Better Haunts and Garden Gnomes_A Cozy Paranormal Mystery

by Michelle M. Pillow

  “What happened?” Nolan asked.

  “I stepped on a shard. It’s not bad.”

  “What fell?”

  “I don’t know.” Lily looked around finding another shattered light fixture, only this time it had landed at the bottom of the stairs. Broken glass trapped her in the hall. A gnome with a chipped face stood by the front door as if watching her. Polly’s little statue friends were beginning to creep her out. “Wait, I see it. A light fixture fell in the front hall.” She inched forward and looked up. Wires hung from the ceiling where the light fixture was supposed to be. “What’s going on? It’s like they’ve been ripped off the ceiling.”

  “I have no clue. I inspected all the fixtures and they were solid.” The sound of the broom swished over his words. “Let me get this glass cleaned up and I’ll check the others.”

  Suddenly, loud thumps and bangs sounded upstairs.

  “Dante?” Lily yelled, considering how to get over the glass to the stairs. “Dante!”

  “What the hell, Lily? Are you moving furniture in the middle of the night?” her brother answered.

  “That’s not me. I’m trapped downstairs.”

  Nolan appeared beside her with the broom. He swept a path toward the stairs for them. Lily tried to push past him, but he blocked her path and held out an arm to keep her between his back and the wall. “Stay behind me.”

  Lily frowned and pushed his arm out of her way so she could look upstairs. Footsteps ran overhead. A sleepy Dante appeared at the top of the stairs, but the running continued. The sound wasn’t her brother.

  “You have to say something to Polly about all these damned gnomes,” Dante said. “She keeps putting them outside my bedroom like a—whoa.”

  “Who’s running?” Lily asked. “Who else is up there?”

  “Why do you keep thinking people are running?” Dante tilted his head. “I don’t hear anything.”

  “Do you hear it?” she asked Nolan. He shook his head in denial. “I’m not crazy. There is someone running around this house.”

  “If you say there is, then there is. A ghost carjacked me, so who am I to judge what makes sense.” Nolan’s eyes flashed with an inner light.

  “Where is Polly?” Lily hurried up the stairs.

  “Dancing in the moonlight with Herman.” Dante sighed. “I wouldn’t go out there though. She said something about communing naked with the stars for answers to life’s great mysteries.”

  Garden gnomes filled the upstairs hall, arranged in perfect lines like an army waiting to march. She stepped through them as she followed the sound of footsteps to the third story. “Hello? Who’s up there?”

  “Lily, stop, let me—”

  “Stop acting like my boyfriend, Nolan,” Lily interrupted. “I’m fine.”

  Dante snickered.

  “I don’t think I’m your boyfriend. But if someone dangerous is up there, I’m better equipped to handle it,” Nolan answered.

  “We’ll both go,” Lily said. For as brave as she tried to be, she was still frightened of the unknown that appeared to be lurking in her house. What if it was another ghost? Or a demon? Or an evil witch? Before coming to Colorado, she would never have believed there were such things as those, or as werewolves and catshifters. Now, she’d been treed by two and rescued by one. Nothing made rational sense.

  “Oh, hey,” Dante whispered. “Jesse called earlier when you were out.”

  “Is she coming?” Lily paused halfway up.

  “Not so much. She said she wants nothing to do with our mother or her stupid safe deposit box, that we should burn the house down and any bad juju with it and come home.” Dante didn’t follow them up the stairs. “I’m inclined to agree with her.”

  “Do you still hear the running?” Nolan asked, interrupting their family talk.

  Lily nodded and began leading the rest of the way up. She peaked through the balusters to the third floor. The sounds continued, followed by soft laughter.

  “Maybe it’s the creepy gnomes,” Dante called.

  “Stop trying to freak me out. Statues can’t walk,” Lily answered.

  “Tell that to the gnome peeking down at you.”

  Lily automatically looked up. Nothing was there. “Shut up, Dante.”

  Several thumps sounded from within one of the bedrooms.

  “Okay, that noise I heard,” Nolan whispered.

