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Going home that night was fucking hell. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Lindsey. After I passed out, the guys took turns drawing on my face with paint. They thought it was fucking hilarious. They said I deserved it for being such an asshole. Maybe I did. I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that I was actually falling in love. I had thought I was in love before and look how that ended? I realized the hard way that what I felt wasn’t the kind of love that you would go to the ends of the earth for. It was respectful love, in the sense that I loved her as the person she was, but I wasn’t in love with her. It had torn us both apart. She ran crying from my apartment and I went back to serving overseas. I hadn’t even felt bad about the breakup. I knew that it was coming when she started asking me to give up who I was. Would Lindsey ask me to do that? And what would I do? I shoved the door open and tossed my jacket on the chair. Shucking my shoes, I headed for the bathroom, tearing my clothes off as I went. I turned the shower on hot and stepped underneath, letting the water wash away the shit I was thinking. Love, I couldn’t actually be in love could I? But I did love her. I was as sure as I was about anything that swirled in my gut. “Hey, sexy.” Lindsey’s hands slid around my chest, pulling me into her breasts. I jerked out of her grasp, afraid that I would say something really fucking stupid if I wasn’t careful. “What are you…I mean,” I cleared my throat and giggled. Shoot me now. I just fucking giggled. “Is everything alright?” “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” “You’re acting weird.” “I just wasn’t expecting you to be in the shower with me. You know, I just came home from work and I wanted a fucking shower.” Nice, asshole. Be a dick to her so that you don’t have to admit you love her. “You’ve never minded in the past when I joined you in the shower. In fact,” Her hand slid down my abs until they wrapped around my raging cock. “I seem to recall you being more than happy to have me in the shower with you.” She sank down on her knees and took me in her mouth. My eyes rolled back in my head as she started working my cock with that sexy mouth of hers. I wasn’t going to last. Fuck, if I came, I would shout out that I loved her and it would all be downhill from there. I shoved at her shoulders, pushing her off of me and turned around. I knew I was being an ass, but I wasn’t ready for this yet. “Is something wrong?” she asked angrily. “Nothing’s fucking wrong. I just came in here to take a fucking shower, not be mauled. Take a fucking break. You’re not on the clock.” “Excuse me?” she shrieked. “I’m not on the clock? What do you think I’ve been doing? Paying you for services rendered?” “Can you just leave and let me take a fucking shower in peace?” I growled. She left me alone and I sighed, thunking my head against the wall. I was a total fuckup. I could guarantee that none of my friends handled love as badly as I just had. I quickly washed off and threw a towel around my waist. I needed to talk this through with her and figure out where to go from here. I just hoped she didn’t start seeing stars and shit. We didn’t need this getting out of hand. When I opened the bathroom door, shit was flying all around the house. My pants were flung against my face and the belt hit me in the fucking head. “What the fuck is going on?” I yelled. “You need to pick up your shit. I’m not the fucking maid!” “It’s my goddamned house! If I want to throw my shit on the floor, I’ll fucking do it.” I shouted back at her. “You’re a fucking guest, not my fucking girlfriend.” Yep. That was the end of it right there. Way to put up those boundaries and really show her what an asshole you are.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Lindsey and Ice
LINDSEY
What a fucking asshole. Just when I think that we’re starting to get somewhere, he goes and throws gasoline on the fire, burning us in fiery flames and assuring that we will never be more than fuck buddies. “You’ve made that crystal clear. Don’t worry. I’ll be out of your hair by the end of the week.” I turned and stormed out of the house, pissed that I had let the stupid, sexy man get to me. This was my life and he had barged in and taken over. Not only did he destroy my business, but now he was tearing me to shreds. What the fuck was I going to do? I just bought a fucking house in town and now I was stuck here, in the same fucking town as a complete asshole that thought he was God’s gift to women. I didn’t even realize that I had no clue where I was going until it started to get dark and I was getting cold. I had stormed out of the house in just my sweater, and even though it was warm, it wasn’t enough in the dead of winter. I hadn’t noticed the chill because I was so upset over the way John was treating me. I turned to head home and found myself all twisted and turned around. Nothing looked familiar and I didn’t see any sign that I had been on this path before. I should have been paying attention. Why did I let myself get lost in my head? To make matters worse, it started raining, chilling me to the bone. I looked