His words made her chest achy and tight. She wanted to believe him so badly, but past experiences and her recent humiliation had dug their claws in deep and refused to let go so easily. “I admit there is an undeniable attraction here, but don’t you think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves?”
“No, I don’t.” Nick sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so that he was facing away from her. He grabbed his jeans from the floor and stabbed his legs into them, then stood and turned. He hadn’t bothered to fasten them. Her eyes were drawn to the trail of dark golden-brown hair that accentuated the lean cut of his hips and those two diagonal lines that short-circuited her ability to think rational thoughts.
“I’ve spent the last ten years of my life alone, certain that I would never again find someone who made me feel like this. And then I met you...” His voice brought her back out of fantasy land. He exhaled, running his hand over his face. “This was more than a quick fuck for me, Mack. I thought I was clear about that. I want more, and a few hours ago, I thought you did, too.”
Yes, she did. The problem was, she didn’t do anything by halves. She was either all in or all out, and she didn’t have enough information to make that call. She couldn’t go purely on her gut here. After hours of incredible sex, her judgment was skewed.
The warm glow in his beautiful eyes grew colder. She’d hurt him. Her heart ached, wanting to undo it, yet she couldn’t. The words were right there, the ones that she knew would bring that light back into his eyes, but she just couldn’t say them, because once she did, she was committed. The truth of it was, the intensity of her feelings for him terrified her. Despite her best efforts, she was falling hard and the ground below was coming up fast.
So she said the only honest thing she could. “I’m sorry, Nick.”
His expression went neutral. He stalked out of the bedroom, leaving her alone. Her eyes filled with tears, tears that she would not spill, not there, not then. She blinked them away, focusing instead on pulling on her clothes from the night before. The smell of sweat and liquor was an unwelcomed contrast to the sweet, musky smell of their lovemaking.
Not lovemaking, sex, she corrected, sitting on the bed and slipping her feet into her boots, no matter what it felt like. Maybe she could try to talk to him. Tell him the truth. Explain her trepidation. Admit her fears.
Revealing your weakness will make it even easier for him to hurt you.
Mack heard him moving around in the kitchen, heard his deep voice muttering, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying. Was he angry? Hurt? Or was he finally coming to the conclusion that she wasn’t worth the time and effort after all?
Chapter Thirty-Three
~ Nick ~
Nick felt close to the edge. If he didn’t remove himself from the situation, he was going to say or do something he’d regret and this — she — was too important to mess it up by pushing too hard.
He left her sitting on the bed, her eyes speaking volumes her mouth couldn’t yet express. He got it, he really did. Opening her heart and soul to another was terrifying, especially when she’d been hurt in the past. He knew that better than anyone. But damn it, he wasn’t asking her to walk down the aisle tomorrow.
Oh, he was convinced they were headed that way eventually, but they had a long way to go and a lot to learn about each other before then. For now, he just wanted her to take him at face value and trust him enough to acknowledge the possibilities. To embrace the potential of something more. Yet she seemed stubbornly determined to believe that this special connection between them was only a temporary thing. As if the idea that he wanted her for more than a cup of coffee and a friends-with-benefits type arrangement was inconceivable.
He’d thought he’d taken care of that by worshipping her with his body and his words, opening his heart, hoping she would see that it wasn’t just about the sex. For a few glorious hours, he thought it had worked. Mack had been right there with him, accepting it all and giving everything right back.
He’d felt it deep in his soul.
Then the doubts started creeping in again, rearing their ugly heads and stealing the light from her beautiful eyes. The wrongness of it made him want to rage at everyone who had ever let her down.
He’d told her that he was all about the time and effort, and that was true. But at some point, Mack was going to have to take a leap of faith and trust that he would be there to catch her when she did. That he wouldn’t simply walk away when he’d gotten what he wanted.
Like he just had.
Just like that, the light bulb went on as realization dawned: Mack was testing him.
She might not even realize she was doing it, but consciously or subconsciously, she was opening the door and giving him the opportunity to walk away. Expecting him to by giving him a push, making it easy.
Well, fuck that.
He turned around and stalked back to the bedroom to find her dressed and lacing up her boots. She looked up at him, her eyes holding a mix of resignation and hope, which she quickly hid away behind that implacable mask she gave the rest of the world.
“You’re leaving?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the door frame. Her eyes flicked over his chest and arms before drifting downward to the top of his unfastened jeans. Lust flared in her eyes. That was good. He could work with lust.
“Yeah.” She exhaled. “I think I should.”
He disagreed. He liked her right where she was and it was on the tip of his tongue to tell her so. However, if she was afraid to trust him, to trust her own heart, then words alone weren’t going to cut it. Neither would giving in to his inner caveman and spending another couple hours making her scream with pleasure, however much he wanted to.
Oh, it was easy enough to get her to believe that he found her physically attractive and desirable enough to spend an entire afternoon hot and sweaty in the sheets. Not so easy to convince her he wanted the whole package, smart mouth, combat boots, and all.
And he did want it all.