  Lily forced herself to be calm. She was glad Nolan had insisted on coming with her.

  Thump.

  Her hands trembled as she gripped the railing. Nolan briefly placed his hand over hers as if to steady her. They crept toward the bedroom.

  Thump. Thump. Rattle. Thump.

  Lily and Nolan reached for the door at the same time and pushed it with the tips of their fingers. The wood creaked as it opened.

  Crreeaak. Thump. Bang.

  They tilted their heads to look in.

  “Damn, blasted. I…”

  The sound was faint, but Lily heard the muffled words as if they came from underwater.

  “Where’d ya go ya wee varmint…”

  “Who’s there?” Lily demanded.

  Lily leaned closer to Nolan and tried not to make a sound as she stared at the room. A bed was in the middle next to a small dresser with a white porcelain bowl. The dresser slid an inch to the right and the foot of the bed lifted off the floor before thumping down.

  Nolan again tried to push her behind him, but she resisted and moved to see who was causing all the noise. The bed bounced in a steady rhythm. She slowly leaned to the side to peek along the hidden edge of the bed.

  The sound stopped. A gnome stood facing the corner like a punished child. Another gnome lay on the floor.

  “I think Dante is right. It’s the creepy gnomes.” Lily stared at the little statues, watching for movement. A chill worked its way up her spine.

  Nolan placed a hand on her arm. She jumped a little in surprise at the contact. He inhaled through his nose, and whispered, “Ghost.” The word came out on a white puff of breath.

  The bed lifted higher than before and crashed down.

  When Lily turned her attention back to the gnomes, they had not moved, but there was a pair of transparent legs sticking out from under the bed. The ghost’s stained pants were frayed at the bottom hem and his boots were caked in dirt—if that was even possible.

  “Uh, this house is not yours,” Lily said. “Go to the light. Be gone, spirit.”

  “What are you doing?” Nolan whispered.

  “Banishing him?” Lily shrugged. How the heck was she supposed to know what to do?

  “How do you know it’s a him?”

  She pointed at the floor. “I assumed from the pants and boots, but I guess it could be a girl.”

  “All I see is a couple of gnomes.”

  The ghost’s feet kicked, and the bed lifted up only to fall with a bang.

  “Stop that!” she ordered.

  The ghost cackled and wheezed and did it again. This time, he shimmied until his feet disappeared under the bed. All noises stopped.

  “Is he gone?”

  “Maybe?” She shrugged helplessly.

  “Do you see him?”

  Lily turned to Nolan and grabbed his upper arm. “Nolan, if I was really in a hospital with something in my brain making me hallucinate, you’d tell me, right? I mean, you’d tell me if I was insane or none of this was real, right?”

  “Uh, Lily—”

  “I’d be all right with that. Because if you expect me to bend over to look under the bed to see if there are any big-bad scaries lurking beneath there, I’m telling you now that I don’t think I’m brave enough. I’ve seen how this horror movie ends. I’m not about to get sucked into a dark vortex by Cackles the Cowboy Clown.”

  “Dark vortex?” He arched a brow.

  “Every little kid knows about the dark vortex. It’s why we know not to go into closets or look under the bed.”

  “I don’t think that’s a real—”

 
“It’s real.”

  “Lily, do you want me to look under the bed for you?” Nolan asked, his tone aggravatingly calm and reasonable.

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  Nolan suppressed a grin. He lowered onto his hands and knees, threw the draped covers out of his way, and leaned close to the floor to look under the bed.

  Lily felt a chill along her arm. She held her breath. Her eyes moved before her head turned.

  She came face to forehead with a ghost.

  He stood a couple inches from her face. When she glanced down, she saw his whiskers shift with a smile. “Boo!”

  She gasped, jumping away from him.

  The ghost crowed a high-pitched sound, holding his stomach and slapping his thigh as if it were the funniest thing in the world. “Oo-ee-ee-ee.”

  “I don’t see anything,” Nolan said, still looking under the bed.

  The ghost of a miner grinned at her. He was shorter than her with a long, scraggly beard and wrinkles carved deep into his features like dry riverbeds in a desert. His gray hair curled around his ears with a flattened indent where his hat would have been.

