by Ana Medeiros
He looked at her but she was silent, not taking her eyes off the road. They were stopped at a red light and the brightness from the storefronts invaded the inside of the car. He saw her trying to open her passenger door. His car’s safety mechanism automatically locked all four doors after a few seconds of driving. Realizing she wasn’t going to be able to simply walk away, Alana released the door handle.
“You’re coming with me.” His voice was firm, not leaving room for discussion.
“Let me out of the car,” she repeated, sounding calm. Julian knew she was forcing herself not to scream at him.
“No. I told you. You either give me your address or you’re coming with me.”
Alana remained silent. She didn’t turn to face him. Instead, she sat with her back very straight, her hands folded on her lap. Her face was expressionless but she was upset.
Julian continued to drive toward his building and parked the car in the underground garage. He had expected Alana to storm out but she followed him, without saying a word, as he took the elevator to his floor. As soon as he entered his condo, he made his way to his bedroom. Starting to undress, Julian tried to calm down.
“I’m fucking livid,” Alana said, joining him in the bedroom. Her voiced sounded low and strained.
“Good. So am I.”
Julian continued to move around, opening and closing drawers. There was nothing he needed but he didn’t want to look at her. No longer wearing his shirt, he had unbuckled his belt, leaving it loose around his waist.
“How dare you not let me leave your car! And bring me here!”
“I offered to drop you off at your place. You’re here because you chose to be.” With his back to her, his hands resting on the dresser, he let his head hang forward. He took a deep breath.
“I’m out of here,” Alana said.
“No, you’re not.”
“Are you going to stop me?”
“I don’t have to. We both know you want to be here. Otherwise you would have left by now.”
“I don’t want you to touch me.”
Julian turned, locking eyes with her. “I’ll be doing much more than just touching you, Alana.”
They stared each other down. That fight wouldn’t have any winners.
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” he asked, louder than he would have wanted.
His oversized bedroom now felt small. Claustrophobic. Not enough space to contain both of them.
“Punish me, hurt me, humiliate me. All because I’m not giving you what you want.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do. A lot happened tonight at your friend’s place.”
Julian moved toward her. “Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stopped, his naked chest touching her body. Alana didn’t flinch. She raised her eyes to him and when she spoke, her voice proved she wasn’t intimidated.
“Julian, you want me to give you personal information that I don’t want to share with you.” She tilted her head back to better see his face. “You want me to give to you what you lost a long time ago. I’m not able to do that.”
He wasn’t sure what she meant but he wasn’t going to ask her to explain it to him. There were other things he needed to know. “Is Thompson the reason why you’re not telling me more about yourself?”
“Of course not.”
“So your strange behavior has nothing to do with him?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
Julian wanted to believe her but knew that, with Alana, nothing was as it appeared to be.
“Why did you say you were unable to give me what I lost a long time ago?” he asked, making it clear he wasn’t ready to drop the subject. “What did you mean by that?”
“I was talking about her.”
“Who?”
“You know who.”
Julian ran his fingers through his hair and turned away from Alana. He sat on the reading chair by the window.
“She’s gone. You have to let her go. No woman is able to give her back to you.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. No idea.”
“Sometimes you speak Russian in your sleep, when you dream of her. Earlier you spoke Russian to me. I’m not her, Julian.”
He laughed but his face was distorted by hostility. “I loved her. She’ll always have a part of me I can’t give to anyone else. You?” he said with contempt. “You’re just a woman I fuck. You’ve done a good job at keeping me interested, maybe because you’re so full of secrets, but that’s it. I’ll never think you can give her back to me. Or that you’re her,” he continued, reveling in the bitterness his words carried. “Never, Alana.”
She approached him. She did it slowly, with determination and grace, never taking her somber eyes away from his. She rested her hand on his shoulder and brought her face close to his. Her lips were right by his ear and her breath caressed the side of his neck.
“You can do better than this.”
He couldn’t see her face but he heard the tone of amusement in her voice.
Sitting completely still, Julian continued to stare straight ahead. He licked his dry lips. He was afraid of what he might do if he moved any muscle in his body.
“Here’s the deal, Alana,” he whispered, as if there were other people in the room and he wanted only her to hear his words. “You have a choice. You leave now and you leave for good. Or you stay and you do exactly what I tell you to do.”
She stayed put. Julian knew what her choice was. “Go stand in the middle of the room.”
He watched her move away from him and stop where he told her to. She turned around, facing him. “Start undressing. Do it slowly…don’t take your eyes off me.”
There was no hesitation on her part. Alana started by removing her green sweater. She continued by unclasping her bra, throwing it on the floor, beside the discarded sweater.
“Slower,” he said, almost as a warning.
She unbuttoned her jeans, unzipped them. She did it slowly. Very slowly.
Her eyes were on him.
She rotated her waist, in a gentle motion, to make it easier to slide the jeans over her hips. She bent down, removing them along with her socks.
Alana didn’t look away from him.
