“I hope we don’t end up with a bunch of streakers running around.”
“It will be fine,” Morgan assured her, speaking directly to her for the first time that day. They had spoken a few times during the week, but their conversations had been quick and strictly about business. His eyes were distant, the wall between them firmly in place. Jolie looked away, not wanting him to see how much this hurt her.
“Okay, take your places. Two men to an animal,” Morgan said. Cowboys scattered instantly.
Jolie didn’t move quickly enough and to her dismay ended up beside Morgan and his cow.
Of all the luck.
Looking about as happy as she was about their situation, he continued giving instructions through a megaphone. “Okay. Here we go. Dress your cow.”
Like a flood of ants attacking a bowl of sugar, the kids came over the railings of the arena and headed straight for the cows. The teams had to wrestle the cow to the ground, then dress it. Laughter and hooting erupted as the clothes went flying—kids stuffed colored socks on cows’ hooves, stripped off long-sleeved shirts and tried to pull them over the cows’ front legs and wrapped shirts around the animals’ necks. By the time Morgan blew his whistle, the animals were running around with clothing flopping everywhere.
Everyone was laughing hard by the time it was over, and kids were jumping up and down with excitement. When Jolie met Morgan’s eyes, she knew he was thinking the same thing she was: they’d done a good thing.
And for today, she was satisfied with that.
“Good job, Jolie.” Morgan tipped his hat at her.
“Thanks. I was glad to do it.” She pinned him with a steady look. “We make a good team.”
Before Morgan could say anything else, Jolie turned and headed for the goody table. She needed some chocolate chip cookies to keep her mouth busy—the last thing she wanted to do right now was say too much.
With any luck, Morgan McDermott would spend some quality time thinking on what she’d just said.
* * *
When Jolie returned home from three days in Houston for Thanksgiving—where she’d been forced to answer endless questions from her parents about being on the ranch with Morgan—she headed straight for Randolph’s office. She’d loved her visit with her family, but she’d missed the kids and she’d missed Morgan so much it hurt.
Driving up to the office, she was relieved to see that Morgan’s truck wasn’t there.
She entered the small lobby. Randolph’s door was open and she rapped gently on the door frame to get his attention.
“Jolie,” Randolph said, standing and waving her inside.
“I know I’ve done a good job,” she said after explaining why she’d come.
Randolph, who looked so much like an older Morgan, leaned back in his chair. “You’ve done a fantastic job, Jolie, but Morgan is a partner in the ranch. He has a say in who will teach the boys on a full-time basis. If Morgan isn’t on board, I can’t give you the contract. I’m very sorry about that.”
She’d known what he’d say, but she had to at least ask. In her heart of hearts she knew this was where she belonged. She’d been praying, and listening for God’s will, and she had to see if He would open a door through Randolph.
Forcing down her disappointment, she rose. “Thank you for everything. I understand.” Turning, she headed for the door.
“Jolie,” Randolph called, his deep voice stopping her. “‘Many are the plans in a man’s heart. But it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.’ That’s Nana’s favorite proverb.”
“Yes, I’ve heard her quote it before.”
“God’s will is at work in your life. Remember that.”
The words hit deep. “I will.” She left, offering him a smile on her way out that probably looked as sad as it felt.
She hoped God let her in on the plan soon. Because she felt as if her life was here, on the ranch with the boys, and with Morgan. Without it, she had no idea who she was or what she was supposed to do.
Or how she was supposed to handle letting go of Morgan a second time.
* * *
“Something is wrong with Jolie,” Wes said, looking at the group assembled around him behind the stables. He’d called the meeting because it was time to do something.
“Yeah, she’s been quiet and real distracted this week.” Joseph had his boot propped on the corral rung and was tapping his fingers on his knee. “I think she’s worried about not being able to get in the water.”
“Yeah,” Wes agreed. “I heard her talking to someone about an advertisement she’s supposed to shoot over the Christmas holidays. And she didn’t look too happy when she got off the phone. It sounded like she’s got her back up against the wall.”
“She doesn’t have to do it if she don’t want to, does she?” Sammy asked.
“She’s a professional kayaker,” Wes stated. “She gets paid to do these ads. Her job is on the line, I think.”
“But what about her being our teacher? And our ranch mom, like y’all told me?” B.J. asked.
The guys all looked at each other with uncertainty.
“Look—” Joseph pulled his boot off the rung and stood straight “—we want Jolie to stay, but she’s got priorities. She’s got to get past this bad thing that happened in her life. It’s kind of how we’ve had to do it a little bit. I mean, we’ve each had some bad stuff—we know how hard it is to get past it.”
Sammy looked sad. “Will she come back to us if she gets back in the water?”
“I don’t know, Sammy,” Joseph said.
He and Wes stared at each other for a long moment. Wes knew Joseph hated the look on the little kid’s face as much as he did. And the other boys’, too. They had to do something and they both knew it.
“Sometimes a person doesn’t know what’s in front of them till they face their fears.”
