I suppose that I had seen my companions as just four soldiers on a commando raid, but I now saw that they had some standing in their community. The shouting stopped and a few people hung their heads guiltily. They shot up glances at me, looking at me for the first time as a human being and not just as a Sudder. They still didn't like what they saw - could not get past what I was - but what they saw also surprised them. They had probably never seen the Sudder close-up before, or, at least, not outside the heat of battle, I was not what they had expected; I was small, normal, scared.
For myself, I was looking at the massed Norren for the first time and was a little unhappy with what I saw, too. They were a largely built people, which in the men I found interesting in a way I didn't examine too closely. In the women, I found it... intimidating. I had always been slightly built, and the morning exercise regimen of running, climbing and training that I performed had given me a trim, coltish body. I'd always been pretty happy with it as a body, right up until I saw the statuesque women of Norren. They all seemed to be tall, long-legged and large breasted, topped with wild, untamed hair. 'Buxom' was not a word that was used much in the temple precinct, for various reasons, but I had always made a point of learning words I was not supposed to know, and 'buxom' was definitely the word that sprang to mind when describing these women. It was definitely not the word that sprang to mind when describing me. I wouldn't have said my boobs were small - pleasingly firm handfuls was more apt - but next to the Norren wenches, I looked like a different species.
As the men dismounted - Gage lifting me down with muscular ease - some of the Norren rushed up to welcome them back with sloppy kisses, which the men seemed to enjoy more than I was happy with. Three giggling girls bounced up to Adrien, kissing him and running hands over his body. He shot me a guilty look but still returned their affection. A redhead with a cleavage that was impressive even by Norren standards, threw her arms around Jax playfully and he gave her broad backside a hearty smack. They headed off together while I stared, feeling hotly, and inexplicably, irate. Jax might have spoken up for me, but in the main he showed me little but hatred, why should I care who he went off with?
With astonishing speed, preparations began for a feast to celebrate the return of the warriors and the success of their mission. The fact that they had only brought one of the potential victims back did nothing to dampen spirits, they were still confident that they had dealt the Sudder a fatal blow. The guys were swiftly drafted in to set up tables, which meant Gage had to do something with me.
"This is humiliating," I pleaded as he tied me up beside some horses.
"Would you rather go in a cell?"
"No, but..."
"You're our prisoner."
I nodded. "I know that but, seriously; what do you think I'm going to do? If I ran away then where would I go?"
"Back the way we came," said Gage, flatly. "I told Jax we ought to blindfold you or put you in a box but he said it would be cruel. Apparently, that was a deal-breaker."
"I could help set up for the party?" I suggested.
"You just stay where you're put."
"I don't have a lot of choice, do I?" I pointed out, indicating the rope.
As afternoon passed into evening, the party began. Huge joints of meat were roasted above fires, creating a smell better than any food I had ever even imagined. Large flagons of something called 'ale' were passed around and the men - and some of the women - competed to see who could drink them fastest.
Somehow, I felt someone was watching me and I turned to see Jax returning, no longer accompanied by the redhead. For a split second, when I first turned to meet his gaze, I saw in his eyes a heat that was quite unlike that which I normally saw there. It was more like the look which Adrien had gotten in his eyes the night before. The moment did not last long; whatever was there dissolved swiftly into hatred and contempt, and he looked away from me. Once again, though, I continued to stare after him. For a deliciously wicked moment, I recalled Adrien on top of me, inside me, giving me sensations I had never experienced before - but it wasn't Adrien now, it was Jax, channeling his hatred into wild and passionate lovemaking. I shook my head to dispel the image from my mind. What the hell was wrong with me?
Tables were pushed together and a band comprising a fiddle, a drummer and a piper began to play music so far removed from the slow dirge of temple songs that calling both 'music' seemed an insult to the word. And as the music began, so did the dancing.
Virgins bred for sacrifice were, of course, taught to dance. Specifically, we were taught the three festival dances which were performed with the passage of the seasons and which had a series of choreographed steps that had to be followed exactly without any variation. Which could be translated as; if you get the steps wrong you will be punished by the gods, or if they are busy then by the Caretakers. I was lousy at dancing when I was little. I seemed completely incapable of learning the steps, my feet always insisting on doing other things. In those early lessons, I spent more time bent over being punished than I did on my feet dancing. Eventually, the steps were very literally beaten into me and I could have danced them in my sleep. But not to this music. This music resisted such regulated dancing. It invited non-conformity, it insisted on something wild, free and unfettered. And the music got the dancing it deserved. I watched with wide eyes as the couples, trios and groups took to the floor to jog up and down, round and round, in and out of each other, twisting in wild patterns, changing partners, bounding this way and that, all with a joyful, almost feverish look in their eyes. The only thing I felt I could compare it to was what Adrien and I had done the other night. The two things felt related somehow.
Elsewhere on the dance floor, Killian danced in eccentric fashion with a slim yet busty brunette, spinning her round in his arms before switching partners with another dancer. Gage danced closely with a pair of girls, still not smiling, and yet clearly enjoying himself.
"Here."
I looked up to see Adrien offering me a flagon of ale and a plate of meat.
