by Maggie Cole
Please be home.
Too antsy to wait for the elevator, I climb the stairs and am soon outside her door. My mouth goes dry, and my pulse increases from nerves, but I knock as loud as I can.
The sound of the dead bolt unlatching hits my ears, and the door swings open. Charlotte’s eyes are puffy and red, and my heart bleeds again.
“Xander—”
“Get warm stuff on. It’s snowing, and we’re going ice skating.”
She freezes.
I don’t wait for an invitation but step inside and shut the door behind me. “Come on. I promised you. Let’s go.”
“That wasn’t in a text message,” she says quietly.
I nod. “I know. It was on FaceTime, and you were curled up in bed, sitting against your headboard.”
“What else do you remember?”
I search my memory. “Nothing else because some guy almost knocked me over.”
She furrows her brow at me. “You almost got knocked over?”
“Yep. I really shouldn’t stop and stand in the middle of the sidewalk. Especially in the snow.”
She bites her lip.
I notice she’s wearing jeans and a sweater. Good enough for ice skating. I open her foyer closet.
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to find your hat, gloves, and a scarf.”
“Do I get a coat, too?” she teases, and I know I’m back in the game.
Feeling better every minute, I find an electric-blue hat, gloves, and scarf on a shelf. I put her hat on her then beam at her. “That hat is the perfect accessory for your eyes.”
The sexy blush I love creeps into her face, and I brush my lips against hers in a quick kiss.
She holds her breath.
“What coat do you want?”
“The puffy black one.”
I slip it off its hanger then help her into it. I wrap her scarf around her and hand her the gloves. Stepping back, I check her out. “You’re missing one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Shoes. You can’t go in socks.”
“Oh.”
In the back of her coat closet I find a pair of electric-blue snow boots. “These work?”
“Yeah.”
When she’s all dressed, I lace my fingers with hers. “Let’s go.”
“Wait, I need to get my keys and wallet.”
“You don’t need your wallet.”
She rolls her eyes and opens her purse and pulls out a credit card, ID, and keys, then zips them in her coat pocket. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I smile at her and clasp her hand and pull her through the door, hallway, and into the elevator. When the doors shut, I lean down to her ear and whisper, “There’s only one issue.”
She looks up at me. “Issue?”
I nod.
Her brows furrow in confusion.
“I don’t know where you ice skate in Chicago.”
“You didn’t take your tourist map?”
“Sorry, can’t say I have one of those.”
“You didn’t ask for one at the hotel?”
“Nope.” We step out of the elevator and walk through the lobby.
“You should. It’ll give you a good idea of where everything is.”
“I remember you telling me you would be my tour guide.” I’m laughing then freeze right next to the door to leave the building.
Charlotte puts her hand on my cheek. “Xander, you remember that?”
“Your voice is in my head, saying it, but I don’t have a clear picture.”
“We were in New York.”
I wrack my brain but can’t put anything around the memory. I shake my head in frustration. “I’m sorry. I only hear your voice.”
“It’s okay. Maybe it’ll come to you later.”
“This happened when I started remembering other things.”
“What do you mean?”
“Pieces of medical school, surgeries I was in, different things I had done with the guys over the years. It just would hit me, and, one day, I just seemed to have the entire picture. Well, not the entire picture,” I say the last part full of guilt and wish I didn’t have to. I’m worried she’ll get upset.
“This is a good thing, then.” She pats my hand, eyes full of hope, and I pray I don’t let her down.
“I think so.” Then, I put my arm around her waist and lead her out of the building. “Is it close enough to walk, or do we need a ride?”
“We can walk.”
The snow is coming down in thick, sticky flakes, and it doesn’t take long before it covers our hats. We are trudging into the storm, and, when I turn to Charlotte, she has snow-filled lashes.
I stop and pull her into me, bend down, and kiss her. We’re in the middle of the sidewalk, snow is coming down hard, people are bustling around us, but at that moment, she consumes me.
Our noses and cheeks are cold, but her lips are warm and soft, her tongue teases against mine, and she’s once again in my arms.
She laces her hands together behind my head, and I once again have this sense of the past, but I can’t place it and don’t even try hard. Desire to be hers forever races through me, and nothing feels more right than Charlotte.
“I love you,” I murmur against her lips, and she stops kissing me and looks at me like she doesn’t trust my words.
“I do. I only love you. But we’ll talk about this later.” Before she can say anything, I spin away from her but keep my one arm around her waist, and we tread through the snow.
I faintly see the ice rink up ahead, but the snow is thick, so I’m not positive. I point. “Is that it?”
“Yes,” she says.
“Are you a good skater?”
She laughs. “Decent. I wouldn’t say good. Probably better than you, based on what you told me.”
“That I will fall and may end up having Dr. Sear operating on me?”
Her laughter rings through the air, and my heart swells. “Let’s hope that doesn’t happen. I think brain surgery should be enough for one year.”
