“You always believed Richardson when we were young.” She vividly recalled the wintery afternoon they’d carved their initials in the tree and discussed their beliefs. He had been the stronger one.
“I did—until I left home. After that, lines started to blur.” He loosened his collar.
She winced when she felt his thigh touch hers—an innocent gesture, but the touch felt like a hot poker. The swing was barely big enough to hold two adults. Naturally they would make contact. She scooted until the wooden arm pinched her in the ribs.
For a long time he leaned back, closed his eyes, and appeared to be sorting through the years. Or was he simply absorbing the feel of home? Sitting here, like this, made events of the past seven years fade away. This was Bo and Elly, two people who vowed nothing could ever separate them.
She finally broke the silence. “I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve done, but what we once had is over.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I owe you an explanation.”
“Nothing you could think up would appease me, Bo. You must know that.”
“I’m not trying to pacify you. I want to tell you my side of the story and then I’ll leave, Elly. You have my word.”
She threw her hands up. “Why now? Why come home now? When seven years passed without a word from you, I assumed the earth had devoured you. You were either dead or you’d married someone else and didn’t bother to inform me.”
“I’m not married. I told you I would never marry anyone but you.”
She opened her mouth, clamped it shut, and stared at him. Stars lit the cool night.
He continued, “I don’t deserve a grain of kindness from you. I have wronged you, betrayed you, and broken about every promise I made to you. I know our lives will never be the same, but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would greatly appreciate the effort.”
Elly hadn’t prepared herself to be in a forgiving mood. Maybe if she knew exactly where he’d been and why he’d stayed away so long, she might be able to give the matter some thought.
“So?”
“So, I’ve been driving cattle, mostly. Fell in with a rowdy bunch. We frequented saloons, drank until sunup, and rode herd with a hangover in order to buy more liquor.”
With each word her heart sank. This was not conduct she could forgive—even for a man she loved more than life.
“It took a lightning bolt to my head to make me realize I was wasting my life. I nearly died.” He paused. “Is this what you wanted to hear?”
It was not what she wanted to hear. She would never have guessed the story could be so painful to listen to. “It took you a good long time to find your roots.”
How easy it would be to buy what he was selling, to grasp the side of his lifeboat. He had wanted a life of adventure and had finally decided to settle down. Every young man did to one extent or another, but not Bo—her Bo. His roots were firmly planted in the cranberry bogs of Wisconsin, with her. At least, they should have been.
“I missed home. You, Ma, Pa, Anne, Adele. Even ol’ Reverend Righteous. I figured you’d all got on with your lives while I was mired in sin. Shame nearly sucked the life out of me. The thought of facing you and the family, telling everyone where I’d been and about the life I’d lived, kept me away. The past couple of years Ma knew how to get in touch with me.”
“I know.” The thought ate away at Elly. He no longer loved her enough to even allow Faye to tell her of his whereabouts. Faye had watched the way Elly grieved—always wondering, constantly watching the roads. Elly wouldn’t have been shocked to see someone bring his dead body strapped to the back of his horse to Berrytop for burial. Never once had she thought he’d been living an immoral life.
The two sat in silence as she tried to absorb his words. Perhaps somewhere in her heart she had been waiting for a miracle. That hope had just been taken away. He hadn’t mentioned other women, but the subject followed the lifestyle he’d lived. At least he’d spared her that image.
She fumbled for a hanky in her dress pocket to wipe her eyes. “What changed? You’re here now.”
“My love for Ma and Pa outpaced my shame. I joined a church, took up with a pastor who eventually became my best friend, and what you have sitting here is the new Bo Garrett.”
Her eyes lightly skimmed his worn denims and work shirt. He’d certainly changed in appearance, but in most ways he was still the same old Bo. She couldn’t imagine her Bo living the life he’d described. She shook her head, the fight draining out of her. There was a time to hold on and a time to let go, and she finally understood that this was her time to let go. “I don’t know what to say, Bo.”
