by Imani King
“Um…” I felt like I should mind—I really did want to be free of this man and the haunting memories of what we’d done together. Or did I? Those memories didn’t want to stay where I’d hidden them, especially not when he was in front of me, smiling at me so casually. His entire face had softened with the addition of a genuine smile, and his pale grey eyes danced with excitement as he gazed back at me. I stared at the large hand cradling the file and couldn’t help but remember what that hand had felt like on my hot skin, exploring the curves of my body. As much as I hated him, I couldn’t deny that I felt drawn to him as well. But that chemistry was dangerous. I couldn’t afford to make another mistake. Things had just gotten back to normal.
However, I really wasn’t in a position to tell him no. If I did, I would have to acknowledge our past indiscretions, as well as the continued desire on my part, which I couldn’t seem to dampen. Instead, I took the file from his hand and plastered on a fake smile.
“I don’t mind,” I lied, just needing an excuse to get out of his office before I said or did something else I would regret.
“Great,” he replied. “Can you have it read by tomorrow evening?”
“Yes,” I answered, though that would mean I’d have no time to relax between now and then, as I was scheduled to begin another twelve-hour shift in less than ten hours’ time. But I just wanted to get this over with, so a meeting with him wouldn’t be hanging over my head all weekend. There was also a small part of me that was excited to see him again the following day, though I didn’t want to acknowledge it.
“I’ll meet with you after my shift tomorrow,” I told him as I stood to leave.
“Sounds good. It’s a date,” he replied.
I tried not to flinch at those words. Obviously he meant that in the most professional way possible—or, it was just a language barrier. At least that’s what I assured myself as I turned and headed to the door with a final “good bye!”
Since time was of an essence, I splurged on a taxi instead of taking the bus home. Still, I was unable to fully focus on the file in front of me once I was back at my apartment. My feelings and desires were so tumultuous and conflicted, I was unable to fully immerse myself in the case. I was up much later than I meant to be and eventually fell asleep on the sofa, the image of bright grey eyes dancing through my mind.
By the following evening, I was tired and more than a little cranky. Not only had I sacrificed sleep to carefully analyze the case report, but I had then experienced the most hectic ER shift I’d worked thus far. A five-car pileup on the freeway near the interstate had brought in over twenty patients within a one-hour period. Eventually, some of the patients were moved to nearby hospitals—and two were air-lifted to University of Miami Hospital for more in-depth procedures—but it had been chaotic in the Emergency Room for a few hours.
Thankfully, I had been sure to bring a change of clothes and toiletries to freshen up before my meeting—not that I was trying to impress Lex Makarov. I’d just assumed that I would want to change out of my scrubs, as they were usually sweaty and gross by the end of a twelve-hour shift.
When I finally made it up to Lex’s office—mentally chastising myself for thinking of him as Lex, though I couldn’t stop myself—I was starving and exhausted, but at least I thought I was looking better than I felt.
“You look like crap,” he said as soon as I entered his office.
“Thanks,” I snapped, particularly angry, as I’d spent some changing, putting on some make-up, and making myself presentable. Damn Russian directness.
“Sorry,” Lex replied, actually looking chagrined.“I just meant that you look tired.”
“I am,” I admitted. “I don’t know if you heard about that huge accident, but the ER has been crazy all afternoon. On top of that, I was up late reading your file. Plus, I’m starving. Things were too busy in the ER for me to take a break, so I skipped lunch.”
“Great,” Lex said with a smile. The face I made must have been awful, as he shot me an apologetic look and continued. “Not great that you skipped lunch, but I’m glad you’re hungry. I am too. I was thinking we could turn this into a working dinner.”
“I’m pretty sure the cafeteria is closed,” I replied, not sure what to do with his continued niceness.
“The cafeteria is also disgusting,” he stated as he stood and fastened his jacket. “I know of a place that’s close.”
“Sure,” I answered, assuming that we were going to walk to the restaurant across the street. Instead, Lex led me down to the parking garage, where he sidled up next to a black sports car.
“Nice ride,” I said dryly as he opened the door for me. I wasn’t lying, though. The car was obviously very expensive, even though I knew nothing about the subject. It had a vintage look to it, yet somehow it appeared modern, with soft black leather seats that I sank into comfortably.
“Thanks,” he said with a smile. “It’s an Aston Martin DB3S. It was my father’s.”
I nodded idly, trying to price a car of this caliber. It was probably worth over a million dollars, maybe more. I shuddered at the thought—it would cover my student loans in no time.
The car ride was silent and slightly awkward, but I was too tired and hungry to care. I was surprised, however, when we pulled up in front of a restaurant I hadn’t been to before and Lex handed his keys to a valet before ushering me through the door.
“Makarov,” he told the hostess and she nodded, walking us towards a corner table.
I was tired and starving, but I couldn’t help the nagging feeling telling me something wasn’t right. We were at a fancy restaurant, where we already had a reservation. This “working dinner” was starting to feel an awful lot like a date.
“What’s going on?” I asked suspiciously, though I couldn’t help but attack the bread as soon as it was on the table.