“And I even have the scar to prove it.”
“Okay. Well, I’m anxious to see your skating skills.”
We get to the area where you rent skates, and I pay for two pairs. Charlotte and I sit down on a bench to put our skates on. She laces hers and gracefully stands. I put mine on, stand, and almost fall. I grab her, and she laughs. “I told you I suck at this, right?”
She bites her lip. “You going to be able to do this?”
I will probably fall on my ass fifty times and break every bone in my body, but if you want to skate, then I’ll break all my bones for you.
“Yep. Let’s go.” I grab her hand, and after a few steps, I seem to get the hang of balancing on the blade.
But then we hit the ice. As soon as I step onto the slippery rink, I go flying on my belly.
“Shit,” I say.
Charlotte skates around me and crouches down. “Xander, you okay?”
“Yep. Good thing I don’t have any ego around my skating skills, or I’d be crushed right now.”
Charlotte throws her head back and laughs.
I’ll fall all night if I get to see that.
She grabs my hand and attempts to help me up, but I’m a lot bigger than her, and I end up pulling her down on top of me.
“I’m sorry!”
She laughs more.
I’m sprawled across the ice, and Charlotte is on top of me. I kiss her, as people skate all around us.
The ice may be freezing, but Charlotte stokes a fire within me, and I’m once again unaware of anything besides her. I harden against her and pull her as close to me as possible.
She pulls back and murmurs, “I’d better get off you before the kids have nightmares.”
I give her another peck. “Okay, let’s attempt this.”
She gracefully bounces up, and I fumble but finally stand.
Once I take a few glides, I lose my balance but catch it then get the hang of it.
/>
I’m not graceful like Charlotte, but I am making progress.
“You’ve got it now,” Charlotte praises as she continues to skate around me.
“Why do I feel you’re holding back?”
She grins and shrugs.
“Show me what you would do if you weren’t babysitting me.”
“Babysitting you?”
“Yeah. Go on. Show me your skills.”
“My skills?”
“Yes. I want to see your skills. Go.”
“All right.”
She takes off and skates several dozen feet then jumps, lands, and spins around like a professional skater.
You’ve got to be shitting me.
When she stops spinning, she skates back to me.
“That was incredible! Where did you learn to do that?”
She winks at me. “I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.”
“Seriously, where did you learn that?”
“I took lessons when I got my first real job.”
“You skate like a pro,” I gush at her.
She laughs. “Let’s not go overboard.”
“I’m not! That was awesome.” I’m not just telling her that. It was impressive.
She takes my hand, and we skate together. After a few hours, we decide to turn our skates back in.
The snow is still falling, and it seems to have gotten heavier. “Hot chocolate?” I ask her.
“Sure. There’s a cafe across the street if you want to get out of the cold?”
“Yes. That sounds great.”
At the coffee shop, I tell her to grab a table while I order the hot chocolate and bring it over to her. I sit down. “That was fun.”
Charlotte’s eyes crinkle as she smiles. “You’re a good sport.”
“Hey, I only fell once. I consider that success.”
“You did good.” She takes a sip of hot chocolate.
We are sitting by the window, and the snow is coming down even harder. “Are we supposed to get a blizzard tonight?”
“Not sure.”
“So, what are you doing until Monday?”
She blows on the drink and takes another sip, whipped cream decorating her upper lip. When the tip of her tongue emerges to swipe it off, I almost lose my shit. She can’t know how sexy she is.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on having all this time off.”
“Me, either. What is there to do in Chicago in a blizzard?”
She waves around us. “Stay inside.”
“Well, that will be boring in my hotel room.”
She looks like she wants to say something but stops.
“What?”
She quietly says, “Nothing.”
The atmosphere has shifted a bit, and I’m not sure why.
“I saw Vivian today.” I wonder if Vivian called Charlotte the minute I left her.
Charlotte blinks at me, surprised. “Why?”
“I checked out some apartments.”
A brief look of sadness passes her face, but as quickly as it comes it goes. “Did you find one?”
“No. I kept thinking you were supposed to be there with me.”
Charlotte turns and looks out the window.
I stroke her hand, and she sighs and faces me. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”
“I know you are. I’m sorry I kicked you out of the car. Not my best moment.”
“It’s okay.”
“And my house at two thirty in the morning.” She nervously gazes at me.
I squeeze her hand. “Charlotte, it’s okay.”
She looks out the window again and shifts on her seat. I move my chair over next to her and I put my arm around her.
“Don’t feel guilty about any of that. Give me one more chance to show you I love you.”
“You love me?” She bites down on her lip.
“Yeah. Only you. And I don’t want you to say it back until you believe me. Let me show you.”
“You don’t love Billie anymore?”
“No.”
“Do you remember falling out of love with her now?”
“No.”
She inhales sharply and bites down on her lip.
