“I tried not to. But lately it’s been harder.”
“Why?”
“Because I see you every day. And every day I’m reminded of what I lost.”
He moved closer, sliding his hand up her arm, capturing her shoulder. “I’m so sorry for the way things turned out,” he said. “But you need to know I’ve never forgotten about you. I thought about you all the time.”
“But when I saw you that first time, you seemed so angry. So remote.” The confusion on her face was mirrored in her voice.
Dan touched her cheek with his forefinger, as if she was a bird that could take flight if he made the wrong move or said the wrong thing.
“I had to be that way. I had to protect myself.”
“From me?”
“From what I felt for you.” He stroked her face, then shifted his hand around the back of her head. “From what I knew I lost when I left.”
“I’m glad you told me about Lydia,” she said, stroking his arm. “It changed a lot for me. Explained so much.”
“I was scared and I missed you like crazy.” He didn’t want to talk anymore. Words were getting in the way. He pulled her close and kissed her gently. She returned his kiss and then rested against him, cradled against his chest, held close in his arms.
This was how it should be, Dan thought, easing out a sigh as he pressed a kiss to her temple.
“I don’t know the right words to use,” he finally said, “but I feel like this is right. Having you in my arms, well, it feels like home.”
He could feel her smile.
“I know what you mean.”
They sat quietly, enjoying the moment.
Then, she pulled away, her expression serious.
“So where do we go from here?” she asked, folding her hands over each other.
“I’d like to say we can take it one day at a time,” he replied, knowing they needed to have this discussion. “But I don’t know if I have that luxury.”
“Your life is more complicated now because of Natasha,” Hailey said, voicing the words for him again.
“I have to think about her. She’s my first priority.”
He didn’t know what else to say. Didn’t know where they were supposed to go from here. They couldn’t go back to the place they were before—two kids making all kinds of plans. They had to deal with the issues between them.
“I don’t want to lose you again,” Hailey finally said.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then we have no choice but to take this one step at a time,” Hailey said quietly. “But to always keep Natasha’s well-being our first priority.”
Dan nodded. What Hailey said was sensible and mature. They had a plan.
So why did he feel as if he was missing something?
Chapter Twelve
“How did things go today?” Dan bent over and picked up Natasha’s backpack from the floor of the school’s hallway.
“Really well, didn’t they, Natasha?” Hailey asked as she zipped up Natasha’s coat.
Natasha nodded. “I made a clay mountain today,” she said, demonstrating with her hands.
“And you did a good job,” Hailey said.
Behind them a couple of children ran down the hall toward the double doors, screaming for the bus to wait, the excitement of Friday adding a shrill note to their voices.
“Tell your daddy what else you did today,” Hailey said as she handed her toque and mitts to the little girl.
“I wrote in my journal. And Miss Tolsma is going to write back to me,” Natasha beamed as she tugged on her toque and shoved her mitts in her pocket.
On Monday morning when Hailey had come to the apartment to teach Natasha, she had floated the idea of Natasha coming to school for a few mornings. Thankfully, Natasha had been excited about the idea. Then on Thursday she had decided, on her own, that she wanted to start coming for the full day on Friday, today.
However, that meant it was also the first day Hailey had seen Dan only for a few moments, this morning when he’d dropped Natasha off at school and now.
As Hailey straightened she glanced Dan’s way. “Do you have a plan for her care after school?” she asked. Though they had seen each other every day, Hailey knew things would change for her and Dan once Natasha attended school every day.
“I asked Colleen, the girl that took care of Natasha last week, to come after school as well as Saturday,” Dan said as he took Natasha’s hand.
“That’s good. I’m glad things are coming together.” Though she had to admit she felt left out of the loop.
“They are, but, well, I missed you today,” he said quietly, speaking thoughts aloud that she’d had of him too.
Hailey glanced at Natasha, who was looking straight ahead, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, then she looked back at Dan, her heart warming at his crooked smile and intent gaze.
“I missed you too,” she said quietly.
“Do you want to come over for supper tomorrow night? Mom brought me a couple of casseroles today and I’ve got more than enough for the three of us.”
“Tomorrow?” Hailey couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. “I promised my Nana and my sister I’d go out for supper with them. It’s Shannon’s birthday.”
His expression mirrored her feelings.
“But I can come Sunday,” she added.
Natasha snapped out of wherever she was. “Sunday? I want to go skiing Sunday.”
“Sorry, honey,” Dan said. “I am busy after church and can’t take you.”
“Hailey can take me.” Natasha turned to Hailey with a winning smile. “Can you?”
Hailey looked down, recognizing the same breathless enthusiasm that had sent her, whenever she could scrape together enough money for a lift ticket, to Misty Ridge.
“I’m not busy,” she said, but then glanced at Dan to make sure it was okay before she offered to take Natasha. The reluctance on his expression was a bit of a puzzle to her. “But maybe your daddy wants you to spend time with your gramma.”
