by Sue MacKay
‘Here, put this on.’ Mitch shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her.
‘Th-thanks. Wh-what about y-you?’ Her teeth hurt as they chattered from the cold.
‘I’ll be fine.’
The jacket came down to her knees and she could’ve wrapped it around herself twice. ‘A-anything y-you want to ask m-me?’
‘What field did you finally qualify in? Paediatrics or general practice?’
Okay, not about Jamie, then. ‘I opted for general practice when I learned I was pregnant.’
‘Why?’
As warmth seeped into her chilled muscles she concentrated on telling him what he wanted to know. ‘I didn’t like the idea of the horrendous hours that working in a hospital entailed. I wanted to be home at the end of the day for my child. Turned out it was a good move. Since Jamie became ill I’ve only worked part time.’ Very part time, some weeks.
‘Do you like being a GP?’
Still avoiding the real issue. She sighed. Maybe this was the way to the heart of the matter, giving him time to assimilate everything. ‘I love it. I see the same people regularly, get to know their families, watch the children growing.’ Her words dwindled away as she thought of Jamie and how he didn’t seem to grow at all these days. How a good day for him was one without pain or not being admitted to hospital.
‘Yeah, I can see you fitting right in there. You always could empathise with people as easily as breathing.’
Whereas he’d never enjoy spending his days working with the same people, getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, having them believe they had a connection with him beyond a fifteen-minute consultation. But she took the compliment, held it in her heart; a small warmth in an otherwise frosty situation. ‘You obviously still love the adrenalin rush of emergency medicine, though the hours seem to have taken their toll if that little snooze I witnessed is anything to go by.’
His elbows dug into his sides briefly. ‘Caught. But in defence I’ve been working for ten days straight. And before you say it, I haven’t changed in that respect. I do love the rush and drama of ED.’
Had he changed at all? In what ways? She hadn’t noticed anything different yet. ‘What about being HOD? More paperwork, less action, surely?’ Definitely not his forte.
‘Not in my department. Head of Department isn’t a job to be turned on and off. The paper stuff gets done when it gets done, which lands me in hot water too often. Tough. The patients come first. The work’s demanding and absorbing. How many people can say they get a buzz out of their job every single day? Do you?’
No, sometimes she was so tired after sitting up all night with Jamie it took everything she had to even turn up. ‘I used to love the buzz when I was training in hospital too, but I never let it take over my whole life.’ Ouch. Snippy. Settle down. Antagonising the guy wouldn’t win her any favours. ‘Sorry.’
Mitch stopped and took her elbow to turn her. Looking down into her eyes, he smiled tiredly. ‘I guess we’ve got a few bones to pick over. But maybe not tonight, eh?’
Staring through the half-light, she could see how confused, lost even, he looked. Yet his hand on her elbow was reassuring. Standing here with Mitch, something she’d never thought she’d do again, a sense of homecoming washed over her. The strength she’d loved in him, the gentleness, the caring. She’d missed all that and more.
They might never become real friends, might always bicker and try to avoid each other, but he knew about Jamie now. So nothing would ever be the same for her again, ever be as bad as the last lonely, heartbreaking three years had been. Mitch was back in her life, no matter how tentatively. As if he’d ever truly left. Reaching up, she palmed his bristly chin for an instant. ‘You’re right. Not tonight.’
In silence they continued along the footpath, dodging Saturday night revellers outside The Shed, a bar that appeared to be very popular. After half an hour they started back towards the hospital and her car. With growing exasperation Jodi waited for Mitch to ask her something, anything, about Jamie. Surely his head was full of questions? Didn’t he want to know what Jamie’s favourite food was? What toys he loved to play with? Did he take after his father or his mother in temperament?
Mitch would’ve seen from the photo how physically alike he and his son were. That had been hard at times. There had been days she’d looked at Jamie and cried for Mitch. Not only to be with her, supporting her, sharing the agony of watching her boy getting sicker and sicker, but because she’d missed him so much.
There’d been times when she’d seen Mitch in her son’s face and had wanted to charge up to Auckland to tear him apart, to rant and yell at him for being so neglectful of her that she hadn’t been able to tell him about his child.
