“Me, too.”
Annalee’s mother came to Tommy and gave his shoulder a gentle touch. “That was beautiful.” She sighed. “Sometimes I forget that help is so close.”
“Yes.” Annalee loved her mother so much. The hours she had spent here, the support she had given. “You’re so strong, Mom. But you can’t be brave all the time.”
“I know.” She bent down and kissed Annalee’s cheek. “I’m glad I was here for this. And now”—a smile lifted her face—“I’m going to get coffee.”
When her mother was gone, Annalee looked at Tommy. “Okay… so how is he really? Officer Garcia? You said he’s a bit better?”
“He’s still in a coma. But… he’s breathing on his own.”
“What?” This was definitely a breakthrough. “His mother must be so happy. How is she?”
“You’d love her.” A single laugh came from Tommy, and he shook his head. “There are always four or five officers in the waiting room and today she brought chicken sandwiches for everyone.”
Annalee wasn’t sure how to ask the next question. But she hadn’t watched the news and she wanted to know. “How did it happen, Tommy?”
“It was back at the same area, the place where Raul helped that kid. Remember? Wallace?”
“The guy on heroin.”
“Right.” Tommy took a deep breath and told her how Officer Garcia had come upon another drug deal going down in the same spot. Only this one involved the main dealer.
Annalee tried not to imagine Tommy answering that call. Pulling up to a drug deal, his life on the line.
“So Raul approached the guys and one of them turned around and shot him. Six times.” Tommy shook his head, clearly disgusted. “The bullets are the kind that go through police protective vests. Four of them hit Raul in the chest.”
Annalee looked toward the window. God, help that man. Please. “That… should never happen.”
“I know. Raul shouldn’t be alive.”
“Exactly.” Annalee found his eyes again. “But God…”
Tommy took a deep breath. “His mother… she prays constantly. She said she knew Raul would come off life support today.” He looked straight at her. “One of the guys told me she was thanking God for that early this morning. An hour before it happened.”
“Incredible.” Annalee rolled onto her side so she could see Tommy better. “I want us to have that kind of faith.”
“I did. At the beginning.” Tommy looked at the tubes and machinery surrounding her. “So why aren’t you feeling better?”
“I’m getting better. The process is tough, but He’s healing me, Tommy.” Her voice fell to little more than a whisper. “Remember? At the beginning… you believed that, too.”
“I want to believe.” He leaned over the bed and put his hands on either side of her face. “Your faith that all this is just a passing storm… it’s beautiful, Annalee.”
“Thank you.” The feel of his breath against her face was intoxicating. “What about you?”
“Don’t worry about me.”
“Okay.” She searched his eyes. “You know what I want?”
“What?” He came closer and brushed his cheek against hers. “Anything, love. Just tell me.”
The moment was sweet, pure. She and Tommy so close that the hospital bed and tubes and wires all faded away. “Pretend with me… please, Tommy.”
“Pretend?” It took just a few seconds for understanding to fill his eyes. “Okay. Where are we, Annalee? Take me there.”
“Hear it?” She spoke soft against his cheek. “The ocean… just behind us?”
“Mmm.” He paused. “Yes. I hear it. It’s calm today. The waves are… gentle.”
“They are.” The soft breeze against her face was so real she was sure they were at the beach. “Smell the ocean? Feel the sand… beneath our feet?”
“It’s wonderful.” He didn’t kiss her, but his lips were that close. “No hospital gray… no sickness. You’re healthy and whole… and you’re here. In my arms.” He stayed there, his breath mingled with hers. “The sun’s setting… do you see it?”
“I do.” She closed her eyes. “A hundred beautiful colors. Painted across the sky… just for us.”
“It’s not as beautiful as you, love.” His eyes locked on hers again. “You’re all I want, Annalee. And you are getting better. I want to believe that.”
She nodded. “I… think I’ll sleep… for a bit.”
