by Amy Sparling
I take my time blow drying my hair and brushing it out. I spend twice as long on my makeup, wanting to make myself look just right in case I run into him.
Then, my mind fills with all these new thoughts. Instead of reliving my embarrassing hookup last night, I start thinking about what Gabe will do if he sees me again. Does he plan on it? Is he hoping to get lucky again tonight, or will he avoid me, choosing instead to find some other girl to bring back to his room? He probably wants a girl who won’t bail on sex at the last minute.
I don’t even know his personality. For all I know, he’s got a reputation for being a player back at home and I don’t know him well enough to know that. He could have a girlfriend. Hell, maybe he’s engaged, and he’s just weak because I kissed him first and he decided to cheat on her.
Those thoughts really terrify me. Cheating is the lowest thing you can do to your partner. I’ve seen the way it broke my cousin Mason when he got cheated on. It’s wrong and horrible and just a shitty thing to do. I’d hate to be the girl who made Gabe cheat on his girlfriend back at home.
Once my hair and makeup are done, I look in the mirror, impressed with what I see. When I’m ashamed of myself, I sure can clean up nice. I’m still waring pajamas though, and I can’t get the energy to put on one of my professional outfits. I’m not ready to go back out there.
I turn on my computer and play online, but it doesn’t help me. When my phone is charged, I check for messages from Livi but I don’t have any. She’s probably at home thinking I’m having an amazing business trip. Yeah, right.
Instead of learning stuff, I’m sitting here wallowing in my own pathetic-ness. While I’m upset with myself for having a meaningless one night stand, I’m actually more mad at myself for something I don’t want to admit.
I really liked Gabe.
It’s not just that he was crazy hot, with muscles in all the right places, facial hair to die for, and sleek dark hair that felt great under my fingers. It was everything. The easy way I felt around him. The way he talked, and listened, and made me feel like I was the only person on the planet.
I think I wanted him to be a fun hookup when we were drinking last night. But really, deep down, I know that’s not me. I wasn’t looking for a hook up. I was looking for something special. I want what Livi and Mason have.
And that’s what makes me the most ashamed. I let myself fall for this guy. Last night while we were tangled up in each other, I started picturing seeing him again, calling him up and hanging out on the weekends. Making the drive from wherever he lives to see him more.
Relationship type stuff.
God, I’m an idiot.
I’m hungry, and I have to pee again, and I’ve already missed two panels by the time I realize what I need to do.
I stand up and gather my things, shoving them back into my suitcase. I put on a pair of jeans and keep my pink shirt on because it’s comfortable. As much as I want to stay, I know I can’t.
If I stay, I’ll just be looking for him, terrified of what he’ll do when he sees me again. Because life isn’t some fun romantic movie. Here in reality, the guy won’t show up outside of my hotel room door with flowers and a smile and some romantic line about how he can’t live without me.
In all actuality, he will just ignore me. Maybe I’ll get a smile from across the hallway. Maybe he’ll want to hook up again. But he won’t be romantic.
Real life guys aren’t romantic.
So I drag my suitcase out the back door of the hotel, and walk around to the parking lot in a way that lets me bypass the convention. I have a taxi take me back to the airport and then I find one of those ticket kiosks to exchange my Sunday ticket for a Saturday one.
I’m supposed to stay another night. But instead, I think it’s time for me to go home.
Chapter 9
As soon as I start to wake up, I immediately know I’ve overslept. For one, I feel refreshed and happy, and that’s not normal. Usually I’m groggily hitting snooze for the third time, wishing I didn’t have to wake up so damn early in the morning. But as my eyes flutter open, the hotel room is bright and sunny and I remember that I forgot to set my alarm last night.
Oh well, I’m perfectly fine with that. This convention is just for fun and it’s not like I’m late meeting with a real client or anything. I stay still in bed, wondering if I can hear Alexa breathing next to me. While I fell asleep snuggled against her hair, my arm around her stomach, we must have drifted apart during the night because now I’m facing the wall instead of her.
Last night was amazing. I know she felt the same way, too. At least I hope so. I hope this whole waking up next to each other thing won’t sully the night for her. I don’t want her to think I’m some man slut, because that’s so far from the truth. When you meet someone you have such a great connection with, I don’t think slutty thoughts enter your mind. Clearly, Alexa and I had something special last night. It wasn’t just a hookup.
I lie still for a while but I can’t hear her breathing. I don’t hear anything at all. Slowly, I roll over, expecting to see her asleep. Or maybe she’s awake too and she’s looking at me waiting for me to wake up.
But she’s gone. The other side of this bed is totally empty, only a slight mussed up comforter to let me know anyone was ever here in the first place. I look around the small room and don’t see her. Maybe she’s in the shower.
But when I sit up and peer around the corner, the bathroom door is wide open and the light is off.
“Alexa?” I call out, as if she’s somehow hiding in this small room. As if there is anywhere else she could possibly be that I can’t see from my vantage point.
Of course there is no answer.
My chest aches. She obviously woke up early and went back to her room. Why didn’t she wake me up? Maybe she had an early panel she wanted to attend and didn’t want to wake me. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing like it looks.