“What do you mean?” he inquired innocently.
“This,” I motioned around the room. “This isn’t the type of place for a working dinner, it’s the type of place for a date,” I snapped.
“Oh.” Lex was quiet for a moment, actually looking a little nervous. “We can leave if you want. I just like this place—that’s all. We’re both hungry and we have stuff to talk about, so it makes more sense if we stay. And it’s a work dinner, so it’s on me.”
I eyed him warily but I couldn’t deny that I was starving, so I finally relented. After that, the dinner went smoothly. The food was delicious, and Lex was as suspiciously nice as he had been the previous evening. We discussed the case and came to some similar conclusions about what had happened and why.
Halfway through the dinner, the conversation once again drifted into ‘date’ territory as Lex asked about my move from Chicago and how I was finding Miami. I was too tired to fight the direction in which the night seemed determined to go, so I just allowed myself to enjoy the conversation, and Lex continued to be in good mood as we finished our meal.
“Am I taking you back to the hospital to get your car?” he asked as we got back into the Aston Martin.
“I don’t have a car,” I admitted, a bit embarrassed. “I take the bus usually.”
“Then let me drop you at home,” he replied.
“That’s not necessary,” I told him, but he insisted.
As he pulled up in front of my apartment complex, the evening began to feel even more like a date. I couldn’t shake the memory of his warm, rough lips against my own and the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth. The impulse to lean over and kiss him washed through me, but I unbuckled my seatbelt as fast as I possibly could and got out of the car instead.
“Goodnight, Michelle,” he called after me, and I yelled my goodbye without turning to look at him as I practically ran into the building. Once again, images of our passionate night together ran through my mind and I couldn’t block them out, no matter how hard I tried.
“Dammit!” I exclaimed out loud as I leaned against the door. “There is no way this isn’t going to turn out badly.�
�
CHAPTER 12
As much as I was not looking forward to it, I soon realized that I needed to confess everything involving my indiscretion with Lex to Lori. I truly needed some advice and I didn’t know who else I could go to.
“What’s going on?” she asked suspiciously when I bit my nails nervously over coffee.
“I haven’t been exactly honest with you,” I admitted.
Her eyes grew sharp, and she leaned across the table towards me.
“How so?” she asked.
“So… a few weeks ago now—the last time we went out to drinks after work and I was complaining about Makarov—I got it into my head that I needed to confront him about it. Having those drinks sloshing around in my head didn’t help. So I went back to his office after we left the bar. And…” I cringed, but willed myself to continue, “we ended up having sex in his office—on top of his desk, in fact.”
“I knew it,” Lori exclaimed excitedly.
“No you didn’t,” I replied dryly. How could she know?
“I knew something was going on. I mean, I only saw you guys together that first evening at the bar, but the sexual tension was so thick I could barely breathe.”
“Liar,” I replied, but Lori just gave me a knowing look. “Exaggerator,” I amended, causing Lori to laugh.
“So how was it?” she asked.
“It was a mistake,” I replied.
“You know what I meant.”
“It was…” I bit my lip and considered lying but I needed to be honest if she was going to help me. “It was amazing. It was probably the best sex of my life. And I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Lori squealed in delight.
“Not helping,” I snapped reluctantly.
“Sorry,” Lori replied. “Single working mother here. I haven’t had a date in years. I need to live vicariously.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I whined.
“What, exactly is the problem?”
“I know it was a mistake—Makarov is not the type of man I want to date. Plus, he’s totally out of my league. But I can’t stop thinking about him. We have to work together sometimes, and every time we’re in the same room, memories of that night resurface, and it’s all I can do not to jump him.”
“Then do it,” she encouraged.
“No,” I said sternly. “That’s the worst advice ever.”
“Why?”
“Because the guy is an asshole. We may be… extremely sexually compatible… but it doesn’t mean that he isn’t a cocky manipulator. I mean, he’s still punishing me with extra cases to analyze on top of my shifts in the ER.”
“Are you sure that’s punishment?” Lori asked.
“Yes!” I assured her, even though I doubted that statement myself.
“I think you like him,” she said after a moment, smiling.
“What? No!” I argued feebly.
“I don’t know. First off, I don’t think there would be this obvious level of chemistry if emotions weren’t involved. Love and hate are similar, you know, they feed off of one another. If you felt nothing for him at all, there wouldn’t be this anger—this passion. There would just be nothing there.”
“I can’t believe you,” I snapped, feeling betrayed. “You’re just as bad as everyone else. I know my own mind, Lori—and I know that I don’t like him romantically. He’s a manipulative asshole, just like my ex-boyfriend, and I’m not going to let another man take advantage of me. Its just lust, nothing more, and I need to get over it. I also need to get back to work,” I said, standing. “My break is about over.”
I turned and walked away, not waiting for a reply. Regret washed over me as soon as I turned the corner, but I was late to my shift, so I just continued walking.
“HEY MICHELLE, Lex called down looking for you,” Dr. Grimes announced as I walked past the opened door of her office. I cringed, seeing Julia’s snide grin as she overheard Dr. Grimes’s announcement.
