by Stark, Lola
“How’s she doing?” Mace asked as soon as I walked into the waiting room.
Sighing, I flopped into the chair beside him, pulled my beanie off and ran my hands through my messy hair. “She’s hurtin’ and I can’t do a God damn thing about it.” Arms on my knees and head in my hands, I really didn’t want to open the can of worms on him, but I needed to know. “Did it take this long for—I mean did she take this long to—” Cringing at the stupid words coming from my mouth, I didn’t know how to ask him without hurting him.
Mace grabbed my shoulder and squeezed once. “Belle took fourteen hours to get here, bud. You’re doin’ fine.”
“I’m sorry. You holdin’ up okay?” I asked. No doubt this was bringing up all sorts of hurt and shit for him.
“I’m good. Now, pull your shit together and get back in there,” he smiled a little sadly.
“Sure, you call Ma?” Standing, I pulled my beanie back into place.
“Yeah, she’s on her way, now go.” He shoved me toward the door. I had a feeling I was about to walk into the pits of hell, or at least find Teeny replicating a demon. Taking a deep breath, I walked into the room where Teeny was lying on the bed looking like I assumed. I very cautiously shuffled up to her and took over from Scarlett wiping a wet washer over her forehead.
“Arrggghh. I freakin hate you right now!” Teeny yelled at me puffing and panting. “This is all your fault!” she snapped crushing my left hand as another contraction ripped through her body.
“You want some drugs yet?” I ground out; she’d just dislocated two of my fingers. I was thinking I might be the one needing the drugs soon. “It’s been hours, Princess. It’s okay if you do. Maybe I’ll just call the nurse to get some, yeah?”
“I know how long it’s been! I can feel how damn long it’s been!” she snarled. “I don’t want drugs. I want this kid out of me. Now!”
Just then, Doctor Wood walked through the door and handed me a gown and gloves. “Suit up, Daddy. You’re going to help me,” she smiled.
“What? I can’t. I don’t know what—I mean—” I stuttered at the idea of what might be down there.
Ignoring me, she spoke to Teeny, “You’re moving along nicely. How are you doing up there, Teeny?” Doctor Wood asked with a few quick nods of her head at the nurses and a pointed look at me.
Throwing the stuff she’d given me on, I moved as a nurse gently pushed me toward the doctor and Teeny’s business end. A tray of metal instruments was wheeled over to us, and Doctor Wood looked up at me with a serious look on her face.
Ahh Shit, the nerves got the best of me and I started to ramble, "Is it broken? Oh God, it's broken, isn't it? Fuck me! You know, Mom never could give me anything as a kid. Toys. I'd break ‘em. New clothes. I'd mess ‘em. Now, I fuck up my favorite part of my woman! Goddamn it! Tell me it'll be okay, Doc!" I rambled looking for assurance that my happy place was going to come out the other side okay.
“Holy shit! “ I looked from between her legs up to her sweaty red face. “Babe, there’s either a head comin' out or you're pissin' a fucking baseball! Holy shit, Teen, it's the head!”
“I know. I can freakin’ feel it!” she screamed looking like she’d take my head off if it were within reach. I peeked back down and heard her grunt.
Excitement filled me. "The head! It’s out!" My excitement fizzled when bloody water gushed out. Starting to feel woozy, I swallowed hard and my lip curled. "Is it meant to do that? My breathing became heavier. “I don't like that." I stepped back and away a little, my stomach rolling. "Nope. Babies are meant to be soft and fluffy. Teen's not having a demon baby." I held the wall for support, panting. "I'm in bad shape over here. You just keep doing what you're doing, Princess. I'll be right there." I doubled over, breathing deep and trying not to pass out.
Scar snapped at me from beside Teeny, “Get your shit together. You got her here. Now pull up your lace panties and help her.”
Teeny grunted and pushed again. I took a tentative step forward to see the doctor pulling and yanking at my kid’s shoulders. Teeny's bits looked like they might tear in half. I winced, "That's gotta hurt."
The sight of her vagina stretched so much made me want to cry or stomp my foot or something, just to show my distress. Perhaps, I’d have a meltdown.
The doctor pulled again. ”Oh God, it's not a rubber band. It ain't meant to go like that! Put it back! Put it back!" I was sounding hysterical. At that point, Teeny and Scar both yelled at me to shut up.
I fisted my glove-covered hands against my temples finally, reaching freak-out mode. Mace may have been smart to sit this one out. I was sure that I had just witnessed what was the equivalent of watching your favorite bar burn down.
"Okay, Daddy, this bit I need your help with, you ready?" the doctor calmly asked.
"Yeah," I forced out ignoring my brain screaming NO FUCKING WAY. Doctor Wood grabbed my hands pulling me into place.
"Okay, ready one more big push, Teeny, and go." She moved my hands, and as Teen pushed, the doctor moved my hands with hers. We moved the baby's shoulders this way and that, followed by a gush of more blood and gross shit that I didn't even notice because in my hands was our baby. Our tiny little baby.
“Holy shit,” I whispered, emotion clogging my throat.