Julian’s gaze lingered on her black cotton panties with a tiny hot pink bow.
Standing up straight, she ran her fingers over the top edge of her panties. She removed them with unhurried movements. Alana stood, naked, in the middle of the bedroom.
He watched her. She was waiting for him to tell her what to do next.
“Undo your braid. I want your hair loose.”
Throwing the hair tie on the floor, she started to unfasten her hair. For a short second, she lowered her eyes.
“Eyes on me.”
She was quick to follow his order. Running her fingers through her hair, she let it fall over her shoulders. Her hair was long enough to drape over her breasts but Julian could see her erect nipples peeking through it.
“Get on your hands and knees.” His voice didn’t lose its smooth quality, even when he was being authoritative. “Crawl to me,” he continued, when he saw her on the floor. “That’s it…keep your eyes on me.”
Alana came to him, unhurriedly, like she had decided to make him wait for her. With her hair falling forward, around her face, her body moved in a fluid curve, swaying side to side. She was doing exactly what Julian wanted of her but she wasn’t allowing him to demean her. She was beautiful. But more than that, there was a strength to her that made her look powerful. Julian smiled with admiration.
Alana was on her hands and knees, between his opened legs, looking up at him.
Aware of the distinctive silence unfolding between them, Julian didn’t move. He stared down at her for several, long minutes. Without warning, he leaned forward and, as he slid two of his fingers inside of her, a small whimper escaped her lips.
“You’re wet.” Julian
had his face in her hair. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? It’s turning you on.” He closed his eyes, focusing on the arousing sensation of moving his fingers in and out of her. “Tell me, Alana, are you my slut? Huh? Are you my little slut?”
Trying to increase the pleasure he was giving her, she spread her knees further apart. He felt her respond to his question by nodding her head.
“I want to hear you say it.”
“Yes….yes,” she whispered, pressing her face against his cheek. “I’m your slut.”
As soon as she spoke, he removed his fingers from inside of her. He sat back on the chair and brought to his face the hand he had caressed her with. Julian inhaled her scent. “You smell so fucking good, Alana. I love it.” He didn’t hurry. He continued to sit back and admire her on her hands and knees at his feet.
“Take my belt off my jeans and give it to me.”
He observed her as she pulled the belt from around his waist. Before she passed him the belt she met his stare. Her dilated pupils engulfed the color of her eyes and he felt himself drowning in their darkness.
“Reach inside of my jeans and grab my cock,” he said, taking charge again. “Suck it.”
As soon as she took him into her mouth, his body relaxed against the chair. His breath escaped through his clenched teeth. “That’s it…the way I like it…deep in your sweet mouth.”
Julian had folded his black leather belt and held it, by both ends. He tenderly caressed her naked back with it.
With his free hand, he took hold of her hair and pulled her head back. “That’s enough. Crawl to the bed.” He was trying to steady his breathing. “Get on the bed and stay on your hands and knees, right on the edge of it. I want you facing the headboard.”
As soon as Alana was on the bed, Julian left the chair and approached her. Standing behind her, she couldn’t see him and he used that to his advantage. He wanted to keep her guessing. Julian ran his hands over her lower body, enjoying the smoothness of her skin. With no indication of the anger still surging through his body, his touch was caring. Julian didn’t want to stop touching her but he forced himself to.
He had other plans for Alana.
Taking a step back, he lifted his arm, and the first lash of his belt made her scream. Before she could scurry away from him, he caught her ankle and pulled her back toward him. “I’m going to whip you until my arm gets tired. You can’t move. And no noise. Do you understand?”
She didn’t answer him and he heard her panting. Julian’s whole body hurt with the sight of her—on her hands and knees on his bed, completely naked, with a bright red mark left by the first lash of his belt on her pale skin.
“Until I get tired of it. No moving and no noise. Do you understand?” He repeated.
She remained silent.
“Answer me, Alana. Do you understand?”
Still no response from her.
“Alana?” He sounded ominous.
“Yes. I understand,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Good.”
Unceremoniously he positioned her where he wanted and without any hesitation he resumed whipping her. The loud sound of the belt touching her skin reverberated through the room. Julian wasn’t counting the lashes but after a few minutes of it, he felt the sweat dripping down his back and chest. Alana flinched every time the belt touched her skin but she didn’t move or try to get away from him again. With her face buried into the comforter, he knew she was crying but her screams were almost completely muffled by the thick fabric.
His erection, free from his jeans, stood imposing, craving release. Julian could hear the loud pumping of the blood through his body. He felt the stiff leather digging into the skin of his closed fist; tasted the blood that came from biting too hard into his lower lip. Julian was close to losing himself in it—the rush, the pleasure of causing pain to a woman.
Taking hold of the little self-control he had left, Julian dropped the belt on the floor. Both he and Alana were gasping for air.
He removed his jeans and, getting closer to her, he was careful not to touch where the bruises were already forming. As when his belt met her flesh, he entered her with a force that made her cry out. He reacted by shouting her name. Her arousal made it easier for him to move inside of her and, bringing his arm around her waist, he touched her. She whimpered.