"Thanks," I said, and found myself calmed by looking up into his blue eyes.
But the moment didn't last, as, seconds later, Adrien was dragged onto the dance floor by one of the girls who had been kissing him earlier. I could see the other two waiting on the sidelines, anxiously anticipating their turn. He shot me a look that seemed to say 'what's a man to do?'.
I drank a long swallow of the ale and then almost choked it back up. It was going to be a long night.
Chapter 10
"You're the Sudder, aren't you?"
I tore my eyes away from the increasing frenzy of the dance and looked up at a big, blonde, blowsy woman who I had seen dispensing drinks from a makeshift bar set up outside the tavern.
"Yeah," I admitted, tentatively. It occurred to me that while Jax had stood up for me earlier, there were people here who had deep and abiding reasons to despise my people and the guys were too busy dancing right now to help me if someone decided to take revenge. With the rope still fastened about me, I wasn't going anywhere.
"Don't worry," the woman smiled, "I'm not like that. My brother-in-law is a Sudder."
"You're kidding? How does that work?"
She shrugged. “I grew up near the borderlands. People are a bit more flexible there. You have to be with the territory changing hands every other day. He was a soldier, she was available; it was bound to happen. They fell in love and that was that. People weren't happy about it - our dad was about ready to kill someone and wasn't that worried who - but the truth is that, once you got him away from his army, he was a decent man." She sat down on a box beside me. "People as individuals tend to be alright. It's when you give them a race or a religion or a cause that sets one group against another that they forget the other side are people, too."
All of which seemed to make a lot of sense to me.
"I'm Viola," said the woman, sticking out a hand which I took and shook.
"Aleah."
"Pleasure."
"Depends what you mean by often."
"Everyone seems very..." I struggled for the word. "Happy?"
"You mean all over each other like rabbits?" suggested the woman.
I had no idea what rabbits were like, but from the context that did seem to be what I was driving at.
Viola laughed. "When you live at a time of war then you take your pleasure where and when you can, and you don't get too uptight about it. People fall in love in the normal course of things - that's people - and sometimes they stay true to each other because that's what they want. But not everybody does. Why deny yourself what you want just because of some rule that someone thought up way back when times were different? We're pretty free with our affections around here, no one worries too much about it and I think we're all happier for the result. If you held off being with someone today because he was with your friend yesterday, and tomorrow he gets killed, then you'll regret it. We don't believe in regrets."
It was a philosophy that would have shocked the Priests of Sudder to their core. Our religion was based on love between a husband and a wife - if then - and you weren't supposed to enjoy it. Perhaps this was some source of the enmity between our nations, and were that the case then I knew whose side I would be on.
"So," Viola gave me a leering smile, "which on 'em have you got your eye on?"
I immediately blushed scarlet and Viola cackled with laughter when I said, "Well... they're all very handsome."
"Gorgeous is more the word I would use. All of them, eh? Well, if you want all of them, my dear, then you've come to the right place. But you're not going to get them sitting here."
I held up my rope in answer.
Viola shrugged. "I see. Well, of course, some people like that. I prefer to have my hands free. Tried it a few times but; not for me. Anyway, I think we can trust you now." She set to work untying the knot - something I suppose I could have done myself but hadn't had the courage. "Of course, if you run then I'll be as ready to kill you as anyone here," she added conversationally.
"I know. Sudders can't be trusted."
Viola nodded. The rope dropped from me and she took my hand, leading me towards the floor.
"But I don't even know if they like me," I protested. "In fact, I think some of them might hate me."
"One way to find out."
On the dance floor, my feet automatically tried to execute one of the festival dances which really didn't work to this rhythm and I tripped over myself, much to Viola's amusement. Next, I tried to copy everyone else but no one seemed to be doing the same thing - it was a free for all.
"Just let the music do the work for you," said Viola. "There's no right or wrong."
I closed my eyes and let the music take me. As the years of dance training fell away, I suddenly realized why I had been so bad a dancer when I was young - because my feet wanted to follow the rhythm, not the steps. I had no idea if I was any good, but I didn't care, I hopped, skipped, jumped, sashayed and swayed with the music, laughing like a child.
As the song ended and I opened my eyes, I half expected everyone to be staring at me and laughing. They weren't. But there were four pairs of eyes trained on me, and the guys weren't laughing. Jax suddenly looked the other way and pushed his way off the dance floor, as if he hated himself for taking a moment's break from hating me.
"That was very good," said Viola. "Come on, let's take a break."
"Jax hates me," I said as we sat down again.
"And that's important to you?"
I turned pink as I nodded, and wondered why it did.
"He doesn't hate you. He hates Sudders."
"Same thing."
"Weren't you listening to what I said earlier?"
I shrugged. "It's the same thing to Jax, which is what matters."
Viola shook her head. "At the moment, I think he hates himself more than you because he doesn't hate you." She sighed and stared at the ground for a minute. "Jax's older brother was killed by the Sudder. Not so uncommon for men around here but, Jax's brother wasn't a soldier, he was a farmer. He took some flak for that but he didn't want to be a killer. Never hurt a soul in his life. Back then, Jax wasn't so different. The irony is that when those Sudder soldiers killed a farmer they created a ruthless soldier in Jax. They'd have been better off leaving the poor man be."