up to the darkening sky and felt like crying. Why the hell had I decided to walk out here all alone? I was so fucking stupid. My shoes were sloshing in the mud and my feet were chilled to the bone. When I came to a fork in the path, I looked around, hoping for some sign of where to go. Anything to point me in the right direction, but there was nothing. Tears slipped down my cheeks as despair set in. I was freezing and I wanted to go take a hot shower. I wanted to snuggle under some blankets and pretend like I was back at my bed and breakfast, in my own bed. Or even better, I wished that I was wrapped in John’s arms, even if he was an asshole. I took the path to the right and prayed that it was the right direction. I walked for hours, and still saw nothing that looked familiar. I was shaking and wet when I spotted the hollowed out tree. Not wanting to walk anymore for now, I crawled into the hole and curled up in a quivering ball, hoping that I could warm up just a little. Maybe it would stop raining soon and I could find my way out of here. Otherwise, I would be spending the night in this dark tree. Owls screeched outside and bugs were crawling inside. At this point, I wasn’t sure which was worse. Every sound scared the crap out of me and I could have sworn that I heard a bear. I pressed myself deeper into the tree and hoped that no animals could smell me. It grew darker and darker until there was no light around me except for the pale moonlight that was streaming through the trees. It wasn’t enough to really let me see into the forest. My thoughts drifted to a more depressing thought. If I died out here, would anyone care? I had no family that spoke to me. My grandmother had died a year ago. I hadn’t had a boyfriend in years. I had no good friends that would call and check up on me. In fact, the only person that would even notice I was missing right now would be John, and based on the way he talked to me this afternoon, he would prefer that I was no longer in his life.
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Ice
As soon as she walked out the door, I knew I had been an ass. Hell, scratch that. As soon as I opened my mouth, I knew I had been an ass. I should have sat down with her and talked. I should have just told her what was on my mind. I could have told her that I was freaking out about this little revelation I’d had this afternoon. Did I do that? Was I the bigger person? Nope, I just threw it in her face that I didn’t want a girlfriend, which wasn’t even true anymore. I had thought a lot this afternoon and on the way home. I came to the realization that I did in fact love Lindsey and if I wanted to keep her, I was going to have to talk to her. The trouble I was having was figuring out how to tell her that without committing myself to her one hundred percent. It’s not that I didn’t want her, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the whole package yet. I had been there and it hadn’t turned out so great. I just wanted to avoid saying or doing something that would hurt us both. My phone rang and I quickly snatched it up, practically yelling at Chris when I saw his name on the display. “What the fuck do you want?” “Nice to talk to you too, asshole.” “Sorry, I just had a fight with Lindsey and she stormed out of here.” “Ouch. Did you at least talk to her about this afternoon?” “No, I picked a fight and she got pissed. Threw my fucking belt at me.” Chris laughed into the phone, making me grit my teeth together. Yeah, I knew I had fucked up. “So, where did she g
o?” “I don’t know,” I sighed. “Out the door.” I walked over to the back door and looked around outside. I didn’t see her anywhere. I opened the door and stepped out onto the patio, looking around, but I still didn’t see her. It was fucking cold out and that was when I realized that I was just wearing a towel. I walked back inside and shut the door as I headed for my room. “John!” I put the phone back to me, having forgot that I was on a call. “Yeah?” “Did you find her?” “No, I think she went for a walk. I have to get dressed and go look for her. It’s freezing out and she was just wearing a sweater.” “Give me ten and I’ll be over with Jules.” “Hurry the fuck up. I don’t like this.” “Then you shouldn’t have fucking yelled at her,” he said just before he hung up. He was right and I knew it. I quickly threw on some clothes and packed a backpack with some supplies. I had no idea where she was walking, but it had started to rain. I had to be prepared and my gut was telling me that I wouldn’t like how this ended. “Any sign of her?” Jules asked as he got out of the truck. “Not yet. I just packed some shit to take with.” I gestured to the pack on my back. “I can’t believe you just let her walk out of the fucking house without knowing the area.” “What did you want me to do? Chain her to the bed?” “How about, not be an asshole and chase her out of the house?” Jules said. “Do you want to keep yelling at me or do you want to go start looking for her?” “I’d like to yell at you some more, you jackass,” Chris snapped. But he turned and started walking for the tree line. With any luck, we would run into her along the way and we could get back to the house before it got too dark out.