  “Uh, Nolan,” Lily whispered.

  “Nothing’s here,” Nolan said, pushing up from the floor.

  “Nolan,” she said louder, not taking her eyes off the ghost.

  He stood. “What?”

  Lily pointed at the transparent miner.

  “What? You want to go?” Nolan asked.

  “Ghost.” Lily kept pointing.

  “Stan,” the ghost said. “Pleasure to meet ya, ma’am. Have ya seen a shoe anywhere? I can’t seem to find where they put it.”

  “St-stan,” Lily repeated. She glanced down but couldn’t quite make out his feet against the wood floor.

  “Stan? He’s here?” Nolan sounded irritated as he walked to where she was pointing. He went through Stan’s body. The ghost seemed to absorb into the man before reappearing on the other side. “Ask him where he put my truck.”

  “Eh-ee-ee-ee,” was Stan’s answer. He winked at her before disappearing.

  “Well? What did he say? Where’s my truck?” Nolan practically shouted as if that would make the ghost hear him better.

  “He’s gone.”

  “Did he say where?”

  “No. He just laughed when you asked him. He’s looking for a missing shoe though.” Lily ran her hands through her hair and went to a dark window to look out over the backyard. The moon was bright but not full, casting shadows over the landscape. Below, she saw the figure of her aunt dancing in front of the barn, holding Herman over her head. She turned her back on the window. “My life is ridiculous, and I just saw my aunt Polly naked.”

  Chapter Ten

  “What’s with the gnomes?” Deputy Tegan Herczeg eyed the statues evenly spaced to encircle the house. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and if she didn’t have such a harsh expression, she would have been considered pretty. As it was, she was intimidating, made more so by the black uniform she wore.

  “Decorating choice.” Lily knew she didn’t sound convincing. “The vandalism is around back. It started when we first arrived here almost two weeks ago. I didn’t report it because I thought it might be kids being stupid.”

  Deputy Herczeg didn’t wait to be shown as she strode through the yard. Scaffolding had been set up by the side of the house. Lily glanced up to where Nolan stood beside the roof looking down at her, his hands on his hips. She lifted her hand in greeting.

  In the last several days, he’d been a great support—even as lights fell from the ceilings, as plaster crumbled from the walls, as hammers disappeared, and bricks disintegrated to dust at a single touch. Aunt Polly’s repairs were nothing more than a glamour, magical paint that hid bigger problems.

  Her inheritance was as she’d first feared—a mess to be cleaned up, crumbling at her feet. Yet, somehow, she didn’t feel depressed about it. Work didn’t scare her. The trust fund had the money to pay for it. She was building a home.

  Correction. Lily was trying to build a home for her family. Someone was trying to stop her.

  Regardless, she’d make sure everything was repaired the right way. Rather, she’d trust Nolan to see to things being repaired the right way, since she didn’t know what she was doing.

  Burn marks scorched the lawn, spray paint marred the siding, and now giant carved symbols had been cut into the side of the barn. How someone managed to saw five-feet holes into the wood without being heard was beyond her.

  “Who’d you piss off?” Herczeg examined one of the holes and then placed her hand on the edge to lean inside.

  “I’m told everyone,” Lily said. “We’re Goode-Crawfords. Everyone is mad at us.”

  Herczeg glanced back, a half smile on her face. “Yeah. True.”

  “They’re wrong, though. I have nothing to do with bad luck. As you can see, I’m kind of suffering from some bad luck of my own.”

  The deputy sniffed the air and leaned forward. “Are you cooking something in there? What’s that smell.”

  A loud creak sounded. Herczeg pulled her head out of the hole. The black cat darted from the opening and ran away. Lily eyed the barn in surprise as it continued to creak and snap.

  “Move,” Herczeg said. “Now.”

  “What?” Lily frowned at the order.

  “Move!” Herczeg charged her, hooking her waist with her arm to force her back.

