by Sue MacKay
‘That is so cruel.’
‘My adoptive family is loving and sharing. Ma and Pa were always putting their hands in their pockets for anyone to the detriment of themselves. They now live in a run-down bungalow in a bad part of town.’ And refuse any offer of financial help. After all they’d done for him it saddened and maddened him. ‘But despite everything they did for me, gave me, how much love I got, they weren’t my parents. And my cousins were exactly that. Cousins. Not my twin brother.’
‘Yes, that would suck, big time. What about Max’s family?’
‘He landed into a very wealthy home with people who made high demands on their adopted son. I’m not even sure they wanted children so why they adopted him is a mystery, except to get one over Harry. I lived in Ashburton; Max lived in Auckland. We never saw each other except for a couple of awkward visits.’
As a young boy, Mitch had spent years searching for Mum and Dad, and Max, at every turn of the road, in every shop, on the bus. When he had been a teen he’d run away to Auckland in search of his brother, only to be rebuffed. He couldn’t do any of that to Jamie, no matter how much he might want to be a part of the lad’s life. He knew how desertion hurt deeply, irrevocably.
Mitch flicked a quick glance in the rear-view mirror at Jamie, sitting in his special seat. My spitting image. How could I leave him? How could he not get to know the boy?
How could he ignore the burning question he saw in Jodi’s eyes every time he looked at her?
Focusing on driving so he could briefly abandon thoughts of Jodi and his son, he took the Greenlane turn-off. But the despair and worry over what to do did not back off. As if it was likely to. Somehow over the next few weeks he had to come to some decisions about Jamie.
But, wow, he was a dad to a cracker of a little guy. Despite thinking he wanted to hightail it as far away as possible, there was a spark of interest and yearning that, if he admitted to it, would never let go of its hold over him. He wasn’t going to do a runner. He didn’t know what he would do, how he’d make it all work, but he would do his damnedest for Jamie. And Jodi.
Could he commit to this child? If he gave Jamie his all, would it work out for them both? Doing so would keep Jodi in his life one way or another, too. Did he want that?
His gut clenched. Was that a no? Or a yes?
Why would he suddenly get a relationship right when he’d not managed one so far in thirty-six years?
*
Back at the motel, Jodi held the door open as Mitch carried a tired and grizzly Jamie inside to his bed and laid him down. ‘Time you had a wee sleep, sport.’
‘Don’t want to,’ said Jamie around a big yawn. ‘Where’s Mummy?’
‘Right here, sweetheart.’ Jamie had looked so right in his father’s arms. Startling how similar they were, not only physically but also in their expressions. Right now Jamie wore that frustrated expression that twisted his face whenever things weren’t going his way. She’d seen that expression on Mitch’s face more often than she could count.
She was still getting her head round Mitch’s shocking revelation about his parents’ deaths and the upbringing he’d had afterwards. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must’ve been like to be separated from his twin. No wonder he had commitment issues. If only he’d listen if she told him she believed that having had an unusual upbringing didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of being a great dad. More than many men, he’d understand how important it was to be there for his child. Unfortunately she had no chance of getting that message across.
‘Mummy, where’s blankie?’
She hurried to fetch the old baby blanket Jamie refused to go to bed without. ‘Here it is, and I’ve got some medicine, too.’ When Jamie opened his mouth to protest she slid the full spoon into his mouth.
‘Yuck.’ He shook his head in disgust.
Her heart expanded. She loved her boy so much. Today’s confirmation from Lucas about the transplant had been hard to swallow, despite knowing it was coming, and yet now that she’d had time to calm down she found she was ready. Bring it on. Then they could get on with their lives.
‘Who’s a good boy, then?’ She kissed the top of his head. Felt the heat on his skin. A flare of worry almost blinded her. She’d need the thermometer. In a moment. First things first. ‘Okay, let’s take your clothes off and tuck you in all nice and snug.’
Mitch held a squirming Jamie while Jodi deftly whipped his top and trousers off. ‘Want to take his temp when he’s settled? I’ll get your medical kit.’