“I don’t have time right now,” I replied, stopping in front on her door. “My break is over.”
“It’s slow right now, you can go on up there.”
I really didn’t want to see Lex—not in this mood and not with Julia ready to spread more rumors about me. But I also knew better than to question my program director, so I simply nodded and turned back towards the elevator.
By the time I made it to up to the twelfth floor, I was even more frustrated. Between Lori’s assertion that I had actual feelings for Lex and Julia’s knowing smile when she heard that he was looking for me, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him at the moment.
Unfortunately, I was heading directly into his office.
“Michelle,” he said as I entered. “Listen, I need a favor.”
“What,” I said flatly.
He obviously heard the anger in my voice, as his smile slipped and he studied me closely. “You know the case we’ve been discussing?”
I nodded. Obviously, I wasn’t about to forget our “working” date the other night.
“I need you to present that case at this month’s M&M conference.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I snapped. “I wasn’t even there. Isn’t the case generally presented by someone who was present when the situation occurred?”
“No, not always. And, at this point, you are more familiar with the case than anyone else, other than me. It makes the most sense for you to present it to the conference.”
“Why? So you can interrogate me again and humiliate me in front of everyone?”
Makarov paused, looking at me questioningly for a long moment before he spoke.
“I did no such thing.”
“Yes you did,” I argued through clenched teeth. “And when I complained about it later to a friend at the bar, you happened to overhear me and you’ve been punishing me ever since.”
“Punishing you?” Lex seemed genuinely confused at my assertion, but I wasn’t about to let him play dumb.
“Yes. You’ve been punishing me with these stupid case files—giving me extra work on top of my rotations in the Emergency Room, even though there is an entire department at this hospital whose job it is to handle these cases.”
“I had no idea you felt that way,” he said. I could see the anger building in his eyes as he considered my words. “Well, I’m sorry,” he continued, sounding anything but sorry. His voice rose as he continued. “I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve never asked an intern to be my advisor before. I actually thought asking you to help out would be seen as a compliment to your abilities. I wanted to foster your goals of being the excellent doctor you so strive to be. Sorry I was so impressed by the way that you handled yourself at the last M&M conference, that I asked for you to continue. It won’t happen again.”
Lex stopped and ran a hand over his eyes. When he looked back up, he seemed much calmer than before. I moved to speak but he put his other hand up to silence me instead.
“Sorry,” he said after a minute, in a hushed tone.
His eyes locked on mine, and there was a vulnerability there that I’d never seen before. I opened my mouth to speak again but he shook his head.
“Just let me get this out,” he said. “I know I’ve acted out of line. I’ve let my attraction to you influence the way I interact with you on a professional level. I just… I really liked you—professionally and…personally. Because of that, I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have, professionally speaking. I’m so used to women who are willing to do anything to jump into my bed. And you’re not like that, not at all. You’re not afraid of my position in the hospital. You don’t care about my money…” His voice trailed off.
“Why would I be? I’m a doctor, and once I graduate, I’ll be more than comfortable. Not as wealthy as you, to be sure, but I’m not interested in money. Never have been.”
“I know, I know. And I admire that. Listen, I’m sorry you felt like this was punishment. I’ll get someone else to help from now on. You should go.”
&nb
sp; I really didn’t know what to say. I stood there awkwardly for a moment, just staring at him. Eventually, I nodded and left his office without a backwards glance.
CHAPTER 13
I continued to replay my conversation with Lex over and over in my head in the few days that followed. In fact, I began to reevaluate every interaction the two of us had ever had. I’d been angry ever since the M&M conference. Every conversation after that had felt like a showdown from my perspective. Had he seen them as something different? In light of our last conversation, I realized that he must have.
No matter what he said or did, I still clung to the idea that the guy was an entitled prick. He may have had feelings for me, I reasoned, but that didn’t make him a good person. Hell, he could’ve even lied about those feelings in order to manipulate me and make me feel bad. I honestly didn’t know what to think.
“You okay, Michelle?” I looked up at the sound of Dr. Grimes’s voice. She was watching me from across the break room.
“Yeah,” I replied self-consciously.
“You’ve just seemed rather distracted lately.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied hurriedly. “I won’t let it affect my work!”
“I’m not worried about your work,” she replied with a smile as she sat next to me. “Your work is still superb. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to manage a smile. “I’m good.”
“Want to talk about it?” Dr. Barn’s asked, obviously unconvinced.
“It’s nothing,” I replied. But then, before I could help myself, I continued. “How well do you know Lex Makarov?”
“We’re pretty good friends,” she replied, offering me a knowing smile. “I’ve known him for almost a decade. We got to be friends after he came to own the hospital. I used to help him out with the patient care cases like you are now.”
My eyes shot up in surprise.
“Really?” I asked. “For some reason, this whole time I thought that it was him trying to punish me or something. It sounds silly now, but he overheard me badmouthing him the night after the M&M conference—he’d interrogated me pretty heavily in front of the entire room. The next day he started giving me cases. I just thought… I don’t know what I thought.”