Ice: A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Lindsey

  MY BODY ACHED as I laid in bed, snuggling into the warmth. When I opened my eyes, I saw that I was still wrapped in John’s arms. What we had done last night was…beyond unbelievable. It was so much better than anything I had experienced in all my life and left my body wanting more. But I knew that I couldn’t think that way. John had pretty much thrown it in my face yesterday that I was nothing to him. I couldn’t allow myself to be drawn into this fantasy anymore. “Feeling better?” his ragged voice broke through my thoughts, tearing me from my daydreaming. “Warmer. I’m sore.” “That’s not very surprising. Your body was practically an icicle when I found you.” “Thank you for finding me. I didn’t realize that I had gotten so lost.” “You went off the main trail almost as soon as you got into the forest. You shouldn’t have gone out there by yourself,” he said angrily. “I know.” He pulled back from me and furrowed his brows. “That’s it? You’re not going to argue with me?” “There’s no point. It was stupid. I didn’t realize that the forest was so big. I just thought I was taking a walk.” That wasn’t completely true. I was angry and I wasn’t thinking. If I had been, I wouldn’t have gone out without a coat on. I also would have realized that it was stupid to start walking through the forest alone. “We should talk,” John whispered against my ear. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say this morning. He regretted last night? He didn’t think we should see each other again? Talking was never a sign of something good. I threw back the covers and sat up gingerly, feeling the ache deep in my bones. “Later. I’m gonna take a bath.” “Do you want some company?” I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to see how much it felt like a slap in the face to have him suggest he join me when I knew it was just sex. “No, I just want to relax in the tub.” I walked into the bathroom before he could say anything else. It was nice to have the separation from him, even if it was just a door. I ran the bathwater and sank down into the warm water, finally feeling like I was warming up. I stayed in there for a good hour, thinking about what had become of my life and how I had let my relationship with Ice get so out of hand. There was no way that I could keep my heart out of this anymore. I couldn’t help my feelings for him and if I slept with him anymore, I would never be able to walk away with anything but a shattered heart. When I got out of the bathroom, John had breakfast waiting for me at the table. I was shocked to say the least, but I tried not to read too much into it. I ate with him in awkward silence and was relieved when his phone rang, breaking the tension. “Yeah…no, I’m staying home today with Lindsey.” I shook my head at him. I couldn’t stay home with him all day. “Hold on a minute.” He covered the mouthpiece of the phone and gave me a chin lift. “I don’t need you to stay home with me.” “I want to. You could have died last night. I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” “I’m fine. Besides, I think I’m going to go work on my house today.” “That’s not a good idea,” John said with a little bite in his tone. Too bad. I didn’t have to listen to what he said. “I have work to do, so if you stay home, you’ll be by yourself.” His jaw clenched in anger and he went back to his call. “Yeah, give me an hour and I’ll be in.” He hung up and glared at me. “You want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” “Nothing. I have stuff to do. I’ve been out of work for long enough and I can’t afford to sit at home all day doing nothing.” “You could have fucking died last night. You need to take it easy today.” “Like I said, I’m fine.” I stood and put my plate in the dishwasher, needing to get away from his intense glare. I headed for the bedroom, but he grabbed me by the arm and spun me around to face him. “What the fuck is going on? Why are you trying to get away from me?” “John, I’m not trying to get away from you. I have a life to get back to and I won’t be able to accomplish that if I stay around here at your beck and call.” “It’s not-” “That’s exactly what it is. And that’s fine. That’s what we agreed to, but I have to move on with my life.” I did my best to hold myself together as I spoke. I didn’t want him to see how much it was hurting me to act like we were nothing. “So, you’re just leaving and that’s it?” “John, that’s what we said. Remember? I’ll still hate you in the morning?” “Lindsey, I don’t hate you.” “I don’t hate you either,” I said as calmly as I could. “I have to go.” I shoved past him and dressed quickly, grabbing my stuff to head to my house. I was out the door before he could say anything else to me.

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  I worked as late as I could that day. Even though I was physically exhausted, I just couldn’t bring myself to go back to John’s house. I couldn’t deal with the disappointment of knowing that I could never have more with him. By ten o’clock, I knew that I couldn’t put off going back to his house any longer. I went to his house, but couldn’t bring myself to go into his bedroom. I slept on the couch instead, but I was awoken in the middle of the night by John lifting me in his arms and carrying me to bed. “What are you doing?” I asked groggily. “Taking you to bed. I just got in. Why were you sleeping on the couch?” “Thought you were home,” I mumbled. “Your truck was here.” “I got a ride because we were all going to the same place.” He laid me down on the bed and snuggled up behind me. I wanted to fight it and tell him to sleep on his own side, but it felt so right to have him pressed up against me. “So, if you thought I was home, why were you sleeping on the couch?” His voice was rough as he ran his beard over my shoulder. I sighed, content to have him behind me again. I wanted this and so much more, but I knew he could never give me what I needed. “I didn’t want to wake you.” “Bullshit. You’re avoiding me. We need to talk.” “Not tonight,” I said around a yawn. “Tomorrow.” “No, now. You keep running away from me and I have stuff to say to you.” “John, seriously. I’m exhausted. I just want to go to sleep.” He tried to get me to talk to him for a few more minutes, but I just ignored him. I didn’t want to talk and I didn’t want to do anything to be taken away from the comfort of his arms. For tonight, I just wanted to pretend that everything would be fine in the morning.