“Do you like my fingers on you?”
“Yes!” she shouted.
“Come for me, Alana. Be my good slut.”
She pressed her body into his, crying and breathing through her mouth.
“Come for me,” he ordered, taking large gulps of air. “I want to feel it.”
She cried out his name and Julian closed his eyes, his face distorted by the sensation paining him. “I’m going to come so deep in you. So fucking deep. You’ll know you belong to me.”
She clenched around him and all Julian could do was to let it happen. He felt himself reaching orgasm, the force of it driving his hips to slam against her. From within his trance, Julian was able to pick up on the animalistic sounds that he and Alana were making. The lascivious smell of their perspiring bodies; the heat of her flushed skin against his palms; the taste of closing his lips on her perspiring back; the scraping of his teeth along her flesh; the sight of the numerous, overlapping crimson welts on her skin.
A complete instinctual experience that satisfied all of his senses.
He pulled out of her and, not trusting his legs to hold him up, he sank to the floor. Facing the bedroom windows from his spot by the bed, he stared at the pool of black that was the Chicago River at that time of night.
Julian lost track of time.
He heard the ruffling of the covers and Alana getting up. He couldn’t see her from where he was and he couldn’t move. He was surprised when he realized she was getting dressed. In the silent bedroom, he was acutely aware of her movements. Fully dressed, she stood in front of him.
Julian lifted his eyes to her and all he could think, at that moment, was how enticing she looked with her untamed hair and flushed complexion.
“Now, Julian, I’m leaving.” She gave him a smile that carried no happiness. “And I’m leaving for good.”
She turned around and walked out.
Chapter 14
Meredith glanced at her watch. She and Julian had decided to meet during his short break. He was leaving the hospital for the day to start a full afternoon of teaching.
She had visited Hazel a few days ago and she had been simultaneously disappointed and surprised when she saw herself faced with the reality of the old woman’s mental state. For Hazel, her son Julian was still a boy and not the complete stranger who visited her almost every day. Meredith had hoped Hazel would be able to tell her more about Julian’s childhood and teenage years, but besides repeating over and over again “rather her than him,” all she was able to gather through their conversation was how much Hazel loved her adopted son.
Meredith had walked out from the small house in Bridgeport with more questions than when she had when she walked in. She had contemplated not telling Julian about her visit to Hazel but her caregiver would more than likely tell him, so Meredith had decided it would be best if she told him herself.
“Sorry I’m late,” Julian said, sitting across from her. He was close to panting.
When he passed her a coffee, she smirked. This was the first time they were seeing each other after the night at The Raven Room. “Trying to bribe me to be your friend again?”
“If I was I wouldn’t have bought you coffee. I know you’re easy but not that easy.”
Meredith scowled at him but quickly burst out in a loud laugh. “You compliment me too much.” She noticed that he didn’t laugh with her. He merely smiled, and it was not one of his usual light-up-the-room smiles. Something was wrong.
They were sitting in the food court inside the hospital and because it was lunchtime all the tables around them were full. Besides Julian, who had his black coat on and his usual attire of sl
acks and dress shirt, most people were wearing scrubs. Meredith noticed she was the only female who had makeup on and was not wearing her hair in a bun or in a ponytail.
“I went to visit Hazel,” she said, sitting up straighter. She braced herself for an argument.
“Hazel?” he asked, confused. “My Hazel?”
“Yes. I brought her flowers.”
Meredith waited for him to speak. When he didn’t, she swallowed a large gulp of her coffee. “Are you upset?”
He leaned back, staring at her. “Why?”
“Why did I go?”
He nodded. “And why didn’t you tell me?”
Julian wasn’t angry. He sounded sad.
“After that one time I was there with you I kept thinking about her all alone in that house and that I had told her I would visit her soon but I never did,” Meredith started to say. “And then you and I weren’t really talking and I kind of felt bad about how I handled things that night. I did it to make myself feel better, I guess.” As the lies poured out of her mouth Meredith wanted to cover her face in shame. Julian was a good time, best sex she ever had, an in to The Raven Room, the club member she was writing about—he had always been a means to an end. But now, sitting across from him, that was not all he was to her. She started to feel guilty. “I’m sorry,” she said, unable to face him. She was apologizing for way more than just visiting Hazel but he didn’t know that. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have.”
“Just give me the heads-up next time, okay?” he asked, still not angry. “She’s not well and she gets distraught over the smallest things. Was she happy to see you?”
“She was super chatty.” Meredith smiled, playing with the paper sleeve of her coffee cup. “She loves you beyond belief. And she can’t wait for the new fish. A blue one, preferably.”
Julian chuckled. “It’s amazing, the things she does and doesn’t remember.”
She raised her eyes to him. “Does this mean we’re cool?”
“We’ll always be cool, Meredith.”
The thought that he wouldn’t feel the same way if he found out how she was using him made Meredith feel wretched.