“If you’ll forgive me, Elly, that will be enough. And I’d like to be friends, if that’s possible. I know I’ve let you down, but there’s not one thing I can do to change my past.”
Friends? He wanted to resume a friendship? If she said no it would be like refusing God a favor. “Of course, Bo. We’ve always been… friends.” She located the hanky and wiped her nose.
He smiled and gently reached to pat her hand. Like a brother. Or a kind stranger. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what the future holds. I have a congregation back in Parsons, Kansas, but Ma needs me here. Pa’s real sick, Elly. His heart’s failing. Right now I plan to stay through the harvest and then return to Parsons. By then I hope he’ll have improved. While I’m here, I don’t want us avoiding each other, crossing the street when we spot each other coming, living in cold silence. That’s not the kind of people we are.”
His words were ebbing and flowing in giant waves. He’d lived an immoral life. Milt was gravely ill. Most likely there had been other women in his life…
Milt Garrett hadn’t looked like himself in some time. Faye always offered an excuse for her husband’s noticeable change. He’d worked harder than usual. He caught a cold. He lay awake worrying about Bo.
“How long has Milt been sick?”
Bo shook his head. “His heart’s been increasingly worse over the years. Doc told Ma he didn’t have much longer, but Doc isn’t God. He may have years—and it could be today.” He sat up to face her. “I hear you nearly married last year.” Pain lay deep in his eyes, but the sincerity in his voice was evident. “You should marry Gideon, start a family, live your life to the fullest.” The grin that never failed to twist her heart surfaced, tugging at her resolve. “I’m only asking for your forgiveness. I understand there are some things a woman can never forgive, and I’ve done all of them, Elly.”
Her gaze traced the outline of his familiar features, slightly older and more careworn than she remembered. He couldn’t have hurt her more profoundly than if he’d shoved a knife through her heart. Could she ever really forgive him?
It was a good thing he wasn’t asking for more than friendship.
He had been the boy she loved. He had been her best friend on earth, and the sweet memories of long-ago days with him reminded her of who he was and who she was, and neither would ever be the same again.
“I forgive you, Bo.” She wished she could offer a little more enthusiasm, but he was lucky she was still speaking. He’d filled in more blanks than she wanted to hear.
“That’s my girl,” he said softly. “I’ve set out to serve the Lord with all my might, Elly. I haven’t forgotten how you feel about preachers and the promise I made you, but when God takes hold of a man’s will and breaks it, He’s impossible to refuse.” He extended his hand. “Friends?”
She slowly laid her hand in his, and he held it tight.
“I’ll be going now,” he said. “You need your rest.”
“No,” she found herself saying. “Stay awhile.”
She felt as though she’d been at war for seven years and she’d finally seen the white flag of surrender. Maybe now she could finally release her heart to another man.
“All right. Tell me about you and Gideon,” he said. “What made you bac
k out of marrying him?”
“I didn’t back out. I needed more time to plan the wedding. When a girl changes her whole life, she needs time to get organized.”
“Organized? Like clean house, cook meals ahead, spruce up the yard, cut a few tree limbs, that sort of thing?”
“Of course not.” He could always ruffle her practical side and shred good old everyday sense.
“Sounds like a pitiful excuse to me.”
Sighing, she realized that if they were going to be friends he would know her every thought. He always had—and usually before she thought it. He had an uncanny way of reading her mind, but telling him she couldn’t marry Gideon because she’d been waiting for him seemed like a betrayal not only to her but to Gideon. “I wasn’t ready for marriage.”
“Marriage is a big commitment.”
The years fell away as they talked. And talked. And the stars shone all the brighter as the brief hours passed.
She finally stood up. “Dawn will be here soon, and harvest is starting.”
“Of course. It’s late. I’m sorry.”
