by Leddy Harper
I understood that. It was completely unfair of me to ask him for permanent plans and decisions when I couldn’t do the same. “Can we decide on a time limit at least? Like…after Bree’s wedding, at the end of the month, we will revisit this conversation and see where things are then?”
His genuine smile warmed me and it set my nerves at ease, calming the tingling sensation that crawled beneath my skin at the uncertainty of everything. I leaned over and covered his lips with mine, feeling his kiss throughout my entire body. Once he pulled away, I couldn’t help but think about how much better my life had already become with him in it, and how much better and brighter it could be if he stuck around for the long haul.
I only needed to find the answers of what we were to each other, or what we were doing together. I knew I’d never be able to give in completely to the way my heart felt around him—or the blinding euphoria that eased me in his presence—without some sort of direction as to where we were headed. But it’d only been four weeks since we’d met, and two weeks since I’d opened up and allowed him to help heal my broken heart. We needed time. But how much of it did we have?
Bentley jumped in the shower, and I decided to use that time to call Clarissa. He always locked me out of the bathroom when he used it, saying he wouldn’t be able to trust himself if I walked in on him while he was naked. It made me laugh and intrigued me all at once. His determination to not have sex with me no longer bothered me. But that could’ve had something to do with the two times he’d given in and pleasured me. Just like he’d promised, when things had become too hard for me to deal with, he’d offered me a chance to take my mind off the reality and indulged my need for sexual gratification. I clenched my thighs together as the memories of his random touches covered me. I grabbed my phone, needing the distraction before I barged in on him in the bathroom.
“Hey, Clari. I need to talk to you before we get to Dad’s. Are you around Joel?”
“No, he’s outside mowing the yard. What’s up?” My sister’s voice was so light and refreshing, but I knew it wouldn’t be once she heard what I had to say.
“It’s about Luke.” I paused, waiting for a reaction, but I never got one, so with bated breath, I continued. “You told me that right before your wedding, he’d called you and begged for you back. Was that true?”
Her heavy sigh ran through me and left me questioning my motive for making this call. “Pretty much.”
“So you called him? Not the other way around?”
“I don’t really wanna talk about this, Sarah.”
I figured she’d be obstinate and not want to talk, which was why I didn’t want to do this over the phone. But with the barbecue in only a few hours, I knew it was either this or nothing at all. And I needed answers—for whatever reason, I didn’t know. But I needed them.
“Why are you even bringing this up?”
I sat on the couch and eyed the bedroom door, making sure I could still hear the water running in the bathroom. I’d opened up so much since Bentley had come to stay with me, and he’d taught me to deal with my feelings instead of running from them. But for whatever reason, I became uncomfortable and nervous at the thought of him overhearing this conversation. I’d learned to open up and truly allowed myself to be happy, laughing and smiling the way I used to. Tears were rare and I no longer needed the solitude to get through the hard times. I had Bentley. But I still had a family, one I hadn’t fully reconnected with. It was like I’d spent the last two weeks in a bubble, only allowing Bentley in. And now, in the matter of a few hours, my safety—Bentley—would come face to face with the automatic triggers of my pain—my family. And before I allowed that to happen, I needed to get a few things straight. One of which was informing my sister of Bentley’s relation to her ex. The other was to figure out how much truth the myth of fate held.
My spine stiffened as I sat on the couch, taking in deep breaths to get me through this uncomfortable conversation with Clari. “I just need to know the truth. I’m not judging you, I swear. You’ll hear no lecture from me, and whatever you say won’t cause me to see you any differently. But can you please just answer the question? Did he call you, or was it the other way around?”
“Yes. All right? I called him. I don’t know why I did it if that’s your next question. I was freaked out about the wedding—cold feet or whatever it was—and I called him. I, for some reason, needed to know why he never wanted to marry me after two years together, yet Joel was down on one knee after a few months. Call it insecurity if you will, but I wanted to hear from him what was so wrong with me that he never even came close to wanting the next step in our relationship.” Frustration and sadness filled her quiet and trembling tone, both warring with each other in every spoken word. But regret and humiliation filled in the rest, the unspoken, the deep breaths and broken sighs that filtered through the line.
I knew by her reaction that I should’ve just dropped it, taken her truth and let it be. But I couldn’t. My selfishness wouldn’t allow me to let sleeping dogs lie. There were still too many holes in my thoughts to give in. “Did you lead him to believe that you’d call off the wedding if he wanted you to? Did you ask him to show you some security, and if he did, you’d leave Joel for him?”
“You’re judging.”
I sank further into the couch cushion, leaning back until my head rested against the top of the seat, and then I stared at the ceiling, speculating why I needed to push the issue so much. She didn’t need to answer the question for me to understand the truth—it was in her defensive response, her shaky voice, and the silence that separated us. “I’m not judging you, Clari. I swear. I’m not asking for any reason other than trying to make sense of the things I’ve been recently told, and I was really hoping you’d give me the truth. I promise you, no matter what your answer is, it won’t make me see you any differently.”