  They stumbled together. She landed hard in the dirt. The deputy lay on top of her like a protective shield. The cracking became louder and Lily was able to peek under the deputy’s arm to watch the barn fall into a pile of dust and debris. Splinters of wood rained over them.

  When the sound stopped, Herczeg pushed back to sit on the ground. “I’m inclined to believe you about the bad luck.”

  “Lily!” Nolan ran into the backyard. “What happened? Are you all right?”

  “Structural issues.” Lily pointed at the garage. “Guess the vandal cut into a support beam.”

  “But I checked that.” Nolan examined the debris pile. “It was stable. All it needed was a few two-by-fours to shore up the back wall and a coat of paint.”

  “I think you might have missed something. Doesn’t look sturdy to me.” Deputy Herczeg dusted off her black pants. “I’ll write up a report and I will try to patrol out here when I get the chance, but I’d suggest you do your thing and take care of the protection yourself.”

  Lily couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Are you telling me to... protect myself?”

  “I’m telling you to do whatever it is you witches do to take care of this problem. Cast some spells. Hold some séances. Throw magic glitter in the air.” Herczeg sighed. “I’m not sure what you expect the law to do.”

  “Your job,” Lily shot back in surprise. “Find whoever destroyed my barn.”

  “My job?” Herczeg crossed her arms over her chest. “My job is to protect the citizens of Lucky Valley. My job is to keep the Garry brothers from fighting over the same woman they had the bad luck of falling in love with because she’s a siren, and to make sure Leda Bourreau doesn’t get so upset she starts World War Three out of her kitchen, and to keep tourists from falling into sink holes that materialize in the middle of town, and—”

  “I’m a citizen,” Lily said. “I’m new, but this is my home now, and this is a real threat. Someone is vandalizing my property. I don’t feel safe.”

  “You’re a Goode.”

  “You’re a cop.”

  “I’m a deputy.”

  “Then do your job. Find out who is doing this.” Lily placed her hands on her hips and faced the taller woman. “Treat me like I’m not a Goode. Treat me like I’m a person who needs your help.”

  “I’ll write a report.” Herczeg walked toward her truck. The dented brown and white vehicle looked as if it had seen better days. Small, rusted bullet holes dotted the side near the passenger door, as if the Sheriff’s Department seal had made for someone’s target practice. Perhaps
even more disturbing was the long scratch marks near the back tire. “Make sure you lock your doors, keep your cellphone on you at all times, and I recommend investing in an alarm system. Maybe get a dog. Some outside motion lights wouldn’t hurt.”

  “Motion lights and a dog,” Lily repeated in disbelief.

  “You wanted the same advice I’d give a normal, everyday person, that’s it.” The deputy stopped as she opened the truck door. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but we both know you’re a Goode. You can take care of this yourself. I have citizens of this town with real problems who can’t fight what’s happening around here.”

  Lily shivered at the ominous statement.

  Herczeg directed her attention to Nolan. “Councilman Rana was looking for you at the city building this morning. It seems no one has seen you down there for a few days.”

  “I picked up some extra work and haven’t been in the office.” Nolan answered. “I’ll be sure to give him a call.”

  “We’ve been getting complaints of strange smells near the park. Goblins might be hoarding in their dens again. I’m sure he just wanted you to write them up,” the deputy said.

  “Yeah, I’m sure that’s it,” he answered, though there was something strange in the way he said it that made Lily wonder if she was missing something.

  Herczeg climbed into her truck, began to back out to the end of the drive, only to pause and come forward again. Rolling down the window, she pulled a phone away from her ear and leaned out to look at Nolan. “You misplace your truck over in Unlucky?”

  Nolan glanced at Lily. “Maybe.”

  “You want us to send a crew over to help you with that?” she asked.

  Nolan flinched. “I’ll figure it out.”

  “He’s got it,” Deputy Herczeg said into the phone. She listened to the caller’s answer before laughing. “You don’t say.” She lowered the phone and said to Nolan, “Are you sure you don’t want a crane?”

  “Yeah, maybe I should,” Nolan said.

  “I’ll let the tow company know.” Herczeg drove away.

  “A crane?” Lily asked.