“Okay.” He kissed her cheek, slow and tender. “Fun being at the beach with you, love.”
“Fun being with you.”
There was the sound of Tommy taking his hospital chair again and the feel of his fingers intertwined with hers. Then the sounds of the machines began to fade and a different noise surrounded her. The slow lap of ocean waves against the white pristine shore of Karon Beach, the occasional seagull calling out as it swooped over the water.
Annalee felt herself smile. The warmth of the setting sun, the sand silky soft against her toes and the sound of Tommy breathing beside her. A warm wave washed over their feet and the sea breeze stirred their hair. Tommy leaned close and kissed her. The sweetest kiss.
And then Annalee fell asleep.
19
In the pitch dark of her bedroom, Reagan stared at the ceiling and tried to slow her breathing. Her heart raced, pounding against her chest. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand and checked the time.
2:17.
Morning was getting closer with every minute and still Reagan couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t catch her breath. What if Tommy really does become a police officer right out of school? What if he moved somewhere like Florida and worked far away from home until he turned twenty-one. And what if he was giving someone a ticket on the side of the road and a car flew by and hit him? Someone texting… or drunk… drugged, maybe?
Police officers stood too close to traffic every time they wrote a ticket.
Or what if he takes a domestic violence call and someone ambushes him? That happened all the time. For years Reagan had watched Cops with Tommy and Luke on summer nights when the little kids were in bed.
Before she had the slightest thought that Tommy might actually become a police officer.
The show had taught her every kind of danger a cop faced. Every day. Every hour on the job. What if he pursues a suspect and a chase happens? And what if Tommy was speeding to catch the guy and he had to run a red light?
Or what if someone coming the other way didn’t hear the sirens or see the flashing lights, and what if they drove straight into Tommy’s police car and…
Stop! she ordered herself. Her anxiety was getting worse. She tried to think about the past. Tommy as a little boy… Tommy playing his first basketball game at eight years old. Tommy learning to ride his bike.
But what if some other little boy is learning to ride his bike and he gets hit by a car? And Tommy had to respond to the call and… and see the unthinkable? What would that do to her son? How might he change after a year of working on the streets as a cop?
Don’t do this! She shook her head. If she didn’t stop breathing so hard she would wake up Luke. And what about her heartbeat? Surely he could hear that, even in the deepest sleep.
Luke rolled over and opened his eyes. “Reagan? Are you… are you okay?”
She turned on her side and looked at him. Her eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness. “It’s happening again.”
“Honey,” he whispered. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“I’m sorry.” She put her hand on his shoulder. But that only made her heart beat harder. “I… can’t breathe right.” She flipped onto her back. “My mind won’t shut off. I… I can’t slow my heart down.”
“Pray.” Luke reached over and pushed her hair from her face. “Remember?” He hesitated. “God, you are the Prince of Peace. Please… stand guard over our bed. Right next to Reagan.” His voice held an unwavering love.
“Yes, please, God.” Reagan closed her eyes. Her
breathing slowed just a little.
“And breathe Your spirit through this place. Surround Reagan with the truth of Your presence.” Every word from her husband was like balm to her soul. “In Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen.” Reagan felt her heartbeat ease off just enough. She took her first deep breath in an hour and turned back on her side. The pillow felt cool and wonderful.
She blinked a few times. “Why does this keep happening?”
“Do you remember, honey?” He put his hand on the side of her face. “How to make the panic go away? How to fall asleep?” He studied her face. “Remember?”
And suddenly she did remember. Of course. The answer was gratitude.
Luke had come up with this a month ago, when Officer Garcia first got shot and Annalee wasn’t getting better and all of life seemed to be crumbling around them. Gratitude changes everything, Luke had told her.
And so it had. Time and again. She breathed a little easier. “Be thankful.”
“Yes.” Luke smiled. “You’re going to be okay.”