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  I was tearing the wallpaper off the wall as I stood at the top of the ladder. The wallpaper in this house was so old and worn, there was no way I could keep it up. I had been working for two hours and I had only gotten a small section torn down. I didn’t really know what I was doing wrong, but I was in the mood for ripping, so I just went with it. “What the fuck are you doing?” I turned on the ladder to see John standing in the doorway to the living room, scowling at me as I stood on the ladder. “I’m tearing down wallpaper.” “You just fucking left this morning. Did you forget we were supposed to talk?” “You were sleeping,” I said dumbly. “Yeah, and you could have fucking woke me up to talk. Don’t play games with me right now.” “Like you do?” “What are you talking about?” I climbed down the rungs of the ladder, rolling my eyes when John hurriedly limped over to me to hold my ass as I climbed down. “I’m talking about the fact that you’re so cold to me and then you pretend like you care about me. You can’t jerk me around like that. You wanted to fuck? Fine, we can fuck, but don’t start pretending like you actually give a shit about me.” “I do give a shit about you,” he shouted. I looked at him stunned, not really sure what to say. My mouth opened and closed several times as I considered my options, but in the end, I just shut my mouth and went back to work on the wall. “That’s it? You’re just going to pretend like I didn’t say anything to you?” “You care about me. Big fucking deal. That’s not exactly life altering news,” I said as I tore a big strip of wallpaper down. He grabbed me by the arm and spun me around, shoving me against the wall and pressing his body to mine. “I don’t just fucking care about you,” he said fiercely. “I fucking love you and I wanted to tell you that the other day, but I was an idiot and I freaked out. I didn’t know how to handle those feelings, so I picked a fight with you.” I still didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to believe it, afraid that if I let myself trust in this, it would al
l go away and I would be left with nothing. “Don’t say those things to me.” “Why not?” His large hand cupped my jaw. His thumb brushed across my lips. I felt tears well in my eyes as I stared up into his ice blue ones. “I know I fucked up. I know I should have been honest with you and myself. I’ve just been alone so fucking long and…I was scared.” “Of what?” I whispered. “That you’ll be just like her. That you’ll ask me to leave my job. I don’t want to have to choose.” “I would never ask you to.” He crushed his lips to mine, all his love pouring into that kiss. I could feel it as he gripped my body to his. I could feel it in his ragged breaths. I could feel it in the bulge that was pressing against me. It was everything I had ever wanted and so much more because it was with a man I thought I could never have. He pushed my pants down my hips, slipping his fingers into my wetness. I was soaked for him and he groaned when he felt it. I fumbled with his belt, wanting desperately to get at his cock and feel it inside me. “Floor,” he commanded as he tore his lips from my mouth and latched onto my neck. I felt him guiding me to the floor and I went willingly. I felt his length prodding at my entrance and I spread my legs wide, needing him to enter me and make me his. And this time, I really would be his. He slowly slid home, every inch feeling absolutely incredible. His body slid against mine as he took me. With every thrust, he kissed my jaw, my lips, my neck, devouring every inch of skin he could. “I love you,” he murmured over and over. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him in close as my fingers threaded through his hair. “I love you, John. I need you.” “I’ve got you. I’m never letting go.” He nipped at my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I was falling over the edge, pulling him with me, falling into oblivion. Our harsh breaths mingled in the air as we looked into each other’s eyes. I saw then. I saw the love and adoration that I had wanted from him. It was there and it was shining bright just for me. He slowly lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly. When he rolled off me, he wrapped an arm around me, drawing me into his body. “I’m sorry I was an ass.” “I’m sorry you were too.” His laugh tickled my skin. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. John was the unattainable man, but right now, he was mine. I just worried that it wouldn’t last and I would be left broken. We finally got up off the floor about a half hour later, pulling our clothes back into their rightful places. I could feel dirt in places it shouldn’t be, but that’s what I got for having sex in a house that was barely standing. “So, what do you need help with?” John asked as I was cleaning myself up. “I was actually thinking of calling Jake and offering him some work.” “What? No. No fucking way,” John bit out. “You have a man. You don’t need to call that asshole over to do work that I could do for you.” “Yes, I do.” “No, you don’t,” he said, stalking over to me with a predatory gleam in his eyes. “Yes, I do,” I said forcefully. “This is my house and I won’t have my…you doing work for free here. It’ll make things weird between us.” “And what am I?” he asked as he gripped me around the waist and pulled me to him. “You’re John.” “What am I to you, princess?” I swallowed hard as his lips brushed down my face, making me feel all kinds of crazy sensations all at once. “You’re…um.” I could hardly think while he was holding me and touching me like this. “I’m yours. I’m your man.” He kissed me hard. “I’m your boyfriend.” He nipped at my neck. “I’m your lover.” His tongue trailed over my collarbone and down to the swells of my breasts. “I’m the man that’s going to take care of you,” he pulled down my shirt and the cup of my bra, latching onto my nipple. “And make sure that you never have to do anything alone ever again.” His lips met mine in a fiery burst of passion. His tongue swept into my mouth, claiming me as his hands gripped my ass tight to him. “Are we clear?” I nodded my head jerkily. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to right now. I was so wrapped up in this man that thinking in general would be difficult. And for once in my life, I didn’t care. I just wanted to go with it and let myself feel, consequences be damned.