking about stuff you said. I don’t know if I’m a good mother.”
“Oh, shit, Alice. You’re a great mother.”
“No, I’m not. I want Felix to talk so he’s normal and he’s not a burden on me.”
“That’s true,” I said. “But you also want him to be a happy kid. To have opportunity. And look what’s happening…”
“Someone else is teaching him. Not me.”
“Someone who knows sign language. Someone who was a premature baby. Someone who struggled, who doesn’t have fancy degrees and the education system breathing down their neck. Felix is smart, Alice. Think about the pressure and stress he’s been under.”
Alice nodded. “You’re right.”
I poured her coffee but didn’t prepare it the way she wanted. I knew how she liked it but I brought her the sugar and creamer anyway.
I stood at the counter. “I have something I want to talk to you about, too.”
“Okay.”
“I want to take a test. Find out if he’s really mine.”
Alice froze. She swallowed hard. “Why?”
“I just need to know. It’s not going to change anything. I promise.”
“Then why?”
I gave my reasons. My personal reasons. The reasons for Felix. Bottom line - I just wanted to know.
“You know I was at a low point in my life then,” Alice said.
“And you said you knew who the other guy is, right?”
“Yes.”
“Let me spit in a cup or whatever,” I said. “And have the other guy do it, too. I mean, if you can find him.”
“Do we want that?” Alice asked. “I mean, dragging someone else into this? If he wants to see his son… if Felix isn’t yours…”
I looked at Felix. Standing too close to the TV, mesmerized by cartoons. His mouth moving like he wanted to say what they were saying on TV. Another man holding Felix? Another man loving him? Yeah, that shit would hurt, but it wouldn’t happen. Felix was mine. All mine.
“It’s, uh, interesting you bring this up,” Alice said. “I could get more help for him if I can prove I’m a single mother. Right now, things sort of look like the way they do. You’re his father. We’re not together. But…”
“Yeah,” I said. “We should do it. No matter what happens. We should do it. I’ve always wanted the truth in my life, Alice. And I spent a long time moving around it. Not anymore. No matter what happens, Felix is going to be in my life.”
“Okay,” Alice said. “I can figure out how to do all of it, then.”
“I’ll pay for it,” I said.
Alice reached across the counter and took my hand. “Aiden. I’m happy for you. I’m happy for what you have. I know there are things we both wish we could change, but it makes me happy that you’re happy.”
I put my hand on hers, making a sandwich of hands. “Alice, I do love you. I love you as Felix’s mother. As my brother’s wife. My brother’s widow. As a woman I got to help and watch grow. I hope you keep growing. I hope you keep healing. I hope you see the magic in Felix.”
Alice blinked fast. She nodded. “We, uh, better get going soon.”
“Why don’t you leave him for the day? You go out. Do whatever you want. Pick him up after dinner. I can order a pizza or I’m sure I have a stray box of mac and cheese.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I said. “I need it. Trust me.”
“Okay. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
Alice left and I walked to the living room. I scooped Felix up in my arms and squeezed him tight. I tickled him. He laughed. He made noise. I shut my eyes to hide the tears.
I wanted the truth… and I was going to get it.
Chapter 35
(Barf)
PRESENT DAY
(LILY)
I settled down the lunch crowd and then went to the back office to meet with Mary. She showed me the books, the invoices, vendors, balances, everything. It was a lot of information to take in, considering I barely made it through high school. I had no experience in accounting or finance but the crash course my brain was getting made me wonder if it was worth it. But my eyes were on the prize. And that was the bakery.
After an hour, I left the office and swore my eyeballs were swirling.
Laurie stopped. “Hey. You okay? You need a drink?”
“Vodka?”
“Soda…”
I smirked.
“Your boyfriend is here,” she said. “Having a sandwich, waiting for you.”
“Thanks. And I will take a coffee.”
“You have two hands,” Laurie said.
“I’m your boss now.”
“Then fire me.”