Reagan closed her eyes. The problem was that the panic made her forget about gratitude. In the midst of the stormy hurricane of fear, she could barely recall her first name. She blinked her eyes open. “You.” She put her hand on his shoulder again. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Luke Baxter. Have I told you that lately?”
“You have.” He kissed her and eased his arms around her. “I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
What had she ever done to deserve him? Reagan would never know, but one thing was certain. She wasn’t angry anymore. Not at Tommy and certainly not at Luke. His love and care were the reason she was getting through this season at all. The season of accepting the fact that Tommy was going to be a cop.
But even with all that, Reagan’s heart still beat hard and she wasn’t the slightest bit tired. It wasn’t enough to remember how to fall asleep. She had to put the lesson into practice. “I… need to thank Him. If I want to fall asleep.” Yes, that was it. Be thankful. Look to the Lord and thank Him.
“Exactly. Every time you feel afraid, Reagan. When you think about Tommy in a uniform and your heart starts to race. When you can’t sleep.”
“Just be thankful.” Reagan felt better now. She was calming down. “For every single thing.”
“Yes.” Luke whispered to her. “Start at the top of the list. Don’t stop thanking Him.”
“Okay.” Reagan had closed her eyes then and started at the beginning. Just like Luke had asked her to do. Thank You, Lord, for my husband. Luke is everything to me, God. And thank You for my family. For Tommy and Malin and Johnny. Thank You for my Baxter sisters and brothers and their families… and thank You for…
Peace began to work through her veins. Why did she so easily forget about this?
Thank You for Ashley and Landon, and that You brought Landon into my sister-in-law’s life all those years ago and that You’re still working in their lives today.
And thank You for Elaine, and that Luke’s father would find someone to love after losing his first wife. And thank You for Kari and Ryan and…
Reagan thanked God for everything He had done, all He had given them. Every beautiful memory and wonderful truth. The list was so long that somewhere near the beginning she stopped worrying. Stopped thinking about her racing heart and her fast breathing.
The exercise worked—every time.
Her mind slowed and peace filled the air and—like the greatest gift—sleep came.
* * *
REAGAN OPENED THE oven door and pulled out the spaghetti casserole. She’d made it with zucchini noodles. Officer Garcia’s favorite. This morning he had come home from the hospital, and tonight Reagan and Luke and all three kids were bringing dinner to the Garcia house.
The officer’s parents and siblings and a dozen other officers would all be there. Everyone was bringing something to share, and Raul had already told Tommy he was most looking forward to Reagan’s spaghetti.
“I told him about it on our first ride together,” Tommy had said. “So if you could make that, he’d be through-the-roof excited.”
Through the roof. Reagan set the casserole on the counter and exhaled. As if this were any other ordinary day. And the officer hadn’t just cheated death in a way even his doctors said could only have been a miracle.
Raul had come off life support a few days after the shooting. Then he’d come down with a terrible case of pneumonia. Surgeons had put his abdomen back together, but infection spread through his entire body.
It was mid-November, a month since the shooting, and in that time there had been entire weeks where it didn’t seem like Raul would survive.
Never once during that time did they stop praying, stop believing. And now Raul was completely healed. Yes, he would need a month at home to recover, to rebuild his energy and strength. But after that he planned to get back out on the force.
Where his life would—once again—be in danger.
Reagan understood people like Raul a little better now, maybe even people like her own son. They were wired to put themselves in harm’s way. Whatever it took to help someone else.
Several hours later, Reagan carried the covered casserole as she and Luke and their kids entered Officer Raul’s house. He was sitting in a big blue recliner, chatting with family and the dozen officers who surrounded him.
When he spotted Reagan and her family, he lifted his hand, a smile stretched across his face. “My favorite family… with my favorite dinner!”
Reagan couldn’t believe it. She had heard stories from Tommy about how well the officer was doing. But seeing him now… She held her breath as she set down the casserole. God had done this. Only He could’ve brought the young man back from the brink of death time and again over the last month.
