by Megan Lowe
In between GPs, she and Halliday would take off and spend the day shopping and exploring. Often they wouldn’t come back until well after dinner. It was nice to see Knley so relaxed. Trust me when I tell you that wasn’t easy to achieve. While we tried not to pay too much attention to what was going on back home, Helen made it almost impossible. I wanted this trip to be an opportunity for Knley to heal, but trust Helen to not let sleeping dogs lie.
While I wanted to blow Helen out of the water with her accusations, Knley wanted to handle things in a gentler fashion. She said if we engaged Helen it would make things worse and that the media would switch their focus from our relationship to that between Knley and her mum, and I don’t want that for her. We tried to counter with a ton of photos of the two of us in various places, massive smiles on our faces, that we didn’t need to fake, but still Helen came. I just wanted to forget about Helen Rhodes. And occasionally it worked. In those moments, Knley was so alive, almost like her old self, which warmed my heart. But deep down I knew it wouldn’t last.
“I know. Maybe I can get back during the summer break,” Halliday says, a glum look on her face. “If not, there’s always the Aussie GP in October.”
“You know, if you wanted to come back permanently, I have contacts,” I tell her.
“I know, but I keep thinking that this is the pinnacle. Anything else would just be a poor substitute.”
“I get that.” And I do. I keep wondering how I’ll be able to go back to the NRS when I’ve experienced the greatness of GP life, but my home and Knley are in Australia. “Well, you know if you’re ready to settle down or stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks at a time, you’d be more than welcome in my garage.”
“Thanks, Cole,” she says, and gives me a hug.
“And I’m just a Skype session away,” Knley tells her.
“That goes both ways,” Halliday reminds her.
“I know.” Kn wipes an errant tear that threatens to fall.
“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Halliday says, wiping her own tear away. They hug one last time, promising to stay in touch, before we go up to our room.
“Are you ready to go home?” I ask Knley as we get ready for bed.
“Yes and no. I had a great time over here, especially hanging out with Halliday, but I hate living out of a suitcase. Plus I’m certain that once we get back and I’ve done my physio that we’ll be heading out on tour, which means no escape from my mother or my sisters.”
“You’ll have Quinn, though,” I say, and wrap my arms around her.
“I will, but I can’t expect her to run interference and be the buffer between all of us all the time.”
“What about your other sisters?”
“What about them?”
“What do they think about all of this?”
She blows out a breath and shrugs.
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“It means, I don’t know. It means that this is what my mother does.”
“And they’re okay with that? With her using you as her puppets?”
“It’s how we operate. To them this is just Mum drumming up publicity and we’re happy to let her do that.”
I shake my head. “I don’t see how they can be okay with that. I’m your boyfriend, we’re in love, surely they can see that and want the best for you.”
She cups my face. “What you have to understand is that for a long time it’s just been us. Men come and go, but we can always count on Mum being there for us when we need her. And she’s worked hard to get us to where we are now. For us to turn on her now would be devastating for her.”
I take a breath and say what’s been on my mind for a while now. “This relationship you have with your mum and sisters, it’s really not healthy, Kn. You’re miserable when you’re with them, and no one should live like that.”
She sighs and snuggles further into my embrace. “I know, but what can I do? We’re all tied together through the band.”
“Maybe it’s time to go your separate ways. I mean, Blake’s in her thirties now, you and Ashton aren’t too far from that. Don’t they want to settle down? I’m the first guy that has dated any of you guys in years. Don’t they want to find someone? That’s what everyone wants, right?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Do you guys ever talk about the future? You have to know Places won’t be around forever. Sure, you’re at the top of your game at the moment, but what happens when the trends shift and you’re not what people want anymore?”
“I don’t know.”
I’m starting to get annoyed now. Here she is, a smart, beautiful, insanely talented twenty-seven-year-old woman who has no idea as to the direction of her life.
“What about you? What do you want?”
“I don’t know!” she yells and walks out of my arms.
“Yes you do, otherwise this wouldn’t be so hard.”
“What do you want from me?” she asks.
“I want to know what you want to do with your life, if I’m going to have to stand by and watch you continue to do something that makes you miserable.”
“I’m not miserable.”
“Not now, but what happens when we get back and your mum has packed your schedule so tight you hardly have time to breathe, and we never get to see each other because she makes sure we don’t. What happens then, Knley?”
“I don’t know,” she says in a small voice. I walk over and take her in my arms again.
“I know I’m being a dick, but I only want the best for you, love. I love you and I hate seeing you like you are with your family. I want the happy, vibrant Knley I’ve seen for the past month, not the sullen, angry Knley that appears on stage.”
“I know, and I love you, but it’s not so easy. They’re my family, Cole. Besides you, they’re all I’ve got.”
“You’ve got the Ryans. Lord knows Jax wouldn’t mind you being his big sister. You’ve got Halliday. Sometimes the family we make are better for us than the family we’re given.”
“I know.” She sighs. “I just can’t.”