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“It’s getting fucking cold out here. I hope to God she found her way back,” Chris said. “What are the chances she found her way out of here?” Jules asked. “We’ve been following her tracks through this whole fucking forest. I would guess she’s fucking lost.” “How the hell did she get way the fuck out here? She went off trail almost as soon as she entered the forest. Damn, stupid woman,” I grumbled. “Just don’t say that to her when we find her,” Chris said over his shoulder. “The last thing you want to do is point out how a woman fucks up.” “She needs to know that she put not only herself but others in danger by going off on her own.” I flicked on my flashlight now that it was getting darker and prayed like hell that she wasn’t really stuck out here still. Though chances of her having made her way back were slim to none. We were deep in the forest now and she would have had to have gone off this trail and cut through the forest, making a straight line back to the house. Chances were, she hadn’t done that. “If you rub her face in it, you’ll be dealing with one bitchy woman,” Chris said. “I’m just saying, man. You never point out that she couldn’t handle a situation.” “I would just like to point out that I am the only smart man between the three of us,” Jules said. “Why’s that?” I asked. “Because you two got your wagons hitched to someone. Me, on the other hand, I am as free as a bird. I don’t take shit from anyone and I don’t have anyone ready to call me on my bullshit for any reason. I am an island.” “First of all, I didn’t get myself hitched to anyone. She’s staying with me and I really like her-” “You love her,” Chris corrected. “Fine, I fucking love her, but it’s not like we’re going to run off and get married.” “Not with an attitude like that,” Chris huffed out. “It’s not about my fucking attitude. I’ve only known her a few months. That’s not long enough to know.” “Know what?” Jules asked stupidly. “To know that, you know, she’s the one that…the one that…” “You’ll be sticking your dick in for the rest of you life?” Jules finished for me. “Yeah.” “See, right there proves my point. You can’t even fucking say the words. This woman has you wrapped around her little finger and you can’t even fucking say that you want to be with her the rest of your life.” “Now, hold on a minute. Just because I’m not ready to run out and get married doesn’t mean that I don’t want her. I just…fuck, I just met her. Why does everything have to be so rushed?” “Listen, it’s simple,” Chris said. “You love her, but are you in love with her?” “Yeah,” I replied grudgingly. “Could you see yourself settling down someday with her? Having a few ice cubes running around the house?” “Ice cubes?” “I figured you’d freak out if I said kids.” Surprisingly, I wasn’t freaking out about that. Not that I wanted kids this minute, but it didn’t bring terror like it once had. “Fine, I could see myself having kids with her.” “Then, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Chris shrugged. “It’s not about being ready right this minute. It’s about admitting to yourself that it’s something you want one day.” “Yeah,” Jules agreed. “It’s like he said. It’s about admitting to yourself that you’re ready for that death sentence.” “You’re such an asshole,” Chris chastised. “That’s not what I fucking said.” “Well, I figured one of us had to be honest about what the underlying message here is.” “Jules, just you fucking wait. You’re gonna get knocked on your ass by a woman someday and I’m gonna fucking laugh. I’m gonna make you eat those words,” Chris smirked. I pointed to the ground, interrupting their little argument. “Look,” My flashlight followed her trail off in another direction. “She switched directions again.” Chris’s flashlight shone off in the distance, through the dark, murky forest. I shook my head and sighed. “Damn, I never should have let her leave the house.” “We’ll find her,” Jules said confidently. “Yeah, but will she still be alive when we do?” I muttered. We followed her muddy footprints through the forest for what felt like another few hours, until I halted the guys. I listened intently to the sounds around us, straining to hear what I thought I just heard. “Oh fuck,” I whispered as a big ass bear stomped through the forest. “Nobody move,” Chris said quietly. “I think we’re supposed to yell at it,” Jules said. “You want to yell at a fucking bear?” I asked. “Yeah, watch.” Before I could tell him to keep his mouth shut, he yelled at the fucking bear. “Bear, get out of here. Skat!” The bear turned to us and a growl erupted from him as he stomped towards us. “Great,” Chris growled. “It didn’t see us before, but now it sure as fuck knows that we’re here. Back up slowly. No sudden movements.” Chris and I started moving backwards, but Jules stood his ground, determined to take on the bear. “Are you fucking stupid?” I hissed. “Back away from the fucking giant-ass bear.” “You’re supposed to stand up to them. They can smell your fear,” Jules said as he stood tall. “Right now she can smell that you’re the dumbass she’s gonna eat for dinner,” I said sharply. The bear stood on its hind legs and growled loudly, swiping its paw at Jules' head. He ducked and fell to the ground, rolling