I wondered if, up to that point, I had really appreciated what my people had cost these men and women, and the effort it must have taken them not to string me up as soon as I arrived. Every family could probably tell a similar story to Jax's. I had thought that I was as much a victim as they were, but it didn't come close. To be bred for death was one thing, but to lose a loved one? That was a cut that ran bone deep.
"What was it like growing up in a temple?" asked Viola, consciously changing the subject.
I shrugged. "I thought it was pretty awful, but after what you just told me." I looked around the throng of celebrating Norren. "There was no freedom. There was nothing like this. I'm twenty years old and I think I've only lived these last few days."
Viola nodded. "We've all got problems. Who's worse off? Who cares."
I gave a little half smile. "I had a good friend there. Sadie. Without her, I think it would have been unbearable."
Viola's face set grimmer than I had seen it. "I'm sorry to hear that. All this celebrating," she cast an arm about the scene, "it's all very well but we all know the lads' mission wasn't the success we wanted. They'll find another virgin. They're not about to anger the volcano. I'm afraid your friend will die on schedule."
A shiver ran across my skin and I felt the unfamiliar food and drink curdle in my stomach.
"I've got to..."
I ran off into the bushes and threw up. What had I abandoned Sadie to? Would I never see her again? Would she think that I had run off and left her? What would she think of me as she stood on the edge of that volcano, waiting to die?
Chapter 11
Hidden in the bushes, I spewed my guts out, but that wasn't the worst pain. My heart ached as I thought of Sadie and horrendous guilt burned through me.
I had been so consumed by what was happening to me that I had more or less forgotten her, happy to assume that she would just continue with the life she had always led. Here was I, learning about real food and drink, seeing the world, dancing with strangers, discovering the pleasures of men and sex, and she was facing death. Even if Viola was wrong and the sacrifice would not go ahead as planned, then what would happen to the Chosen? What did you do with someone bred for sacrifice if the sacrifice was off? I had a hunch that it wasn't anything good. Either way, Sadie was facing an uncertain future while I was indulging myself.
Suddenly, I had managed to make this all about me again and I started to feel guilty about feeling guilty, when I should have been feeling sorry for Sadie. I leaned against a tree as my stomach settled and felt tears starting to flow down my face.
"Got you!" I nearly jumped out of my skin as Gage crashed through the undergrowth and wrapped his strong arms around me. "Thought you could run away, did you?"
"No!" I was too upset to be scared. "Let me go, you big oaf. And stop squeezing my stomach or I'll throw up again."
Gage noticed the pool of my vomit at the base of the tree. "You weren't running away?"
"No. I was..." As the shock subsided, the sadness returned and I had to fight back fresh tears.
"Are you crying?" asked Gage in that tone of confused horror that men use when women start crying.
I fixed him with a hot stare. "Did you know the sacrifice was going to go ahead without me?"
"You're afraid of missing it?"
I smacked his arms as viciously as I could, which seemed to have no effect at all. "Don't mock me. I have friends there - a friend - who's going to die. Did you know?"
Gage met my gaze and I saw his stern exterior soften slightly. "We suspected. Jax told you, we didn
't come for one girl. We wanted to take as many as we could. Truth be told, it was always a long shot. We were lucky to get out alive with you."
"Wouldn't it have been easier to kill us all? Set fire to the dormitories or something?" Angry though I was, I had to ask.
Gage drew himself up, a stern expression on his strong face. "We don't do that." There was an inflection in his voice which implied that Sudders did.
"Why didn't you tell me that my friends were still going to die?"
"We didn't want to give you another reason to run off. If you run back there with stupid ideas about saving your friend then you'll get captured and they've got their sacrifice back. Our best hope is that they go ahead with their sacrifice and that the volcano doesn't like the last-minute virgin substitute."
"That's your best hope?!" I practically screamed. "Your best hope is to let twenty-five innocent girls die? I might not like all of them but they don't deserve that. You talk about how terrible the Sudder are and then you say that?"
"It's the Sudder who are killing them," growled Gage.
"And you're letting it happen. Hoping it happens. Do you suppose that makes you any better?"
"Frankly, yes."
He may have been right, but I didn't care at that point. We were talking about Sadie's death as if it was an academic problem.
"We have to go back."
Gage shook his head. "See? That's exactly what we didn't want to happen. We knew you'd think that way and we don't want to have to lock you up to stop you doing something dumb. But we will."
"You did it once," I pointed out. "You can do it again."
"We barely got out with our lives."
"So, you're scared?" I sneered.
Anger flared in Gage's dark eyes and I saw the muscles of his massive arms tighten. He could have torn me limb from limb with barely an effort, and some of the people back at the party would have given him a medal for doing it. But he controlled his rage, his voice coming out low and gravelly. "You're damn right I'm scared. I'm scared of letting down my people. I'm scared that we turn a victory into a defeat. I'm scared that you hand the Sudders another ten years of victories by delivering yourself back into their hands. That's what I'm scared of."
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