“I see Gramma all the time. Please, Daddy, can I go?” Natasha turned to Dan, pulling on his hand. “Then Hailey can take me home and we can have supper. Please, Daddy?”
Natasha scrunched up her face in the same pleading gesture Hailey had been subjected to from time to time.
Dan bit his lip, obviously reluctant, which puzzled her.
Then Natasha turned her pleading gaze toward Hailey. “Please tell my daddy to let me go.”
Hailey held up her hands, giving Dan an out. “I’m not getting involved. If your daddy doesn’t want me to take you, then that’s the way it is.”
Dan looked as if he was about to say something when Natasha pulled on his hand again.
“I’ll be really good and I’ll eat all my casserole tomorrow night and I won’t spit out the mushrooms.”
Hailey suppressed a laugh and even Dan’s expression lightened.
“Okay. You can go,” he finally conceded.
“Yay, yay, yay,” Natasha called out, pumping the air with a fist, then released Dan’s hand and danced around Hailey. “We can go skiing again. We can go skiing again.” The little girl leaned against Hailey, looking up at her. “And then Sunday night you can come for supper because you can’t come Saturday. And you can stay and sing me a song. And then you can kiss my daddy again.”
Hailey went cold and taut at Natasha’s words, her gaze flying to Dan’s.
He looked equally shocked. She saw him swallow, as lost for words as she was.
“I saw you,” Natasha said, frowning as if she didn’t understand the moment of surprise holding Dan and Hailey in its thrall. “And it made me happy.”
Well, that was a small blessing, Hailey thought. But still.
Dan pulled his hand over his face, then blew out his breath. He looked as surprised and agitated as Hailey felt.
“So are you coming Sunday?” Natasha asked, taking charge of the awkward moment. “You can come and pick me up after church.”
“I guess so, now that it’s okay with your daddy.” Though she still sensed his reluctance.
Dan took Natasha’s hand, then shot Hailey a quick glance. “So we’ll see you Sunday after church?”
“I’ll be by at about one,” Hailey said.
He hesitated a moment, then said, “We need to talk.”
She guessed he alluded to Natasha’s little revelation and nodded. “Sunday evening.”
“It’ll be okay.” Dan brushed his finger over her cheek, his light touch even more reassuring than his smile. “See you then.”
As they walked away from her, and the door closed behind them, Hailey was surprised at the sudden jittery feelings gripping her.
She dismissed her concerns with a shake of her head. Sunday she would be spending time with Natasha. And then she would be having dinner with Dan and Natasha.
Just like a little family.
The thought erased the misgivings in her soul. Things were moving along step by step and they were moving to a good place.
“Are you sure you don’t want dessert?” Hailey asked her grandmother from across the table in the noisy restaurant. Carter, Hailey’s cousin, sat beside Nana and Emma sat beside him.
They looked happy, Hailey thought, watching as Carter bent his head toward Emma’s darker one to catch what she said. Hailey’s own happiness made it easier to watch the two lovebirds.
“I’m quite full,” Nana said, “And until I can start walking more frequently, I had better watch my caloric intake.”
“That might be a while before you can go walking regularly,” Carter said, raising his head. “I heard the snow will be around until end of March.”
Shannon shivered. “That sounds depressing. When I move, I’m going somewhere warmer.”
“Move?” Nana perked up at that.
“In spite of not being able to walk, you’ve been feeling pretty good, haven’t you?” Hailey asked her grandmother, making a quick switch in topic. Neither Shannon nor Hailey had told their Nana about their potential moves, knowing how much their plans would upset her.
Though Hailey was sure she wouldn’t be moving anywhere.
We need to talk. Dan’s words echoed in her mind, reassuring and mysterious at the same time.
“I’m feeling a bit tired yet, which disappoints me,” Nana said, glancing around the table. “But sitting here in the restaurant with my grandchildren and grandchild-to-be makes my heart very happy.” Nana turned her attention to her oldest granddaughter. “I’m so glad we could do this for your birthday, Shannon, and I hope we can do this many, many more years.”
“I’m glad we could do this too,” was all Shannon would say.
Hailey knew the reason for her evasive reply. If things went the way Shannon wanted, she would be gone once all the cousins made their way back to Hartley Creek. She had gotten a job as a travel nurse and was moving to Chicago. Hailey had been surprised her sister had taken the job. Up until a year ago Shannon had loved her job working as an emergency room nurse. Of course, she had also loved her fiancé, Arthur, until he’d called off the wedding two weeks before the date. The shame of that public humiliation had Shannon packing up to leave town. If it hadn’t been for Nana’s heart attack, Shannon would have been long gone.
And what about the job waiting for you? Hailey brushed the question aside. She wasn’t doing anything about future plans until after Sunday. When she and Dan would have their “talk.”
The buzz of conversation around them created lulling background noise. Beside their table sat a couple still wearing their ski jackets and pants, conversing in German. Across from them, a group of young people wearing the funkier clothing of snowboarders chattered about their exploits on the hill that day, various accents sparkling in their earnest conversation.