Laurie puckered her lips and kissed.
I laughed.
I grabbed a mug and poured a cup.
Then I walked over to Aiden and sat next to him. He threw his arm around me. He pulled me close and kissed me. There was something about him. Something different. A little gleam in his eyes. A smirk on his face. Like he knew something I didn’t.
“The results?” I asked.
“Not yet,” he said.
We were waiting for the test to find out if he was Felix’s father.
“How long does it take?” I asked.
“Should be today.”
“You okay?”
“I think I am,” Aiden said. “I know he’s mine. My little Felix. And you helped him start to talk, Lily. It’s all perfect. Finally. Everything with us, perfect.”
“I think it’s always been perfect, Aiden. We just needed to find the perfection.”
“I think we’re doing just fine,” he said.
I stole a piece of bacon off his turkey club. I playfully put it into my mouth and then he attacked me with his mouth. It was almost like a romantic scene with two people sharing the same string of spaghetti noodle. Except that it was actually just two people smashing their faces together over a piece of bacon.
So romantic, right?
Aiden pulled away and licked his lips. “I love the way you taste.”
“You like bacon.”
“True. But I love you.”
I curled my lip. “Barf.”
We both started to laugh.
Then Aiden recapped all the new words that Felix had been learning and repeating. Through a mix of sign language and spoken word, he was developing fast. His shell had been finally cracked open a little and he was talking.
In mid-sentence, Aiden stopped. His eyes veered away.
I followed his gaze and saw Alice and Felix entering the diner.
With a quick whistle, Aiden had their attention.
Aiden flew from the booth and got on one knee as Felix ran to him for a great big hug. I looked at Alice and saw the somber look on her face.
That’s when my heart sank.
“I want pancakes!” Felix said.
“Look at that,” I said. “Talking away.”
“Pancakes are the best!”
“Yes, they are,” I said.
“Not today,” Alice said. “We’re goi
ng to a doctor’s appointment, actually. I just wanted to swing by to see you.”
I realized then that she was looking right at me.
“Me?” I asked.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure.”
I stood up.
Felix and Aiden stayed at the table. Felix took out some crayons and Aiden hurried to turn over the paper placemat so he could start drawing on it.
“Everything okay?” I asked as Alice and I exited the diner.
“I just wanted to thank you in person,” she said.
“Thank me?”
“For what you did with Felix.”
“Oh, Alice…”
“I know you know everything about me. About Aiden. Gabe. Hell, you were there.” She laughed. An almost-scared laugh. “I lost myself, Lily.”
I touched Alice’s arm. “You had every right to do so.”
“I might have had a baby with my husband’s brother,” she whispered. “Do you know terrible that sounds?”
“I don’t care,” I said. “And anyone who does? Fuck them.”
A smile flickered for a moment on her face. “When Felix came early and had problems, I thought I couldn’t handle it. And truthfully, I couldn’t handle it. There were times when I wondered if I should have given him up for adoption. Give him a chance with a real family. But Aiden was always there. He never got mad. He never hurt me. He carried everything. And he never touched drugs once. Ever. I will never be able to thank him. I guess I’m just happy you two found each other again. And I hope it’s real and it’s forever this time.”
“Me, too,” I said.
“You did it, though. With Felix. Aiden was right. Felix just needed to meet someone who went through it. How can he be so capable of knowing that?”
“Aiden or Felix?” I asked with a grin.
“Felix,” Alice said.
“Because he’s smart. Like you. Like Aiden. I know whatever…”
Alice pulled out an envelope. “Here it is. The truth.”
My heart dropped again. “Oh.”
“I can’t bear to give it to him. I was hoping you…”
“Shit,” I said. “The answer is in there?”
“Yes.”
I looked through the window and saw Aiden with Felix. Shoulder to shoulder. Aiden smiling like a proud father. Felix in awe of Aiden.
“You already know,” I said, turning back to Alice.
She blinked fast and nodded. “Yeah.”