by Ana Medeiros
“I don’t care if her pussy is a place where magic happens and dreams come true. Why are you wasting your time with her?”
“Wasting my time?” Julian repeated.
“Stop fucking vapid little things in your glass tower. Meet a chick in her early thirties. Get married. Have kids. You need a family, man. It’ll do you good.”
“Pete, you’re a successful plastic surgeon. You’ve got a beautiful house in Lincoln Park, an amazing wife, two sons. It’s great. I’m truly happy for you. Can’t you do the same for me? Be happy for the life I have?”
“Hey, I’m happy. Like I said, permanent spank bank. But it’s fucking depressing.”
“Well, it works for me.”
“This Meredith girl is going to catch feelings, if she hasn’t already—”
“You’re being presumptuous,” Julian didn't let him finish. “Meredith’s young and, yeah, she can be stubborn and entitled, but she’s someone who doesn’t wait to be chosen. She chooses. That’s rare.”
“You’re giving her too much credit,” Peter said, turning to arrange the scattered papers on his desk.
Julian was still holding the toy in his hand. “I respect her enough to believe her goal in life is not to have me fall in love with her. There’re women who happen to enjoy a man’s company and sex just for the simple fact that they take pleasure from it.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Peter replied sourly. “Women go crazy for you, the brooding type.”
“I’m not brooding. I’m congenial.”
“What are you talking about, man?” Peter stopped organizing his desk and gave Julian a bemused look. “You’re a standoffish motherfucker.”
Julian set the toy giraffe on the arm of the couch. “How’re you and Grace doing?” he asked, changing the topic of the conversation.
“As you said, I make fucking good money, I own a beautiful house in Lincoln Park, I’ve an amazing wife and two sons. I’m living the dream.” There was a sneer in Peter’s words.
“I asked how you and Grace are doing. Not how you’re doing.”
“Good. We’re good.”
Julian knew Peter well enough to catch him on a lie. Before he could say anything, Grace walked into the office with one of the twins in her arms.
“We’re ready to cut the cake.” Not bothering to ask if he wanted to hold him, she passed the boy to Julian. “And there’s someone downstairs I want you to meet.”
“Please don’t tell me it’s another one of your single friends,” Julian said, feeling the boy’s soft temple against his cheek. For a brief second he closed his eyes, inhaling the boy’s scent. Julian fought the urge to kiss the top of the child’s head. He hadn’t seen Seth or his twin brother in more than two months and, right now, he was in awe of how perfect he looked and felt. It made Julian’s chest hurt.
He caught Grace watching them.
“This one is great,” she replied with forced enthusiasm. “You’ll really like her. She loves to travel and she’s an art director—”
“And she’s not twenty years younger than you,” Peter jumped in.
“Yes!” Grace nodded in agreement.
“Guys, guys! Last time I went on a date with one your friends she was wearing so much glitter on her face I was sparkling for weeks!” Julian stared at both Grace and Peter. “I’m not interested.”
“You know what they say, glitter is the herpes of the make-up world. Once you get it on you, you can’t ever get rid of it,” Peter said, chuckling.
“Pete!” Grace shouted. “You’re not helping.”
Standing up, Peter stumped toward the door. “I’m out of here. I’ll be downstairs with the damn rainbow cake.”
Grace shook her head and joined Julian on the couch. He thought she looked tired, if not downright unhappy.
“Seth likes you,” she said, watching him hold the boy. “Can’t remember the last time I have seen him stay in someone’s arms for this long.”
Julian touched the boy’s dark curls.
“Do you want me to get Eli so you can hold him too?” She caressed the neck of the giraffe Julian had placed on the couch. “I can leave the three of you here alone. We don’t need to cut the cake just yet.”
He took a deep breath, facing her. “Grace…I can’t. They’re Pete’s kids. And they’re so lucky,” he paused, seeing his words were upsetting her, “they really are. Please don’t ask of me something I can’t give.”
“Julian, I’m not asking you to give them anything.” She rubbed her forehead with her hand, a sign of frustration. “I just want you to allow Seth and Eli to give you what you need.”
“What would that be?”
“Love.”
Grace’s words made Julian think about the decision he had made earlier, while sitting in his car. If he were to allow anyone closer to him, Meredith would probably be the only one who could handle the reality of the man he truly was. He wouldn’t share with her the whole truth, that was something he couldn't ever do, but maybe sharing a part of it would be enough.
“I don’t want the boys to care for me. It’s better if they don’t. Believe me,” he replied.
“What happened to you?” Grace’s voice was heavy with compassion and that infuriated Julian. Pity was an emotion he despised.
“It’s not about what happened to me.” Not wanting to show the depths of his feelings, he focused on sounding aloof. “It’s about what I do to others. That’s what matters.”
“What do you mean?”
“Grace, please,” he said, lowering his voice. “This was not part of our agreement.”
Silent, she looked away. The twins resembled Grace, with their flawless dark skin and striking Eastern African features. The major differences were their green eyes and the freckles dusting their cheeks. Throughout his career he had met a lot of children, all different ages, and even though he enjoyed working with them, he rarely came across one he truly connected with. But now, being there with Seth, he wondered if he would feel different toward the twins. He didn’t want to give himself the opportunity to find out.