Coley Making Rhodes Around Europe
Sad news, Mongers. While we hoped our favourite bad girl rocker, McKnley Rhodes, was taking her time to heal and assess the type of people she allows in her life after the broken arm she suffered after boyquaintance Cole Matthews’s run-in with a photographer, it appears the opposite is happening. Rocking Rumours can confirm McKnley is currently in Europe at the side of her aforementioned boyquaintance while he competes for MotoTech Racing in the MotoGP. The two have been spotted in various European cities during what is believed to be a five-week stint.
Shocked at McKnley’s indifferent attitude towards the man who was the cause of her potentially career-threatening injury, we contacted Helen Rhodes for comment. She was unaware her daughter had left the country and distressed at the news she was by Cole’s side.
“No, I wasn’t aware of her whereabouts. After our disagreement over him three months ago, our relationship has become a little strained. I fear this has led to an opening in McKnley’s life that she has allowed him to fill.”
Asked whether this was healthy, Ms Rhodes has this to say: “Unfortunately McKnley is a little too trusting. Running away with this man is a prime example of that, as is when she did it the first time. To be honest, I’m not even sure she wanted to go and it wouldn’t surprise me if this was all his doing.”
Ms Rhodes also urged fans to keep up their support on social media. “The response we’ve been getting on social media has been incredible. I know if we can keep it up that Knley is bound to see the light sooner rather than later.”
While at Rocking Rumours we are big fans of McKnley’s, we’re all deeply saddened to see her travel down such a dark path. We share your hope that she sees sense and returns to the loving embrace of her mother and sisters soon.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please call 1800 RESPECT to talk to someone.
&nb
sp; Chapter Seventeen
Knley
The girl I was overseas is gone now. It’s almost like the minute we touched down in Melbourne, the southern hemisphere air killed her. I could feel her slipping away the whole flight back; every time I thought about what was waiting for me when I returned, she died a little more, until there was nothing but memories left. It’s been two months since Cole and I got back and my arm has healed perfectly, thanks to Cole and MotoTech’s doctor, and physio has gone well. Things at home, well they’re hectic to say the least.
I hardly need to tell you my mother is eager to have the band back on stage. My schedule has been packed with interviews, photo shoots, and promo appearances. Apparently my month break was reason enough to work me to the bone now that I’m back. It doesn’t help that the majority of my time is spent defending my relationship with Cole. Every interviewer asks about it, and I’m so sick of telling them we’re happy and in a committed relationship. Even to me it’s starting to sound like a line.
I want to kill my mother for the lies and hate she’s spread about him. I knew it was unlikely the photos I was uploading while I was away would be enough to silence the rumours, but I had hoped they would work. And honestly, I really didn’t want to have a public spat with her through the press. As much as I don’t like my mother, she’s still the person who raised me, who gave me this incredible life and career. Do I wish she could accept Cole and my relationship? Of course I do, but I know she has her reasons for doing what she’s doing, even if I hate them. And to be honest, it doesn’t matter what she says. Cole and I love each other and are together. Nothing she can or has said is going to stop that. But the questions have been unrelenting.
It sucks big, fat, hairy donkey balls, but this is my life. She’s even got the fans in on the act, and I can’t go anywhere without being told that abusive relationships aren’t real relationships. So it’s been fun. Not. And because I’ve been dealing with all that, it means I haven’t had much time to spend with Cole, just as he predicted. Naturally the press has taken the lack of “Coley” sightings as confirmation of trouble in paradise but the NRS starts in a month, so prep for that has kept him busy.
So yeah, these past two months have been hard, and they’re about to get harder as we head out on tour. Nineteen stops all up, starting in Melbourne before going through regional Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia, the Northern Territory, into Queensland, New South Wales, and Tasmania before finishing up in Melbourne again for a special performance of our debut album played in full. In all, seven weeks of pure hell, starting tonight.
We’re going through our usual pre-show warm-ups, but I can’t stop thinking about Cole. He said he’d be here, but he’s not. Finally, a few minutes before we go on, he makes his way to the green room.
“Hey,” I say, and bounce over to him and jump into his arms.
“Hi, love.” His smile makes me melt, his blue eyes showing me exactly how he feels about me.
“You’re late. I thought you weren’t coming.”
“They wouldn’t let me in. The pass you sent me is out of date. Apparently they were changed this morning because fans had gotten hold of one and were making copies. In the end, Rome knew someone who works in security here, and he let me in.”
“We changed the laminates?” I ask my mother.
“Oh yes, a fan got hold of one and posted it on Facebook.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.
“It’s of no concern to you. I changed them, and it’s no longer a problem.”
“Cole had an old one and couldn’t get in,” I explain.
“But that was your plan, wasn’t it, Helen?” Cole asks. “It’s not enough to defame me in the press, you have to physically stop us from being together.”
“Being in a violent relationship is not good, especially for McKnley. She’s a role model to a lot of impressionable girls and women, and I will protect my daughter in any way possible.”
Cole’s fingers dig into my thighs at her words. “Who’s violent?” he asks.