‘Thanks,’ she muttered. So Mitch had noticed the heat on Jamie’s skin too. Didn’t he get the urgency of a transplant? Or was he avoiding the real issue here? He was a possible donor, a stronger candidate than anyone else. With a kidney from a compatible parent Jamie had far better odds of an excellent recovery and long-term good health. The first thing she’d done on learning Jamie had cystinosis had been to find out if she was compatible in preparation for this moment. Unfortunately, her own history of renal disease as a child had put her out of the running. And that had felt as thought she’d failed her child badly.
‘Want anything else?’ Mitch put her bag on the floor.
Your kidney. Closing her eyes to hide those words from him, she held her breath. Fought the impulse to grab Mitch and shake him into seeing things her way. Like that would really help. Even she knew Mitch had to make his own decisions on that score. Surely he got the urgency? Lucas did. Max did. She did.
‘Jodi? You all right?’
Of course not. Who would be? Part of her knew that if she rushed him into a decision, she was less likely to get the result she wanted: help to save Jamie’s life. The other part of her couldn’t care less if he was hurried, she needed to know. It was too late to keep Mitch away so she’d just have to deal with the fallout of whatever he decided to do.
Sighing, she said, ‘I’ll be a little while here. A story always helps calm Jamie down so that he drops off to sleep. Hopefully that’ll help bring his temperature down.’ Otherwise they’d be back to the hospital before the end of the day.
‘I’ll phone into work and see how they’re coping with the TV crew.’ Mitch backed out of the tiny room.
‘I like Mitch, Mummy.’
‘Me too.’ When she wasn’t thinking about kidneys and transplants. But now that she wasn’t stressing about tipping Mitch’s world upside down she was starting to see the man she’d once fallen for. Behind the concerns and questions lurked the charming side of him. Plus the caring, tender man. The humour hadn’t come to the fore but that was hardly surprising.
She could hear him talking on his phone, the words indistinguishable but that deep, velvety tone sent heat curling through her, reaching the tips of her toes, the muscles in her neck, and everywhere in between. She could almost feel his body under her palms, the smooth skin, the taut muscles, the latent strength.
For the first time since she’d taken her house key off him, memories of all the good times flooded in without any of the baggage getting in the way. It was as though, since arriving on Saturday, all that mess in her mind had washed away, finally leaving her free to get to know the father of her child all over again. Last time she’d known Mitch as a lover, a partner. How would she know him this time round?
How do you want to know him? Apart from as Jamie’s father?
The book in her hand shook. Moving her head left then right, left, right, she quashed the flare of panic. No, she wasn’t going down the Mitchell path again. He might be stepping up to the line about Jamie but she still couldn’t trust him to be there for her. Not as a husband or even as a lover. Definitely not for ever. That would be asking too much of him. Way too much. He’d openly admitted he couldn’t do it.
And since the only kind of relationship she’d ever agree to partake in involved total commitment and stability, she and Mitch were yesterday’s news.
Her stomach sank. Her blood slowed. Really?
Really. There was no future for her with Mitch.
&
nbsp; So why did her whole body feel so sluggish at that thought?
‘Jodi,’ Mitch whispered from the doorway. ‘Jamie’s sound asleep.’
‘Oh. That was quick, but I guess he’s exhausted after all the drama of meeting Dr Harrington.’ At least Mitch didn’t know where she’d been in her head. Tucking the cover under Jamie’s chin, she tiptoed out and carefully closed the door.
Mitch stood in the middle of the main room. His size made the walls shrink in on her. His gentle, caring gaze made her heart trip and her breathing falter.
This was a Mitch she’d not met before.
This was a Mitch she had to be very wary of if she wanted to remain untouched by him. She needed to keep her head straight and not give in to any fantasies about falling in love with him again.
Her heart stuttered in defiance. Why not? He’s the only man who’d ever made her pulse beat as though she’d run a marathon, made her body feel starved until he touched her.