“What have you been told? Are you talking to Luke?” The panic in her high-pitched voice did nothing to settle the conflicting thoughts that jumbled my mind. I began to believe I’d never get the truth, and I’d never be able to feel certain about anything I’d been told over the last few weeks.
I leaned forward, the muscles in my back stretching as my spine arched and my head hung heavily between my shoulders. My gaze fell downward to my bare feet. I focused on my pink polish instead of the shuddering breaths that filled my ear. “Not really. The guy I’m seeing, Bentley…he’s Luke’s cousin. I had no idea they were related when I met him, but then, one night when I was over there—at Luke’s house—I saw him and learned of the connection. I flipped out about him trying to ruin your wedding, and that’s when I was told about you calling him.”
A long stretch of silence came from her end before she cleared her throat. In a cold, disconnected tone, she muttered, “It doesn’t matter, Sarah. Anything he had to say doesn’t matter. Because I made the right decision. I married Joel, and I’m happy. So whatever happened last year has no bearing on my life anymore.”
“Would it matter if I told you that Luke bought that ring for you before you broke up?”
“That’s a lie and you know it. Don’t let him fool you.”
“It’s not a lie. And Luke didn’t tell me that. In fact, Luke didn’t tell me anything. Bentley did. And he has no reason to lie about any of it. He has nothing to gain by you knowing when the ring was bought.” I believed that wholeheartedly. After finding out about Luke and Bentley, I’d questioned the motives of Bentley’s presence in my life, wondering how coincidental our meeting had been. But over time, I’d come to the absolute conclusion that it had nothing to do with any vendetta or quest regarding my sister. It had nothing to do with Luke at all. I had no proof, of course, but I had instinct. And I had to trust that.
Her shaky inhale sent shivers down my spine, realization evident in the surprised sound. “He was telling me the truth?”
“The reason he didn’t propose to you on Valentine’s Day was because he thought it was predictable. He wanted to surprise you.
Apparently, he had some romantic weekend planned for the following week. But you broke up with him days before that.”
She released a short gasp, but it was loud enough to strike me forcefully in the heart like a bullet at close range. Then she lowered her voice, and with whispered, quivering words, she asked, “Then why didn’t he just say that when we broke up?”
“I can’t answer that.” I gave her time to let my words sink in before moving on to another question I needed answered. “Did you, or did you not, tell him you’d call off the wedding if he offered you security? If he showed you some stability?”
“I don’t remember. I’d had a few drinks that night when I called him. I don’t know what I said or what I didn’t. I vaguely remember saying something along those lines, but I think it was just the alcohol and nerves talking. I never meant them. I would’ve never left Joel or called off the wedding no matter what Luke did or said.”
“Well, he believed differently. Did you know he bought a house for you?”
A sound came through the line. At first, I thought it was a squeal, but after a few seconds, I realized it was my sister crying on the other end. I knew my reasons for bringing this up were entirely selfish, and it made me feel horrible. My stomach sank and turned hard at the sound of her tears, knowing I’d caused them. That hadn’t been my intention. But no matter what my intentions were or how selfish it was, she needed to see the consequences of her actions. And I needed to know how that would affect her life.
“Does knowing this make you second guess your marriage to Joel?” My voice wouldn’t rise past a whisper, practically forcing the question out through my tight and aching throat. I had an unhealthy interest in her response that burned in my chest, but without an answer, the unknown left me with anxiety that only festered over time. No matter how painful this was, I couldn’t prolong it any more.
She sniffled and then cleared her throat again. “No. It makes me sad that I hurt him that way. It makes me wonder how different things could’ve been. But I love my husband. I’m in love with him. And nothing Luke can say or do could ever make me question that.”
Finally, for the first time in the two weeks since I’d found everything out, I felt relieved. My body felt lighter and the smile on my face felt genuine. “Thank you, Clari. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”
Bentley’s talk of fate and circumstance had my mind chasing its tail and caused my stomach to form sailor’s knots. But now, I felt at ease. I’d wondered, between Luke and Joel, which one was her destiny. I understood that you never really know until the end, but I would assume that the heart had some kind of instinct about it. I wanted my sister to be happy, whether it was with her husband or Luke. And hearing that she was with the person she wholeheartedly wanted to spend the rest of her life with, made things so much clearer. I guess I just needed to hear it from her that she’d found her fate, even after so many circumstances got in the way.
“You ready?” Bentley’s soothing voice surprised me and shook me from my inner thoughts. He stood by the bedroom door in dark jeans and a grey polo shirt, completely commanding my attention. His presence had a way of setting my nerves on fire, while at the same time, righting everything in my world.
I nodded and then said my goodbyes to my sister, telling her I’d see her soon. Then I walked to Bentley, feeling confident and elated, and kissed him with everything I had as I breathed in the cologne I loved so much.
“What was that for?” he asked with a contagious grin, his eyes shining bright.
“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve gotten some clarity about things.”
“About what?” He took a step back, carefully studying me as if he could find the answers in my expression. His brows pulled together inquisitively as he searched my eyes.
“Life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.”
