CHAPTER TEN
Once the ship landed, Daelyn waited for everyone else to disembark before lifting her bag onto her shoulder and exiting the ship.
A swift glance to the side as she stepped onto the landing pad and she was met with the sight of Alekos being welcomed home by his family. She heard laughter and crying, saw the warm embraces, and an ache settled in her chest.
It was the sight of Gavrielle reaching up to touch the patch covering his eye that had Daelyn hurrying away in the opposite direction. Would he tell her how he had been injured? Who had caused him the loss of sight in his eye?
She remembered his beautiful sapphire eyes. They were the first thing about him that Daelyn noticed when she met him. And she had almost destroyed that completely. Yet even when she had no emotions to call on, she had hesitated in killing him. To this day she would never understand what caused her to waver.
Alekos should hate her for her subterfuge. So why did he come to her on the ship? Why had she allowed him to fuck her? She could have accepted any one of the males on board. Why had he not just allowed her to continue in discomfort and pain?
As she reached the door that would take her out of the landing bay and down the hallway toward her own quarters, she heard someone call her name.
Slamming her hand against the release, Daelyn hurried out, unwilling to answer their curiosity. She had stayed in her cabin until the ship landed, unwilling to face anyone after the intimacy with Alekos. She could not bear to hear their questions or to face Alekos again.
He’d wanted payment of a longstanding debt and she’d given him what he demanded. But for her it was pure pleasure to enclose him in her body, to feel him swelling inside her shax-ra.
She slipped her identity card into the slot to her quarters and quickly stepped inside and locked the door. Dropping her bag to the floor, Daelyn leaned back against the door, exhaustion flooding her.
Focusing her attention across the room, she saw her image reflected back, a murky radiance of scarlet surrounded her. She felt heat seep through her, embarrassed by the thought that others might have seen it as she left the landing bay. She would have to be more careful in her thoughts, learn to mask her sexual arousal, especially now that it seemed her true radiance had been released. The other females seemed able to do it and she would master it as well.
But they’d had years to perfect it, whereas Daelyn had never been required to harness it as she had no emotions to contend with. She gazed at herself in the mirror, pulling in her emotional desire for sexual release. Gradually the radiance dimmed, imprisoned inside her.
Self-control was not something she’d ever been forced to deal with. Guilt had never been part of her make up either. And now she was assailed by both.
She needed to get past this fixation for Alekos Andromeda. Unfortunately, their recent encounter only made it harder. She would have to stay as far away from him as possible in future. But then knowing his wandering nature, Daelyn doubted he would stay on Ednos for very long. If he did, then she would be the one to leave.
Reaching down, she picked up her bag and headed toward the bedroom. Rest was not something that came easily to her these days.
She enjoyed the friendship of Eluria and Kierra, but she did not belong here on Ednos. Her family was gone, the village where she grew up destroyed shortly after she was inducted as an Enforcer. She had no one.
So where did she belong? Her life as an Enforcer was over and it was not something she wanted to restore. Every face she saw here on Ednos reminded her of what she had been a part of. To each person she wanted to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” But what use was that?
The weight of the deaths lay heavily on her shoulders—faces haunting her nightmares. Men she had taken to her bed to acquire knowledge about movements of the rebel forces. Females she had befriended to find out information about their families. As her village had been destroyed, so had theirs, and she was responsible for it.
Daelyn dropped onto the bed, hunched forward, lowering her head into her hands, swamped with the hopelessness of lost lives that were her fault.
Why had Alekos helped her? She didn’t deserve his consideration. When she looked in the mirror, all she saw was the reflection of an Enforcer, an assassin only equipped to take lives. She lifted her head and looked down at her hands. They were the hands of a killer, weapons used to force others to do her bidding, or to end their lives.
There was nothing she could do to change what she was. The only thing she could do was use her knowledge to help those she had so seriously harmed in the past, to try in some way to make amends for what she had been a part of.
But would she ever merit forgiveness by any of them? She represented all that they hated and feared on Argadia. They might allow her to fight for them, but she would never be a part of her homeland again. She was separated from them because of the Tribunal and the Nanus process and what they had made of her.
Heaving a deep sigh, Daelyn fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. At least on this mission she’d helped to restore the pieces of a family. In that one sense she felt she had assisted in accomplishing some goodness. She would have willingly given her life for that to happen.
But what of her future? She was a warrior, an assassin, and she couldn’t change that. Was she always meant to remain alone because of her past?
Her body again reacted to the memory of the intimacy she had shared with Alekos Andromeda. Was that all there would ever be for her? She raised her hands to cover her breasts, remembering the feel of his hands as he claimed her body. The hard grip as he thrust inside her, the feel of his lips on her neck, her back. His tongue exploring every inch of her.
Her shax spasmed with the ghost of remembrance, and she dropped a hand to cover her mound, remember the feel of pleasure as she climaxed again and again. Remembering the force of Alekos’ own release inside her.
Dropping her hands away from her body, she gripped the bedcovering, fighting against the memories washing through her. In his own way he was gentle with her, more than she deserved.