out of the way, but the bear kept going at him. “Fuck, what the hell is she attacking me for?” Jules shouted. “Because you challenged her, you stupid fuck,” Chris yelled back. Jules rolled away from the bear again, barely missing being stepped on. “Jules,” I barked. “Roll over and play dead. Cover your head.” “You want me to play dead? Are you fucking crazy? Bears eat shit that’s dead!” “You’re about to be seriously dead if you don’t stop fucking moving,” Chris yelled. “Shoot the damn thing,” Jules yelled. “Isn’t that illegal?” Chris asked, turning to me for confirmation. I shrugged and pulled my weapon. “We can debate whether or not it’s illegal after you shoot her,” Jules yelled. I scratched my jaw, thinking this over for a moment. I knew I could take her out before she caused any damage, but I wanted to make the fucker sweat. “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem right to shoot an animal that’s just minding its own business.” “It’s about to fucking eat me,” Jules said, rolling away from a swipe of the bear’s paw. “It’s a shame we didn’t bring any tranquilizers with us,” I said. “For the bear?” Chris asked. “No, for Jules,” I grinned. “You know, this is the perfect way to get rid of a teammate. No one is here to see what’s actually happening.” The bear bent over and growled loudly in Jules face, just inches from tearing into him. Jules reached to the side and snagged a stick, then swatted the bear in the nose with it. The bear jerked back onto its hind legs and brushed her paw across her nose, roaring in rage.
I decided to take pity on Jules. I fired, hitting the bear straight in the head. It fell to the ground with a thump and Jules scrambled backwards to keep from getting squashed. “You’re welcome,” I said calmly. He jumped to his feet, backing away from the bear. “You’re welcome? You could have jumped in a little sooner there,” Jules spat at me. “Nah, you had her. Besides, you really taught her a lesson by yelling at her,” I said, turning to Chris with a nod. “Oh, yeah. Definitely. In the future, if we ever come across a bear again, I know to just yell at the bear to go away.” “You guys are assholes,” Jules muttered as he walked away. Chris and I chuckled and then followed him on the path. It started to downpour about a half hour later and I started to get really nervous. I couldn’t believe that I had let her wander out of the house and I hadn’t paid attention to where she was going. I was an asshole. “Hey,” Chris shouted, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Over here.” He ran toward a hollowed out tree and I quickly followed him. Throwing my pack on the ground, I got down on my knees and crawled inside as Chris shone his flashlight in for me. Lindsey was huddled up in a ball inside, shaking like a leaf. “Lindsey,” I said, getting up close to her. She didn’t answer, but her eyelids fluttered a little. I quickly stripped out of my coat and tore her sweater from her body. It was soaked and would only make her colder. I wrapped her up in my coat, zipping it up tight so that she was covered and yanked the hood over her head. At least she had my residual body heat. “We’re gonna have to double time it back,” I said to the guys over my shoulder. “She’s like a fucking icicle.” “What the hell was she thinking, walking outside in just that sweater?” Jules groused. “Was she trying to freeze to death?” “I have a blanket in the backpack, Jules. Grab it for me.” He pulled out the blanket as I dragged Lindsey out of the tree. Wrapping the blanket around her, I made sure to tuck in her hands so that they stayed warm. I couldn’t do anything for her legs and feet at the moment. We were just going to have to get back to my house as fast as possible. “You think you could make it back through the trees or do we need to take the path?” Chris asked. “Whatever’s fastest,” I said, looking down at her frozen face. I couldn’t see her real well in the dark, but the light from the flashlight was enough to see that she was in desperate need of warmth. We hightailed it back to the house, trekking through the forest over fallen trees and thick underbrush. Still, it was faster than winding our way back through the paths we came on. I kept looking down at Lindsey, checking to be sure she was still with me. Every once in a while, her eyes would open and she would stare at me. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her how fucking sorry I was. I wanted to go back and have a do over on this fucking day. We hit the main path after an hour and quickly made our way back to the house. The guys ran ahead of me, cranking up the heat in the house and drawing a warm bath for Lindsey. By the time I got her inside, her head was lulled against my shoulder. I quickly stripped her of her clothes and my own before sitting down in the tub with her between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my body, praying that we didn’t have to take her to the hospital. I didn’t even realize that the guys were still there until Chris snorted from the hall. “Yeah, it’s really fucking clear that you’re not in deep.” “You’d better hope that she’s a forgiving woman,” Jules said. “Everything’s gonna be fine. We just have to talk shit out,” I grumbled. “Just use those pretty eyes on