by Louise Bay
“Please don’t make my sister sound like a porn star,” Jake said on a sigh.
Leaving Haven in the bathroom, the rest of us shuffled into the living room. Jake started to laugh. “Were you not expecting us?”
It really was a total disaster zone. “We were too busy shagging to worry about the state of the place. So distracted in fact that we burnt the chicken—”
“We’re going to take you out, if that’s okay,” Luke interrupted. I was so grateful to him for suggesting that. At least if I wasn’t in this place, I wouldn’t have to think about the mess it was in. “We’ll just wait for Haven to finish vomiting.”
Beth started to giggle.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be,” Beth replied. “It’s good to know that you’re not perfect. You always seem so together.”
Luke burst out laughing, and I playfully smacked him on the arm. “Thank you, but it if seems like that then I need to diagnose you with a serious disease. I mean this with love: you have a severe case of shit in your eyes.”
The following day I’d booked off work, so I spent the day getting our place straightened out. It was beginning to look like home, with things of mine nestled against things of his. His books mixed with mine in the study and my toothbrush next to his in the bathroom.
I’d even bought some plant food from the flower shop on the corner for the magnolia tree I’d given Luke. They had some magnolia blooms that I also purchased and arranged in a vase on the table in a bid to show Luke that the collection of sticks poking out of the ground would become something beautiful if we took care of them.
By the time Luke arrived home from work, the place was looking fantastic, and so was I. I’d slipped into the gothic red underwear he’d bought me just a few weeks ago, which were still my favorite despite him giving me several sets since. As I heard his key in the lock, I put on my highest heels and grabbed a cold beer from the fridge.
“Hey, honey, I’m home,” he called from the hallway. “Wow, this place is looking great,” he said, scanning the living area before he settled his eyes on me. “But not as good as you, apparently.”
I took a swig out of the bottle and held it out for him. He moved toward me, took the beer and put it straight on the counter behind me. “I’m not thirsty.” His voice had that gravelly edge to it that I was only just getting used to. Lust lapped at my edges, and my eyes flitted to his crotch, then back up to his face.
He raised his eyebrows. “Like what you see?”
“I bought flowers,” I stuttered, moving across to the sofa where the magnolia blooms were in a vase on a side table. Luke came up behind me and kissed my neck.
“I can’t focus on anything when you’re dressed like that. You’ve got me so hard.” He fumbled with his zipper and pushed me gently over the back of the sofa. “Jesus, you’re perfect.” His fingers slipped inside my underwear, and he groaned. “So wet.”
His cock grazed the cleft of my ass, then pushed lower and right up to the hilt. He’d been in the door for under a minute, and he was already fucking me. He knew just what I needed.
His hands scorched my skin as his palms folded over my shoulders and pulled me onto his cock. He thrust forward so our bodies slammed together, hard and fast. Would I ever get enough of him surrounding me like this? Sometimes he’d torture me for what seemed like days before he slid into me. He’d make me come with his fingers and his mouth before I’d finally get his cock. Other times, like this one, it was as if he had no choice but to get inside me and take his own pleasure, as if doing anything else would make him insane.
“I need you so much,” he whispered, his softly spoken words in juxtaposition with the hard, sharp movements of his hips and the press of his fingers.
Twenty-Nine
Luke
I passed the jewelry store again on my Saturday morning run. Pausing a couple of stores down, I braced my hands on my knees and drew in a few long breaths that filled my lungs and had a near instant effect on my pulse. I’d not found myself in this part of the city by fluke; I’d planned my route deliberately. When I went anywhere close to this street, that ring was all I could think about. Was it still there? Would Ashleigh like it? How would she react when I showed it to her? I’d done a bit of research, and what the jeweler had said about its value and rarity seemed to stack up. Another reason not to buy it disappeared.
Living together, waking up every morning in each other’s arms, was just as great as I’d known it would be, and I was becoming impatient again. She seemed to have settled more quickly than I’d expected. I didn’t want to miss out on buying her the perfect ring for when the time was right to propose.
Before this visit, I’d transferred some of my savings, so I was prepared just in case.
I stood and looked toward the store. I couldn’t make out the individual items in the window, but I knew where Ashleigh’s ring should be. I took small steps toward my prize, not taking my eyes from the spot where I expected to find it. My heart thundered in my chest as the gems came into focus. Her ring wasn’t where I was used to seeing it. There wasn’t even a space for it. Shit, had I left it too long? That ring had been perfect—as if it were made for Ashleigh. It couldn’t belong to anyone else. I needed it for her. I scanned the rest of the section, hoping to see it, but nothing. I rubbed my sweaty palms down my shorts and pressed my hands against the glass, trying to find what I was looking for. The elderly owner appeared beside me again as if from nowhere.
“Hello, son, good to see you again,” she said, forcing me to look away from the window. My chest squeezed at her term of endearment. It was almost certainly a meaningless phrase for her, but to me it was a reminder of how no one referred to me as their son anymore. I wished my parents were here to see me about to buy a ring for the love of my life, for the woman I hoped would one day have our children. It gave me some comfort that they’d known her and loved her.