But now the silence hung between them and she didn’t know how to break it without upsetting him and she’d already done that in bucketloads tonight. But surely he wanted to know about Jamie’s illness and what lay ahead?
They reached the car park and she thought Mitch was going to walk away from her without another word. Anger rolled through her. That wasn’t going to happen. ‘Mitchell, you can’t avoid this one.’
His jaw jutted out, his eyes flashed as angrily as hers must be doing. ‘Where is Jamie? Did you bring him to Auckland with you?’
What? ‘Like I’d leave my seriously ill child behind while I came up here? Who do you think I am? I’m a very responsible mother, and you’d better believe that.’ The words fired out at him and there were plenty more coming, except he put a finger to her lips.
‘Hey, stop it. You wanted questions yet when I ask one you take my head off.’ Those blue eyes were so reasonable it infuriated her.
She took a deep breath, stamped on her temper and tried for calmness. ‘This hasn’t been easy, coming to see you.’
‘I’m sure it hasn’t, but that’s also kind of sad. I’d have thought we were better than that.’ His gaze remained steady. ‘So where is this lad?’
‘With Mum in a motel down the road at Greenlane.’ She named the motel and reluctantly smiled when he whistled.
‘That’s a bit trashy, isn’t it?’
‘Money’s tight. And before you say anything, that’s not a hint. I hope to find a small flat in the next few days. The hospital did offer to put us up in one of those homes they provide for families with sick children but I don’t think I can cope with living with other people, strangers, right now.’
Mitch studied his feet for so long she wondered if he’d fallen asleep standing upright.
‘Mitch?’
He didn’t look up. ‘I’d like to see him.’
Yes. Her hands clenched. Yes, yes. Fantastic. ‘Any time you like. We can go there now. The motel’s only ten minutes away.’
Lifting his head he drilled her with his gaze. ‘Whoa, slow down. Tomorrow will be fine. Let’s leave Jamie to his sleep tonight.’
Mitch was right. But wait until tomorrow and he might change his mind. All those hours to come up with reasons not to see his son. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’ Then, ‘What’s your plan for seeing specialists?’
‘We’ve got an appointment with a renal specialist on Monday morning. Lucas Harrington. Know him?’
‘Yes, a little. An American who moved here with his Kiwi wife a year ago. He’s about the best you can get anywhere.’
‘That’s what I’ve been told. I also researched him on the internet and liked what I saw. He’s written some interesting papers.’ But could he save her boy?
‘What time on Monday?’
‘Huh?’
‘Your appointment. I’ll come with you. It might help if he knows I’m in the background.’
Her jaw dropped. She hadn’t seen that coming. Mitch might not be owning up to fatherhood yet but he was supporting her in the one way he’d be utterly confident. ‘Um, great. Yes, that’s wonderful. Thank you. Ten o’clock.’
‘Your enthusiasm’s overwhelming. I thought this was why you knocked on my door,’ he grumbled, then
gave her a genuine smile for the first time since she’d walked into his office.
As far as smiles went it wasn’t huge or exciting or welcoming, but it was warm and sincere. And her mouth dried. Her empty stomach sucked in. She’d once fallen in love with that smile.
I can’t afford to do that again.
But it was going to be good seeing Mitch occasionally over the next few months while Jamie hopefully got the treatment he needed.
‘There’s something you should know.’ Mitch’s drawl broke into her thoughts. ‘That party I’m supposed to be at? It’s an early farewell party. My farewell. I leave for Sydney in less than two months’ time, where I’ve accepted a job in the city’s busiest hospital. It’s a very prestigious position.’
She gasped, ‘I don’t believe it. You can’t.’ Shock rippled through her. Gripping her fists under her chin, she stared up at this man who seemed to slip out of tricky situations more easily than a greased eel slid from a man’s hands. ‘Of all the things you could’ve told me, I’d never have picked that one.’
‘Bad timing, isn’t it? Really bad.’
Her mouth fell open and she gaped at him.
He did sound apologetic. That didn’t help one iota.