“I thought the incident with the photographer would be warning enough, apparently I was wrong.”
“The photographer you sent to harass us?” he asks. “I barely touched the guy. He was the one who shoved me.”
“And resulted in my daughter breaking her arm and postponing this tour. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get it started as soon as possible.”
I sigh and look at Cole, my hands cupping his face. “That’s my cue.”
He presses his lips to mine in a bruising kiss. “Break a leg, love,” he says as he puts me down.
“You’ll be here when we’re done?”
He nods. “Now go, you can’t keep the masses waiting.” He smacks me on the bum for good measure. I look over my shoulder and wink at him as I run towards the stage. Once I’ve gotten my classic ’57 Gibson “Betty” in my hands though, everything fades away. Nothing matters besides the music and me. The problems with my mother and Cole just disappear. I strike the first chord of our most recent hit, “Polish,” and the crowd goes wild. This, right here, is what I love. I love the rush I get from the crowd screaming lyrics I wrote, seeing the faces in the front row looking up at me like I’m a god. I love that for two hours a night I can make their shitty lives disappear, just like mine does. Seeing absolute strangers lose themselves in my music; there’s nothing like it.
Before I know it, I’m throwing my last pick into the crowd as Sloane bids everyone a good night. I run off the stage and straight into Cole’s arms.
“So what did you think?” I ask him as I wipe away the sweat that’s pouring off me.
“I think you were amazing, love.”
“Yeah?” He nods. “Good, and don’t think I didn’t see you over here bopping away,” I tell him as I lead him back to the green room.
He laughs. “I’m not ashamed to admit I’m a fan, got the fan club membership and everything.”
“So does that mean you wanna be my groupie?” I ask as I turn and box him against the wall. He grabs my hips, bringing me flush against him, his erection pressed against the front of his jeans letting me know his answer.
“What do you think?” he asks, before trailing kisses along my neck and shoulder. A moan escapes my mouth.
My mother’s voice pours cold water over our libidos. “For crying out loud, McKnley, if you’re going to fraternise with that scum at least do it where nobody can see it,” she says, her voice laced with disgust, before continuing on to the green room.
Cole rests his forehead on my shoulder. “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like without your mother?” he asks.
“All the time.”
“We could do it, you know.”
“Do what?”
“Live our lives without her, run away into the sunset.”
“You mean I could do it,” I say, pushing him away from me.
“You, me, us, we’re in this together, Kn.”
“So why is it me who would be making the sacrifice? Leave my family?”
“Because I don’t have a family,” he explodes. “I didn’t grow up with a parent who gave a shit about me. Your mother, through all her faults, does care about you, Knley. In fact, I’d probably go as far as to say she cares too much, but you won’t stand up to her. You bitch and moan about her, your sisters, this band, but you won’t do a goddamn thing to change anything. I can’t do that for you.”
I deflate quickly. He’s right, but they’re my family, whether I like it or not. I open my mouth, but Cole already knows what I’m going to say.
“I know it’s not that simple, but there’s going to come a time where you’ll have no choice, you’ll have to do something. I love you and I’m willing to put up with everything, but I can only take it for so long. I shouldn’t have to be subjected to her bullshit forever.” He’s thinking forever? I’m still trying to process that when he pulls me to him. “Now, let’s get whatever you need to do done so we can get out of here. I w
on’t be able to get away that often to come see you, so I need to get my fix in while I can.”
I’m in a foul as fuck mood, and unfortunately everyone around here is fair game. I haven’t seen Cole in two and a half weeks and I miss him. Badly. I walk in to my dressing room and see what our assistant, also known as Mum’s lackey, has set out for me to wear tonight.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I yell.
Shell runs in. “What’s wrong, McKnley?” she asks, frantic.
“A skirt?” I ask her.
“Your mother picked several of them for you for the tour.”
“I don’t care who picked them. I care that you, Shell, who have been with us for a while now, thought to disregard my instructions that I will never wear a skirt on stage.”
“But I thought...,” she whimpers.
“Your job isn’t to think, it’s to follow instructions.” I throw the skirt at her. “I don’t particularly care to flash the front row, so get me something else to wear.”
I flop down in the chair that’s facing the mirror and pull out my phone. A photo of Cole and me in Nice is my wallpaper. I know it’s not Shell’s fault my mother picks out inappropriate costumes. I’m also aware my mood is my way of taking out my frustration about not being able to see Cole. What I just said was something the old Knley would’ve said, but I’m not her anymore, so I should stop acting like her. With a sigh I unlock the phone and dial Cole’s number. I desperately need to hear his voice, anything to help me feel connected to him again. I’m just about to hang up when he picks up.
“Hi, love.”
Just the sound of his voice relaxes me. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks immediately.
“I miss you.”
I can hear his smile when he replies. “I miss you too, love. So how’s the tour going?”
I blow out a breath. “It’s going.”
“That good, huh?”
“It’s okay. Every venue is sold out.”
“But?” he asks, knowing there’s more.
“I love how you know there’s more than I’m telling you.”