“Are you looking for your ring?” she asked, patting my arm. “Follow me. It’s inside.”
Had I heard her correctly? Did she say she still had it? My body tensed in anticipation.
I focused on the tinkling of the bell over the door as I followed her into the shop. “You have it?”
“Yes, I kept it back here for you. Figured you’d be back again. I’ve seen that look before. It’s the same one my husband had for me. He wanted to give me the world from the moment he met me. And he succeeded. If that’s how you feel about your girl, then you should have this ring.”
My muscles loosened. I was going home with the ring in my pocket.
“You want to give her the world?” the woman asked.
I nodded. “She always seems to give me more than I could ever give her.”
“I bet she says the same about you. That’s when you know it’s right. When it feels like a privilege to know them.”
Ashleigh made me feel like I’d been let into a secret club. A love club. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been in love before—at least, I thought I had. It was just that it hadn’t been close to what I felt for Ashleigh. With her, it felt permanent, fundamental to who I was. With Emma, I hadn’t envisioned things changing. With Ashleigh, I knew it was forever.
I ran home with the ring in my pocket, reaching for it every block or so, just to check it was there. Like everything good in my life, I wanted to share it with Ashleigh immediately. But I knew I had to be patient. I had to convince her how I felt wasn’t going to change. The switch that had awakened my feelings for Ashleigh was strictly one-way. There was no going back, but she wasn’t convinced, not yet.
“Hey, I’m back,” I shouted.
“I’m in here,” Ashleigh called from the bedroom.
Where was I going to hide the ring? I couldn’t risk her finding it and bolting. “I’m going for a shower.” I hadn’t expected her to be still in bed when I got home. I’d thought I’d stash the ring in the bedroom. “Are you okay?” I asked as I entered the bedroom.
“Just sleepy. I feel like I co
uld sleep for days.” The urge to kneel beside her and ask her to marry me right then was huge. She filled up my heart. She looked so relaxed and sexy, lying there with her hair fanned across the pillow in the bed that we now shared, her eyes still heavy with sleep. I took a breath, trying to reason with myself. I couldn’t, not yet. I needed to give her a little more time. Convincing her to move in with me was one thing, but I wanted her to say yes without hesitation when I asked her to be my wife.
“How come you’re so sleepy? You pregnant?” I laughed, and Ashleigh rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be crazy. You kept me up most of the night, if you remember.”
I did remember. The sex had been unforgettable.
I sidled into the bathroom, trying to look as if I wasn’t concealing where the ring was stashed. When Ashleigh wasn’t around, I could carry the ring on me. It wasn’t the most security conscious of ideas but better that than her finding it and going into meltdown. When we were together, I needed to stash it somewhere.
I turned on the shower and stripped off my clothes, holding the box in my hand while looking around the bathroom for a hiding place. The door handle jangled. “Luke?”
Shit, I’d locked the door so she didn’t walk in on me while I was holding the ring. “Hang on.” I dove into the cupboard that held all the clean laundry and buried the box at the bottom of a pile of towels. I’d have to think of a better spot later. I quickly shut the cupboard, spun round and unlocked the door. “Hi.”
Ashleigh knitted her eyebrows together. “Er, hi. I was just wondering if you wanted company, but if you’d rather—”
“Of course I want company.” I pulled her inside, closed the door and started to undress her.
“You locked the door,” she said as she held her hands above her head as I stripped off her tee.
“Force of habit.” I buried my head in her neck and pushed her against the wall. It was part desire to distract her and part my reaction to her naked body.
“You’re sweaty,” she said.
“Hence the shower.” I pulled away from her and led her into the shower.
“I like it.”
“You do?”
She nodded.
“But you always smell so . . . like summer or home or—”
“You smell like you’re mine.”
“Well, that’s good, because I am.”
She wrapped her legs around me as I lifted her and walked under the spray.
Ashleigh
“That one, you can tell by the way he walks,” Haven said, gesturing at a guy on the other side of the Mexican restaurant. It was dark and loud, but not so much so that the people at the tables surrounding us hadn’t noticed Haven pointing.
“You can’t talk about another man’s cock when you’re carrying your husband’s baby.”
“Well, apparently I can because I just did. I’m just saying, you can tell. Everything about a man starts with the size of his penis. I’m thinking of writing an article about it.”
Part of me was pleased to be out with Haven, but the other part, the part I had a hard time allowing to come to the surface, wanted to spend all my time with Luke. But he was working late tonight, so I wasn’t technically giving up time with him. Jesus, when had I become that girl? “I’m going to the loo.”
“Again? You just went. I have penises to discuss with you.”
“What are you, the toilet police? And if you insist on talking about penises, I’m going to start telling you about your brother’s.” I gave her a stern look as I headed off to the bathroom, pulling out my phone to see if Luke had messaged me. I grinned as I saw the symbol at the top of the screen confirming he had.
Luke: I’ll be home by ten. Hope you’re having fun.
Ashleigh: I won’t be long after you. The hormones are making Haven crazy.