“How do you know that, Joseph?” Sammy asked.
“I don’t know. I heard it in a movie. It sounds right, though. I’m thinking Jolie and Morgan have this thing going on. Y’all have seen how they’ve been lookin’ at each other lately.”
“Kinda mad,” B.J. said.
“And sad,” Sammy added with a sigh. “When one isn’t looking and they don’t know we’re watching.”
“Yeah,” everyone agreed at once.
“Couldn’t Jolie teach us and still compete in kayaking?” Tony piped in.
“Maybe.” Wes thought hard. “I’m just not sure.”
Panic lit Sammy’s face. “I don’t want her to go.”
“None of us do,” Joseph said.
“Isn’t there something we can do?” Caleb asked.
“Yeah.” Tony stepped up. “We have to do something.”
“We can pray that she stays,” Joseph replied, perking up.
Sammy looked down at the dirt. “If we’re good, maybe she’ll stay.”
Wes raked his hands through his hair, his heart hurting bad. He knew prayers didn’t work. He’d prayed hard for his family not to fall apart, but God didn’t always listen to prayers. He knew he couldn’t tell the little kids that, though. They’d already been through enough, and it wasn’t easy being a bunch of misfits that nobody wanted.
“Hey, you guys start praying. Me and Joseph will come up with something. Meanwhile, fellas, keep your ears and your eyes open. Anything you see or hear that could help us with a plan to get those two together, you tell us. If we get them to fall in love, then I betcha Jolie will stay.”
Joseph and Wes looked at each other over the little kids’ heads as they began to pray, hoping against hope that Wes was right.
Chapter Nineteen
A cold wind blew in from the north right after Thanksgiving. It matched the chill in Jolie’s heart.
Blinking in t
he wind, she urged her horse to pick up speed as she rode across the open range. She needed the feel of the wind in her hair and the thunder of hooves beneath her. She hadn’t been to the river’s bend since she’d gotten back, and she had to go, even if she didn’t want to.
Too many memories were there. It was where Morgan had asked her to marry him. It was where she’d said yes. It was there, on the banks of the river, that they’d fallen in love.
Today, feeling lost and confused, her time on the ranch almost up, she’d suddenly thought that if God was going to give her answers, maybe she would be able to hear Him at the river’s bend. Or at least maybe she would be able to think clearly.
Nearing the curve in the gravel road leading to the river, she slowed her horse and rounded the corner at a slow trot.
Her heart stopped at what she saw. A log-and-stone house sat where she’d once dreamed of a having a home—and Morgan’s truck was parked in the drive.
He’d never said a word.
Heart thudding, she slowly climbed from the saddle, tied up her horse and walked to the front door. It was beautiful, and looked hand-crafted. She ran her fingertips across the smooth surface, then, taking a fortifying breath, she knocked. Her heart pounded and her head was spinning with questions.
She’d never thought to ask where he lived. She’d never dreamed...
When there was no answer, she found herself walking around the beautiful house to the back—she had to see what it looked like. She halted when she saw the deck. It was exactly as she’d dreamed when she was seventeen—built on the edge of the steep hill with a beautiful view of the river below, and the setting sun. Morgan stood with his back to her, his elbows resting on the deck railing, a mug cupped between his hands.
Walking up the steps, she stopped on the last one.
“Morgan,” she said, barely audible over the gentle sound of the river. It struck her then that she hadn’t hyperventilated or freaked being close to the water. It had been part of her plan, coming here, hoping this would be the place she could make peace with her past—all of it. But she hadn’t planned on finding this.
At the sound of his name Morgan straightened and swung around. “Jolie.”
He took her breath away. He was the only man who’d ever made her feel the way she felt now, and the most handsome man she’d ever seen.
“You built our— A house. Here.”
He set his mug on the railing. “I always said I was going to build a house here.”
“Yes, you did.” She stepped up onto the deck and walked past him to the railing. “It’s still as beautiful as it ever was.”
White foam rolled over the rocks at the river’s curve. She braced her shoulders and forced herself to look at the rushing water curling over the rocks.
“Why?” she asked.
The question was simple. Why had he built this home, here, where they’d sat on the grass and dreamed young dreams together. Turning to him, she searched his guarded eyes.
“I built this house here because it wasn’t just our dream, it was also my dream, Jolie. Just because you left didn’t mean I had to stop dreaming. I wanted a house here on this spot and so I built it.”
She crossed her arms, a conscious effort to shut out the pain this confrontation was causing. Was pain the only thing they had left to give each other?
“Y-you did a good job,” she admitted, studying the house’s lines. “It’s a beautiful place.”
He looked at a loss for words at her admission. “Thanks,” he said curtly. “So why are you here?”
“I came to see the bend. To think...about things.”
“You didn’t know my home was here?”
She shook her head.
“It’s a good place to think. That’s what I do best out here.”
Her stomach felt like it was turning upside down doing airscrews, which used to be her favorite kayak trick. She knew it was time to just lay her cards out on the table and come clean. “Morgan, I wish you’d give us a second chance.”