I chuckled and moved around his hard body into the room, leaving him standing by the door gaping at me with a wicked smile on his face. Giddiness filled me as I grabbed my boots, ready to head over to my Dad’s for the first family gathering since Christmas. And for the first time in six months, I didn’t have an ounce of trepidation in me.
I finally felt like I’d gotten a piece of my life back.
By the time we arrived at my dad’s house, everyone was already there. That made it easier to introduce Bentley all at once instead of making numerous introductions. I was able to get the awkwardness over with at the beginning instead of having it linger for a while, which eased my nerves early on. And it settled me even further that everyone seemed to welcome him with open arms, including Clarissa. She never once acted put off or distant around him, and that left me relaxed, able to enjoy myself.
“You look happy, Sarah Bear.” My dad beamed at me with a gentle smile and caring eyes as we sat around the back yard. It was slightly uncomfortable being back here, at my mom’s house, the last place she was alive, but as soon as I saw my dad with that easy grin on his face, everything else melted away. It proved to me that it was okay to be happy again.
“I am, Dad. Thanks. You look good, too.”
He squared his shoulders and stood tall, running a hand over his belly like Santa Claus. “I’ve been trying to eat healthy. It does the body good.” I could tell it was meant to be funny, although I’m sure he was serious about it, but his words made me roll my eyes.
“You should talk to Bentley about that. He’s some kinda health freak. Y’all will get along great.” The rumble of laughter filled me without thought. I didn’t have to pretend or put up a front. It was real and honest.
“He’s already given me some tips about grilling the meat. He’s a smart kid.”
I snorted at the way my dad referred to Bentley as a kid. He was thirty-two, and there wasn’t a single “kid” thing about him—except for the fact that he wielded a child’s arm between his legs. But that was Wayne. All three of us girls and the people we associated with were all kids in his eyes. It comforted me, knowing that even with my mom gone, we were still his.
“I think I’ll go pick his brain some more.” And then he walked off, leaving me alone with Axel on the lounge chairs by the patio while the others congregated in groups.
I’d never really had too much time alone with my sister’s fiancé before. When he first came back in Bree’s life, I’d decided to leave the two of them alone so they could work things out. We had about two months of everything being normal before Christmas happened, and ever since then, I’d stayed away. But I knew he cared about me. I’d never questioned that.
“You about ready for the wedding?” I asked, breaking the awkward silence between us that felt suffocating for unknown reasons. It made me wonder what my sister had said about me in my absence, but I’d never know because I’d never ask. “You’ve got, what…three weeks left?”
Axel pulled his beer bottle to his lips to cover the cheesy grin that had taken over his face. “Yeah. Not soon enough, though.”
“You guys have forever with each other. What’s three more weeks?”
He shrugged and stared across the yard at Bree as she laughed with Clari.
“She looks happy. Really happy.” It was true. As I watched my sisters, I could see the complete and utter contentment on her face as they sat and talked, mostly laughing so loudly we could hear them from our seats on the other side of the lawn. “She’s glowing.”
“She better be happy.” He spoke with laughter in his words, even though he only held a lazy smile on his face. “She has my bun in her oven.” His words were spoken with such pride and adoration that it floored me and stole my breath away.
“She’s what?” My wide eyes snapped to him, even though he never once moved his gaze from his bride-to-be. “She’s pregnant?”
Axel’s gaze finally met mine, scowling as he hushed me. “No one knows.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” I couldn’t believe Bree was pregnant again and I didn’t know. I’d even questioned her a few weeks back when she stopped by to see me before ta
king me to get sized for my dress.
“Don’t feel bad. She still hasn’t told me.”
I glanced around the yard, stopping at nothing as my gaze swept back and forth, my mind trying to make sense of Axel’s words. “She hasn’t even told you? Then how do you know?”
“Trust me, Sarah. I know everything when it comes to Bree. I think she just found out because I haven’t seen her drink anything caffeinated in a week—she hasn’t even had a glass of wine. Her cup has water in it right now.”
My brows pulled tight as I gazed across the yard, lost in thought. “Who knows…she could be watching her weight. She has to fit in her dress in three weeks. The last thing she wants is for it to be too tight on her with no way of fixing it.”
“Oh, it’ll be nice and tight on her now that she’s knocked up.” He seemed so proud of himself, like it had been some kind of impossible feat to get Bree pregnant.
“But how would that even happen? She wouldn’t chance getting pregnant so soon before the wedding. I should know—she’s made a few comments about it over the last couple months.”
“She stopped taking her birth control last month. We talked about it, both wanting to start trying, and I guess her doctor said it could take a few months after stopping the pill to get pregnant. I knew better, though. I got her pregnant while wearing a condom the last time. No way would it take me months to knock her up.”
I couldn’t contain the erupting laughter that came over me at his egotistical words. Axel was anything but arrogant, but listening to the pride in his voice when talking about getting Bree pregnant was comical.
“Mark my words. After the wedding, she’ll make an announcement that she’s having my baby.” His grin stretched across his entire face, causing his blue eyes to sparkle and shine in the sun. It reminded me of old times, and it released an excited flutter in my belly as nostalgia hit.