In the kitchen, she opens and closes cupboards as I pull up my pants.
“Shit,” she whispers, holding up an empty can of formula. “We’re all out. When I fed her in the middle of the night, I didn’t realize she finished it.”
“I think there might be one more,” I say, looking in the pantry. “A-ha!” I hand her the can. “But I should go to town. We’ll need more by the end of the day and besides, with the flooding receding, I think I can get my truck down the mountain.”
“Thank God,” Marcie says, relief in her voice. She begins making a bottle as Lily stirs in her new cradle. “Can you get some diapers, too? Because I’m pretty much over this whole cloth situation.”
I kiss Marcie on the lips. “Of course. Let’s make a list.”
A few minutes later we’ve put together a list of what I need to get us in town. I grab my jacket and lace up my boots.
“Did you need to talk about something?” she asks. She’s got Lily in her arms, feeding her a bottle.
The last thing I want to do is leave the house in a fight - and if I open this cluster-fuck of worms, I know it’s gonna take awhile to recover. “When I come back.”
“It’s not too awful, is it?”
I smile at her, kissing her and Lily on the forehead. “We can get through anything.”
The sky above may be clear, but as I walk away, Marcie’s eyes cloud over. This, right here, what we just had the last few weeks, might be as good as it ever gets.
Chapter Seven
Marcie
“Look, little sparrow,” I say, using the nickname James gave Lily. I’m sitting on the porch and rocking her as I smile up at rainbow that stretches across the sky. “I think it’s a sign.”
Hope.
That’s what I feel. What I’m choosing to hold onto, even if James’ words were ominous. And I can’t help the goofy grin that stretches across my face as I think about James. Of the life we can have. All the promises he’s made. And I let my guard down -- completely, and just let hope wrap around me.
James headed into town after my thank you for the cradle to pick up much-needed supplies. But we have almost everything we need up here. Far away from danger.
“We’re going to be alright,” I whisper, believing it’s true. I know James said he needed to talk - but I have a feeling he has a sad past just like me. I want to believe that whatever it is, we can get through it. Together.
But I should have learned a long time ago, that hope is only an illusion. There’s always darkness lurking around every corner, often in places you would never think to look.
That reality comes crashing back when I pick James’ clothes out of the hamper to wash.
I feel something in the pocket of his pants, and I smile when I pull out the old photo, the words James, age 12, scribbled on the back. But when I turn it over, a coldness sweeps through me.
A twelve-year-old James stands with two people who are obviously his parents, and it hits me why he seemed familiar at first.
His eyes. The same sapphire blue as his father’s.
James is Clay Saggel’s son.
“Oh my God.” I’m trembling, unable to look away from the picture. The resemblance is so clear now.
He lied to me. Out of all the things he could have hidden - this is the worst. The gut-punch I didn’t see coming.
I’ve been such a fool, blinded by love.
“He’s one of them...” I shake my head, trying to process it.
And then fear smacks me straight in the chest. He went into town this morning. To Fox Hollow. What if he went there to tell them he found me? No doubt Clay already put a bounty on me. Has this all been a game?
Ice pricks my skin as a million thoughts rush through me. Distrust cuts into my heart like a knife, even though there’s a part of me that wants to believe he has a reason for hiding this from me.
Run, my head screams. Get Lily and run.
And I do.
I gather up our things, and make a sling for Lily, wrapping her against my body, then stuff the last of the formula into my backpack. I know I don’t have much time. James will be back soon. And with him, Clay’s men.
Betrayal, anger, the need to survive...that’s what makes my legs move, even though I’m numb inside. I’m not even sure where I’m going, I just run, through the dense trees, slipping on muddy rocks, branches cutting into my arms.
I run until the sky turns a dark purple and Lily’s cries alert me that she’s hungry. But I have no way to warm up the formula, no fresh water.
“Shit,” I cry out, not knowing what to do.
In the distance I see headlights. A road. I stumble down the steep hill, yelping when I twist my ankle. Fighting through the pain, I limp toward the highway, waving my hands for the next car to stop.
A truck slows, its headlights blinding.
“Please,” I cry out. “I need help. Can you take me—”
A deep rumbling laugh fills the night’s sky when a giant of a man steps out, two more jumping from the cargo bed. If I thought I was scared before, it’s terror that consumes me now.
“Time to come home, darlin’,” Clay says, walking toward me, a smirk stretching his lips, those blue eyes cold and callous as his hands wrap around my throat. “You’ve been a very bad girl.” He leans closer, his foul breath on my cheek. “And you know what we do to bad girls, don’t you, sweetheart?”
Chapter Eight
James
“Where the hell did you go, Marcie?” Dread fills me as I get back into my truck and start the engine. When I got back to my cabin and saw the front door wide open, I knew something was wrong.
At first I’d thought someone had found her, but there was no sign of a struggle. And her bag was gone, including the remaining formula. She’s left on her own.
It was when I saw the old photo on the table that I knew why.