He lifted Seth off his lap and passed him to Grace. She took the boy, not looking at Julian.
“I’m sorry, Grace,” he said, barely above a whisper. “I really am.”
“Don’t apologize to me, Julian. Seth and Eli, no matter what, are a part of you.”
Julian didn’t reply. He left the room. But before he did, he put the little toy giraffe in his pocket. He couldn’t leave it behind. He wanted to keep it forever.
Chapter 3
Meredith was running late to meet with her stepmother Pam at The Wormhole Coffee, which was not far from her apartment in Bucktown. She adjusted the wool scarf around her neck, glanced at the sky, and hoped it wouldn’t start to snow. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt the warmth of the sun on her skin. Her mood always took a turn for the worse when she had to move around the city, dressed in heavy snow boots and a long jacket. It made her feel extremely unsexy.
She saw Pam sitting at one of the small tables behind her large laptop. Her father had married Pam four years ago. A federal judge and a homicide detective, they were, at first glance, an odd pairing but somehow made it work. When her father had introduced them, at her sixteenth birthday party, Meredith had been at the height of her rebellious stage and the last thing she had wanted was a stranger calling her out on her recklessness. Getting high in her friend’s basement and getting into clubs with a fake ID was her idea of a good time. Pam couldn’t have disagreed more.
Before she approached her stepmother, Meredith bought herself a large latte. The hipster behind the counter went all out with the latte art, forming a perfectly shaped heart with the milk foam. That granted him a wink and one of her charming smiles.
Meredith ran on coffee and cigarettes. She promised to herself she would quit smoking before she hit the age of twenty-five. After that, the plan was to spend the next five years eating a vegan diet and to lather her skin in overpriced s
erums made of twigs and seaweed.
“Sorry it took me so long to get here.” She gave Pam a quick hug. “The roads are a mess.”
Pam frowned, “Ugh, what’s new?”
Meredith sat opposite Pam and started removing the layers of her winter clothes. “There’s something I need to tell you.” She ran her hand through her tangled hair. That was another reason why she hated winter. Farewell to shiny, bouncy locks.
“Oh.” Pam raised an eyebrow. “Who is he?”
Meredith threw her head back and laughed. “Why do you think it has anything to do with a guy?”
“It’s always about a guy. Or a girl. I don’t even know anymore.”
“Okay, fine. Maybe you’re right.” She stared down at the mug cradled between her hands. “It has to do with a guy.”
“Please tell me this one isn’t married.”
“That stage is over. Too much drama. This one is definitely not married.”
“But let me guess,” Pam paused, pretending to think, “no less troubled?”
It bothered her that Pam knew her so well. They stared at each other for a few seconds. Eventually Meredith’s serious face broke into a smile.
“C’mon, you know that’s not possible,” she said, scooping up a dollop of white foam from her coffee and licking it off her finger. “Besides, who am I to judge?”
“Enough with the buildup. Who’s this guy? Where did you meet him?”
“Where else? At a bar.” Before she continued, Meredith cleared her throat. “He has been around for a while, though.”
She considered adding that he was also not the only man in her life but she decided that Pam didn’t need to know that.
“What’s the catch?” Pam asked. Due to her cop’s mentality, she leaned in closer to keep their conversation private.
Meredith locked eyes with Pam. “I need your help.”
“With what?”
“This guy is somewhat of a mystery. I need you to find out his story.”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“’Cause you’re my stepmom.”
“What makes you think he has a story?”
“He won’t tell me much about himself. I have tried asking.”
“I don’t have time to be doing background checks on your boyfriends.”
“He’s not my boyfriend and I don’t need you to run a background check on him. I’m sure he has a clean record.”
“So you want me to dig?”
“You got it.”
“Why? You haven’t given me a good enough reason.”
“He’s taking me to The Raven Room. He’s a member.”
As soon as she had heard the words Raven Room Pam sat-up straighter.
“Have you been?” she asked.
“No. Not yet.”
“Meredith, listen to me. Please. It’s no place for you.”
“So you’ve heard of it,” Meredith said, smiling.
“I have. But I don’t know anyone who has been able to get inside. Who’s this man, Meredith?”
“Exactly. That’s what I want to know.”
“What’s his name, where does he work, where does he live?”
“Will you get me what I want?”
“How do you know he’s a member?” Pam asked.
“I overheard a phone conversation between him and his friend. Afterwards I just asked him about it.” Meredith took a sip of her coffee. “He made me promise I would never mention it to anyone. Refused to even discuss it. But then, with time, he became more open to the idea of taking me.”
“Don’t go.”
“I’m a big girl. Now, will you help me?”
“You’re a reckless, stubborn child. Is he pressuring you to go?”
“No,” Meredith was quick to say, looking almost appalled by Pam’s question. “He’s not that type of man.”
“I thought you didn’t know who he was.”
“No one forces me to do anything I don’t want to do. You know that.”
“So, finding out more about him is worth you betraying his trust?” Pam asked.