She gasped. What’s happening here? She’d tracked down Mitch for Jamie’s sake, not because she needed him. Not because she’d never forgotten him. Or because she’d never stopped wishing he was still a part of her life. Within two days all those pent-up emotions and feelings that only Mitch could evoke were roaring around her head, through her body, centring at her core. Making her want to drag him off to bed and have her wicked way with what she knew that superb suit covered.
Heat swamped her face and she turned aside before Mitch could read the emotions that surely must be spreading through her eyes, over her cheeks and curving her lips into a sultry smile.
‘Want a coffee? I have to warn you, I’ve only got instant.’ Not that she wanted another hot drink but she did want to keep her hands busy and away from Mitch.
*
‘No, thanks.’ Mitch watched Jodi’s lips press together with worry as she dropped onto the arm of one of the two chairs in the room.
He needed her, wanted her, had the urge to haul her into his arms and hug her until she finally relaxed and smiled that beautiful, gut-wrenching smile he always used to look for at the end of the shift when he finally walked through the front door of the flat he’d shared with her.
It might be a dumb move but he put all his reservations aside and moved to lift her up and wrap his arms around her thin frame. Damn, but she needed feeding up. ‘Hey, let me hold you for a moment. You look shattered.’ Pulling her against his chest, he tucked her head neatly under his chin and held her. Right where she belonged: in his arms.
Until this moment he hadn’t realised he’d missed her so much. Hadn’t understood that he was only half a man without Jodi in his life. Until now he’d believed he’d had everything he needed. That there was no room in his life, his heart to fit someone close. Someone special. Jodi. He’d known he’d screwed up. But now it was as though someone had taken a bat and banged him over the head until he got the message. Jodi was the only woman for him.
He’d neglected her back then. Big time. He’d let her kick him out, taking the easy option, thanking his lucky stars that he’d escaped unscathed. But he’d been lying to himself. Pleased that he’d proved she wasn’t a stayer.
Unscathed? Yeah, right. As if. If that cold, lonely town house of his, the one-night stands that he never took back to his place, no one to share a birthday or Christmas with, was what he really wanted, then fine. Go for it. Enjoy it. Make the most of what he had. If that was his definition of unscathed and happy then he was a sad puppy.
He’d definitely been lying to himself. All along. Worse—he’d always known he had been.
So what now? Declare his feelings? Tell Jodi he actually cared for her, about her? That he wanted to be right at her side over the next months as Jamie battled for his life? That he wanted to be there for her beyond that? His stomach crunched, his heart dived for cover. Go ahead, tell her all that and then stand back while she laughs herself sick.
Jodi was not stupid. She would not believe a word of it. And who could blame her? Certainly not him.
So what now? Slowly, slowly, sort one problem out at a time. Over her head he stared at the crappy motel room, the marked walls, the grimy windows and shabby furniture. Unwinding his arms from around her body, he stepped back. ‘Have you done anything about finding a flat to move in to?’
She tensed. ‘I’ve hardly had time.’
‘Good.’ He reached into his back pocket. ‘The key to my front door. It’s only a small place, and we’ll be a bit squeezed, but pack your bags and move in. Today.’ When her mouth fell open, he couldn’t help adding, ‘For as long as you need somewhere to live in Auckland.’
It felt great to surprise her in a good way. He caught up one of her hands, wrapped her fingers around the key. ‘You can’t stay in this motel. It’s awful. Not good for a sick child. Not exactly cheerful for you either. Oh, and here’s another key. Get rid of that heap on wheels you’ve rented. From now on, my vehicle is yours.’
Those brown pools fixed on him, filled with amazement and gratitude. ‘Are you sure? There are three of us. Mum’s not going back down south until Friday.’
‘No problem. I’ve got two spare bedrooms. Anyway, I’m not there very often.’
‘To sleep and shower, according to your cleaning lady.’ Jodi looked guilty. ‘I met her on Saturday when I went looking for you.’
‘I wondered why you turned up at the hospital in the evening. Get tired of waiting for me to come home?’ Just like old times. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. Hell, home wasn’t his favourite place. Not a lot going on there.