“No. It was good.” The night had been food for her starving soul. For a brief time, Bo was back in her life—not forever, but long enough for her to remember why she’d loved and protected his memory so fiercely all these long years.
He walked her to the door, where she noticed Pa had extinguished the lantern. She automatically lifted her face for Bo’s kiss and stopped. Their eyes met. Startled, she stepped back.
“See you in church,” he said.
She nodded. “I’ll be there, preacher.”
At the sight of his retreating back, her throat closed and her eyes swam with unshed tears. All these years of hoping and dreaming had come to this moment: Bo would never be hers, ever.
Her head swam with the revelations this night had brought. How Bo had lived a rough life, how he’d found a home in the church, how he’d missed her but wallowed in shame, and how he would never have come home if not for Milt’s illness.
He wanted to be friends.
Now that she knew her hopes for a life with him were over, she could marry Gideon. She would make him happy.
And she would make sure he never knew she was settling.
But she’d know.
That’s what bothered her; she would know. Every single day of her life she would know that she would never love another man like she had once loved Bo Garrett.
Chapter 5
The sun redoubled its efforts to parch the earth before fully surrendering to fall. Elly had spent the morning getting a start on supper for her and Pa. It had been another long week since hearing from Ma. How she wished she were here to reassure her, to remind her God had only Elly’s best in mind.
Now, Elly tightened the lid on a canning jar and set the drink beside a cold biscuit filled with bacon slices in the picnic basket.
Gideon would be thrilled with the surprise. This morning she was a woman with a mission. She would fall madly in love with Gideon, no matter what it took.
It would be more difficult than she’d first thought. She’d woken to a mess of rumpled sheets from tossing and turning, willing her heart to release the final memory of Bo in her dreams. By dawn she knew she had lost the struggle but not the battle.
So Gideon would be the object of her full attention from here on out. Starting today, he was everything to her. Loving the cattle farmer should have come as easy as breathing. He deserved complete devotion and she would deliver it. He’d gone to school with her and Bo. They’d met most summer days at Pellet’s pond to swing and dive into the deep pool that collected behind felled trees. From her earliest memories, he sat in a church pew—three rows down from her family. She played children’s games with him and caught fireflies on warm summer nights. She thought of him as a brother… and therein lay the obstacle. He had always been more brother than deep-down soul mate.
Shaking the hesitation aside, she reflected that her life could turn out far worse married to any of the other eligible men in town. Mr. Swan was looking for a wife. His wife, Viola, had died in childbirth last year, a birth that made him father to six children. And Aaron Bristol also made it plain he was in the market for a lady. The man had roving eyes and spit when he talked. The thought of either choice chilled her to the bone. Gideon did not.
She closed the lid on the basket and glanced around the kitchen. Pa would come in from the bogs hungry and in no mood to wait for supper. She’d peeled potatoes and roasted a chicken to buy time for her brief visit with Gideon. She scribbled a quick note of explanation and left it on the table in case Pa found his way home early.
Gideon’s place was a good two miles down the road. Elly counted the white faces of curious steer as she walked along his well-maintained fence line. She stopped counting at fifty. She knew he grazed many more on his two hundred acres, but if you’d seen one steer you’d seen them all.
The Long homestead lacked the female touch of the Sullivans’ place. No summer petunias lined the porch. The mismatched windows tilted among the rough logs. But a sturdy rock fireplace rose above the roofline, and the outbuildings wore a fresh coat of white paint. There was no denying the practicality of her soon-to-be new home.
The Longs were known for their frugal ways. It was said Gideon’s father had enough money to burn a wet mule when he passed a couple of years earlier. Shortly after his death, Gideon’s mother had gone to live with her sister in California until her grief lessened. So far, she hadn’t returned. Rumor had it she’d never warmed to the town of Berrytop.
Elly released a sigh of relief when she spotted Gideon repairing a harness in the shade of the barn. She wouldn’t have to hunt for him along the long lines of fences.