The doctor put a plastic squeezy-thing in its mouth and nose, and then it screamed. Loud. My nose burned, my throat constricted and a tear fell down my face. I was holding a part of us. I did this. I helped make this tiny little perfect person, and it might be the only good thing I’d done in my life.
"Congrats, Daddy. You have a son."
A son.
My son.
Oh God.
I have a son.
Shit just got real.
I smiled down at my little boy. "Hey, little buddy, what's your name?"
Shit.
Looking up at Teeny, I asked, “What's his name, baby?”
With a tired smile, she hoarsely whispered, “Javier. Javier Hector Torres. “
“He’s fucking perfect.” My vision blurred as I looked down at a real-life miracle.
The nurse put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m just going to clean him up and wrap him now, okay.” My eyes flickered from Teeny to the nurse, and back to baby Javier, before reluctantly handing him over to her. I followed a step behind, not taking my eyes off my son.
They put him on some kind of machine and wrote down a few numbers, measured him head to toe before wiping him down and wrapping him in a blue blanket. They popped a tiny knit beanie on his head and handed him back to me.
I immediately took the beanie off and handed it back to the nurse, reaching into my back pocket I pulled the tiny white beanie with black print and slid it onto his head; it was an exact replica of the one I wore. “I knew you were gonna be a boy,” I whispered to my little man.
“He looks like you,” Scar said quietly looking over my shoulder. “You did good, honey. I’m gonna go out and let Mace know. Give you two a minute.” A kiss on my cheek and she was gone leaving me alone with my family. I made my way carefully over to Teeny taking small careful steps so as not to jostle the little bundle in my arms. She’d been somewhat cleaned up and was sitting up in the bed watching us with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t cry, Princess. Look what we did. Look at him.” I placed Javier in her arms and leaned down kissing her softly on the lips.
“Thank you. For him, for you. Thank you for giving me a family of my own.” I wiped the lone tear rolling down her cheek with my thumb, and kissed her once more before moving back a step to watch the two most important people in my life.
The two people that would forever consume my entire being.
“Yes,” she whispered softly, her warm breath tickling my lips.
“Huh?” I mumbled sleepily. It was a few hours after the most precious thing I’d ever held arrived, and we were laying face-to-face on the tiny hospital bed. Javier sleeping in a cot beside us.
“Yes, I want to be your wife,�
� she told me, her breathing hitching on the last word. My world stopped. I stared. I blinked.
“Best. Day. Ever,” I muttered placing soft kisses on her lips between every word. I pulled her face to mine, crushed my lips down on hers and proceeded to kiss the ever-loving shit out of her.
“You sure?” I asked breathless and completely terrified she’d tell me it was a big fat fucking joke.
“You trying to change my mind?” she yawned. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and snaked my arm over her hip.
“Best. Day. Ever.” That was all I could say. It was the truth.
“Quit pouting,” I snickered walking up the front walkway and unlocking the door.
Trip walked in after me carrying a sleeping Javier in his baby seat. “Six weeks. That doctor lady said six-freaking-weeks. What am I supposed to do for six weeks?” he sulked.
“Your hand,” I said pointedly and moved to unclip the baby carrier belt. Trip merely scowled and quickly slipped Javier out of the seat and up onto his chest. He walked away with an indignant sniff and a tender hand on our son’s tiny back.
My heart melted as I watched Trip whispering to Javier. I spun my engagement ring around on my finger as realization hit me.
I had a family.
For the first time in my life, I had a family that I cared about, that cared about me and I was very okay with that. I slowly followed after the boys straining my ears to hear Trip’s sweetly whispered words; there wasn’t anything more moving than a father bonding with his child; it had the ability to take the breath right out of a person’s lungs.
“Mommy’s going to have a nap, and you and I, we’re gonna hang out,” Trip said in a gentle voice. “How ‘bout we watch a game? You can have your bottle.” Trip held onto the bottle of breast milk. “And I’ll have my bottle.” He reached forward and picked up his bottle of beer. At my giggle, his head came up, a gorgeous smile covering his face. It slipped for a second replaced by a tiny frown. “Is that allowed? I’m allowed to do that, right?”
I just shook my head and shuffled up to my boys dropping a small kiss on Javier’s head followed by a peck to Trip’s lips. “A beer while you two hang out won’t hurt. You don’t have to ask me if you’re doing every little thing right. He’s your son too. You know as much as I do, honey.” His eyebrows knitted together, the light shining in through the kitchen window catching on his eyebrow piercing.
“What if I do something dads aren’t supposed to do? Like not check his diaper enough or forget to feed him, or not burp him? I might teach him the wrong things and mess him up, and then he’ll hate me for being a screw up of a dad.” It was cute when he rambled but this; this was adorable. All the things I assumed about Trip in the beginning were so far from the truth; it was ridiculous. I always hoped under his playboy ways he was something else, but this? No, it never crossed my mind. He went on, “Then, he’ll start cussing at home, skipping school and get in with a bad crowd. I’ll tell him to grow up and he’ll tell me he hates me. He’ll go out one night and skip town.” Looking terrified at his own mind’s story, he adds, “Then we’ll be the sobbing parents on the news begging their kid to come home. You’ll be all sniffles and tissues, and I’ll be the dad who tries to put on a tough face but…” He looks up at me through wide-eyes, “…my chin will wobble. I’ll be the wobbling chin dude. People will remember me as the wobbling chin guy on the news who fucked up his son by not changing his diaper on time.”