her. She won’t be able to tell you no,” Jules grinned. “If you remember, that’s how I got in this fucking position,” I said sharply. “I’m pretty sure you like the…positions you’ve been in,” Chris said. Chris and Jules burst out laughing as I raised my finger high in the air for them both to see. I heard them make their way to the door, laughing at my expense the whole way. Assholes. When the water started to chill, I drained some water and ran more hot water into the tub. She wasn’t shaking as bad now and I could hear her teeth chattering, telling me she wasn’t totally out of it anymore. “You doing okay, there?” “Are the guys gone?” she asked through her shivers. “Yeah, they left.” “Good. I didn’t w-want to hear anymore sh-shit about us f-fucking.” “You heard that?” I asked in surprise. “Unfortunately. Glad I could f-feign sleeping.” I ran my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up a little more. She didn’t say anything else as we laid in the tub, soaking in the warmth. I had my coat on for a lot longer than she had, so I wasn’t as cold as her, but even I could still feel it in my bones. She would be feeling it for a lot longer. “How about we get out before we shrivel?” I asked. “I’ll get you some warm clothes and get you under the covers.” “I want you to w-warm me up,” she said quietly. My cock grew hard at her suggestion and I groaned at the thought of sinking myself inside her. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea right now,” I said huskily. “Why not?” “I don’t want to take advantage. You’re cold and not thinking straight.” “Maybe I j-just want you to f-fuck me.” Her voice quaked as she spoke, making me think maybe she was really that desperate for warmth. Still, it felt like a shit move if I were to go through with it. “If we do this,” I choked out, unable to believe I was even going to go along with this. “We’re gonna sit down and talk in the morning.” “As long as you keep me warm tonight.” I got out of the tub and wrapped her in a towel, carrying her to my bed. She was still shaking like a leaf when I set her down. I dried her off and then myself before slipping between the sheets with her. I didn’t want to just start ravaging her, even though my cock was telling me that was a really good idea. I had to warm her up a little more and at least set the mood a little. I wasn’t a total jackass. I pulled her into my arms, her breasts smashed up against my chest, and wrapped one of my legs over hers. I could feel her body trembling in my hold and I hated myself for wanting to take her so badly when she was freezing. We laid there for a long time, me gently rubbing her back and reciting every weapon I could think of so that I didn’t ram my throbbing cock inside her. Her fingers started sliding down my body, closer and closer to my groin until I was squeezing my eyes shut to hold myself in check. “Stop holding back,” she whispered against my chest. “You’re still too cold.” “That’s the point. You’re supposed to warm me up.” Against my better judgement, I let my hand on her back slide down until I was gripping her ass, massaging her silky flesh in my hands. My cock jerked against her and she groaned, pushing her stomach into my dick. My heart started racing out of control, but it was different than any other time I’d had sex. I craved to be inside this woman as bad as needing my next meal. I pulled back from her and shifted until my body was pressing hers into the mattress. I ground my erection against her, watching as her eyes dilated with desire. Fuck, that was sexy. Kissing my way down her gorgeous face, I took her mouth in mine, shoving my tongue inside her warmth. She kissed me back just as eagerly, her fingers digging into my back as she pulled me to her. “Fuck, Lindsey. You’re a fucking dream.” My tongue ran down her throat, taking in the saltiness of her skin as her heart beat against my mouth. Her moans drove me wild and it wasn’t more than a few seconds before I was at her entrance, pressing my cock against her wet folds. I could feel her heat slicking against my cock, begging me to slide home. My mouth latched onto her breast with a desperate need as I slowly pushed inside her. She shouted out as I pushed all the way in, seating myself deep inside her. It was like heaven and hell all at once. I needed more. Her fingers gripped onto my ass, pulling me back after I pulled out. My tongue caressed her breasts and I sucked her nipple into my mouth, losing control as she continued to pull me into her. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I tucked my head into the crook of her neck as I slammed my hips repeatedly against her, ramming me further and further inside her. My heart was going crazy with every thrust, propelling me into a storm of frantic fucking. I held her so close to my body that I could feel her heart pounding against my chest. My dick spasmed as she clenched down around me, screaming my name as she pulled on my hair. I collapsed on top of her, my breaths panting out in uneven streams against her neck. Sweat trickled down my neck, but she was
still cold beneath me. I tucked the covers in around us, pulling her into my body as I shifted off her. It wasn’t long before we both drifted off to sleep.
Ice: A Reed Security Romance Page 12