‘How will you get around if I’ve got your car?’
‘I’ll grab a taxi. Or give you a call.’ It was less than two months until he left for Sydney. Oh, hell. Sydney and the job of a lifetime. So much to sort out. So much to consider. Too much to think about. Slowly, slowly, one small thing at a time. ‘I’ll go and talk to the motelier while you pack up.’
*
Jodi watched Mitch stride across to the motel office, his shoulders back and his chin forward. So full of confidence. His way was the right way. No doubts at all. ‘You still don’t ask what I’d like to do.’ Her mouth curved upward. ‘You just tell me.’ Funny how today she couldn’t care less when in the past she’d have refused just to spite him.
‘I take it you’re not talking to yourself.’ Mum spoke from the doorway, laden down with full recycle grocery bags. ‘And as I see Mitch disappearing into the poky space the owners of this dump call an office, you must be berating him.’
Jodi opened her hand to show the keys. ‘We’re moving into his house as soon as Jamie wakes up. And the other key is for that fancy four-wheel drive parked outside.’
Mum dumped her shopping on the bench and turned to study her daughter in a disconcerting, this-is-your-mother-talking kind of way. ‘Good. He’s come through for you both. Always thought he would if he was pushed hard enough. And there’s nothing harder than being confronted with the son he didn’t know he had. Good man.’
So much for wondering if Mum would move into Mitch’s place with them. She’d probably have come up with the idea herself in a day or two if Mitch hadn’t beaten her to it. ‘Mum, you’ve never liked the guy. Remember all the things you used to warn me about? Newsflash—most of them came true.’
‘Selective memory, my girl. I also used to say Mitch Maitland would make a fabulous husband if he ever got over his past. It can’t have been easy, growing up without his parents there and never seeing his twin brother. He’s done amazingly well considering the circumstances.’
Jodi gaped. ‘You knew all that? How? He never even told me.’
‘You didn’t think I wouldn’t check up on my grandson’s parentage, did you? I always thought there was more to Mitch and Max than was obvious. They might be charmers who’re used to getting what they want from everyone they cross paths with but essentially they’re good men.’ Mum winced. ‘I should’ve told you what I learned but I figured you had enough on your plate with Jamie’s illness. How di
d the hospital consultation go, by the way?’
Stunned at her mother’s revelation, Jodi took a moment to answer the sudden question about something totally different, and then she didn’t have to.
Mitch answered for her as he came inside. ‘Lucas Harrington is excellent and I have every confidence in him. But even though I knew what was coming, he still managed to shock me to the core. I presume Jodi’s heard what he had to say before, but hearing it again rattled her too.’
‘It’s so different when it’s my…’ Jodi swallowed. ‘When he’s talking about our child. It doesn’t matter how many discussions I’ve had with Jamie’s specialists, the details still scare me sick.’
Mitch’s eyebrows rose endearingly. ‘Yes, that must be it. Not any old patient but our son.’
Mum looked from Mitch to her and back again. ‘So, is this Dr Harrington putting Jamie on the transplant waiting list?’
‘Yes. We’ve got an appointment with the transplant team tomorrow afternoon.’ Mitch moved closer to Jodi and casually dropped an arm over her shoulders.
His warmth and strength immediately filtered through to her, touching that chilly place where all things to do with Jamie’s health hid. She snuggled even nearer. Drawing a breath, she told her mother, ‘Max is arranging the appointment. We bumped into him at the canteen and the moment he heard about Jamie’s problem he gave us a time to go and see him.’
Mum didn’t even blink. ‘I’m glad. We want the absolute best treatment for Jamie, and in Max’s hands he’ll get it.’
So she’d known Max worked at Auckland General too. Just how much had Mum found out about the Maitland twins in that research she’d done? And why hadn’t she talked about this before now? Could’ve saved some worry about how to tell Mum that both brothers were here and that there was every possibility they’d both have something to do with Jamie’s care.
Mitch shook his head. ‘We’re waiting to see how tomorrow’s meeting goes before deciding that.’