“Panic attacks.”
“Exactly. They’re pretty common.” She faced their audience. “Have any of you ever had a panic attack? Or maybe some anxiety?”
Slowly, a few hands raised. The girl she sat next to in freshman math. Her lab partner in chemistry. Even Greg’s wife slowly held up her hand.
Greg looked around at the room. He opened his mouth to speak but clearly didn’t have the words. Good. She wished she was above enjoying his obvious confusion and fought back a smile.
“I know you thought I was crazy,” she continued. “It gave you a good excuse for why we broke up. It was better than telling people the real reason.”
“The real reason?”
“You didn’t want to go to college with a high school girlfriend.” She narrowed her eyes. “I heard you tell some of your new buddies that it was like going to a buffet on a full stomach.”
Stacy gasped in outrage, and she wasn’t the only one. All around them, former classmates and their dates exchanged looks of shock and disdain.
“But it’s okay,” she told him. “I’m a better person for it. Stronger. And I know how to take care of myself. So, if you’ll excuse me, I have other people to catch up with.” She flashed a fake, bright smile. “You enjoy yourself.”
Turning to walk nowhere in particular, she let out a breath. She couldn’t believe she’d done that. She couldn’t believe that people had seemed to understand. She couldn’t believe how gobsmacked Greg had looked when she’d dismissed him easily.
She wouldn’t have been able to do it without Ian. Much as she hated to admit it, if she hadn’t gone through the rounds of first dates and the finding and losing of love, she doubted she would have had the strength to give Greg a piece of her mind while maintaining her dignity.
Ian would’ve been proud of her. Her heart panged with the ache of his absence. Despite everything that happened the other night, despite what she’d said to Dexter, she wanted him to be here.
He’d had her back at her worst. Now she wished he’d been here to see her best. And she’d pushed him away. A man she actually loved and who, despite all her quirks, seemed to like her too.
She wondered if it was too late to work things out. Rusty as she’d been about dating, she had even less experience groveling.
Maybe she could call—or send a text. Just to feel out the air. If it was cold and showed no signs of letting up, well, at least she would know. Best case scenario, he responded and they could arrange to meet up and talk things out. Worst case, he ignored her and she’d have to stake out Amarillo Sour for a chance to explain herself only to be left with a broken heart again.
Pulling her phone out of the clutch, she hoped it wouldn’t come to that. It buzzed in her hands with a new message alert from XO On Demand.
You have a new match. Click to meet him.
A new match from the dating app. That was strange. She was almost certain she’d made her profile private and turned off notifications after she and Ian had decided to give their relationship a shot. It was probably a fluke related to the official launch. If nothing else, she’d have to talk to Ian to let him know about that. It was only right.
Another alert popped up.
You have another new match. Click for more details.
She really didn’t have time to play around with the app. For one thing, she was at her reunion. She’d just stood up for herself and hopefully earned some respect from her classmates. She should be talking to them, not meeting men online.
For another, she’d just decided she want to try to work things out with Ian. Looking at matches to other men didn’t seem like the best way to start out her quest to win back the guy.
Her phone buzzed again. Another notice. Three matches in under a minute. She hadn’t seen that kind of activity since her first day on the app.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take a look. Just to see.
She clicked “meet him.” Ian’s face filled the screen. Seeing it sent a duel jolt of shock and pain through her. She hadn’t expected to be matched with him. She also hadn’t expected for him to be on the app. That meant he was looking to meet women. Already.
Below his picture, she read an explanation for why they’d been matched.
You both enjoy nerd culture.
She gave a short laugh. That was true enough.
The phone buzzed. Another match. With some regret, she clicked. It was Ian’s profile again. This time, it said, “You both enjoy wine.”
He’d apparently expanded his palette. Because except for when he’d made her dinner the other night, she’d only ever seen him with beer. His face filled the screen again. Then again. And again.
Wait. This couldn’t be right. She clicked through each of them, one after the other, reading on. There had to be a couple dozen, and every minute, a few more pushed through.
You both like dogs.
You share a similar sense of humor.
You both are ambitious.
You have the same values.
You’re a smart, strong woman.
That was pretty specific, and it didn’t seem to match the tone of the other messages she’d received in the past. She clicked through. With each one, it became more apparent. This wasn’t a fluke. The phone buzzed once more.
You both believe in forgiveness and second chances.
Her heart fluttered. He wanted a second chance—just like she did. She no longer cared about the reunion. She’d catch everyone at the next one in another ten years. Some things were more important.
Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she clicked “Send him a message.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Ian let out a breath when a new message notification appeared on the app. With a little help from a few co-workers, he’d rigged the XO On Demand system to make sure he matched with one person, and only one person, over and over again.
That meant the message could only be from one person. Come what may, she’d responded.
It was probably an unorthodox way to reach out to the woman he loved. It also possibly violated at least a dozen parts of the user agreement.