“I have my reasons.”
“Such as?”
Meredith didn’t plan to tell Pam but she didn’t see why she shouldn’t be honest with her. “In less than a year I’ll be done with my masters and I refuse to work for free at some shitty magazine. I’m going to have a great career as a journalist, so why not use this amazing opportunity to my advantage?” she said, excitement in her voice. “The Raven Room draws the most powerful people in the city and I’m going to write a piece about it and one of its members.”
Pam looked taken aback. “Does he know?”
“He doesn’t need to know. I’ll keep his identity a secret.”
“Don’t tell anyone what you just told me.”
Meredith had pitched her idea to the head of her program, and she had encouraged Meredith to pursue it. If she wrote a good enough investigative piece, her professor would connect her with a couple of magazines and newspapers that might be interested in publishing it. But after watching Pam’s reaction to her plan, Meredith wouldn’t be telling her that she had already shared it with someone else.
“I won’t. And I’m trusting you not to tell anyone either.”
“If I do this, your dad can’t find out. He would be furious.”
“The last thing I want is for my dad to know. This stays between you and me.”
“I’m not happy about this, Meredith.”
She didn’t want her impatience to show but Pam was making it hard for her. “Are you with me on this or not?”
“Give me his name. I’ll see what I can find.”
Taking a folded piece of paper out of her bag, she passed it to Pam. Her stepmother unfolded the paper and read the information she had written down.
“A child psychologist at Lurie Children’s Hospital and an Associate Professor at the Feinberg School of Medicine?” Pam glanced at her. “This man can’t have people knowing he goes to a place like The Raven Room. Be careful.”
Meredith knew what Pam was getting at. A man such as Julian would understand that maintaining appearances was pivotal to success. But Meredith had spent enough time with Julian to know he didn’t value those things as much as one would expect. Julian was a loner. He kept everyone at arm’s length. He didn’t have a large social circle and he didn’t have many close friends. The only one Meredith had heard of was Peter. She also didn’t know much about the other women in his life. She assumed she wasn’t the only one but, so far, she hadn’t seen or heard anything to confirm her suspicions. She wasn’t bothered by the thought of Julian having other lovers. She enjoyed talking about her own sexual experiences with him because, unlike everyone else, he never made her feel judged.
Meredith looked through the coffee shop window and realized it was getting dark. A small group of people walked in and the cold emanating from their bodies made her shiver. She wished she could leave Chicago every winter. There was nothing she enjoyed about the city during that time of year.
She felt her purse vibrate. She pulled her phone out and raised an eyebrow when she glanced at the screen. Julian had texted her. He wanted her to come over to his place on Saturday night, wearing only a black dress. No underwear. With Julian she never knew what she was going to get. Some women might be taken aback by it but Meredith craved it.
“I have to go,” she said to Pam, drinking the rest of her coffee. “Call me when you find out something and we’ll get together.”
Meredith felt her stepmother’s eyes on her as she put her jacket and scarf back on. There were more things Pam wanted to say but she was holding back. It was there, in her worried expression.
Chapter 4
Meredith’s phone starting to ring and she peeked inside of her clutch to see who it was. She didn’t answer.
“Aren’t you going to take that?” Julian asked.
“It’s my stepmom. She has been calling me all night.”
They were sitting in the ba
ck seat of a cab. “I’m really excited,” she said, glancing at him.
“You might be disappointed.” It was dark inside of the cab but Julian knew she was smiling. He rested his open hand on her knee and the feeling of her smooth skin against his palm stirred memories of her naked body against his.
They had met at his place earlier and, after a few glasses of red wine, he had ended up deep inside of her. Seeing her stand in front of him with her chestnut-colored hair in a loose chignon, perfect red lipstick and in a simple but sophisticated black dress that complimented her body, he had found himself wanting her with an urgency he couldn’t ignore. Aware that because Meredith would be there he wouldn’t be able to engage in his normal activity at The Raven Room, fucking her on his living room floor had dulled Julian’s need. It had been short but intense. Usually Meredith was quick to climax but he hadn’t given her the chance. It had been about him. Not her.
“I won’t be disappointed,” she whispered, tilting her head back.
The cab was moving south along North State Street and the brightness coming from the streetlights reached Julian’s face. Meredith recognized the expression she saw. He was still aroused. Without saying a word, she reached for his hand on her knee and covering his fingers with hers, guided them up her thigh. She had debated if it had been a good idea to wear a dress in the middle of a harsh winter without stockings or underwear, but Julian had requested it and now she was thankful the black dress was all she had on. She shifted on her seat and as his hand disappeared between her slightly open legs, she felt the remains of his orgasm trickle from inside her.
Julian was looking through his side window and Meredith closed her eyes, abandoning herself to the feeling of his warm and strong hand on the most sensitive part of her body. Suppressing every sound, she bit her lower lip. Briefly, she opened her eyes and glanced at the driver through the rear-view mirror. She couldn’t tell if he was aware of what was going on between her and Julian but the idea of a complete stranger knowing that Julian had his fingers in her was exhilarating. She could feel herself getting wetter.