She almost cried. ‘You have no idea.’ What have I done? Can I undo it? How totally unfair it would be to introduce Jamie to his dad only to have Mitchell disappear on him. No, that could not happen. No way.
Mitch looked directly at her, fixing her with those intense blue eyes. ‘It’s not right for a child to lose parents at an early age. Better not to have known them at all.’
By the time she found her voice and could get a sound out around the rock in her throat Mitch was long gone.
*
From the corner of the car park Mitch watched Jodi drive away from the hospital, his heart knocking and his head spinning.
Jodi Hawke had come to town, bringing with her problems he’d never expected to have to face.
‘I’m a father.’
Heading for his four-wheel drive in the underground park, he tried to think what this meant to him. Was he thrilled? Excited? Terrified? Angry?
Damn it. He’d go to Samantha’s party, drink a tankful and sink into oblivion. Forget Jodi was here. Forget the bombshell she’d dropped.
And how’s that going to look in front of your staff? Their HOD off his face at the party they’d put on to say farewell to him? A farewell he couldn’t look forward to anymore. Staff who expected better of him.
‘I’m a father.’
Yeah, he got that. Sort of. When would it really kick in? To the point where everything he did or thought had to take into consideration a small person? It might never happen with him. He wasn’t exactly qualified to be a parent.
Turning, he headed back to the road. The Shed Bar would be crowded and heaving but he could get a drink and not be able to hear himself think. Perfect.
Or he could change into his gym gear, which was in the back of his vehicle, and go for a run up at Auckland Domain. Build up a sweat and tire his body so that it would go to sleep when he finally crawled into bed. Pound the paths that circled the museum.
Yeah, and probably break an ankle tripping over a kerb.
Anyway, he liked the bar idea better. Shoving his hands deep into his trouser pockets, he headed for bourbon. On the rocks.
CHAPTER FOUR
‘MUMMY, WHY DO the sheep smell funny?’ Jamie leaned through the fence wire peering at the animals grazing on the lush green grass.
Jodi forced a grin but couldn’t keep the weariness out of it. ‘That’s their woolly coat. It keeps them warm and dry, like your jersey does for you. That’s made out of sheep’s wool too.’
Jamie’s brow furrowed as he looked from his fire-engine-red top to the muddy sheep. ‘Are there red sheep, Mummy?’
‘No, the wool is coloured with red dye, like I did with the icing for your birthday cake. Remember?’ Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, she stifled another yawn.
What with Mitch’s bombshell about Sydney and all the questions buzzing around her head, she hadn’t slept a wink last night. Worse, with her mother sleeping in the main room and Jamie in the small bedroom, she hadn’t been able to get up and read to distract herself. So Mitch had dominated her mind all night long. Nothing new, really. He’d been dominating it ever since she’d made the decision to move north. Come on, he’d never really left. Mitch had always held a place in her heart. They might be over as far as a loving, sexual relationship went, but she’d never been able to completely let him go. She’d loved him deeply. Missed him more than she’d believed possible.
‘Mummy, that man’s looking at me.’
She knew. Just knew it was Mitchell. Despite everything that had gone down between them last night, she’d known he’d come. Despite him saying a child shouldn’t have to lose a parent, she knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore Jamie for long.
Turning slowly, warily, she studied the man standing twenty metres away, who looked as though he didn’t know what to do next. ‘Hello, Mitch.’ He looked so…bewildered. Which was totally unlike him. What would it be like to hold him again? To feel that chest under her cheek? To have his arms around her? Darn, she’d missed him. Really, deep inside missed him.
‘Hi, Jodi.’ His eyes were glued on Jamie as he slowly closed the gap between them. ‘I called in at the motel and Alison told me I’d find you here.’
Mum had probably told him a whole heap more than that. ‘Cornwall Park’s the perfect place for a small boy who’s bored and feeling chained up in a motel unit the size of a gnat’s house. All this acreage, the sheep, trees—it’s wonderful. I’m going to take him up One Tree Hill shortly.’