Eventually, she’d come to realize he was a man who meant what he said and said what he meant. For now, the ball was in her court, and he’d have to summon some of that patience he’d been talking about.
“All right,” he nodded. “I’ll give you a ride.”
“I can call Jay,” she offered.
And let her think that he didn’t care enough to see her safely home himself? Not a chance.
“It’s no problem. It’s on the way to the station.” He felt her eyes on his back as he slipped on a button down and grabbed his sport jacket, glad the station dress code was business casual.
“I thought you had the day off.”
He gave her a small smile. “I do, but it looks like my plans fell through.”
She bit her lip, an uncharacteristically vulnerable tell. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Take all the time you need to wrap your head around this. I’m not going anywhere, Mack.”
Nick dropped her off at her place. He got out of the car and walked her to the door ignoring her feeble protests that it wasn’t necessary.
“Mack, I know it’s not necessary, just as I know you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. Don’t begrudge me for wanting to spend a few extra moments with you, okay?”
Something flashed in her eyes — approval, maybe? Hope? Didn’t matter. It was another step in the right direction.
Nick cupped her face and leaned down, pouring the rest of the words he wanted to say into his kiss.
“I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay.”
Nick waited until she went into the house, then reluctantly walked back to his car and drove over to the station. Emerson nodded curtly in greeting, then went back to whatever he was working on. The guy was sporting a nice shiner. Nick didn’t feel bad about that at all.
He’d barely sat down when the chief called him into his office. He exhaled, pr
eparing for a lecture on decorum outside the office and how it reflected on the department. Instead, Chief Brown pointed to a seat and closed the door.
“You’re going to want to hear this. I’ve got Special Agent Bartholomew on the line. Let me put him on speaker. Go on, Bartholomew. Benning’s here.”
“Detective Benning, glad you’re there. I was just telling your chief the good news.”
Nick looked questioningly at the chief. “What good news?”
“That information you provided has been instrumental in identifying the key players in the Necromancers. Some of those names weren’t even on our radar, but thanks to you, they are now. Even more importantly, we’ve got a direct line to some possible suppliers on the east coast by connecting a few dots based on your legwork.”
“Glad I could help.”
“We’d like you to come down to our Philadelphia Division for a couple of days if possible. We’re pulling together a task force, and we’d like you to be on it.”
It was a great opportunity; one Nick would be a fool to pass up. He looked at his chief, who was nodding and beaming like a proud papa. “Yeah, sure. When?”
“We convene first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll email you the details.”
“No problem.” Philly was only about two hours away by car. “And thanks.”
“See you tomorrow, Detective.”
Chief Brown disconnected the call, smiling broadly. “I knew hiring you was a good move. But do me a favor, will you? Next time you want to make a point with your fist, do it somewhere a bit more private, eh?”
Nick rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced. “Yeah, about that...”
The chief put up his hand to stop Nick from saying anymore. “I heard what happened, and off the record, he had it coming. I had to stop Gail from punching him herself when he came in this morning,” he chuckled, then sobered. “Mack is a damn fine woman, and she sure as hell didn’t deserve that. But I can’t have my men brawling in public, got it?”
“Got it.”
“Good. So... you and Mack, huh?”
Nick grinned. “I’m working on it.”
“You have your work cut out for you.”
“Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”
Sam laughed. “Ain’t that the truth? Gail made me cross hell and high water, but getting a ring on that woman’s finger was the best damn thing I ever did. Now, go bring Galligan up to date on your other cases and prepare for those suits in Philly tomorrow.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
~ Mack ~
Nick: Hey beautiful.
Mack smiled down at her phone, Nick’s latest text sending ribbons of warmth through her. She wanted to believe so badly, to trust that these feelings she had were real, because if they were, she had found her unicorn — a real, live, honest-to-God Mr. Right.
Mack: Hey yourself.
Nick: How are you feeling?
Lonely. Horny. Needy.
Mack: Tired. A little sore.
He answered with a winking smiley face.
Nick: I have to drive down to Philly for a few days, but I’ll have my cell with me. You know, in case you want to sext me or send nudes.
Another GIF appeared on the screen, this one of a smiley face waggling its eyebrows. Mack laughed out loud as she tapped her reply.
Mack: In your dreams, stud.
Nick: You’re not wrong. Rest up, beautiful. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Mack: Goodnight, Nick.
Nick: Goodnight, Heather.
“What’s got you grinning like a loon?” Jay asked, breezing into the room. “Wait, let me guess: Mr. Yummy Detective. I’m right, right?”
Mack couldn’t deny it, nor did she want to. “Right.”
“That man is all that and a bag of baked multi-grain chips — good for the body and the soul. So... I want details.”
“Not a chance.”
Jay pouted dramatically. “I share the details of my love life with you.”
“No, you don’t, nor do I want you to,” she said on a laugh. “It’s enough to know that Marcus makes you happy.”
“And the yummy detective... does he make you happy?”
Mack sighed heavily. “Yes. But...”
“But...?”