In honesty and clarity, Daelyn realized she loved him as she never would another. She would have to come to terms with that and deal with it somehow. She had loved him for years and survived. She may not have recognized it as love, but she had followed his every movement, every bit of gossip absorbed about his whereabouts, whether he lived or died.
To have experienced the intimacy on the ship was more than she ever could have hoped for. To experience even a peripheral closeness with his family was more than she deserved.
Guardian had sent her here, but why? To punish her? To make amends for the past? To taunt her with what she wanted most but could not have? Each day here would be like someone taking a lash to her body, flaying her skin.
Yet she would accept what was apparently her Beyond. She dropped an arm across her eyes, attempted to block out the memories of the Before. A deep, shuddering breath passed through her lips. She was so tired, so very tired.
* * *
“Why do you watch her?”
Alekos stiffened at Eluria’s softly spoken question from behind him. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Daelyn. You watch her. And when you are not looking, she watches you.”
“You’re mistaken.”
“I don’t think so. Do you really think I don’t remember what it was like wanting Devon and certain I would never be with him again? I see the same yearning in your eyes. And in hers. Are you really unable to see what all this is doing to her?”
Alekos studied the weary form of Daelyn as she exited the ship. It had been two weeks since their return from Argadia. His family required his attention for most of that time in becoming reacquainted with his mother and his siblings. But he had not forgotten Daelyn Kapri.
It was punishment for my failure. Words she uttered that he would never forget. Had she been punished for her failure to kill him? Was that how she had earned those terrible scars? It humbl
ed him to think of what she had suffered during her time as an Enforcer. What allowing him to live had cost her. Too many thoughts and feelings warred inside him. He couldn’t get her out of his mind.
Daelyn had closed herself off from all contact in some way since returning to Ednos. He was unable to find an opening to talk to her, to discover some opportunity to get through the barriers she had erected.
Right now she looked as though ready to collapse with dark circles beneath her eyes, and he could tell she had lost weight.
“She volunteers for every assignment,” Eluria said softly. “It eats at her. The same way it has done with Devon. Though I am there for Devon as is the rest of his family.”
Finally, Alekos tore his gaze away from the female he yearned to possess again and again. He focused on Eluria standing beside him.
“What are you talking about? What eats at her?”
“The guilt. They were Enforcers who killed at the command of the Tribunal without emotion or concern, and they both are having a hard time coming to terms with what they did. In the night, when Devon awakens from his nightmares, I am there for him. But the guilt of the past lies heavy within his heart. I cannot imagine how much worse it must be for Daelyn. She has no one to share that pain with and it eats away at her. One of these times, she will not return from a mission, you can see it in her eyes.”
Something inside Alekos’ chest thudded to a halt. “She would not do anything to herself. She is stronger than that.”
“Is she, Alekos? Her monsters haunt her without relief. How long can she go on this way?”
“What about a counselor? I know there are several here.”
Eluria shook her head. “She bottles it up inside. She refuses to talk about it. We never realized when we began to utilize the antidote to the Nanus process, the guilt that would be associated and rise to the surface when their emotions and memories were returned. Nor the response of our own people to having ex-Enforcers walking and working next to them. There is so much anger. This war must end soon. Our people cannot stand much more.”
Alekos nodded. “I know. Each day brings more and more casualties—not just in deaths, but in spirit, in the scars to the mind.”
“I agree.” As he watched, Eluria pressed a hand to her abdomen, then looked at him. “I want this war ended for our children. We must make it safe for them.”
“It will happen, Eluria. Your child will know safety—and freedom.”
Eluria’s gaze turned back to watch Daelyn. “What of her? Will you help her?”
“What makes you think I can?”
Again, she looked at him. “There is more between you than you let on. Why is it she would let no other male near her on the ship? Except you, whom she has known for a shorter period of time than the others—a virtual stranger to her.”
Alekos couldn’t answer her. What was between him and Daelyn was private. He should hate her—but that was not the emotion he felt for the female. He wanted to protect her from any more pain. If Alekos explained how he knew Daelyn, he didn’t know how his family would react.
He stood watching as Daelyn checked in her weapons and then heaved her backpack onto her shoulder. He wanted to take the heavy burden from her shoulders onto his own.
After long moments, he heard Eluria’s deep sigh. “She does not sleep. There are many nights when she goes to the exercise room and works until she drops. She does not rest, she does not eat, and she volunteers for every mission. How long do you think she can keep going like this? All right, you don’t want to tell me what is between you, but will you allow her to continue doing this to herself without some effort to stop her?”
“I doubt that she wants my help.” His gaze followed Daelyn as she exited the bay. He wanted to follow her.
“Oh, she wants it. There are times when I see her watching you and for a fraction of a moment her sexual radiance becomes visible. She has learned to harness it, but sometimes I think it is more than even she can control. She is my friend, Alekos. She is not the Enforcer she once was, and every day I see her try to make amends for what she did through no fault of her own and my heart breaks for her. The continuing guilt she and Devon carry is misplaced and they struggle with it.”