His features lit when he recognized her.
Smiling, she covered the ground between them, swinging the basket. Where Bo’s voice had rallied a swarm of insects to anguish her, the sight of Gideon didn’t awaken so much as a tiny moth in her stomach. So be it. Who needed insects to enhance their love life?
Lord, Gideon is a good man who deserves a loving, devoted wife. Make me that person. Wake my heart to love him fully and completely.
Gideon rose to his feet and wiped his hands on a cloth. “What brings my best girl out on such a fine morning?” He glanced at the sun. “Guess it’s closer to afternoon, isn’t it?”
“I brought a bite to eat and something cool to drink.” She set the basket beside him and lifted her face for his kiss, something she expected to do a million times over the coming years. Gideon hadn’t shaved and his prickly beard scratched her.
“Sorry,” he said, rubbing a hand over the dark stubble. “I wasn’t expecting company.” His gaze lit on the basket. “I could eat, though.” He opened the lid. At the sight of the biscuit and bacon, he kissed her cheek. “Let’s sit on the porch. A breeze comes up from the stream and it’s real nice this time of day.”
The predicted light wind met them on their arrival. Settled on a bench, he lifted the biscuit out of the basket. “You do know how to please a man,” he said.
“I knew you wouldn’t stop to eat. You never do.”
He chewed thoughtfully, apparently enjoying the unexpected respite… and her company. As he ate, Elly studied his features. His lashes were long enough to paint a barn. They framed eyes nearly as black as the Wisconsin soil. A straight nose, well-proportioned, sat in the middle of his face. His lips plumped nicely and his teeth were as straight as tombstones, only whiter. And he’d always had a strong chin. Before long, this would be the first face she saw every morning and the last face she saw at night.
The future started now. “Gideon… ” she began.
He raised his eyebrows, his mouth full of biscuit.
“I’ve been thinking,” she said with as much conviction as she could muster.
He stopped chewing to muffle, “Go on.”
“You’re right. It’s time… I think… to consider a new wedding date.”
His hand lowered, leaving a flake of bi
scuit on his lower lip. Disbelief crossed his features. “You’re sure?”
Firming her lips, she nodded. “Very sure.”
Wrapping the biscuit in the napkin, he turned pensive. His reaction surprised her. She’d thought he would leap with joy. Instead, his features turned grave. He swallowed and took a deep drink of lemonade before he spoke again. “When?”
When? She wasn’t prepared to set a date, merely to reopen the discussion. She needed time to give her love for Gideon a chance to grow. Perhaps mentioning the subject had been premature.
“The harvest is top priority,” she said.
“Most things are more important than us marrying.”
The bite of what he said startled her. “Gideon.” She placed a gentle hand on his arm. It hurt her to see the truth laid bare in his eyes. “I’m not going to deny it’s taken me a long time to get over Bo, but I have accepted that the man who came back is not the Bo who rode away so many years ago.”
Struggle played across his features. Leaning, she gently turned his face to meet hers. “I will make you a good wife, Gideon. I will care for your needs and mother your children, and we’ll live a good life. I’m sorry I made you wait so long for a second wedding date, but I had to be sure. I respect you enough to make certain I could offer you my solemn promise.”
His gaze softened. “I’ve waited so long for this hour, Elly. And I will make you love me.”
The words were so stark, and completely out of place in a wedding discussion.
“I… I love you now, Gideon.” At least, she believed the seed of love had been fully planted. And that seed would grow, even more once they were married.
“I’ll be good to you, Elly. And our children.” He bent and kissed her, long and sweet. When he pulled back, he smiled. “You won’t know what to do with all the love I give you.”
Laughing, she looped her arm through his and snuggled closer, studying the fields, the fences, and the livestock that would soon be part of her life. “I know little about raising cattle, but I can bake edible cranberry muffins.”
Drawing her closer, he rested his chin on the top of her head. “I love you more than five men put together.”
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