“Fuck.” I slam my fist on the steering wheel. I should have told her. But she shouldn’t have run. The thought of her and Lily out in these woods, alone, fills me with a panic I’ve never known before.
Especially when the sun drops and the stars appear above me. There are wolves on the mountain, mountain lions, and bears.
“Come on, Marcie, where are you?” I pull onto the main highway, driving slowly, knowing I’m looking for a needle in a haystack.
But then I see the taillights of a truck stopped up ahead. It’s dark, but I see the silhouettes of three men, and a woman who struggles against them.
Marcie.
They have her in the truck and are speeding away by the time I reach them. Other than trying to force them off the road, all I can do is follow behind. I can’t risk Marcie and Lily getting hurt.
But I know where they’re going.
The clubhouse.
All these years I’ve avoided confrontation with my father. But I know how this has to end. I make a call. The one I should have made years ago.
Family is family, but blood is thicker than water. My father started this war, but I will end it. Today. If I’d done it earlier, Marcie would have never been branded by the man who shares my name. But then maybe I would never have met her, touched her - loved her.
So I do what has to be done to save her.
“Detective Pearson? This is James Saggel. I’m ready to talk. But I need your help.”
I give the man the details of the club, how many men will most likely be inside, including the civilians.
But even with the police involved, I know Marcie is in danger, and it scares the shit out of me.
Detective Pearson’s words ring in my ear. “Wait for us to arrive. Don’t do anything stupid before we get there.”
I stay back, following the truck from a distance, and turning my headlights off as I approach the clubhouse. My plan is to wait for the police to arrive, but when I see it’s my father who gets out of the truck and pulls Marcie roughly out with him, that primal part of my brain overtakes all rational thought.
I need to save my girls.
No matter the cost.
Chapter Nine
Marcie
Clay’s fingers bruise my arm as he shoves me inside the old rundown building that smells like cheap alcohol and cigarettes. I glance around, half expecting James to be here, but he’s not. And I’m starting to think I was wrong about him.
I ran from the only man who ever tried to help me, and now I’m in more trouble than I can get out of. I see the glint of metal under Clay’s shirt, and I know he won’t hesitate to use the gun on me if I try to fight him.
“Sit,” the man who murdered my sister says, shoving me down by my shoulder, forcing me into a chair. “And make that kid shut the fuck up, or I will.”
I try to soothe Lily, but she won’t stop wailing. “She’s hungry,” I say, as the room starts to clear. People smart enough to know their leader is volatile and about to lose his shit - on me. “I need to make her a bottle.”
“Get the kid out of here.” Clay snaps his fingers, and Mickey, one of the girls who’d helped me escape, scuttles across the room, giving me a look of pity before reaching for Lily.
I want to fight her, but I know my niece will be safer with her than here with me, considering what I can only imagine Clay has planned. A shiver races down my spine, but I need to stay strong - for Lily.
“Take care of her,” I whisper, tears in my eyes before handing her to the woman.
Mickey nods, gathering Lily to her chest then rushing out of the room.
“Everyone else, out,” Clay roars, and the last of the men disappear, leaving us alone.
He moves toward me, each step calculated and slow, meant to scare me. But it’s the flash of excitement in his eyes, at what he’s about to do to me that truly terrifies me. And I realize how wrong I was thinking James and him look anything alike.
They share the same sapphire blue eyes, but that’s where the similarities stop.
James might be a giant of a man, but there’s no brutality in him. Not like his father.
“You think you can run from me, darlin’?” He grips my jaw roughly. “You belong to me. I marked you as my own.”
I twist my face out of his hands. “You can do what you want to me, but I’ll never be owned by anyone.”
He laughs, hard and cruel. “I was going to make a few pennies on that virgin cunt of yours, but I think I’ll take it for my own.”
I slap him, hard. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, one that I regret instantly. Because the next thing I know I’m being flung across the room.
Pain shoots through my shoulder and cheek when I hit something hard. And then he’s on top of me - until he’s not.
“I’ll kill you for this,” a man roars, sounding more like wild animal than human. It’s a roar filled with vengeance.
My head is dizzy, and I have to blink a few times to see the hulk of a man standing over Clay, one hand fisted in the collar of his shirt, the other pulled back to strike the man I now know is his father.
James gets a few blows in before Clay is able to shake him off.
“James,” I cry out when I see Clay reach for his gun.
But it’s too late, the weapon is already drawn, and pointed straight at James’ chest.
“You little bastard,” Clay spits out.
James glances over at me, clearly more concerned for my own safety than his own. And I feel like a fool for ever thinking he’d betray me.
“It’s over,” James says, looking back at his father. “You can put a bullet in me, but you’re not walking out of here, not without handcuffs or in a casket.”
“What did you do?” Clay releases the safety on the gun, cocking it.
“What I should have done years ago.”
“You called the fucking pigs on me? You know if I go down, you go down with me.”
“Maybe,” James spits out, giving me a sideways glance. “But it’ll be worth it.”
Clay looks at me then, his eyes narrowing. “You turned me in for a piece of ass?” He points the gun at me, then. “Is that what you’re telling me, son?”