But Sidney had told him he needed to make a grand gesture, and this had been the only idea she’d given her blessing. It was why he was sitting in a suit—in his car—in the parking lot of the high school. He hoped he’d have a chance to make that grand romantic gesture.
He also hoped a concerned citizen wouldn’t mistakenly report him as a creep stalking a high school.
Hand shaking, Ian opened the message.
Hey. There seems to be a glitch with your app.
His heart sank. Haleigh hadn’t understood what he was trying to do. It had been too abstract. He never should have listened to Sidney and just sent her a text message or crashed the reunion.
Another message game through.
It says we both like wine, but I know for a fact you’re a beer guy.
He let out a breath that was part laugh, part sigh of relief. She was cracking jokes. That had to be a good sign. At the very least, it meant she wasn’t holding a grudge. It was all the encouragement he needed.
Thanks for reporting the glitch. I’ll get my best guy on it.
While you’re having him check on that, you might let him know about another common interest.
What’s that?
We both suck at opening up and talking. And neither of us is a mind reader. Either we have to open up and talk or develop superpowers.
It was the heart of what had gone wrong that night. He understood that now. And, it seemed, she did too. He hesitated a second before typing:
This sounds like a more serious issue than we originally thought. Would you be available for an in-person consultation?
He held his breath again while she responded.
I’m just leaving the reunion. When and where?
She was leaving? He unlocked his car and sprang out of his seat. If he wasn’t fast, he might miss her. He started to type a message but came to a stop when a doo
r swung open and Haleigh stepped through. She was still staring at her phone when he called out her name. Her eyes widened, and she glanced up.
They stared at each other for a moment, too far away to read each other’s face or speak. Still, after feeling thousands of miles apart just hours ago, it was enough to have his heart pounding in his ears.
He raced up the sidewalk, not entirely sure what he was going to say now that they were together. There was too much he wanted to say, so much he wanted her to understand. He slowed down to walk the last few steps to give himself a moment, but he soon didn’t have to think. Haleigh launched herself into his arms, and their mouths came together as they pulled each other close.
As she melted against him, Ian released the frustration that had been gnawing at him the past few days. It was soon overrun by longing and need. For the first time that day, he felt like everything might be okay.
Between kisses he begged her forgiveness for not being more sensitive. For not running after her. She apologized for pushing him away and leaving. Neither of them made much sense, but they understood each other perfectly.
When at last they stopped, he took a small step backward but ran his hands up and down her arms.
“I hope you don’t mind my taking a few liberties with your XO account.”
“Hmm . . . I suppose it’s a good thing I come from a family of teachers and not lawyers.”
“I suppose so.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “Did I get that last one right?”
“The one about second chances?”
He nodded.
“You did on my end. How about yours?”
“I’ll take one if you’ll give it to me.”
“You were right.” She shook her head. “I was being ridiculous the other night.”
“You were upset—justifiably—and I didn’t handle it well.”
“I pushed you away. Almost from the start.” She gave a wry smile. “I wasn’t counting on you. Not that first day at the bar. Not any day since. Then I realized how much you mattered to me. And somehow, I mattered to you, too. It seemed to be going well, but I guess I kept waiting for something to go wrong. Then it did.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Well, it wasn’t just your fault. Neither of us acted particularly well the other night. We were both under a lot stress. Dealing with emotions.”
“I guess I didn’t know how to deal with it all.”
“Correction: we didn’t know how to deal with it all.” He linked his fingers with hers. “Maybe it was a learning opportunity for us, Teach.”
“A lesson. Interesting.” She squeezed his hand. “You’re saying next time we won’t jump at each other’s throats?”
“I’m not saying we won’t fight again. I’m not saying it won’t be easy. There may be times you want to rip my hair out—”
“And there might be times when you want to shake some sense into me.”
“But we’ll know to take five and not let it ruin a good thing. See.” His lips curved up when she shook her head at him. “We learned a valuable lesson.”
“You’re such a nerd.”
“Takes one to know one.” Because he couldn’t seem to help himself, he leaned forward to brush his lips against hers but pulled back before they could linger. They still had plenty to talk about. “Remember, that’s just one of hundreds of reasons why we’re good together. We both understand, appreciate, and live nerd culture.”
“You have my back.” She stared down at their linked hands. “That was another thing I hadn’t counted on. I’ve never had that before.”
He lifted a shoulder, like the praise embarrassed him.
Her eyes creased around the edges. “How could I not love you?”
His jaw went slack, but only for a moment. He quickly recovered and tightened his grip on her hands. “You love me?”
“I do.” She released his hands to cup his cheeks and said it again. “I love you.”
“Well.” The magnitude of those three words flowed over him, enveloping him in their warmth before settling in his chest. “It looks like I’ll have to file another error report.”