“I missed this,” Hailey mused aloud, her hands wrapped around the oversize mug of tea.
“Missed what?” Carter asked, pulling a toothpick out of its plastic wrapper.
“The ambience of this town in the winter. All the different types and nationalities of people that come here to ski and board.”
Shannon glanced around the restaurant and Hailey saw a melancholy smile drift across her sister’s mouth. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”
“Things certainly have changed in this town since I was young,” Nana said with a slow shake of her well-coiffed head as she looked around the busy restaurant. “I remember when there weren’t nearly as many places to eat or hotels and most of the people that lived in this town were connected to the coal industry or the railroad.”
“Lots of people still are,” Hailey assured her. “It’s a strong community. A good place to live.”
This netted her a wry look from Shannon and Hailey guessed her sister would be asking her about her comment when she brought Hailey home.
“Speaking of places to live, have you started looking yet?” Shannon asked her Nana.
Since her heart attack, Nana had been looking at leaving the ranch she had moved onto as a young bride and purchasing a house in town. But to date, she hadn’t found anything.
“I’m in no rush,” Nana said. “But I don’t want to talk about a house just yet. For now, I’m glad we could spend this time together,” Nana said with a gentle look for each of her grandchildren. “Though I think it’s time for this old lady to get home.”
She lifted a finger to indicate that she wanted the bill.
Their waiter sauntered over, a study in indifference. “So ladies, is there anything else I can get you?” he asked, his tattooed hand resting on his hip, both eyes resting on Shannon.
“I’d like the bill,” Nana said briskly, obviously unimpressed with his easygoing attitude.
“Of course,” he said with one more lingering look at Shannon, then left.
“The service is getting entirely too casual here,” Nana sniffed. “And I don’t like the way he flirted with you, Shannon.”
Hailey nudged her sister with her elbow. “I don’t think Shannon minded that much.”
Shannon shot her sister an oblique look. “Not interested.”
When their waiter returned, Nana and Carter had a mini tussle over the bill but Nana won out, as she always did.
Ten minutes later Hailey and Shannon were waving Carter’s truck off, its taillights blinking at the intersection. Then watched it turn onto the road leading to the highway that would take them home.
“That was nice,” Hailey said as she pulled her coat around her. A sudden wind had picked up, sending chilly fingers snaking down her back.
“I’m so glad to see Nana looking so much better,” Shannon said, pressing the button on her keychain to unlock her car, which was parked down the street from the restaurant.
“She seems a lot happier, though I think a lot of that is just because she’s got most of us around for now.” Hailey ducked into Shannon’s compact car and shivered as Shannon started it up. “I’ll be so glad when my own car is fixed,” she announced, her breath a white fog in the cold interior of the car.
“When is it ready?” Shannon asked as she put her car into gear. Her wheels spun, then gained traction as she turned onto the street.
“Monday. So I was wondering if I could borrow your car tomorrow. I’m taking Natasha to the ski hill.”
Shannon shot her an oblique look. “You seem to be spending a lot of extracurricular time with Dan,” Shannon returned.
Hailey hunched her shoulders, her hand
s buried in her pockets, wishing she didn’t feel she had to defend herself. “I am still Natasha’s tutor.”
“Yeah, but you’re not Dan’s girlfriend anymore. And you used to talk as badly about Dan as I talk about Arthur the snake.”
The only sound following her sister’s comment was the squeaking of tires on the snow and the hum of the car’s heater fan. Hailey knew Shannon was simply watching out for her, but she didn’t want to hear her own misgivings spoken aloud.
“I’m just telling you to be careful,” Shannon said, turning the fan down. “He’s a guy and we both should know by now guys can’t be trusted.”
“I was the one that broke up with Dan before he left, remember?”
“Only because you wanted to beat him to it. Remember?”
Hailey did. After Austin’s funeral Dan had retreated so far from her she’d known in only a matter of time he would finally sever their fragile connection before he moved away.
“It’s different now.” She spoke the words quietly, as if unsure of the strength of her emotions. “I feel such a strong connection to him. It just feels…it feels right.”
“Feelings are all well and good, but you need to be smart about this,” Shannon said as she turned onto the street leading to Hailey’s apartment. “He broke your heart once before and you didn’t even know why.”
“It was because of Austin.”
Shannon slowed and parked in front of Hailey’s apartment. She looked ahead, her lips puckered in an expression of concern. Then she turned to Hailey, her long hair framing her face, the light from the dashboard casting her wide eyes and narrow nose into shadow.
“You know, I always thought that was a lame excuse on his part. He lost a brother, but you lost a good friend too. You were grieving too.” Shannon was quiet, as if expecting Hailey to respond to that. “Has he said anything about why he left? What his real reasons were?”
Hailey pressed her fingers to her forehead. She didn’t want to be confused or to go back to that horrible time when it had seemed as if her heart had been cut out of her chest.
“That’s in the past. Why go there?”
Daddy Lessons Page 14