Alekos ran a hand across his face. He was planning to leave Ednos—would it really do any good to confront Daelyn when he did not plan to stay around? He was a wanderer—he was not like Devon or even Jarek Bakari, Kierra’s taman. And he had always been alone and done for himself. Was it fair to any female to ask them to share an uncertain life with him? But that is what he wanted with Daelyn more than he thought possible. He wanted her with him.
“I will think on what you have said, Eluria.”
She nodded. “That is all I ask, brother. If you have no feelings for her, then I apologize for my intrusion. But I think you do. Before you leave, things must be set right.”
She reached up and hugged him, then turned and left him alone with his thoughts. Alekos pivoted back to look at the empty bay. Every mission he knew Daelyn was part of, he waited for her return. He stood right here hidden from her view and watched to be certain she returned safely. Every time he feared the worst, yet he had not approached her.
Maybe it was time. At least he would know one way or the other the nature of Daelyn’s feelings for him, if any existed.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“What are you trying to do, kill yourself?”
Daelyn whipped around, almost losing her balance to encounter the angry stare of Alekos Andromeda. She glared at him and then pivoted back to throw another punch at the bag hanging in front of her.
Before Daelyn could make contact, he grabbed her wrist and whirled her back around, drawing her flush against his hard chest.
Angry determination seemed to fuel his hard embrace, and his body heat singed her.
“Why are you here?” she demanded.
“You need someone to take you in hand. You are obviously attempting to put yourself in a grave. Look at you. How much weight have you lost since we returned?”
She struggled against him. “That is none of your business. I am trying to keep my edge. We are at war, there is no time to relax.”
Alekos leaned closer and she fought against the arousal rising inside her.
“You need down time as much as you need this practice. You should be in stasis, not honing your edge in the middle of the night.”
“Leave me alone.”
His gaze glittered intensely, boring into her. Then he sighed. “I cannot.” It seemed some sort of admission. He pulled her closer to him.
She stilled at his words; her breath caught in her chest. She broke the connection, looking away, her self-control beginning to disintegrate.
“You must.” She inhaled on a shuddering breath. “Or do you feel another payment due on this debt you feel I owe you?”
Daelyn again connected with him, saw a flicker of something in his determined look just before the world turned upside down and she found herself slung across his shoulder.
His arms locked around her thighs as he turned and strode from the exercise room.
“What are you doing?” she demanded as she struggled against his firm hold.
“Taking you in hand as I said.”
“You have no right to do this.” Daelyn continued to impotently pound at his back. It was as though he was made of hard rock and nothing seemed to affect him. His arms bound her legs to his chest and she was unable to use them to gain purchase.
“You will pay for this, Andromeda.”
He entered an apartment, strode across the room, then entered another, and dropped her onto a bed. She gasped and pushed back her hair, then jumped to her feet.
“Why have you done this? What do you want from me?”
“You’re mine,” Alekos ground out, eye glittering, face set.
She stilled. “What are you talking about? I belong to no one.”
“You let me into your body and from that moment on you belonged to me.”
Daelyn tried to inch toward the door. “That was fucking, nothing more. You said so yourself. Payment of a debt.”
He pounced on her, grabbed her wrists, and shoved them above her head, anchoring them against the wall. “Do you really believe that?” he whispered hoarsely. “Since that first time so many years ago, I have thought of no female but you. Your scent has clung to me like a solarian spider’s web—soft silk, clinging and never letting go.” He ground his hips against her and Daelyn felt his hard erection. “When I took you on the ship, I claimed you as surely as any male claims his female.”
“No,” she gasped. “It was a debt. Your pride was wounded because I had bested you. It was nothing more.”
Like a striking slitherer he sprung at her, possessing her lips, his tongue burying itself inside her mouth, demanding, searing.
Quivers ran through her body. She struggled against his grasp, yet her body yearned for more. Lifting his head, he glared down at her.
“It was no debt I wanted paid by you. I wanted you. No other, only you.”
“That’s not possible. I tried to kill you. You cannot possibly want me.”
“You were an Enforcer, why didn’t you kill me? There was nothing stopping you. You had the upper hand—I remember it well. Why did you not point that disrupter at me and end it?”
Daelyn shuddered at the memory his words invoked. “I-I don’t know.”
“Because even then there was something between us, some spark that pushed past those Nanus blocks and spoke to you. It was the same for me even though I’ve tried to deny it all these years. I want you, Daelyn Kapri. I will no longer deny the feelings I have for you, nor are they clouded by the Enforcer you were.”
“You had me, that should be enough.”
Alekos pressed nearer and again lowered his head. “It will never be enough,” he whispered just before he again claimed her mouth.
Daelyn could not fight him; she wanted him too badly. His tongue stroked at hers, sucked at her, a blaze erupting inside her. Yes, she wanted, she needed him.
Ravager's Redemption (The Argadian Heart Book 3) Page 8