They all took chairs into the family room and joined Raul and the others.
Raul was in the middle of telling a story about a year-old foot chase. “The guy’s got a gun in his hand and he finally stops running. I tell him to drop the gun and he looks at me—straight at me—and tells me, ‘Hey man, I never had a gun in my life.’ ”
One of the officers sitting closest to him laughed. “My toddler can lie better than some of these guys.”
“But that takedown last week—” One of the officers nodded to a female cop in uniform. “Guy was twice your size, Debbie. How’d you do that?”
Officer Debbie grinned. “I train with the best. What can I say?”
Reagan made eye contact with her husband. “They love this.”
“They do.” He leaned close. “For a lot of reasons.”
Reagan already understood their desire to keep streets safe. Their calling to help people and get criminals behind bars. But she hadn’t seen or considered this part of being an officer. Not until right here, witnessing it for herself.
Police officers were a family all their own.
Even Tommy joined in. “Tell them about the man stopped in the middle of the road. From my first ride-along with you.” He laughed. “That was my first time to see something like that in person.”
Raul seemed to be gaining energy. He chuckled. “Guy parks his car in the middle of Forty-second. Smack in the center.” He shook his head. “I park next to him and approach the driver’s side. ‘Hey, mister. You know you’re parked in the middle of the road?’ ”
A few of the officers chuckled and nodded. As if they’d all been there one way or another.
“So he looks right at me—sort of—and he says, ‘I’m not in the middle of the road, Officer. I’m driving… down the highway.’ ” Raul’s eyes got wide. “I mean his car is in park. Traffic backing up behind us.”
“Not for long,” Raul’s mother clapped her hands. “Not with my boy out there!”
“Amen.” Raul’s dad gave him a thumbs-up. “Love you, Son.”
“Love you, Pops.” Raul winked. Then he turned to the rest of the room. “Guy had an empty bottle of vodka on the sea
t beside him.”
“But he hadn’t been drinking.” Tommy cut in. “Never touched the stuff.”
“Poor guy.” Raul shook his head. “Connected him with a rehab center for alcoholics. I have to check in on him when I get back to work.”
Story after story the hour played out until Raul announced he was hungry.
Malin looked at Reagan and Luke. “Me, too!”
“Yeah.” Johnny nodded. “I’m starved.”
They all laughed, and Reagan realized something. She hadn’t expected to have a good time tonight. The officers were funny and sharp, kind and witty. She wasn’t naïve to the fact that scattered amidst the nation’s cops, some were corrupt. Some were worn out and jaded and prone to bad decisions on the force.
But here—in this room—were some of the nicest people Reagan had ever spent an evening with. And Tommy already fit right in.
They filled their plates with spaghetti and meat loaf, homemade sweet potato fries and salad, and Reagan and Luke and the younger kids took a spot at the kitchen table. Tommy joined the officers in the living room, balancing plates on their laps.
Before he sat down to eat, Raul made his way closer. He walked with slow, careful steps, and he wore a wide band around his midsection. But otherwise he looked fantastic. He introduced himself to Luke and then Reagan. “I’ve heard so much about you.” He cast a look at Tommy, who was in a conversation in the other room. “Your boy’s special. When he’s old enough, he’s going to make a great addition to the force.”
Reagan nodded, but a rush of emotion stopped her from saying anything. Tommy… in a police uniform. The idea still terrified her.
“Thank you.” Luke shook the officer’s hand. “He sure loves working with you.”
“Well…” Raul chuckled. “He’ll have to ride along with one of the other LEOs for a few more weeks. But then we’ll be back at it.”
“Leo?” Reagan blinked.
“Sorry.” Raul grinned. “Law enforcement officers. LEOs.”
“Of course.” Reagan laughed. “I should’ve learned that from watching Cops.” It was one more part of the code, part of the camaraderie this group shared not just with each other.
Truly, Madly, Deeply Page 16