Shelly didn’t know how much I wanted to be with her. We spent a lot of time together, we had a good time together but there were things that I wanted to tell her. Things that came from the heart and there was no way that I could if she wasn’t even going to come to the door.
When I got on the elevator I felt numb, there was no other way to explain what was going on in my head. How my heart felt, it almost physically hurt me to walk away from the door that I knew wasn’t going to open anytime soon.
I was a millionaire, sure, but that didn’t mean anything if I couldn’t have the one that I wanted. I would’ve thrown all my money away, everything away if Shelly would just open that door and let me tell her what was going on in my heart. If I could just convince her to come out for the rest of the time that we had together. Time was of importance and it was against us with each tick of the clock, but I didn’t think that she realized that. I didn’t think that Shelly really grabbed the concept of how important it was to spend as much time as we could with each other before it was time for her to say goodbye.
I wanted the memories, I wanted the laughter and the tears. I would take both in the time that we had left. I would hold her while she cried, I would hold her while she laughed, I wanted to be there for her. There was no way to show her that if she didn’t even want to come to the door. I felt like a failure, I should’ve gone into the room but that isn’t the type of man that I am. If someone didn’t want to see me then there was no way that I could convince them to. Only, I knew this was different. Hearts were breaking, and I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t fix it.
I sighed heavily as I went into the lobby and saw that there was a line of new guests almost out the door with only one receptionist working the front desk.
I did something that I hadn’t done in a long time and got behind the desk to help. It should’ve kept me so busy that I forgot about Shelly, that’s what I was hoping for, but I failed at that too.
Chapter 21
Shelly
The day had finally come, I woke up and stared up at the ceiling. There was no use staying in bed when I knew that I had to pack my things.
Looking over at Jasmine she already had her suitcase packed and was zipping it up.
“We can’t prolong this. You need to get up.” Jasmine gave me a sad look.
The past few days I had been hiding out in the room. Jackson had come by a few times, I didn’t answer the door. I didn’t go out with the girls and Jasmine had told him I was sick a few times. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him, if I didn’t then everything would be okay at least that’s what I had convinced myself of. That everything was going to be just fine.
“I know.” I muttered.
“This is why I didn’t go out with Scott a lot of the time. I didn’t want to get too attached knowing that I wasn’t going to be staying.” Alice pointed out to me.
She didn’t sound very sympathetic to me, I didn’t even look her way. She didn’t know what it was like. She was flighty and would have someone back home before the week was out. I wasn’t like that. I was far from the person that she was.
I threw the blankets off me and slowly got out of bed.
My clothes had been packed the night before. I had managed to do that knowing I wasn’t going to want to this morning.
Jasmine came to sit beside me with the cup of coffee that she had made for me. I took it and gave a small smile.
“There’s one rule. You can’t sit here and cry, I just did my make up. If you cry that means that I’m going to and I’m going to have to wash the makeup off my face just to redo it all over again.” Jasmine nudged me lightly.
She got a small smile out of me, she knew that nothing compared to what I was feeling because I’d never felt this way before and I wasn’t ready to start feeling it now.
“He might come visit. You never know.” Jasmine said in a low voice.
“I doubt that, he will have someone within the next week.” I told her, feeling the pain in my heart and hoping it wasn’t true. Not after all the time that we’d spent together.
“You really think that Jackson would do that?” Jasmine asked me.
“Any man will do that, once they see another pretty face we are all forgotten about. I haven’t seen a man yet that hasn’t done it.” Jennifer piped in, listening in on the conversation.
I bit down on my tongue. I didn’t want to sit there and fight over Jackson. She didn’t know him on the same level as I did but at the same time I couldn’t tell her that she was wrong. There was no way that I could. No one knew from one day to the next what was going to happen.
“I just wish we were starting the vacation all over again, it was a lot of fun. We all had a good time.” I cleared my throat and drank down some of the coffee that Jasmine had given to me.
“We did, that’s what matters the most. We took a ton of pictures, not as much as we would’ve liked as a group, but we still had some pictures done together.” Alice commented.
I looked up and laughed at her, seeing that she wasn’t even folding her clothes to make them fit in the suitcase.
I was sure that Jennifer had rolled her clothes so that she could make room for the clothes that she had bought while we were here.
I looked at the clock. We had an hour before checking out and another hour before we had to catch the flight back home.
“Tonight, someone else is going to have this room, maybe a group of girls like us. Maybe two people that don’t know what it’s like to have a real vacation. Someone who’s a business man. Either way it’s going to be like we were never even here.” I whispered before taking another drink from my coffee cup.
The only one who had heard me was Jasmine and that was because she was sitting so close to me.