I glance around the small room, looking for a note she might have left me. But the hotel stationary is still sitting untouched on the little table by the window. I notice her laptop is gone, too, along with any trace that she was here last night or that she might be coming back.
Damn.
All kinds of bad thoughts enter into my mind, and as much as I want to shove them away, I can’t. Here I was thinking Alexa was my freaking soul mate, a perfect girl, the kind of girl you bring home to mom, and now she’s gone without a note. Am I overthinking this? Does she just expect me to find her down in the convention room and continue where we left off?
If that’s the case, then why didn’t she wake me up or leave a note?
I grab my phone off the nightstand and check it, but of course there are no new messages. Alexa and I never exchanged phone numbers last night. There wasn’t a reason to call each other when we were already together. I’m kicking myself now. If only I’d had the foresight to get her number before she was gone. Maybe I could text her and things would be okay.
Still, there’s a weird vibe in the room. My heart is hiding from what my brain knows to be true. Alexa has left and she doesn’t want to be found.
I feel totally used.
As I relive the events of last night, I start to wonder if maybe I just experienced them all wrong. I’d thought she and I really hit it off, and were having a blast. I’d started thinking about committing to visit her on the weekends no matter how far apart we lived from each other. I’d started picturing our future together.
But … that’s not what she wanted.
The way she grabbed me and pulled me into her hotel room was pretty clear. She was drunk and wanting to fool around. She didn’t want to know me deeper. She didn’t want to see me again. She just wanted to have some fun.
I sit on the edge of the bed and hold my head in my hands. I can’t believe a hot woman used me like a piece of meat and I’m sitting here feeling shitty about it. I’m a guy. I’m supposed to be all stoked about it, bragging to my friends and shit. But I just feel awful for having let m
yself get caught up in this woman who didn’t want me the way I wanted her.
It takes a huge dose of willpower to drag myself off the bed and into the shower. I try to think about my schedule today and the business objectives I came here to work on. I only allow thoughts of work in my brain instead of thoughts of her, but it doesn’t work well. I get dressed and text my cousins, who say they’re already downstairs in the convention room. For once in my life, they are the responsible ones waiting on me, instead of the other way around.
Oh well. Screw it. I can’t be on top of my life all of the time.
I drop my phone and bend down to pick it up. That’s when I catch the one trace of Alexa that she mistakenly left behind. It’s laminated and shiny and it’s the one clue that may lead me to where I can find her again.
Her Texas shaped nametag.
Chapter 10
The flight back to Texas is awful. The plane is full, and people are talking and kids are running up and down the aisles, and I can’t find a single thing to watch on my phone, even after I pay the ridiculous price for the in-flight wi-fi. I just keep scrolling through Netflix, trying to find something that will take my mind off how much of a loser I am.
Instead of being an adult and going back to the business conference, I just ran away. That’s not very adult at all. I’m so embarrassed I can’t even think straight.
My flight seems to take forever, and yet when we land in Texas, it feels like it happened too fast. Now I’m back home, just a two hour drive from Mable Falls, and I really don’t want to face my friends like this. I’m supposed to come home tomorrow night, after a weekend of awesome business stuff. I am not supposed to arrive Saturday morning with my tail between my legs.
I don’t even want to look at the brochures and samples I brought back with me from the first day of the convention. It all just reminds me of him. The guy I stupidly fell hard for when I shouldn’t have fallen at all.
I sit in the terminal a while, not wanting to call Livi and let her know what’s up. I get some coffee and then after an hour, I break down and order lunch. Maybe I’ll just live in this airport for twenty-four hours and then pretend I got home on time.
I stare at my phone, and finally, when I can’t stand being here any longer, I decide to bite the bullet and get it over with. Maybe I’ll fake an illness. Say I got sick and had to come home. But that doesn’t really make sense, because who would willingly get on a plane when they were sick? If I were really sick, I’d have just stayed in my hotel room until I felt better. I struggle to come up with a believable excuse, but I can’t think of anything. The only real excuse is that I’m a pathetic loser.
I break down and call Livi.
“Hey, girl!” she answers, her voice all cheery like there’s no problem in the world.
I immediately feel worse. “Hey.”
“What’s up? You sound weird.”
I’ve only said one word, but I guess she can figure out that something’s not right. She’s a really good friend, and I’m happy to have her. I slink down in the plastic airport chair.
“Well … I’m home.”
“Huh?”
“Not home, exactly, but at the airport. Here in Houston.”
“Wait, you’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow, right? Mason and I are planning to pick you up at six.”
“Yeah, that was the original plan but, well, I’m here.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing,” I say. “Well, something. But … can you just come get me please?”
“Are you okay?” Livi asks, her voice a little more concerned now. “You’re not missing any limbs or anything?”
I chuckle. “No, I’m fine. I have all the same body parts I left with.”
Broken hearts don’t exactly count, I think.
“Okay, well I’m at the bakery and there’s no way I could leave it with just Keesha, so I should send Mason to get you—”
“No!” I say, cutting her off. “Not Mason. I need you. Just close up the bakery.”