“But... you know that old saying, ‘if it seems too good to be true, it probably is’? Well, that’s it in a nutshell. Nick Benning seems too good to be true. He’s kind, smart, funny. A good listener, too.”
Jay waved his hand dismissively. “So am I. That makes him good friend material. What about beyond that? Does he give you the tingles in all the right places?”
“Yes. God, yes.”
“Then it’s a no-brainer, baby girl. You have to give this a shot. Trust your instincts. Follow your heart.”
There was a difference between knowing exactly what you wanted at that moment and what you wanted for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. Sexy times with Nick? That was a no-brainer. An instant and resounding hell, yes.
But beyond that? Who could possibly make that kind of a decision after knowing someone casually for a few weeks? Sure, he seemed like the perfect man. Strong. Honorable. Kind. Intelligent. Funny. Not only willing to be with her, but actually wanting to.
“But what if he breaks it?”
“Then we’ll break every part of him that matters,” Jay said, an unusually somber edge to his voice. “But for what it’s worth, I don’t think he will. That man has it bad for you, Mack.”
Does he, Mack wondered? Jay must have used his special BFF powers to read her thoughts because he said, “Yes, he does. Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
That was an excellent question, the answer to which was probably rooted deep in her psyche and decipherable only with a degree. “I don’t know. Let’s just say, life experience tends to suggest otherwise.”
“Bullshit,” Jay scoffed. “When are you seeing him again?”
“I don’t know. He’s going to be away for a couple days. Police business.”
“Perfect! I’m calling Marcus.”
Mack narrowed her gaze. Jay had a gleam in his eye, the same gleam he always got when he dreamed up some grand scheme. A ripple of foreboding went through her. “Why?”
“Because it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and own that shit. Your man is not going to know what hit him when he comes back.”
“Jay, we’ve tried this. The makeover? The Charity Ball? Ring any bells?”
“Yes, and for the record, you looked amazing.”
“But it wasn’t me.”
“Exactly. That’s where we went wrong. We’re going to bring out your inner you. Unleash the sexy beast inside you.”
“Jay...”
Jay stood, grabbed his phone, and held up his hand. “La-la-la, I can’t hear Mack. Talk to the hand, baby girl, and just leave everything to us.”
FOUR DAYS LATER
“Looking good, Mack.” Jay nodded approvingly at the high-definition screen.
“I can’t thank you enough, Jay. All of you.” She looked around at the half-dozen male models that had volunteered to help out. She hadn’t realized how hard these guys worked. Who would have thought three hours in front of camera could be so exhausting?
“Anything for you, Mack,” one of them winked.
As they headed for the locker rooms, Mack felt gratitude and a sense of pride. The gratitude came from their unselfish willingness to do a pro-bono shoot. The pride, a result of professional appreciation for their beautifully-sculpted bodies, bodies which she had helped hone to optimal fitness.
They were good guys, guys she’d known since Jay brought them to Seize when she first opened. They’d been offering to help her ramp up her advertising with some free publicity, but she’d felt weird about using them that way. Jay, however, had no such reservations, and had set up a campaign with his partners in collusion, Marcus and Tish. The idea was to promote Seize, Tish’s agency, and the male models. A win-win-win.
“I don’t know ab
out this, Jay,” she said, biting her lip as she looked at the digital proofs from the shoot. She had to admit, she looked good. Of course, a French bulldog would look good in the middle of those guys.
“I know. That’s why I’m not giving you a choice. I’ve already sent them to Tish.”
“You did that in the two seconds it took me to grab some water and thank those guys?”
“Welcome to high speed internet, Mack,” he quipped, flashing her a grin. “Didn’t want to take the chance that you’d chicken out.” He glanced down at his phone. “And FYI — Tish has already approved the release. She loves it! Says you’re very photogenic.”
Mack snorted.
“Seriously. Strong is the new skinny, and honey, whether you know it or not, you are an inspiration.”
Mack focused on the inspiration part as she wiped some of the body oil from her chest and arms. If she could inspire just one woman to feel empowered, then it was worth it. After all, that was what Seize was all about — giving people the means to take control of their own lives and create their own success stories.
“And when Mr. Yummy Detective sees that...well, I give it thirty minutes, an hour tops, before he’s tossing you over his shoulder and taking you back to his man cave.”
A thrill ran through her. Mack wasn’t exactly the submissive type, but a show of primal male posturing from Nick could be all kinds of hot. He was on a very short list of people she’d be willing to give up control to for a little while.
“Not gonna happen. He’s in Philly all week.” She knew, because she was counting the hours until the weekend when she would see him again. They’d been talking on the phone every night while he was away, and he’d been texting on and off throughout the days. She missed him, more than she would have believed possible after knowing him for such a short time. Her body craved him, too. Apparently, those sexy times they’d shared had broken the seal, so to speak, and now she found herself wanting more. A lot more.
She was starting to believe Jay was right. Maybe she should stop overthinking things and follow her heart.
Seizing Mack: A Contemporary Love Story (Covendale Book 3) Page 16