Shut up, Jodi. Let Mitch speak. Let him tell you why he’s here. Has he come to meet Jamie? Or to explain more about why he’s soon heading to Sydney? As if she didn’t know the answer to that one. A very prestigious position. One to rub his brother’s face in, she’d bet. The guy couldn’t stay still if there was an outside chance of getting one over Max.
They were both the same, had a gene that kept them moving on through anything life handed them that hinted at commitment to another person. They couldn’t even front up to each other and admit their feelings. And who knew what those were? Mitch and Max probably didn’t have a clue. Kind of sad when they were the only close family either of them had.
And now, when she’d turned up with his son, Mitch had got lucky. Or was that nearly lucky? He’d already made plans to go away. Mitch’s heart must be doing leaps in the air. Timing was everything. What if she’d been a month earlier? Two months? He’d have immediately started searching for another position far away. Wouldn’t he? Or was she justifying her actions again?
‘Mummy?’ Jamie’s little hand crept into hers, his fingers twining tight around her thumb.
She dropped to her haunches, drew her baby into her arms. To protect him? Or herself? From what? ‘It’s okay, love. He’s a…’ Swallow. She looked over her son’s head at the man who’d helped her create him. ‘This is Mitchell, a friend of Mummy’s.’ Define friend. Define Mitchell Maitland. Impossible right now. Pulling her head away from Jamie, Jodi looked up into the bleak blue gaze of her boy’s father. ‘Mitch, I’d like you to meet my son, Jamie.’ She slowly turned Jamie to face him, holding his frail body against her.
Mitch blanched. She’d hit a tender spot. Tough. This was a battle. If he was about to disappear she wasn’t going to introduce him as Daddy. That might antagonise him, and her son’s life depended on Mitchell coming onside. She’d do whatever it took to save Jamie. So, Mitch, you’re toast. She pushed Jamie forward. ‘Shake hands with Mitch like Mummy showed you.’
Her heart swelled with pride and pain as she watched Jamie trot across the space to this man he’d never met, holding out his right hand in greeting. So trusting, so totally unaware how important Mitch could be to him. Who he was. Until now Jamie had never asked about his father, but it wouldn’t be much longer before he started
noticing he didn’t have one.
‘Hello, I’m Jamie Hawke.’
Thankfully Mitch reciprocated. She’d have killed him if he hadn’t.
‘Hello, young man.’ Mitch’s hand swallowed his son’s for a brief shake. Then it was as though he couldn’t let go. Like his hand had frozen in place around Jamie’s. ‘I’m Mitchell Maitland, but you can call me…’ He blinked, swallowed hard. ‘Call me Mitch, like your mummy does.’
‘Okay.’ Jamie tugged his hand free. ‘Want to see the sheep with me, Mitch?’
Mitch looked stunned at how easily he’d been accepted. ‘Um, all right, I guess.’
But as Jamie ran towards the fence Mitch remained fixed to the spot, studying him. ‘He’s small for his age, isn’t he? And so pale. All part of the renal failure, I know. Does he suffer a lot of pain? Headaches? What’s his urine output like?’
Jodi took his arm and led him across to join Jamie. Again Mitch was dealing with this the only way he knew how. But that didn’t explain the tremor running up his arm. ‘He has intermittent bone pain, lots of headaches, urinary tract infections are a regular occurrence, and there’s a score of other symptoms. He also has a sense of humour, loves chicken nuggets and fries, prefers orange juice to fizzy drinks, and wants to be a fireman when he grows up.’
‘Not a doctor, then?’ A wry smile tweaked Mitch’s mouth.
‘They’re boring. Anyway, I think he’s had his fill of medics for a while.’
‘That makes sense. Poor little guy. Of all the crappy things to happen to him.’
Jodi pursed her mouth. ‘I know. I’ve spent hours berating the fact my boy got sick, but as a doctor I know better than that.’
‘I guess if there’s anything to be grateful about it is that you are a doctor.’ When her eyebrows lifted he grimaced. ‘Doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference?’
‘Not a jot. Sometimes I think it’s worse. I’ve always known what’s ahead, and probably spend too much time looking for symptoms that aren’t there. Yet.’