She frowned. “What for?”
“It seems the app missed another common interest.” He tipped up her chin. “Something pretty major actually.”
Understanding dawned on her face, lighting her eyes. “Is that right?”
“Definitely.” He lowered his face until they were a breath apart. “Because I love you too.”
Their lips met again, sealing the words with a silent promise. He loved her, and she loved him. They might still have to do better with using their words the way they did numbers.
But like much of what they’d been through, they would figure it out together.
“It might take me a while to figure out how to do this,” he said once they broke apart.
“How to kiss?” she teased. “Because I think you’re doing just fine on that count.”
“Shared sense of humor. The app got that right.” He planted a kiss on her nose. “No, open up. Work less. My dad was a workaholic too. I always said I’d never be like him, but in the end, he’s who I became. I’ll tell you more about him,” he promised. “About our relationship and why . . . I don’t want to talk about him.”
“When you’re ready. And I’ll listen.”
“But . . .” He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m not going to follow in his footsteps anymore.”
He squeezed her tighter, feeling her heart pound against his. As each second passed, he felt more whole. How could he have ever let her walk away for a minute let alone two days?
“Having a strong work ethic isn’t a bad thing,” Haleigh said after moment. “It’s another one of those common interests.”
“At least you know how to have some work-life balance.”
“Oh, I don’t know—”
“You do,” he assured her. “Before we met, you were a badass teacher who molds the minds of future generations by day. But you also made time to do things you cared about—like having Doctor Who marathons, working out regularly, and having a dog.”
“I needed all those things to manage my anxiety.”
“But you were happy.”
“I was content,” she corrected. “That’s not exactly the same thing.”
“Before you, I worked long days and spent my few free nights at a bar. I wasn’t unhappy, but I’m not sure I could’ve passed for content. I just . . . existed.” He tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “But ever since that first night at the bar, you’ve added life to my life.”
“That’s maybe the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Probably the cheesiest, too.”
“Maybe, but I liked it.” She wrapped her arms around him and gazed up. “So, you want a little help figuring out work-life balance?”
“I do.”
“I’m not an expert by any means, but don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”
He let out a short laugh. “Hey, that’s my line.”
“It’s ours now.”
He liked the sound of that.
“Want to grab a drink?”
“Sure.” He pulled back and took her hand. He started to move toward the school, but she pulled him in the other direction. “Don’t you want to head back into the reunion?”
“Nah. I already made an appearance. I’ll introduce you to everyone at the twenty-year reunion.”
He liked the sound of that even better. “It’s a date. So . . . where should we go?”
“I might know a place . . .”
Epilogue
Two Months Later
Haleigh hadn’t expected the surprise party. Yet when Ian had led her through the doors of Amarillo Sour, all their friends from the bar, her FAC friends from school, and even her parents—and his—were there. A sign with carefully printed letters spelling, “CONGRATULATIONS, HALEIGH” hung between a nail on the wall
and one of the antlers on the center chandelier.
If she was being completely honest, she’d kind of expected to be named “Teacher of the Year” at the school earlier that day. Not because she thought she worked harder or was better than anyone else, but because Nina—the faculty adviser to the students who’d counted the ballots—hadn’t been able to resist spilling the news. Though Nina had taken strides to do a little more thinking before speaking and a lot less gossiping, she still occasionally slipped.
She’d been excited—over the moon—and Haleigh hadn’t given her too hard of a time for spoiling the surprise.
Besides, she would’ve been able to figure it out for herself when she’d walked into the gym and spotted her parents and Ian sitting in the audience.
She hadn’t been surprised either when Ian had taken her out to dinner after to celebrate. Or when he’d suggested they stop for a nightcap at the bar. She had to give the guy credit for keeping the party a secret through three courses and two car rides.
Recovered from the initial shock, Haleigh floated around the bar to greet everyone and accept their hugs and pats on the backs. A few months ago, she would’ve been embarrassed by the attention being thrown her way rather than accepting it with only a hint of flushed cheeks.
Then again, a few months ago, she wouldn’t have guessed that she’d find such happiness and love in another person. She would’ve never believed that same person helped her be the best version of herself or that she’d do the same for him in return.
It would’ve scared her to believe another person would matter that much. Sometimes, it still did. When those ebbs of fear—those jabs of panic—would kindle within her, she shook them off. Rather than worry about what could or would happen if it all went away, she decided to feel lucky to have it at all.
If only her college therapist could see her now.
After she finished her tour of the room—and after her mother, Nina, Sidney, and Ford had taken turns squeezing her breathless—she found Ian at a high-top nursing his customary draft beer while Dexter spoke to him in fast, hushed words. Catching her stare, he winked, then muttered a few low words of his own to the other man, effectively ending whatever covert conversation they’d been having.
Counting on You (Amarillo Sour, #1) Page 21