As soon as I came out of the stall, my phone pinged again.
Luke: It’s nothing to do with the hormones. I miss you.
Living together these past few weeks had been going better than I’d expected. I didn’t feel the pressure for everything to be perfect the way that I’d thought I would. Everything felt so natural between us, as if we’d been a couple forever.
I went back to the table with more enthusiasm than I’d had when I left. I hoped Haven was done talking about cock.
“Those bathrooms smell of some disgusting air freshener. I hope what they serve up smells better,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“The food is always good here.” Haven waved her hand toward the kitchen. “So how’s it going with Luke? Are you having the battle of the toilet seat?”
I grinned. “Nope. He’s good with putting the lid down.”
“He is?”
“It’s going well, actually. It doesn’t feel like the big adjustment I expected it to be.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t with Jake either. I guess when it’s right, it’s not hard work.”
“Maybe that’s it.” It felt right—as if we’d always lived together.
“You’ll be getting married next,” she said.
“As if. Luke isn’t the marrying kind. He’s already told me that.” I wasn’t exactly upset that Luke and I would never get married. More, I’d always seen marriage as part of my future—I’d just have to adjust my happy ever after. It was Luke I wanted. Not simply a husband.
“So you’ve talked about it?”
“Nope. He told me when he was talking about Emma wanting the big white dress.”
“Guys change their minds,” she offered.
“He was pretty clear. It broke him and Emma up, if you remember, and I wouldn’t place marriage over Luke. It’s a small compromise. I know he loves me.”
“It’s good to see you so happy. You have a little love glow about you.”
I grinned. I could barely stop smiling these days.
The waiter brought our food, and we clinked water glasses.
“Will you be my birthing partner?” She munched on a pepper. My stomach churned. The food wasn’t as good as it normally was. I couldn’t bring myself to eat much of anything. Haven wasn’t having the same problem.
“Jake will be your birthing partner, you crazy.”
“You know the best thing about being pregnant?”
Apart from the inability to keep on one subject for more than five seconds?
“No periods. The rest of it is terrible and terrifying. But at least I don’t have periods.”
I grinned then released the muscles in my cheeks as I checked the date on my phone. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a period. I must have mixed up my dates or my pills or something. I’d have to check when I got home. “What do you find terrifying? Having to give up your freedom?”
“Actually, not so much. More the responsibility. I want my kid to be a good person, but what happens if I fuck it up? Create a monster, or a serial killer? He or she might turn out to be a murderer.”
“It worries me that worries you.” I shook my head.
“You don’t think about it?”
“That I’m going to give birth to a serial killer? Not today or even this week, no. But then again, I’m not pregnant.” As I said the words, I started to fit together pieces of the last few weeks. The lethargy, the heightened sense of smell, the fact that food I normally loved wasn’t tasting so great—not to mention the distinct lack of my period. I couldn’t be, could I? I was on the pill and . . . I must be just sharing symptoms with Haven. I’d read that sometimes happened to close friends. At least, I thought I’d read it. I was probably coming down with something I’d picked up at the hospital. All this talk of Haven’s pregnancy was making me paranoid.
“I can’t wait for you and Luke to have kids. Say you won’t leave it too long. I want ours to be best friends. They can grow up together like we did.”
My heart swelled at the thought, but then I caught myself. “We’ve been living together for five seconds. We’re not about to get pregnant. And I’m not sure Luke wants kids. He keeps saying how sorry
he feels for Jake being a father so quickly.”
“Typical that he doesn’t feel sorry for me. You’ve not talked about kids with him?” Haven asked.
I shrugged. I did want children and not having them would be a far bigger compromise for me than not getting married. I shivered as, for a fleeting second, I considered the possibility of life without Luke. I was pretty sure that if Luke wanted kids, he would have said something by now.
And that’s why there was no way I could be pregnant. A pregnancy would destroy Luke and me, and force me to make a choice that I wasn’t willing to make.
“What do you mean? You don’t want to have my brother’s kids?”
“I don’t think he wants kids, so we’re not getting pregnant.” I’d not had time to think about this seriously since we’d been together. I loved him so much that what was important was being together. I’d never let my mind wander past that point.
“Has he actually said that he doesn’t want kids with you?”
“We’ve not discussed it. Are you crazy? Why would we be discussing things like that? I’m not ready to even think about it. And it’s pretty clear how Luke feels.”
Of course, I’d thought about it in the abstract. I knew I wanted to be a mother at some point. I also knew I wanted to be with Luke, and he had no interest in having children. I guess after being in love with a guy my whole life, somehow I’d not found time to think through the practicalities of actually being with him. Was it possible that he wasn’t going to be able to give me the life that I wanted? My stomach flipped as I realized that at some point I’d have to choose—become a mother or be with Luke. Although I hoped I had just gotten my dates mixed up, there was a possibility that I might have to choose sooner rather than later.
“How do you know if he’s never told you?”
“You know how he was with Emma. He doesn’t do the change thing very well. He wouldn’t even marry Emma, let alone have . . .”