“You could make me cry just over the hotel room alone.” She put an arm around me and hugged me tightly.
“Do you think that we can sneak out of here without Jackson seeing us?” I asked, looking hopeful at her.
“I think that it’s a good chance. I heard that he has a meeting sometime this morning, but I don’t know what time. Don’t you want to at least say goodbye to him? He has been here over the past few days looking to spend time with you. Surely you know he’s not dumb, he knows that you’re not sick.” Jasmine rolled her eyes at me.
“I don’t want to say goodbye to him, that’s why I’ve been avoiding him and staying to myself. Goodbye means that we’re not going to see each other again Jasmine. It means that it’s the end of our love story.” I explained to her, blinking back the tears that threatened to come.
“Either way, it’s going to end when our plane touches down at home. I don’t think that it’s good to sit there and not at least exchange phone numbers or something.” She sighed, getting up from the bed and heading to the bathroom.
I knew she wanted what was best for me. She wanted me to stop hurting and she wanted me to have some closure. I didn’t want the closure that was sure to come within the few hours that we had left.
She was right though. It was almost time to leave and the girls were looking around to make sure that they hadn’t left anything behind. It was the third time that morning that they took a good look around the room.
“Aren’t you afraid that you’re missing something?” Alice asked when she made her way to the hotel door with her own suitcase.
“If I didn’t care about looking for anything then I am sure it’s not anything of importance.” I grunted, grabbing my own suitcase and going to the door.
I let the three girls go ahead of me, I took one last look around the room and saw how lonely it already looked. It looked just like me. Depressed.
Chapter 22
Jackson
I went to the front desk immediately, I looked at my watch. I didn’t have time to wait for the guests that were in line.
Going behind the desk I pulled the receptionist aside and she could see by the look on my face that it was something urgent.
“Are you okay Mr. Miller?�
�� She asked, searching my face.
I was sure it was sweating and red. I wiped my forehead and watch the sweat beads wet my fingertips.
“Shelly, is she still here or did she check out already?” I asked, I could see that the woman remembered her.
“She left almost a half hour ago.” She gave me a sad look.
I didn’t have time for sad looks, I barely had any time at all to be able to catch the plane before she got on it.
I whipped around and ran out of the lobby. Getting into my car I had a feeling she was going to do this to me. She was going to leave without saying goodbye. I could see the look on her face when we were talking in the dining hall of the yacht something told me that I should’ve cut out of the meeting early.
“Damn it!” I hit the steering wheel, moving in and out of traffic as fast as I could.
I couldn’t miss that plane. She still had to be there waiting when I got there.
I couldn’t say that I blamed Shelly, but I would’ve rather hurt than not see her at all. I wanted to hold her in my arms. To let her know that everything was going to be alright, even if it was a lie.
I honked the horn for a car to go faster, I ran through a red light when I saw that the airport was just up ahead.
Throwing the car into the closest parking spot I looked at the time.
I was thankful that the airport was rather small. I wouldn’t have a hard time spotting her.
When I parked the car I even left it running, I didn’t have time to waste as I slammed the car door and ran into the airport. My tie flying over my shoulder.
I was pushing past people, almost shoving them out of my way.
“Shelly!” I hollered, trying to catch my breath.
I didn’t know what line she was in. I couldn’t see from the sweat rolling into my eyes and making them sting.
Standing up straight and catching my breath I knew that there was nothing more important than breathing.
I saw her standing in the line, she was facing me. She had heard me!
Getting out of line I saw her heading towards me with her arms wide open. I smiled at her the best I could as I met her half way across the room.
“Did you really think that you were going to leave without saying goodbye to me?” I asked, wrapping her in a hug.
I held her so tightly I was sure she couldn’t breathe but I wanted to remember this time together. This moment that we had.
“This is a big surprise, I had tried avoiding this.” Shelly began to cry, I could hear it in her voice. I could hear it when she tried clearing her throat.
“I know, I’m not mad at you. I think that I would’ve been mad at you if I was late seeing you. I was close though. I even left the car running.” I chuckled.
Shelly laughed at me, I was glad that I could make her laugh. During one of the hardest times for her I could make her laugh.
“I’m going to miss you.” She whispered in my ear.
“I’m going to miss you even more. I should’ve gotten out of my meeting earlier. We would’ve had more time.” I sighed, shaking my head as I let go of her.
“We wouldn’t have had any time at all. I wouldn’t have answered the door.” Shelly grinned.
When she pulled away from me I could see the tears sparkling in her eyes. I could see that she was hurt, there was no point in telling me or either of us making a long goodbye out of it. I just wanted to see her.
“It’s okay to feel sad. That’s normal for anyone like us.” I told her, putting my hands in my pockets.