“There is no us anymore.”
Fire flamed inside of her. “You wouldn’t know it from that kiss—”
“Not fair, Jolie. That was a mistake.”
“I think you’re afraid of us. I think you’re just as afraid of letting me back in as I am of getting back in that water.”
She expected him to deny it. He didn’t.
“Maybe.” His eyes were hard and as dark as a moonless night sky. “We’ve been over this.”
“No. We’ve been over the fact that you won’t let me teach here because you think I need to go back to competing. What we haven’t been over is that you won’t open your heart to me and admit that you still love me.”
She held her breath. Of all the brazen assumptions to make, she knew this could be the most presumptuous. When he said nothing, she somehow found the strength to continue.
“You think it’s so easy to tell me to get back in that kayak and do what I love, yet you won’t risk—”
“I don’t have to risk anything, Jolie. I’m fine the way I am. You’re not.”
“You don’t know what I am.”
“Jolie, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. I will not give you a place to hide.”
She started to tell him it wasn’t his responsibility either way, that if she wanted to quit kayaking, that was her choice. But she couldn’t have that conversation with him again—she just couldn’t.
“Have you told the boys you won’t be coming back?” he asked. “They need to know, and it needs to come from you.”
“No, I haven’t. I was hoping...” One look in his eyes told her there was no point in finishing that sentence.
“I’m not renewing your contract and that’s final.”
She stared at this man she loved, this man she didn’t understand. That was that; it was done. She’d done everything except beg and she wouldn’t do that. Not that it would have done any good anyway.
“I’ll tell them, Morgan.” She turned and walked to the steps.
“I do love you, Jolie. Always have, always will. There just is no us anymore. You don’t get to always make the rules. You don’t get to just walk out when you want and then walk back in when you want.”
She glanced over her shoulder, wishing—regretting. “You’re right,” she managed, then walked down the steps. What more was there to say other than asking if he’d ever thought about forgiving her—but he’d probably thought of that and rejected it. Asking him would feel like begging, and she just couldn’t do it.
It was time to move on—yes, time to figure out a plan for her life and move forward.
This was over.
* * *
Morgan was elbow-deep in paperwork when Randolph walked into his office the next morning and laid a form on the desk.
“Jolie’s official application.”
“I told her I’d never hire her.”
“She told me that when she dropped it off at the house yesterday morning. She said she still wanted to make it formal. She wants this application in her file.”
“Why?” Morgan rubbed the bridge of his nose. She’d dropped the application off before she’d ridden out and discovered the house. And him. Before they’d talked yesterday evening. “I won’t change my mind.”
Exasperation lined his dad’s brow. “I know you were hurt, son. I guess I can admit that after watching the two of you together these last few months, I’d hoped there might be a chance for reconciliation. But that won’t happen if you aren’t willing to take a chance. Son, let go of your pride if you love her and fight for this relationship.”
Morgan pushed back from his desk and stood. “Do you think watching her go again is easy? Because it isn’t. Dad, the easiest thing I could do would be to sign a new contract and let her
stay. But I won’t do that.”
“Morgan, when your mother died, I didn’t have a choice but to let the Lord have her. And I’ll admit I was angry about that. Some people in this life get miracles—we didn’t when it came to your mother. And when Jolie left you, it was one more time in your life when you didn’t get the miracle. I hated that, son. But this time, you’re getting the chance to have it. Now you just have to take it.”
Morgan glared at his dad. “No.” He couldn’t be more plain than that.
“Then you may lose her forever. Are you really prepared for that? I think in the back of your mind you hoped she’d come back some day. That’s why you built that house where you did, and that’s why you haven’t moved on and found someone else.”
“What ever happened to ‘when you love someone, let them go’?” His jaw jerked as he spat out the question.
His dad looked sad. “‘If they love you, they’ll return,’” Randolph said, finishing the quote for him. “What do you think is happening here, Morg?”
“The boys are going to need support after today,” Morgan said, closing the door on the topic of him and Jolie, and moving on to what counted. “She’s telling them she’s leaving.”
“They’re resilient. They’ll survive. It will be hard, though. They’ve bonded with Jolie like nothing I’ve ever seen.”
“And that was what I was afraid of all along.”
His dad pinned him with sharp eyes. “Morgan, you’re harder than even I realized.” Randolph turned and left Morgan to himself.
It had been all he could do not to go after Jolie yesterday when she’d left his home, telling himself one more time that this was for the best. If he gave her any kind of encouragement, she’d stay. And he would always be afraid—yes, he admitted to himself that he was afraid—that she would regret walking away from kayaking.
His dad believed Jolie coming home was a miracle, that all Morgan had to do was reach out and accept it. But Morgan was more afraid of seeing regret in her eyes down the road if she stayed.
And he was more afraid of that than losing her.
Miracle or no miracle, Jolie regretting coming back to him was the one thing he couldn’t live with.
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