I see the fear in James’ face. “I turned you in to protect the people who can’t protect themselves from you.”
“You think I’m a monster because I take what I want? Because I do what I have to in order to survive?”
“You are a monster,” I say, standing. “You killed my sister—”
“I loved your sister,” Clay yells, face red with rage. “She died giving birth.”
“Because you wouldn’t let her go to a hospital.” I don’t care that the gun is still pointed at me, I’m fueled by anger, by rage.
“Just like you killed Mother,” James says, moving so that he’s standing between me and his father. “You abandoned her when she needed you most. I won’t let you hurt anyone else.” It’s then that James lunges at him, and the gun goes flying.
The two men fight, fists swinging, blood spraying from their noses and mouths.
And then the door flies open and a swarm of police enter, yelling orders. James puts his hands up, and I sink to my knees, knowing it’s over.
But Clay doesn’t give up that easy. He reaches for the gun and points it at me. A blast rings out through the room and I gasp, waiting for the bullet to pierce me. But no pain comes, because James jumps in front of me, taking the shot himself.
More shots are fired, and Clay drops the gun, eyes wide as he looks down at the three bright red wounds on his chest, before collapsing to the ground, dead.
But it’s James who I focus on. Blood pools under his palms where he holds his stomach.
“Oh God,” I cry out, placing my own hands over the wound. “Someone help.”
More sirens wail and officers are yelling at me to move away from him, but I refuse.
“You’re going to be okay,” James says, reaching up to brush his knuckles across my cheek. “I’m...” He winces, his face pale. “I’m so sorry...I...I love you...” His eyes close and his hand drops to his side.
“James,” I cry out. “No, no, no. Someone, please, help him. He can’t die. Please.”
But I’m being pulled away, kicking and screaming, large hands restraining me as a team works on him.
“You have to come with me, ma’am,” an officer says calmly, like my whole world isn’t crashing down around me.
Because that’s what James is - my world.
I didn’t know what living was until I met him. Had no idea what love meant. But now, watching my man bleed out on the dirty floor of the hell I escaped from, I know what it means now - sacrifice.
And James may have just paid the ultimate sacrifice for me.
As the police officer leads me away, I know I need to make sure that his sacrifice is for something.
* * *
After hours being interrogated by police and social workers and checked over by doctors and nurses, I’m completely exhausted and a mess. Because I still know nothing about James’ condition. All anyone has told me is that he’s in surgery.
Mickey stays with me in the waiting room, helping me with Lily when she’s finally returned to my care.
“You really love him, don’t you?” Mickey asks, taking my hand.
“Yeah, I do,” I tell her, chewing on my bottom lip and glancing up at the damn clock that doesn’t seem to be moving.
“I’m glad. You both deserve some happiness.”
“You know James?” I glance over at her.
“I was friends with his mom.” Mickey sighs. “She was a good woman. She kept Clay in line. For a time anyway. He wasn’t always such an evil man. But after she died, he lost his mind...and then James left...”
“What was James like before?” I ask, not sure I want to know, but also needing to.
“He was a good boy.” A small smile tugs at her lips. “More like his mama, than...”
“Clay,” I offer.
She nods. “Sure, he got into some trouble. But the boy always had a sensitive heart. I wasn’t surprised when he ran off. Clay told everyone that he died,
but I knew the truth. Even as a kid, he’d spend hours up on that mountain, exploring the woods. After his mom died, he’d disappeared for days. I always thought his heart belonged there.” She squeezes my hand. “It seems right that it’s where he found you.”
“Oh God, what am I going to do if he doesn’t—”
“You can’t think like that. James is a survivor, just like you. He’ll make it.”
But as she says the words a man in a white coat with a grim look on his face approaches. “Are you Marcie?” he asks.
I nod, a lump forming in my throat, my belly constricting with fear. “Is...is he all right?”
“You need to come with me.”
Chapter Ten
James
When I wake up, my first thought is on my girls.
My girls.
The ones I betrayed. The ones I hurt. Fuck.
But I’m alive. And I will do what it takes to set things straight. I move, wanting to get out of this fucking hospital bed. I rip the IV from my arm, my only thought on finding Marcie and Lily. I will spend every day of my life fixing what I’ve wronged.
“Hold up, there,” a doctor says, coming into my room. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“I have to,” I say. “I need my Marcie—”
He cuts me off. “You just came out of surgery, you nearly died. You are staying in this hospital bed even if it means restraining you.”
I press my hand to my chest, the pain excruciating now that I’ve been brought back to reality.
“Fuck.” I close my eyes, wanting, more than anything, for Marcie to be here. Wanting to wipe the pain from her eyes. When she looked at me back at the clubhouse, it was like she thought I was a stranger.
Maybe I am.
I lean back on the bed, pain ripping through my belly, but it’s the pain in my chest that hurts more. God, I’ve lost her. I know it. But at least now she’s safe. My father will never hurt her or anyone else again. She’s free to live the life she wants. I dig my palms into my eyes and try not to panic. But I need to know that she’s okay.
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