We were talking like we were only friends, something that I hated. Pretending that neither one of us were hurting. I knew damn well that I was going to cry like a baby that night, when I was by myself and I knew that when her friends went home, after the plane ride she would go home and cry too. It was written all over her face.
I took my hands out of my pocket and brought them to her hips.
I kissed her softly, wishing that I could continue to kiss her, I knew that I didn’t want to stop.
Jasmine had come over to tell us that they were getting ready to open the gate.
“Here’s her number, call her. We have to go.” Jasmine wasn’t trying to be mean.
She pushed the piece of paper into my hand and grabbed a hold of Shelly so that they could go.
We looked into each other’s eyes one more time. I wanted to walk her to the gate but the look in her eyes told me not to. It was going to be harder even then.
I waited where I was until I couldn’t see her any longer and a tear ran down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly and went to the window. I waved, even though I didn’t know what seat she was in.
I didn’t even know if she was sitting on the same side of the plane to see if she could look out but if she was I wanted her to see me there, I wanted her to know that I didn’t just leave her there like she would’ve thought anyone would.
I didn’t leave the airport until the plane was high in the sky and even then, I waited until it was a tiny dot and I couldn’t see it anymore before I turned my back from the window and headed back to my car.
I was glad that the car was still out there when I went out, but to know that I would leave something that expensive at the curb not caring if someone was going to take it or not made me realize that I was in love with Shelly.
We didn’t spend that much time together but the time that we did gave us a strong bond. A connection that was hard to explain. Something that I wanted more, and I knew I would always compare the women I dated to Shelly if I even chose to date another woman.
Chapter 23
Shelly
I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I had seen him at the window. I had seen his hand. I knew that he was waiting for me to leave before he went along with his day.
“I got a picture of the two of you together on my phone. I couldn’t help myself.” Jasmine pushed the phone towards me.
I took it and stared at the picture for a few minutes. I smiled, we were kissing, and he was holding me. I could almost feel his lips on mine as I looked at it.
“Thank you, I’m going to need that later.” I snuffled back my tears.
Handing the phone back to her I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Maybe I could just sleep the pain away, maybe when I woke up I would forget about all the things that we’d done, all the things that we said and all the times he held me in his arms or gave me that sexy look of his.
“You know that he’s going to call you right? For a man to run into an airport. For a man to leave his car running so that he could make sure he made it to say goodbye. He’s going to call you. I just know he is. I have never seen a man do that.” Jasmine whispered as another tear slipped out from between my eyelashes.
“We will see, that’s not enough.” I shook my head, feeling my voice shake.
“I know, maybe that it has to be enough for now. You will find out soon enough if the connection was real.” Jasmine sighed.
I could hear in her voice that she was trying to get me to look at the brighter side of things but there was no brighter side without him there with me. I would rather him not call me at all if he couldn’t touch me if he couldn’t see me face to face.
I know that was selfish of me to think, but I didn’t care. I was upset, my heart was breaking for him. It was the first time that I had ever felt my heart literally breaking on the inside. I imagined half of it was with him and the other half was inside my chest and the only way I was going to get my heart back and in working condition was if he showed up and handed it to me.
I was in trouble with my feelings, with my thoughts and my mixed emotions. I was in love, there was no denying that. No denying it at all.
“You know he’s going to call you. Just give it time.” Jasmine murmured, putting her hand over mine.
I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but nothing could make me feel better about how I was feeling. There was nothing that was going to take my mind off Jackson. Not even time
was going to make me get over what we had, the memories that we shared.
It was something that I would have to be patient with. I had been patient too long.
Thinking about all the time we spent together I felt a stronger connection with him than any other man that I had dated. I had given him a piece of me that I never gave to another man. I gave everything to him.
I couldn’t be mad, I wasn’t mad. I wanted Jackson. I wanted to be with him and when he didn’t get on the plane with me I had a feeling that things weren’t going to work out between us.
I don’t know how I had fallen asleep, maybe I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from the trip. How I was feeling inside I found myself waking up only when Jasmine nudged me a few times.
“We’re home.” Jasmine whispered, getting up and grabbing her luggage from the overhead compartment.
I felt my eyes opening and that’s when it became more real. That I was home, that I was no longer in the hotel. I was no longer in Hawaii and I wasn’t going to see Jackson just popping up at my door like he had done since I met him the hotel bar.
I so wanted to believe that it was just a dream, but it wasn’t. I watched as Alice and Jennifer stood up in front of us and waited their turn to get off the plane.
Looking around I could see that everyone was smiling. That they were going on with their own lives, they all had their own stories.
To me nothing mattered but Jackson. I didn’t even want to think about work the next morning. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on customers and orders that they wanted.
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