My heart rips open again. Charlotte is still hurting and doesn’t believe me. I pull her chin to my face and look in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. You’re my future. I only want you.”
Moments pass, and my heart is beating so loud I’m sure the entire restaurant can hear it.
“I want to believe you, Xander. I do. But I feel like I’m on this roller coaster, and I can’t get off.”
There’s so much pain in her eyes, and I know I’ve caused it. I’m on the roller coaster, too, and it sucks. I press my forehead to hers and search her blue eyes for any remaining hope she might have for us. “Let’s get off it together.”
18
Charlotte
Xander is waiting for me to answer him. My brain tells me it can’t be this easy. That he can’t just decide he doesn’t love Billie anymore, when he still can’t remember falling out of love with her. All he did for six months was obsess over her.
But I’m staring into his eyes. They are begging me to trust him, believe in him, and leap into the unknown with him.
So my heart wins. It overrides my brain, and I lean into the comfort of his arms. There is no rational with Xander. My heart’s only desire is for him to love me, and no one else, so I put it on the line once again and tell him, “Okay.”
He smiles at me, tightens his arm, and brushes his lips against mine. “Does this mean I get to hang out with you over the weekend?”
I snuggle into him. “You fell on your ass for me skating, so I think it earned you some time.”
Grinning at me, he points out the window. There is so much snow coming down you can only see whiteness. “I think we should get going. The snow is pretty intense.”
Xander helps me into my jacket and puts my hat on my head again. “You look hot in this hat.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips.
It’s hard to keep any walls up at all.
He checks his phone. “There aren’t any Ubers for over forty minutes. Do you think we can catch a cab around here?”
“Probably not in this snow.”
“Okay. You lead then because I have no clue what direction to go.”
“I think your hotel is closer.”
“Does that mean I get to keep you all night?”
“Do you want to keep me all night?”
Xander gives me a smoldering look. “Is that a serious question?”
I shiver. “You said that and looked at me the same way the night we met.”
“What was the question?”
Heat races over me.
“What? Tell me.”
“If you wanted to shower with me.”
His eyes grow wider, and he licks his lips. “So that’s where that dream came from.”
“Umm.”
He leans down into my ear. “The answer is still yes...about the shower.”
Laughing, I shove him away. “Come on, let’s go.”
We plod through the snow, and I can hardly see. The storm is heavy and wet, and we cling to each other as our feet slip and slide. The sidewalk has a few feet of snow on it, and we take longer to get to the hotel than it should. By the time we get there, we’re covered in snow, and our faces are cold.
Once inside the lobby, we shake off our snow and stomp our feet on the mat.
“That was crazy,” Xander says.
I shiver from the cold. “I don’t think we would have made it to my place. I would have been an official snowman.”
“Come on. Let’s go get warm.” He leads me through the lobby and into the elevator. It’s not very crowded, but he pulls my back against him. My teeth are chattering.
His suite overlooks Chicago, and turn-down service has already taken place. Soft music is playing, the fireplace is lit, and dim lights glow.
“Well, haven’t you been living it up,”
I tease him.
He winks at me and goes over to the Jacuzzi tub. It’s near the windows overlooking the city skyline. He turns the water on and comes back to me. With a cocky smile, he says, “Time to get you naked.”
“Why do I feel like you’ve always wanted to say that to me?”
Xander laughs. “If I’ve never said it to you before, then you are correct.”
I laugh but shake some more.
“That’s my cue,” Xander says and pulls my sweater over my head.
“Now I’m colder.”
He pulls his shirt off and holds me against his warm skin. “That better?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Holding my body to his, he removes my jeans and slides his hands down to my bottom. “You are cold. Come on.” He releases my bra and panties and helps me in.
I sit down, the warmth rising to my shoulders, and release a sigh. “Are you coming in?”
“Is that a serious question, too?” Shaking my head, I laugh at him. He strips, tells me to scoot forward, and slides into the water behind me. I lean back on his chest, and he wraps his arms around me.
“This is nice.” I turn my head and smile at him.
He kisses me, hardening against my thigh. “Tell me something you’ve never told me before. Something hardly anyone knows.”
Something I’ve never told him that hardly anyone knows.
There’s only one thing that comes to my mind, and no one knows.
Xander is holding me in his arms, and I turn into him more. “I’ll tell you something no one knows.”
“No one?”
I shake my head.
“Not even Vivian?”
I smile. “Why do you mention Vivian?”
“She told me today she’s been your closest friend since you were kids.”
“Almost for as long as I can remember.”
“But she doesn’t know what you’re about to tell me?”
“No.”
“And Piper and Quinn, they don’t know, either?”
“No.”
Xander’s bright eyes scan mine, and he wraps his arms tighter around me, enfolding me in safety. So I tell him.
“When I was eighteen, and they kicked me out of the orphanage, I got a folder of information about my family.”
“They kicked you out?”
“They don’t call it that, but it’s pretty much what it is.”