“But it’s Saturday,” she says. “We’re really busy. Are you sure?”
“Yeah, just politely kick everyone out,” I say, hating myself for it. I love my customers and I hate the idea of closing on a Saturday but I just can’t do it now. I need Livi here, not Mason. I love him but he’s a guy and right now I need to talk to a girl.
“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Livi says.
When I hang up, I feel relief that I have someone coming to get me. Maybe in a few hours I can put this whole thing behind me, and just go back to my normal life and pretend I never met a gorgeous bearded man who works in real estate. Maybe I’ll even open the bakery back up this afternoon and spend the rest of the day working.
It’s a boring two hour wait at the airport, and I think I even fall asleep a few times, but finally Livi is calling me to say she’s made it and is waiting for me in the arrivals section. I lift up the handle on my rolling suitcase and walk to find her.
Livi looks like she just walked right out of a bakery, and it makes me smile. Her jeans have flour on them, and her hair is pulled back in a small bun that’s all frazzled from the baker’s hat she would have been wearing. She looks worn out, but concerned as her brows pull together when she sees me.
“Alexa,” she says, more like a confirmation than a greeting. She pulls me into a quick hug and then reaches for my suitcase, as if she knows I’m too broken right now to deal with anything other than myself.
“Thanks,” I say, letting her take the handle.
We’re quiet on the walk outside and to her car. Soon, I notice she’s not driving her old piece of crap car, and instead she’s driving Mason’s truck.
“Did you tell him what you were doing?” I ask, alarmed.
She grins and shakes her head as she lifts my suitcase into the back. “No worries. This is my truck now.”
“Huh?”
This truck is Mason’s baby. He probably loves it only slightly less than he loves Livi. We climb inside and Livi starts the engine to crank the air conditioning because it’s already pretty hot in here.
“Well, you know how Mason has been bitching that I need a new car because mine sucks?” she says. “Even after he put new tires on it, it still broke down on me twice in the last three months.”
I nod. He’s always telling her it’s too unsafe and that she needs something that was manufactured in this decade.
“Yeah, but you always say you can’t afford a new car,” I say.
She sighs and looks over at me, in a “you know how Mason is” type of way. “He’s been asking to buy me a car for weeks and I keep telling him no. I mean, we don’t even officially live together since my stuff is still in the guest room, so I can’t let him buy me a damn car. Then, yesterday, he decides he needs a new truck and instead of trading this one in, he gave me the keys.”
“That’s cute,” I say.
She rolls her eyes. “It’s his sneaky way of making sure I’m driving something safer even though I won’t let him buy me a car.”
“That’s still pretty cute,” I tell her.
Her lips tilt upward. “Yeah … it is.”
I’m smiling at how cute they are together, and it temporarily takes away the pain in my chest. But as we pull onto the highway and leave the airport behind, the sad feelings come right back to me. Embarrassing heartache can only be pushed aside for a few moments, I guess.
“So, I have to tell you what happened just because I can’t keep it to myself,” I begin.
Livi cocks an eyebrow, keeping her gaze on the road. “I’m intrigued.”
I breathe in deeply and let it out in a sigh. “It’s so stupid. I’m so stupid. And I want to just forget all about it and go on with my life, okay? But I want to tell you quickly just so I can get it all out of my system. Also, under no circumstances can Mason hear about this. Promise?”
She looks over at me. “If something bad happened, he will want to kick some Arizona ass, Alexa.”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry. Nothing bad happened. I’m just embarrassed.”
We stop at a red light and she gives me a pointed look, like she’s considering if it’s worth lying to her boyfriend for me. “Fine,” she says after a moment. “What you say in this truck will stay between us.”
“Thanks.”
I play with clasp on my watch band as I think of the best way to tell her everything. Then, I just start from the beginning. I tell her about the Texas nametag, and the coffee creamer fiasco and how Gabe first talked to me because of our shared Texas nametags. Then I tell her about our talk, and how cute he is, and the dinner we had at the hotel restaurant.
She listens politely, barely saying anything while I talk. I can tell she’s holding back though, and that she’s dying for more info. But that was all the easy stuff. Now it gets harder.
“So …” I say slowly. “By then I’d had three drinks and I was feeling … I don’t know, stupid I guess.”
Livi looks over at me. “What happened?”
“He walked me to my hotel room like a total gentleman, and he was about to leave and I—I—”
“Oh my God, I’m dying here,” Livi says. “What happened?”
I bite the inside of my lip so hard I can taste blood. Heat rises to my cheeks. I am so embarrassed to admit this to myself, much less to my best friend. “I pulled him into my room and made out with him.”
“Nice!” Livi says excitedly. “Tell me again how hot he was?”
I roll my eyes and describe him again. She’s grinning like she doesn’t think this is a big deal at all. But that’s because she doesn’t know the whole story.
I take a deep breath and tell her the rest.
“And then I just left,” I say, after recounting the whole night. “I just snuck out and left.”
“But why?” Livi says. “He was great! You should have stayed.”