I blinked at my future husband.
What the hell is he on?
“You’re fine. You’ll do fine. If you get worried or you need me, come and get me.” I leaned in and kissed him gently as I turned and made my way up the steps.
I heard him grumble, “Six-freakin’-weeks. I’m gonna explode in one.”
After my shower, I’d slid into bed and passed out for what felt like only minutes. When I opened my eyes again, Trip was lying beside me with Javier wrapped in a blue bunny rug in-between us. His eyes were wide and taking everything in. No words were said. Trip just glanced down at our little guy and back up smiling a blinding happy smile at me. His hand reached out and he brushed his thumb across my cheekbone before cupping my face. The love and adoration he felt consumed me as I brought my hand up to cover his. I was right where I was supposed to be and nothing could top this.
“Were you watching me sleep?” I asked, my voice still husky from sleep.
“Yeah, you were drooling.” My eyes widened in horror. He grinned, “It was cute.”
I might not have been the prettiest girl in the world or even the smartest, but I was the girl he'd given his heart to, the promise of his name to, but most importantly, I was the girl he’d given his entire world to.
And I would give him mine.
I would be the wife he deserved. I would be the mother Javier would love freely. I would remind myself daily of the love surrounding me. And in return, Trip would hold my heart forever. Whether he knew it or not
So much had happened over such a short time. I didn’t quite remember all the details, but I remembered the small things.
Trip wanting me.
Trip protecting me.
Trip fighting for me.
A smile graced my lips and I wondered how I’d gotten so lucky.
I had won the boyfriend lottery.
And I wasn’t letting him go. Not ever.
“Oh, come on, buddy.” I grabbed the burp rag and wiped at my bare shoulder where the spit-up had landed. “Now we both smell like puke.” Javier wiggled in the crook of my arm for a few seconds before his eyes fluttered shut and he was asleep. I leaned back in the rocking chair and just took a second to relax; I’d gotten up with him for his four am feed seeing as Teeny was so worn out.
Our little dude was fairly mellow. He ate. He slept. He crapped, but on the rare occasion he decided he wasn’t happy, nobody else was either. I think that mostly had to do with the fact that he was a lot like his momma. Prefect would be the only word to describe him, just perfect.
It astounded me that one night could have such a butterfly effect. I’d caved to my selfish wants and taken a friend to bed knowing full well it would change our relationship, but not a having a clue it would be the best change my life had ever seen. As a result, I had a family of my own and a million and one reasons to smile.
“I’m gonna make you and mommy real happy, little dude,” I whispered against the soft fluffy hair on Javier’s head. My tattooed hand on his tiny back was a contrast to say the least; he was so damn tiny and fragile. I was forever worried I’d break him. He was definitely lavished with enough attention though. The moment he made a noise, somebody was cuddling him, and surprisingly Scarlett was the worst one for it. Javier didn’t even have to cry for her to be all over him. Most times, she had him in sight for barely three seconds before he was in her arms.
“Nothing can beat this, nothing,” I murmured in the dark rocking back-and-forth in the wooden chair.
Before I knew it, the sun was up and I was still sitting in the rocking chair. Javier started to move around in his crib where I’d put him in the early hours of the morning. Don’t ask what possessed me to stay there all night, but I was always glad when I did. Seeing him waking up in the morning opening his sweet blue eyes and taking in the world around him, was now one of my favorite pastimes.
I pulled him up to my chest and shuffled over to the change table. Snatching up a diaper, I set to work on our morning routine hoping to let Teen sleep a bit longer.
“You slept like a rock, little man. Not a peep outta you. You must have been tired, huh?” Unclipping his onesie, I got rid of the wet diaper and started putting a fresh one on, when without warning, a warm wet something hit my naked chest. “What the—” I sputtered taking a small step back, but keeping my hand on Javier’s stomach so he wouldn’t wriggle off the table. “Dude, you whizzed on me,” I announced incredulously.
Soft laughter drew my attention to the door where a freshly showered Teeny stood smi
ling and looking content. “You go shower. I’ll take care of that,” she smiled walking toward us. “Trip,” she called putting one hand on my arm to stop me walking out of the room. “I’m already more than real happy, honey.” It occurred to me she’d been listening in to me rambling with Javier last night. “Baby monitor was on.” She nodded her head to the device sitting in the corner of the room. “You already make me more than happy.” I leaned down and kissed the top of her head taking a deep breath to catch the soft vanilla smell that always surrounded her. The smell that never failed to remind me I was home.
Seven months later…
“What?” Scarlett all but screamed, her face turning a pretty shade of red. “The boys are going to flip their shit.” With a wince she added, “Fully flip their shit. Someone might end up deformed and or dead.”